Buffy,
I have to begin my letter with an apology. I failed you. I failed you in
every way a Watcher can fail their Slayer. though you were never really my
Slayer, were you? You were always the independent, always one step ahead.
I'm truly sorry that I couldn't be that one step ahead for you when you
needed me the most. I can not change this, though I wish with every moment
that I could. You fought so bravely, gave of yourself so unselfishly. I
could not have asked for anything more from you. And. I miss you terribly.
Dawn is in my care. For the moment I will be staying in Sunnydale, but I do
not know how permanent these plans are. I suppose it depends on what your
father wants to do. Dawn really should be with him. no, no she shouldn't. I
can not say that because it does not ring true. Dawn should be with me,
Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya. She should be with you. As with your
mother's passing, your father is unavailable. We have not been able to
contact him. I do not look forward to the day he calls and learns of. what
happened. The day you walked into the library in the high school changed my
life. You changed my life. It's a shame I couldn't tell you this before,
it's not that easy to tell you now. I saw before me a girl, dressed in the
latest fashions, speaking perfect slang, and it abhorred me to no end; you
probably know this already. But I grew to love this girl. a girl who grew
into a woman before my eyes. I like to think that I had some influence on
you, on the person you became. You certainly changed me. For a man who has
no children, I certainly gained a rather large extended family. You,
Xander, and Willow are my children. And now Dan will be my child as well.
Faith's here. It's disturbing, but I try to see the positive in it. They
have not asked me to be her Watcher. I would have refused had they, but the
council has been staying, surprisingly, out-of-the-picture where you are
concerned. They have only informed me of Faith's release from prison and
that a new Watcher would be assigned to her. I have met the new Watcher, an
American named Payton Fine. She seems quite competent and did not push me
for details on Faith, which I was grateful for. And Angel has been seen,
though he does not try to contact any of us. I'm not sure why, but I
suppose it's too painful. I know he has been helping on patrols, and that
he has been watching over Faith. I believe he feels responsible for her. I
know he feels responsible for you. Everyday there is a single white rose on
your grave. I'm sure they are from him, though I have no proof. It occurs
to me that I wrote "your grave". It's the first time I've done that.
Perhaps these letters will be theraputetic, as Dr. Nichols said they might.
I must go now. Dawn and the others will be arriving to report on patrol
soon. I'm now their Watcher, I suppose. Let's hope I am able to do a better
job with them.
--Giles
--Giles
