May 3
11:15 pm
There was this old bloke that came in today. He kind of scared me. He was really tall and kept looking at me. WHY DOES EVERYONE LOOK AT ME? Do I have a snoggosity that is unmatchable? And that old fellow had this twinkle in his eye the whole time like he was laughing at me. Whyohwhyohwhy? Then when I put a snake in Bigmouth's sneakers he just popped up out of nowhere. It's like he was stalking me. He wanted to speak to Evil privately. I tried to listen by the door but the old guy Dimple-door I think was talking really quietly. I could tell they were discussing me cause Evil was shrieking. "You don't want him! He's a trouble maker, always stealing things and pulling childish pranks" Honestly if I was that annoying you'd think Evil would be trying to get rid of me not trying to keep me.
11:16 pm
I wonder why Dimple-door wants me anyway.
11:19 pm
I think it's because of my teeth. I was looking at them this morning and they are quite nice. Maybe that's why everyone wants to snog me so much.
May 5
11:27 am
Ribs is getting more colour in his cheeks. I don't think he's better because he still can't move too much without panting but at least he stays awake for several hours at a time now.
12:56 pm
Evil grounded me! For no reason. Someone stole his money or something and he blamed it on me. What use do I have for money? I never get to the bloody store!
12:57 pm
And grounded! No one gets grounded. We get punishments and work stuff to do to redeem ourselves but Evil made me sit on my bed alone for the rest of the day. With nothing to do.
12:59 pm
Time passes slowly when there's nothing to do. Maybe I'll see what other names I can find for myself.
1:24 pm
If I combine Seth, Dee and Tara's name I come up with Death eaters. That's pretty cool, although those aren't even their full names.
1:25 pm
I wonder if they'd like to be called that?
1:26 pm
Life takes so long when you're bored.
1:27 pm
happy boredom to me, happy boredom to me, happy boredom, happy boredom…
I think I'm going mad.
May 6
9:15 am
Ribs passed out today. We were in the garden beheading slugs when he just keeled over. He landed face first in the mud. We thought he died or something.
May 7
6:49 pm
Pig ate a giant beetle today! I dared him to but I didn't think he'd do it.
6:50 pm
He said it was quite tasty
6:51 pm
Maybe I'll start eating beetles instead of depending on Evil. I think beetles have more nutritious value that Evil's food anyway.
May 15
7:49 am
Ribs says that journals are for girls. I'm not a girl. Well I don't think so. Is it possible to turn into a girl halfway through life? Maybe that's why Evil wants me so bad. Maybe he fancies boys who turn into girls. Maybe that's what he is! I'm going to have to wash my brain now; it's filled with disgusting images.
9:05 am
Lavatory duty sucks. Why did I have to get caught? At least I got rid of those disgusting mind pictures. I just don't see what's so bad about hanging a little kid out the window. I mean if we're not supposed to hang stuff on them why are there hook things? Sure. Evil says they're for flower boxes but I know better. He has them there to hang his flowered knickers.
May 16
6:02 am
Pig, Ribs, Raven and me had a bit of fun this morning. I wonder what Evil will say when he finds the common room in the dinning hall. I think I'll go for breakfast early just to see his reaction. The sofa on Evil's table was my idea. It took all four of us to get it up there. Well actually Ribs and Raven are so small they only count as half a person each. The boys in our room are going to eat at the end table. We took the coffee tables and put them on the dinning tables and put the chairs around them, on the dinning tables. It was like a dinning platform.
6:12 am
How did Evil know it was us? Granted we're the only ones who pull jokes but everyone else enjoys them. We have to weed the bloody garden. All of it. That's all it is. Weeds. There's no grass. Damn.
12:03 pm
Done, finally. Evil doesn't know it yet but we kept all the weeds. They're in a pile behind the big rock.
12:06 pm
Ribs suggested letting the weeds get filled with worms and wild animals then putting them in the kitchen. I suggested we put them in Evil's knickers' drawer. That'd be a laugh. I wonder what he'd do. Scream maybe. Then tell me my snogging days with him are over. Well technically they never began but in his mind anything's possible.
May 19
11:56 pm
Those little brats are so annoying. They tried to follow us around and cause trouble just like us. Ribs was going to let them but I think he just felt sorry for them because he'd be exactly the same way without us. After a while we let them but we made them be our servants and call me Lord Voldemort. Bloody hilarious if you ask me. It's a shame Evil didn't think so.
