Maybe Next Time:

A Sexis Short

I can't believe it. I let her go. I needed her, wanted her, loved her; and I let her go.

Sonny Corinthos sat on the couch in his darkened living room.

I should have told her to stay, begged and pleaded. But instead I let her go, felt it was what she needed. To this day she's hated me, and I've hated myself. Not just because I let her go, but because I chose someone else.

He brought the half empty glass to his lips and the scent of whisky invaded his nostrils. The flood of intoxicating liquid came flowing from the glass onto his quivering lips. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. With it, his anger and fear. His regret over the situation at hand.

He licked his lips and stood to go pour himself another drink, the memory of her face plaguing his mind.

Why did I let her go? He questioned as the dark liquor spilled into his glass. For Carly is why, he answered. But she told me to go. Go back to your wife, she said. I should have known she didn't mean it. I could see it in her eyes. She wanted me to choose her, as I did before. But I didn't. I was stupid, and walked away. Back to a woman I don't even like, let alone love.

He walked to the window; overlooking the night sky. A calm blanket of darkness surrounded his town; and somewhere out there, was the woman he loves. The woman he let go.

I know she's out there. No doubt with Cameron Lewis. Sonny swallowed hard as he tried not to envision Alexis with Cameron. It pained him to his very core to think of her with any other man. To think of Cameron, or any other man, wrapping Alexis in their arms. Kissing her, looking into the eyes he longed to look into for so long.

His mind took him back to when he saw her and Ned in the cottage. The remorse he felt standing out in the rain as he watched them through the window. The rage he felt toward Ned. She always brought out the intensity in me. Whether it was good or bad.

His mind wandered more as he remembered Kristina's memorial service. How she ranted and vented, and spoke the truth...harshly to him. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch her; to hold her. But fear stopped me; and her anger wouldn't have allowed me to. Sonny closed his eyes and let out a pained sigh at the vision of her standing before him; the hatred in her eyes, masking the pain she felt. The hurt he knew she'd never admit to feeling.

Why wasn't I there for you, Alexis? Why did I go, when I wanted to stay? When I know you wanted me to stay? When I knew you loved me? When I knew I loved you? He lowered his head in agony. I love you so much, but you hate me now. I can't blame you. I am contemptible, amoral, unethical, and unforgiving. But you saw past that; to the man I want to be. To the man I could have been, if I had just stayed with you.

As his heart broke further, he let the glass fall from his hands and shatter on the floor. The liquid contents spilling like his love for her from his heart. I'm sorry, Alexis. For a lot of things. For loving you and then leaving you. For going back to Carly when I knew I loved you. For hating you for telling me to go, for hating myself for hating you. You mean everything to me, and I gave you up. Now I'm stuck in a loveless marriage while you move on to someone who will love you like you deserve. I wish that for you more than you know. I just wish it were me loving you.

Sonny opened the balcony door and stepped outside. "I love you, Alexis. I always will. But I missed my chance with you, and I have to live my life in regret everyday knowing that. But maybe in another life, you and I will have another chance." - Sonny was quiet for a moment, a fleeting smile crossing his face at his last words. "Maybe next time, Alexis. Maybe next time."