Third character.

*Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin lead Draco into a room which they say has coffee' in it*

Dobby's cousin: It's right in here. *opens door and looks bored*

Kate's cousin: Get in *shoves Draco into pitch black room*

Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin: do the survey *light comes on and Draco sees a piece of paper on a table*

Draco: why

Dobby's cousin: coz if you don't we'll send a crazed fan girl on you

Kate's cousin: Or we could tell that fan girl convention, in the next room, where you are.

Voices from next room: DRACO! DRACO! DRACO!

*Draco sits down and starts doing the survey*

Survey

Name: Draco Malfoy

Kinky nickname: Ferret, wait I didn't mean that. OH CRAP! IT DON'T RUB OUT!

Slashes you'd hope weren't just a slash: Hmm... none!

Slashes you hate: Mostly all of them.

"Fave" HP characters: Me... wait, that word looks dodgy.

"Fave" real people: Hmm... none. Wow I'm actually quiet boring.

Have the authors ever revealed any real life slashes about you: They did one, but that's all in the past. WHY MINI WHY!

Do they portray you well in slashes: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and no... did I mention NO!

If slashes stopped what would you miss most: nothing

Do you prefer...

Cho or Ginny: Cho's stupid and Mini Weasel is just plain ugly

R rated slashes or others: others. I've seen one too many Me and Potter slashes, so I've lost my liking for R rated slashes.

Pretty or hot: Hey, I'm not forced to do this! I choose not to!

Human or cheese: Human. I'm getting very bad mental picture, so next question

Guy or girl: Why does everyone think I'm gay!? I choose girl! Now I'm getting worse mental pictures!

Wadda ya have to say to da authoresses...

Dobby's cousin: I hope you fall of a cliff and live in pain and agony ever after!

Kate's cousin: I hope that you were drunk when you wrote this thing, you were so... normal... before

*Kate's cousin opens the door and give the survey to Dobby's cousin, who opens the door of the next room and Draco fan girls come streaming out*

Clan of fan girls: DRACO! DRACO! DRACO!*chase Draco out*

Authoresses notes.

Dobby's cousin: Why wasn't Ani there?

Kate's cousin: She was in the fan club meeting and the only girl there.