March 9
7:00 am
Wonderment of all wonderments. I wonder what Evil's been thinking. The girls' orphanage down the road is being shut down so they're all coming here. That means less space, less food, and more noise. This world is merciless!
March 11
11:09 pm
It's official now. The girls moved in today. We had to double up on rooms, so now there are twice as many boys in here and the same number of bunks. That means we have to share. At least I don't have to sleep with Pig. I don't think we'd both fit. At least Raven's skinny. Although his beak does get in the way sometimes. I think the meals are better though. For some reason Evil thinks that girls need more nutrients than us so now we get dilute rice with no mould. Hurrah, no one threw up today. And some of the girls are kind of cute.
March 12
12:05 am
I just realised something. I'm turning 11 soon. I wonder if anyone else knows. Ribs turned 10 in December. We stole Evil's fags and used them as candles. Evil's socks caught fire. It's a good thing we pretended his socks were the cake instead of mine. We barely hid the evidence. Since he couldn't prove it we only missed dinner for that day for being outside. Hm. Maybe we can steal his hairpins instead this time. He won't notice if we only steal eleven of them.
12:06 am
Er, he did notice when I took his hammer. But I needed that! Pig sat on a chair and it needed fixing!
Mach 16
4:35 pm
In Evil's Office
Being yelled at
Does he seriously think I care about what his supervisor thinks? Besides, he is crazy. He wears girls' knickers. If that's not loony, you tell me what is. Exactly. Ribs thought it was funny. Everyone thought it was funny. Even those prat girls. That's what Evil gets for putting me on kitchen duty. I don't think he realised how useful bras are when you're short bowls. It's funny he didn't ask where I got it from. Maybe he just figures I stole it from his room. Er, I did.
5:02 pm
In the loo.
This is the only place the girls can't find me. This one girl with really big lips keeps following me around. And I just got out of Evil's clutches three minutes ago! On the bright side she did offer to bring me din-din every night since I'm not allowed to eat for eternity.
9:59 pm
In bed
Raven is practically on top of me. At least he's warm. I wonder why Evil kept looking at me like that when he was yelling at me. It was really freaky. He almost looked like he fancied me. That'd be so gross. But then again, he does have a nightdress.
10:00 pm
What if he tried to snog me?
Erlack
Erlack
I'd rather be snogged by Bigmouth!
10:02 pm
Or Raven.
Er, maybe not.
March 19
9:46 am
Evil thinks we want to distress him. We took all his bed sheets and made a tent in the girls lavatory with them. We could hear him yelling when we were in the garden. Then he came running up to us all cross-eyed and red-faced. His ears were sort of flapping too. Maybe that was from the breeze.
10:00 am
Evil is making us clean the ceiling with a toothbrush. I wonder what kind of damage we could do with them.
5:24 pm
Hahahahahahahahaha
Evil found our message. Oh dear lord that was funny. His head nearly exploded. Raven 'found' a bottle of ink in Evil's room. We rearranged the letters in my name and wrote, "Beware of I am Lord Voldemort" in every room.
Hahahahahahahahaha
March 24
4:02 am
Ribs is snoring even louder lately. I tried covering my ears but it didn't work. He coughs a lot too. Yesterday there was blood on the hanky, but we pretended we didn't see it. If Evil found out, Ribs would be on bed arrest.
March 26
11:45 am
Raven found this really cool paint in the utility cupboard. It's really deep red. We borrowed it. I wonder how long till Evil finds his message.
12:16 pm
Oop, he found it. I was sitting around the corner and I heard him say "Beware of Lord Voldemort, Evil meet your match… Whitey!" I almost peed my pants laughing or else he wouldn't have found me. I asked him if he was scared. He just smacked me in the back of the head.
5:16 pm
Honestly Evil comes up with the dumbest things for me to do. He made me count all the brown beans in the bag and then wash each one individually. He told me there's no way I can do any damage with beans. Little does he know
9:21 pm
Glue + beans = great fun. Beware Voldemort is now glued to Evil's plate. When I brought him his dinner he thought he could ruin my art work by throwing it on the floor. His face when I picked it up and handed it back to him was priceless.
9:22 pm
I didn't get any dinner but the look on his face was worth it.
9:23 pm
How does he know that I'm Lord Voldemort. It could have been any of us. He really has no brain so it's not like he unscrambled the letters.
March 31
7:19 pm
Bigmouth is on the prowl. She's started calling me Voldemort. Erg, I want to kick her every time she does it. Does she not realise that's not my name? It's sole purpose is to annoy Evil and of that it does a great job.
7:21 pm
She's sitting there batting her eyelashes at me. It's disgusting. It truly is.
7:23 pm
Who's she trying to kid? I have too many jokes for Evil to be bothered with a girl. She should know that.
