Chapter Three: Rest stop

Seto pulled over at a gas station so Mokuba could use the bathroom, and then he drove for six hours straight. After that time, they were most definitely in the middle of nowhere. "Okay," Seto said, "I now officially have no idea where the hell we are."

"Let's get a map." Mai suggested. Duke had fallen asleep on Mai's shoulder and drool was coming out of the corner of his mouth. Serenity was listening to her discman. Mai, in between criticizing Seto's driving, was reading a Teen Diva Queen magazine article entitled, "OH MY GOD….I broke a nail miles away from a nail salon and other natural disasters". Joey had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly, his head against the passenger side window of the bus. Mokuba was also asleep, leaning on Seto and sucking his thumb. He had a blue teddy bear under his arm. Yugi, too, was asleep, and he also had a teddy bear under his arm, but his was white, and he was not sucking his thumb. Miho was trying to deter Tristan from shoving his hands under her sweater. Anzu had long since woken up, but had made no move to withdraw her hands from her blouse. Malik was asleep, leaning against his window, sucking his thumb with his Millennium Rod tucked under his arm. Bakura was looking around at everyone, trying to decide the best method to kill each one of them.

"That's a great idea," Seto said sarcastically in response to Mai's suggestion, "Why, I think I see a gas station right there….No, wait, that's a FUCKING MINIMALL!" he screamed, pointing at a cactus.

"No, it's not," Mai said calmly, "It's a cactus."

"No fucking SHIT!" Seto screamed, whacking his head deliberately against the steering wheel.

"Check the glove compartment," Mai said, in the same infuriatingly calm voice.

"Why would I check the glove compartment?" Seto raged, mostly because he was growing bored. Picking a fight seemed a reasonable road trip pastime, especially since he had stupidly left his laptop computer at home, in his office. "Who would think to put a map in the glove compartment?" he continued, glaring at Mai in the rearview mirror, "What's it called again, Mai? A glove compartment, not a map compartment."

Silently, Mai reached over Seto's shoulder (and Mokuba's head) and opened the glove compartment, She pulled out a folded map and handed it wordlessly to Seto, a smug look on her heavily made-up face.

"Well…." Seto trailed off defensively, unfolding the map.

"Uh….okay, I guess we should try to find somewhere to eat…"

"Huh?" Joey snapped awake, "Food? Where? Do they have pizza?"

"Yes," Seto said, his voice positively dripping with sarcasm, "And all you have to do to get it is stick your head up your own ass."

"That should be easy," Joey said confidently, unbuckling his seat belt.

"You moron, he was being sarcastic!" Mai said, rolling her eyes.

"Now she tells me," Joey muttered, "I let myself expect pizza and what do I get? NOTHING-hey, that looks vaguely edible," Joey said, eyeing the map Seto was holding.

"Not a chance, Chihuahua. If you eat this we'll never find civilization again."

"Civili-whatsis?" Joey asked, confused, "I thought we were looking for a pickle."

Seto rolled his eyes and Mai sighed and went back to her Teen Diva Queen magazine.

Seto began driving up a road labeled on the map as Highway 2325374283.

"That's bleak, isn't it?" Tristan commented, having momentarily given up on his overtures towards Miho.

"Hey, how's Anzu doing?" Miho asked suddenly, "She's been awfully quiet."

"Carbon monoxide," Bakura muttered to himself.

"Me?" Anzu asked in a squeaky voice, "I'm not doing anything, I'm fine, I….GOD DAMN YOU ALL, can't a girl have some privacy?! Leave me ALONE!!!! ARGH!!!!" She burst into tears.

Bakura smacked her across the face. She stopped crying, finally withdrew her hands from her blouse, and looked up at him. "Thank you," she said calmly. Bakura took no notice. He began ticking a list off on his fingers.

"Dynamite," he said, tapping his index finger, "Decapitation….Hey! Anyone got any paper?"

"Sure," Miho said, handing back a pink notebook with little red hearts all over it, "Keep it. I have three more."

"What do you think?" Bakura asked sarcastically, holding the book up to his face, "Do you think it brings out my eyes?"

"Will all of you SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" Seto screamed, spit flying from his mouth. Mokuba woke up at the sound of his brother's screaming.

"Big Brother?" he said, his smoky blue eyes wide and innocent, "I have to go potty again."

"SHIT!" Seto yelled, directly into Mokuba's ear.

"Yes," Mokuba said, "I have to go."

Seto threw back his head and started laughing.

"That's it," Mai commented, "He's cracked. More than before I mean."

"Mokuba," Seto said, a tic starting under his left eye, "Do you see a goddamn bathroom anywhere?"

Mokuba looked alertly out all the windows, then reported, "No. Seto, are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then why do you keep yelling at me, big brother?"

"YELLING?!" Seto screamed, "WHO'S YELLING?!"

"You are," Mokuba said nervously.

"Arson," Bakura muttered.

"WHY WOULD I BE YELLING?!" Seto bellowed, "AS ANYONE CAN PLAINLY SEE, I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE! HA HA! HEE-HEE! CAN'T YOU SEE ME SMILING?!?!?!"

Mokuba was silent. After a minute, he leaned over and hugged his brother. "I'm having fun, too, Seto."

"EVERYONE'S HAVING FUN!" Seto shrieked, his eye twitching again.

Mai reached back and slapped Anzu across the face.

"Thank you," Seto said, calming down at once, and he began humming under his breath.

"I'm hungry," Joey reminded everyone.

"Well, why didn't you say so before?" Mai asked sarcastically.

"But I did," Joey whined, "But nobody was listening to me."

"You don't say…." Mai commented in mock wonder, shoving Duke off her shoulder. Duke snored in protest.

"Sure I do, I just did," Joey said, confused.

"Seto?" Mokuba said, "I still gotta go."