Buffy,
Willow told me how she's been writing letters like Dr. Nichols suggested.
Thought I'd give it a try. It's been three months, fourteen days since it
happened. It feels like three centuries. I wonder where you are. I'm sure
you're in heaven. That's where people like you go. Say "Hi" to your mom for
me. And if you see my grandpa, tell him leaving me his false teeth as a
joke was not funny. We're doing okay. Really. Fine. so I'm lying. Come back
and haunt me, whatever. At least then I'd get to see you. Things are not so
okay. The day it all happened (Just so you know, not a single one of us,
even my Anya, if you can believe it, will come out and say what actually
happened. It's just known as "that day" or "when it happened".) I asked
Anya to marry me. She said yes, but didn't take the ring. She wanted me to
give it to her after we saved the world. I've tried to give it to her, but
it just doesn't seem right yet. Don't feel bad though. It will happen, I
hope. The first time I saw you, do you know what I thought? "Woah. Look at
her." You ere beautiful, walking up the steps to Sunnydale High. I think I
loved you at that moment. But I wan't good enough for you. no one ever was.
I'm not mad about it. I've just accepted it. I'm really glad you let me
into your circle of friends. You changed my life. Things aren't the same
around here. Not the everyone is still sad part, just in general. The
council sprung Faith out of prison. They aren't going to call another
Slayer. I don't know how I feel about that. She's here, but she's just
quietly doing her job, keeping her distance from us. I went to your grave
the other day, I go pretty often, we all do, and she was there. I didn't
talk to her, I just watched. She knelt in front of it and I'm sure she was
talking to you. Then she kissed her fingers , leaned forward, and touched
the headstone. I don't want to talk to her, but it's a little comforting to
know there's still a slayer in town, even if there's the very good chance
she'll snap at any moment. I just wish it was you. (That was here, not
going to snap, although, I'd take you anyway I can get you now.) Angel's
here, too, I think. Every once in a while I get the feeling that someone's
helping us fight. Willow, me, Tara and Anya. we still try to patrol for
you. We've always come away unhurt, but I'm pretty sure it's not cause
we're so good. I've caught a glimpse of a guy in black, and that's usually
our vamp's favorite color. And it's not Spike. No cigarette stench. Well. I
just want to tell you that I miss you. Really, truly, desperately. I'm
trying to stay strong for the girls, but. it's hard.
Now, come and haunt me.
--Xander
--Xander
