June 16

11:56 am

Evil found his weeds.  He was not happy.  We were locked in the shed for 8 days.  Honestly, this man has a serious problem with over reacting.  It's not like we're super villains or anything.  Just mediocre. 

11:57 am

He cried!  Evil actually cried when he saw it.  I almost peed my pants laughing. 

11:58 am

It's a shame he had to open his closet when he did.  Then he wouldn't have found us.  Oh well, eight days in exile is worth it. 

June 17

8:24 am

Post came today.  There was a letter for me.  It's got this green writing and it's on this really nice paper.  Kind of stiff and yellowish.  More of a tan colour than yellow.  I can't wait to see what it says.  I'm going to hide in the loo where no one will bug me.

8:25 am

Pity I can't read cursive.

8:26 am

But I hear Bigmouth can.  I wonder if she's still sore about the whole fanny thing.  I wonder if she'll read for me if I promise to touch her fanny.

8:37 am

I finally found Bigmouth.  I had to chase her for five minutes before she'd let me talk to her.  Good thing is that she doesn't want me to touch her fanny anymore. 

8:38 am

Why doesn't she?  Has my snoggosity deteriorated while I was in exile? 

9:52 am

I would think she was just trying to be mean if she didn't think I was trying to be mean.  She had the nerve to say I had written that letter myself and wanted to make a fool of her.  I told her that's ridiculous because everyone knows I can't read cursive.  Imagine I tried to write it.  She would defiantly know it was a fake.

10:56 am

What does she take me for?  An idiot?  There's no way I'm going to believe what she read to me.  Hogwash wants me to be a wizard.  Yeah right.  Why would any school want me? 

June 21

11:59 pm

I guess Bigmouth wasn't lying.  That guy Dimple-door came back today.  He told me to pack because he's taking me with him to Hogwash tomorrow.  What if I don't want to go?  I don't want to go somewhere where I have no reputation.  I'm the bad kid. If I go to Hogwash I'm going to have to remake my reputation. 

June 22

12:01 am

But then again I can reuse some of my jokes.  No one there will know I've used them.

12:02 am

But Dimple-door seems too good-natured.  He probably wouldn't cry if I filled his knickers' drawer with weeds.  And I'm sure he didn't turn into a girl like Evil.  That means he has no flowered knickers to hang out the window!

12:03 am

Oh horrors of all horrors!   How am I going to be a nuisance if there's nothing to be a nuisance about?  Maybe if I snog Evil he'll let me stay.

10:13 am

Dimple-door's a teacher at Hogwash.  He said he knew about my parents.  Maybe that'll be worth going for.  Plus there's a headmaster.  Dimple-door isn't the head guy.  That means I might still have someone to torture.  I told him I needed time to think.

10:18 am

Hogwash, here I come.  I told Raven if his nose wasn't so big I'd put him in my suitcase, but as it was I didn't think I'd get it closed.  I gave my boys a list of things to do to Evil and make them promise to tell me how he reacted.

10:30 am

Good-bye orphanage.  Tear.  I'm going to miss being a pain.  All my boys came to see me off.  I think they were crying but I didn't want to say anything because Pig can be mean when he's sad.  Bigmouth showed up.  She hugged me.  I let her because I didn't want to me mean, plus I wanted to get the earthworm in her hair and that was the easiest way to get close enough.  Funny thing is that she wasn't mad about it.  She just started to blubber and go on about how she was going to miss me.  I could see Evil looking at me from his window.  He was defiantly afraid to come down in case he forgot he wasn't allowed to snog me good-bye. 

11:15 am

On the road to some place.  Day-gone alley I think.  We're getting books and stuff from there for school.  Dimple-door's lending me money so I can have everything I need.  He's so cool.

June 30

11:58 pm

In two minutes it'll be two months until I go to Hogwash.  I mean, Hogwarts.  And the Dimple-door is really Dumbledore.  I found that out today in the bookshop from some thundering giant of a kid.  He said he was going to Hogwash, er, Hogwarts too.  He said he's in my year.  Oh great.