Slayer,
I found a letter from Red by your grave. Seems like all your buddies are
writing them, from what hers says. I know I wasn't in the inner circle, but
I was there for some important stuff, and as much I hat to admit it, I'm
not dealing with this one too well. I meant what I said that night, you
treated me like a man even thought I'm not one. I feel even less of one
now. And I'm mad at you. No one else will admit it, but I will. You're so
sodding stupid! You're not the one to be supposed to go! I was prepared to
die, to save you and the little bit, not the other way around. And now I'm
even more useless than I was before. And I'm ashamed that I'm mad at you.
You did a good thing, a brave thing. You did what a Slayer's supposed to
do. But you know what? Telling myself that doesn't make it any easier. I
know that I'm going to get up tomorrow night and go out patrolling (Yeah,
yeah, don't look all surprised. The psycho-slayer isn't exactly with- it
just yet, but she's getting there.) And I'm not going to run into you.
You're not going to get all huffy and tell me to get lost or you'll stake
me. I won't bother you incessantly just to see you get your little pout on,
cause you won't be there. The only thing I can do now is talk to a mound of
dirt. Talking to your pretty face was lots more appealing. The poof, sorry,
Angel's here. He's bad off, babe. I was walking with Dawn one night, a few
weeks back, and I saw a light on in that decrepit old mansion of his. Dawn
wanted to go see, but I hurried her home and went back myself. He's there
all right, a little worn around his eyes, paler than any vamp should be,
but he's there. He didn't even try to throw me out. We just sat there,
staring at the fire he had going. Now words. You know it's bad when there
aren't any words left. He's helping out Faith. She's a pistol, isn't she?
Angel says she's different now, quieter. I wouldn't know, but what I've
seen doesn't look toned down. She's a toughie, but she's good. Not as good
as you, but she's trying. Got a lot of energy, I'll give her that much.
Giles cleared the way for me with her. At least now I don't have to worry
about another Slayer on my tail. Though I have to admit, I'd give anything
to have you harassing me again. It doesn't matter that you wouldn't have
ever loved me. It was enough for me to just love you. You may not care, you
may not like it, but you have to know that I did. You changed my life. I
was one of the baddest vamps in town, in the world, for a while. And then I
met you and became a pile o' bunnies and chickies for Christ's sake. Here I
go getting all pissed off again. Better go. I'm sitting at your grave and
the sun's due up any minute. And my dying won't be me in the same place I'm
sure you're in. They don't make angels out of people like me. But I'm sure
they cleared a spot for you. bronzed up a halo and all. Little wings.
--Spike
--Spike
