Chapter Two: Flagrant Violence

As it turned out, Seto and Mai were the only two of the eleven who could drive.

"I'm not letting any of you people into any of my cars," Seto said.

"Cars? How many do you have?" Serenity asked. [A/N: She just appeared there randomly okay? 'Cause I forgot to put her in the last chapter…Oops.]

"Sixteen," Seto answered, "And none of you are getting in any of them."

"Well, we're not all going to fit in my convertible," Mai pointed out.

"It's okay, Mai, I'll sit on your lap," Duke drooled.

"We'll just have to rent a van," Tristan said, looking hopefully at Miho, "I'll sit in the back with Miho-chan."

"Aw, shit," Malik observed, "You mean I have to share a car with ten of you losers?"

"Eleven," Seto amended, "I'm not leaving Mokuba home alone."

"Don't forget our Yamis," Yugi added cheerfully.

Malik groaned, "But I hate my Yami! He's mean! He doesn't let me stay up late or eat cookies or leave the soul room or anything."

"Weak," Bakura [A/N: Yami] coughed.

"Uh….guys?" Anzu asked, "Why don't we go rent a van now? I just can't wait to get this roadtrip started! Oh, you guys," she burst into tears, "I love you all!" She tackled as many of them as she could reach (Joey, Seto, Bakura, Malik, Serenity) in a hug.

Joey slapped her across the face. "Get a grip on yourself," he commanded, pushing her off him.

"Sorry, friend," Anzu sobbed.

"Hey!" Mai said, "Are we going or what?"

"What." Malik said, stubbing his toe on a rock, "Ah, shit….Looks like our bad luck is starting to set in."

………

The eleven teenagers wound up at Reel Cheep Auto (or a reasonable substitute—GUARANTEED!) Rentalz.

"Okay, let's go," Seto said, "And get this over with. I want to go home and write another virtual reality program."

They all went into the building, and Seto approached the guy behind the counter. "I want to rent a van. Make it a good one."

The guy behind the counter grunted.

"Hello?" Seto said, leaning over the counter, "Can you HEAR me? I want a fucking van!"

Yugi burst into tears, "My v-v-virgin ears!" he sobbed.

"Oh, SHUT UP!" Seto yelled, "You didn't say anything when Malik decided 'Aw, shit' was his phrase of the day."

Yugi was silent. "Oh, yeah," he recalled after a moment, "You're right."

"Anyway," Seto turned back to the guy behind the counter, "Van?"

Yugi burst into tears again.

"What now?" Seto growled, turning back to Yugi, who was hanging on to Malik's waist and yelling, "Why, Malik, why? Wasn't it enough when you tried to kill my friends and I? Why did you have to say a bad word, too?"

"There, there, Yugi, my shining friend," Anzu comforted, patting his head awkwardly. "OW!" she yelled suddenly.

"Wh-what happened?" Yugi blubbered.

"I cut my finger on your stupid hair!" Anzu said, then amended, "I mean, your great hair, shining friend."

Yugi just continued crying.

"Fuck," Seto swore, slapping Anzu across the face.

"Hey! What was that for?" she asked indignantly.

Seto shrugged. "I wanted to slap Yugi, but I would have had to crouch down to reach him."

Yugi kept crying.

Suddenly, Yugi's millennium puzzle began to glow.

"Yu-Gi-Oooooooooohhhhhhh!"

Everyone was quiet for a minute, as Yugi's Yami took over the body.

"Hey," Joey remarked suddenly, "Remember when we worried that Yugi wouldn't be able to beat Pegasus? Did it ever occur to any of us what a dead giveaway that puzzle was? I mean, it was always yelling out, "Yu-Gi-Oh!". I don't think it would keep insisting "King of Games" if Yugi was about to lose."

"Oh, yeah," everyone looked at Yami stupidly.

Yami surveyed them all with his fiery red eyes. "Who made my hikari cry?" he asked dangerously.

Everyone except Seto pointed to Seto. Seto pointed to the guy behind the counter.

"Where's my van?" he asked.

The guy behind the counter grunted and beckoned Seto to follow him outside. He led Seto into a huge garage full of expensive-looking vehicles.

"Now this is my kind of place," Seto said enthusiastically, "Oooh, I have that one…..and that one. And that one. Oh, and I have that one in red-,"

"Here." The guy who was once the guy behind the counter, but was now the guy not behind the counter said, "Fifty bucks."

He pointed ahead of Seto.

"Fifty?" Joey asked, "For this? Sweet…." He admired the huge silver van with gold trim.

"No," the guy not behind the counter said, "That." He pointed to a pink Power Wheels Barbie jeep beside the van.

"BARBIE!" Anzu yelled, running to the little jeep and trying in vain to squeeze herself into the driver's seat. She wound up sitting on the back trunk of the jeep and stretching her arms across the front seat to reach the wheel.

"Let's go on an adventure, girlfriend," Barbie's somewhat robotic voice issued from the dashboard.

"C'mon, guys!" Anzu said enthusiastically, "You heard Barbie! Get in!"

Malik slapped Anzu across the face.

"No violence in front of Barbie!" Anzu sobbed.

Bakura slapped Anzu across the face. "Stop crying" he commanded exasperatedly.

"Better yet," Seto said, "Stop breathing."

Anzu sucked in a huge breath and held it.

"Look," Seto said, "I want an automobile. Your sign says you're an Auto Rental place.

"Ah," the guy not behind the counter said, "It also says, "Or reasonanble substitution"

"This," Seto said, "Is not reasonable. I want that one," he pointed to the silver and gold van.

"Sorry," the guy not behind the counter said, "All these cars are reserved already."

"Well, unreserve them," Bakura said dangerously, approaching the guy not behind the counter.

"Sorry, too late," the guy not behind the counter said, not sounding sorry at all, as dozens of people zipped into the room, into the cars, and all the cars zoomed away, leaving car-shaped holes in the walls.

"Shit," Malik observed, "There are times when I really hate being a cartoon character."

Anzu quietly turned red.

Seto rolled his eyes and pulled a huge wad of cash out from one of his trenchcoat pockets. "I said I wanted a van," he repeated, holding the wad of cash over his head, just out of reach of the guy not behind the counter.

"Ah….let me see what I can do," the guy not behind the counter said, drooling.

He led them into another garage, where he stopped in front of a huge bus with weird colored patches all over it.

THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY, the bus' side proclaimed in big letters.

"It's all I have left," the guy not behind the counter explained.

Anzu quietly turned blue.

"We'll take it," Seto said, jumping in the driver's seat. He revved the engine and tossed a fistful of money out the window towards the guy who was on his way to reclaiming his title as the guy behind the counter.

"I call shotgun!" Joey yelled, jumping in front next to Seto.

"Great," Seto muttered sarcastically, "Try not to drool on me, Chihuahua."

"Uh-oh," Mai said, "I sense a catfight."

Mai, Duke, and Serenity climbed in behind Seto and Joey. Behind them were Yugi, Miho, and Tristan, and in the last row of seats were Malik, Bakura, and a rapidly purpling Anzu.

"Ready?" Seto called, "Let's get this over with." He started up the bus and began to drive.

"Yay!" Joey and Tristan yelled, "We're going on a road trip, we're going on a road trip!"

"Shut up," Seto commanded, as Anzu passed out.

"Is she dead?" Joey asked hopefully.

Seto stopped the bus in front of a huge house.

"Is this where the pickle is?" Joey asked. Everyone looked at him strangely, except Bakura and Malik, who were giggling in the backseat. [A/N: Reminder: Bakura is Yami Bakura. Ryou is the hikari/aibou/little dude…..y'know, the cute lil shy dude]

"Remember?" Joey asked, "We're looking for the Anti-Old-Lady Magic Pickle.

"Oh, yeah…." Everyone except the insensate Anzu, and the two giggling psychopathic sexy guys in the back said.

"Moron," Seto said, "This is my house. We're picking up Mokuba."

He got out of the bus and came back a minute later with an energetic little kid with shaggy black hair and smoky blue eyes.

"Big brother!" the cute little kid exclaimed, "Are we going to the carnival?"

"No," Seto said, as Mokuba climbed in front between Joey and Seto, "We're going on a quest."

"Yay!" Mokuba said, sitting up straight and staring wide-eyed out the front window. Seto got back in the bus and Mokuba said, still staring out the front window, "A quest for what?"

"A pickle," Yugi said.

Moukuba giggled, "You're so silly, Yugi. If you really wanted a pickle that bad, I can get you one out of my refrigerator. I have a whole jar, for when Seto makes me hamburgers."

"Awww…." Mai said, "Do you stand out on the porch with a widdle apron,Seto?"

"Don't be an idiot," Seto scorned, as Mokuba giggled and said, "Of course he does. It says, 'Hug the chef!'."

Mai, Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Serenity, Miho, and Duke burst out laughing. (Bakura and Malik were still giggling in the backseat)

"You're grounded, Mokuba," Seto said through clenched teeth.

Everyone except Bakura and Malik stopped laughing. "Maybe if we turn it this way…." Malik was saying.

Everyone (except of course the giggling megalomaniacs in back and the still insensate Anzu) looked at Seto with huge chibi-style eyes. "You're mean," Mai sniffed, "Poor little Mokuba-chan. It's okay, Mokuba, we'll beat up meanie Seto for you."

"I'm sorry, big brother," Moukuba said shakily, looking up at Seto, "I love you."

"AWWWWWWWWWW……" everyone said (except the two insane pharaoh-wannabes in the back and the unconscious purple girl).

"Fine," Seto growled at Mokuba, "You're not grounded. Just stop being so damn cute, will you?"

Another burst of giggles came from the backseat, and finally Seto turned around. "What the hell are you guys doing back there?" he asked.

Everyone turned and peered into the backseat, where Malik and Bakura were giggling and shifting Anzu's limbs into….suggestive….positions. Just now, she was propped up against the back window of the bus, and she appeared to be looking down her own shirt, a stupid grin on her face. Her arms hung straight down and her hands had been shoved under her own ass. Malik held his hand over his mouth and giggled as he pointed at her, and Bakura took one of her hands out from under her and shoved it down her blouse. The two continued to giggle insanely, and everyone else rolled their eyes and turned back, except for Yugi, who had no idea what was going on, since he was too short to see over then back of the seat.

Seto started driving again, and Joey started singing, "I told the witchdoctor I was in love with you, And then the witchdoctor he told me what to do…."

"CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!" Seto pleaded, looking up at the roof of the bus.

"Hey!" Mai yelled, "Keep your eyes on the road, mister, or I'm driving.

Malik and Bakura giggled again.

"Big brother?" Mokuba whined, "I have to go to the bathroom."