Squee! Have just had another dose of the VSDs and am fully in LotR humor mode. Yes, before you ask, I do have a thing about Agent Smith - that is, Hugo Weaving (The Matrix actually tops FotR on my fave movie list ... hah!) Guess this means I'll be putting off finishing my HP fic ... again ...

Not-so-important correction - Everybody knows there are nine fellowship members ... but apparently only eight little our-worlders popped into ME (Britney, Amber, Elle, Capri, the two homies and Sophie and her boyfriend, whom I will have to give names to). I shall change the first chapter to accomadate for this amusing, yet slightly inconvenient typo (yeah, everyone forgets Gimli. Hahaha. Notice there was no Gimli in the TT shots.)

And, before you ask, we do not think Frodo and Sam are gay. You might have noticed that. This, however, includes the Gandalf/Legolas thing I can see coming. Ergh. Ugly thought.

Since Seenie (^___^) kindly took care of the disclaimers, I guess I'll get to writing. Prepare to worship Aragorn. Muahahaha.

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The Clique of the Ring - Part II

Blondes really do have all the fun (as named by Author #1, who also happens to be the #1 Author. A bit of author plugging there)

(3)

'If anyone were to ask my opinion, which I note they have not, I would say we're taking the long way around!' Gimli declared, staring pointedly at the college girl named Sophie. 'Gandalf, we could go through the Mines of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal welcome!'

She ignored him completely. 'Where are we?' she demanded loudly, waving her arms about and causing her pointy hat to fall off. 'Is this some kind of joke?'

Britney and her friends exchanged ludicrous glances. There seemed to be some hope. They weren't the only ones where tourists in this new place. She purposely avoided the idea that they could be in the movie. It wasn't possible, she thought. Not that Britney had learned everything that was possible in fifteen years, of course.

But it just couldn't happen!

Although the short, fat dude with the oh-so-1800s beard seemed to look like he was right at home. Like he didn't know what life was like without a mobile phone - which spurred her next thought.

She reached into her pockets ("Urgh ... I'm wearing pants for the first time in, like, years ...") and groped around for her phone. Surprisingly, it was there. Britney had begun to dial almost before she had taken it out of her pocket, and began talking.

'Hi! Mum ... ?'

Britney pursed her finely tailored lips. There seemed to be no satelite coverage. They must indeed be somewhere remote.

'Master Samwise?' the dwarf was looking concerened, although she had to stare hard before she could make out his face among all his facial hair. 'What's that you've got there?'

'Master Samwise ... ?' She heard Capri stiffle a giggle behind her. She whipped around, hands on her hips, to glare at them. Amber, at least, looked slightly apologetic.

'Sam, Britney,' she explained. 'From the movie. Elijah's little hobbit friend.'

When she pulled a blank face, Amber took further measures to enlighten her.

'The Sean Astin dude.' And then she couldn't help herself any more. She grinned openly, flashing her pearly whites.

Britney groaned out loud. 'Oh, shit. I'm gay!'

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(4)

The first thing Legolas noticed was that he wasn't where he was supposed to be (had he snuck off into Arwen's sleeping quarters in Rivendell - again?). Or, to be more precise, that was the second thing he noticed.

In truth, the first thing he noticed was that the moving picture high above him was kind of good looking. He was clearly an elf, like himself, but he kept moving in an annoying way so that he was moving from one side of the picture of the other in an instant. Legolas admired that sort grace and speed in people, along with long, shiny, white-blond hair and good archery skills. He thought about this for a moment. Then he yelped.

'What evil sorcery is this?' he practically screamed. He tried to leap to his nimble feet, but in doing so tripped over something around his heels and landed hard on his chin. He was staring at the gum-infested floor when he realised that his chin had stubble on it. It was only very slight, but it was stubble. He yelped again.

'Legolas!' A familiar voice rang across the cave that they seemed to be in. The elf picked himself up slowly and carefully, and looked around.

'Gandalf?' he cried, staring around at the baffled people around him. A tall girl standing very nearby spoke.

'Yes, I am here too. Wherever "here" happens to be, of course.' His voice, though slightly feminine, was satirically dry.

Legolas stared, his green eyes wild. 'Gandalf, is that you?' he asked the girl.

He grimaced. 'I seem to have been transfigured into another form - as have you, if you'd take the time to look.'

To his relief, Legolas discovered that he was, in fact, the same gender as he had been when he'd last checked. (V. ugly thought. Don't even go there) Meanwhile, Gandalf became busy interrogating the other occupants of the "cave". Four girls sitting further up, who happened to be clutching themselves in fear, turned out to be Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry respectively. All were dressed extremely perculiarily, in items that showed an unseemly among of chest and leg, each leg being about their previous height.

Gandalf moved towards the final two men. They had been sitting together, woollen beanies and all. The taller one seemed to be running a hand over his chin which he was pleasantly surprised to find was nicely stubbled. Aragorn, Gandalf thought. Definitely Aragorn.

Boromir's reincarnation, on the other hand, exploring his new clothing. You couldn't really blame him, wanting to know how many daggers his shirt could hold without showing - although he had considerably less things to worry about finding than some of the other Fellowship members.

Having now calmed the other seven, Gandalf wondered vaguely what had happened to their resident dwarf. Gimli, it seemed, was not there. Could he be dead? Several things had happened in that instant that they had been pulled out of their world. However, if it was the Maia's idea (and it was, naturally. It's all DESTINY ^_^), then who was he to disobey their rather obvious commands?

But, he decided firmly, he was not going outside in this body. It was shameful, if nothing else.

'Strider! Gandalf!' Frodo's shrill cry brought the man and the wizard running. It took a few moments for them to adjust to moving in their clothes, but they managed it. The hobbit's now-brown eyes were hysterical.

'The Ring! They took it!' the girl shrieked, almost in tears.

'What?' Aragorn looked confused. 'Them?' he glanced menacingly at Sam, Merry and Pippin, as if they were sudden competition for Frodo's attention.

'No, not them!' Frodo wailed. 'They!'

'Calm down, Frodo!' Gandalf said swiftly. He wasn't quite sure whether it was motherly instincts or not, but he kneeled down and patted the back of the hobbit's head. Frodo clutched despairingly at Gandalf, who, for the first time, realised that he was a somewhat pathetic person.

Maybe it was the girl's body. That could be it. He didn't feel quite right himself. Aragorn looked perfectly sane, buit that was explainable. All he really needed was his stubble to keep him going, he who detested bathing above all else.

'Do you know where they took it?' Gandalf prompted.

'No ...' whimpered Frodo. His eyes were now red and puffy, a far cry from his former extraordinarily large blues. 'I just woke up ... and it was gone.'

Legolas and Boromir came up, having finally figured out how to move. 'We have to get it back,' Boromir said immediately.

'The Ring must be destroyed,' Legolas agreed, unconsciously putting on the same sort of dramatic emphasis as Elrond always did.

'That's not what I meant,' Boromir frowned, then stopped, realising that he had said too much.

'But the Ring has to be destroyed, doesn't it?' Merry asked with genuine innocence.

'Yes, yes,' the Lord of Gondor said quickly.

'Then we must find it,' Gandalf said grimly, more because it meant he would have to walk around in his new atire than because of any other danger.

'My sword has been taken from me,' Boromir reported, 'by Them.' He said the last word word as if had some sort of scary implication.

'I no longer have my staff,' the wizard agreed.

'I have my sword,' Aragorn said, waving it about. 'I'll lead.'

'There's still a problem, uh, Strider,' Sam put in. His voice was quiet with embarassment, but his girly face was set with determination.

'And what might that be, Master Samwise?'

Sam's face turned pink as he voiced Gandalf's very thoughts. 'I'm not going out in this, if you follow me.' He gestured in an extremely vague fashion at the front of his top. Legolas coughed very suddenly, and went to look outside.

'Be brave, Sam.' Pippin reached over and patted his friend on the shoulder. 'You can't let a ickle thing like this put yeh off, can yeh?' (yes, shitty attempt at Scottish accent)

'It may be only a little thing to you youngesters,' Sam began, outraged. 'What my old Gaffer used to say about your lot-'

'We must all make sacrifices,' Boromir said owlishly.

Gandalf cursed inwardly, but kept up his calm appearance. 'Think of Middle- Earth, Sam. You wouldn't want Middle-Earth to fall just because of your pride.'

'There's a problem with that though, Gandalf,' Legolas reported, having returned from his little side trip. There was a very pained look on his face.

He gazed up at the moving picture that was suspended on one of the walls of the "cave". The rest of the Fellowship followed his gaze, and the elf pointed at the picture.

'That is Middle-Earth. And we are definitely not in Middle-Earth.'

(***and I thought I'd leave it there ... but I thought, nah. not good with cliffies, and doesn't give Seen much to work with***)

A sudden movement made them all jump, and caused Aragorn to snap around with his sword, narrowly missing Legolas' head. It was another girl, who had somehow managed to find her way into the cave.

'Who are you?' Aragorn challenged, feeling that power was an accessory that came with swords.

She stared at him incredously. 'I just came for the next movie. Queen of the Damned. I paid my ticket - look.' And she held up a blue slip of paper.

'Get back!' snarled Boromir. She looked as if he had come from another dimension - which, incidentally, he had.

'Okay, um, how about I sit over there, and not bother you?' she suggested carefully.

'Who are you?' repeated Aragorn, waving his sword about for emphasis.

She sighed. 'Alright, if you stalkers really want to know, my name is Ant.'

She peered around the two aparent-homies and caught sight of "the populars" and grimaced. 'What're you people doing here?' she asked. 'I didn't think vampire movies would be your type.'

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Now THERE's a true "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto" moment. I knew that my downloaded version of the FotR script would come in handy. A bit of surgery made to chapter one - sorry Seen. Feel free to axe whatever you want from my part.

In the near future - Fire and shadow strike again as the end of Gandalf/Sophie's life draws near - Galadriel receives glomps (to hug with enthusiasm) from Fellowship members, Aragorn gets SHAVED, Elle discovers the Ring is only 18 carat gold.

Oh, and what's going to happen with the cave troll? XD

Cheers.