It's already 5 pm and Temari quickly pushed the check-in button on an old machine. She just started her shift as a part-time servant in an old convenience store. Her shift runs from 5 pm to 9 pm, the closing shift. In the morning, she works as a part-time administrative assistant in a marketing firm from 8 am to 12 noon. 6 years ago, she and her brothers left Suna to attend college in Konoha.
2 years ago, Gaara finished college so she was left alone in the apartment. Gaara and Kankuro were now living independently and working their way up to reach their dreams, as well as she. She's saving money to enroll in a master's class in marketing. She's good at talking and convincing people, she has a charm to it, and she loves marketing.
"5 pm sharp, hell yeah!" She cheered while walking to the counter. She meets Matsuri who has the same shift as her.
"Sooo? did you submit your application for masters?"
"Yeah, I did, that's why I'm almost late"
"Wow! Well, I am happy for you. You'd definitely aced everything in there"
"Thanks, Matsuri! I definitely will! It's my dream you know"
"I know"
They begin to stack some new supplies in the gondola. Clean the counter while the other one assists a few customers. She loved the closing shift; there are few people coming around compared to the morning. And the tips were good, especially when drunk customers come in. At 8 pm they started cleaning the coffee machine, coolers, and tables. At 8:30 pm they started to close the store and roll up halfway so no one can come in, they count the after-sales and submit the report. At 9 pm they left.
Matsuri waved her goodbye. She usually stays a little longer to grab some cigarettes and smoke in the dark alley beside the old convenience store. It's her spot. Sometimes, some people smoke at the same spot, at her spot. Some people were just there to make out, she doesn't mind. She doesn't talk or initiate some conversation with them, usually, they just exchange hi and hellos.
Today she smokes three sticks, she usually does one or two but today she felt exhausted and needed some treats. When lighting her last stick, a man just walked and leaned on the opposite wall, near the sidewalk. He's tall, taller than her, his hair is black in a ponytail, his eyes were brown.. no dark, black like a shadow. She finds him magnetizing.
It's not her usual to initiate a conversation but this time, she felt to.
"Do you want some?" She raised her cigarette case to offer.
"Thank you but I quit smoking" He shakes his head.
"Oh, sorry" She returns the case to her coat's pocket.
"It's okay, hmm..you're usually here?" he looked at the pavements then shift his gaze to her.
"Yeah, I've been here for like 3 years. Since I started working in this building" She pointed her index finger to the old convenience store.
"That long?"
"Yeah" She chuckles "So, what's your name?" she looked at him while tilting her head.
"Shikamaru" He smiled at her; she loved his smile.
"I'm Temari"
"I know"
She gasps, confused. Wait, he knows me?
"You know me?" She slides her hands into her coat's pockets. Her hands now become sweaty.
"Yeah, hmm I used to stay at the apartment in front of your building"
"Wait? Really? As in, in front of my apartment room? Are you a stalker?"
"No, heh, not exactly. I mean, I can see you across"
"Ohhh, and how did you know my name then?"
"I heard your brother calling you from the balcony. He's shouting your name"
"Oh right, Kankuro" she laughed "He always did that when I forgot something in the apartment, I hate him when he does that"
"Well, I was able to get your name because of it so I should be thankful to him"
She tried to hide her smile.
They continue having a conversation, talking about their favorite food, color, embarrassing moments, first kiss, first win, first loss, anything. When she reached the tip of her last cigarette, she waved him goodbye. There's a feeling of disappointment that their conversation also reached to end, there's something in her that wanted it to continue. She doesn't want to end that night, hoping there will be another night like this with him. She finds him interesting.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
The next day, after her shift, she immediately left the store and walked the dark alley beside the store. She's hoping to see him again.
There he was leaning on the same wall as yesterday. She smiled at him and he smiled back. She grabbed the cigarette case in her pocket and started lighting it while she positioned her back to lean on the wall.
"Rough night?" He asked
"Not so" she chuckles "You're here, so not so"
"Well, tell me more about you. I felt that our conversation yesterday was not enough" he smirked
"Why?" she looked at him smiling with confused eyes. She feels like a teenager falling in love, it's out of her character. Something about him excites her.
"I want to know more about you...please" His voice felt like a symphony to her ears.
"Okay, so..I have two brothers Kankuro and Gaara"
He nodded "I saw them, I see that they're very protective of you"
"No, I am protective of them" she laughed "They know that I can protect myself, those two needed my protection"
"I can feel that too but if you can see the bigger picture in your relationship with them, they're very protective of you"
She just smirked "I just...yeah, maybe because they're my brothers and they love me. But I see them as my two baby brothers who need a mother, who needs protection, which I happily represent, to be their mother...big sister" she looked into his eyes "It's just I don't think someone will protect me that much, I doubt. I used to protect people and someone protecting me is...foreign, and different"
"It's okay to not act strong sometimes Temari, sometimes you need to embrace your vulnerability"
"It's easy for you to say"
"Let people love you as a whole, both your strength and your weakness. Do you show people your weakness? Do you share your problems with your brothers?"
"I did...not" She started to shiver; the cold wind of the night touched her cheeks.
"Exactly"
"You don't know me; you don't have any idea about me"
"Well, it's your time to share. I am willing to listen"
She sighs, she has a lot of troubles and problems in the past that still lingers in her mind.
"You know, you're interesting. It's like you read my mind" She points at him while her cigar is still in her fingers "You show up when I needed someone, Kami knows I need someone...to listen"
"I'd be honored to be that someone" He smiled at her, the shadow of the pavements covering his entirety.
She laughed in her low voice, releasing all the tension that she has "I—there's something bothering my mind all the time, it doesn't go away" she throws her dead cigar in the trash "Kami knows how hard it has been, it's been more than a year since it happened" She licked her lips to moisten the surface which dried from the winter air.
"What happened?"
"My ex, he—" her breathing becomes heavy, hands were shaking. She slides her hands to her coat's pockets. "He raped me"
Shikamaru was shocked about what she said, his hands gripped tightly. He closed his eyes and look at the pavement. "I'm sorry, I didn't kn-"
"No, no, no you don't have to be sorry" She shakes her head "I need to tell this to someone, you know. If not, I'm going to explode anytime"
"I cannot tell this to my brothers. I don't have the heart to tell them" She continued
"They will kill him for sure"
She chuckles "That's for sure" Her gaze returned to his, and she saw his eyes. It's very comforting. The pain that she felt suddenly went away "Maybe that's the reason I don't want people to touch me. After that incident...I always panicked...Shit. I don't even know why I shake when someone touched me. Even someone rubbed their thumb on my skin. Even Gaara, Even Kankuro"
He attempts to lean forward but something holds him, he remained in his position, respecting the gap between them.
"He's an asshole for putting you in that situation" he said
She crossed her arms on her chest, finding comfort in her body.
"You don't have to worry about me, I'll remain where you want me to be. Just tell me if I crossed your personal space" His dark gaze softened "Besides, I am really not that a physical touch type of guy"
"I can see that thank you Shikamaru" She smiled at him while holding her tears.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
"I have a pet weasel when I was a child"
"I used to fascinate deers, I love deers"
"You love deers? I bet you cried when you watched Bambi"
"What?" he laughed
"I'm just kidding"
"I never lost in playing shogi"
"Never? You must be a genius"
"My dad taught me well"
"I love roasted chestnut"
"I know, I sent you a box before"
She gasps "Wait? What!? No way! So, you're telling me, you're the mysterious person who sent them?" Last year, she received a box of the roasted chestnuts "I am really convinced you're my stalker"
"I'm actually starting to think I was" He rubbed the back of his head.
She laughed "I didn't know it was you"
"Yeah, I saw you and your boyfri—I mean your ex are fighting then he pinned you. I accidentally saw it, believe me. It scared the crap out of me. I crossed the road and run straight to your apartment" He shrugged looking at the sky "But when I came, I saw him walking away from your room. I wanted to punch him that day, so badly"
She's speechless about his confession. Her cold hands become warm, there's this energy from him that covers her, making her feel warm. Her stomach is churning, she cannot interpret what she's feeling. There's someone who cares about me? Who wants to protect me?
"That's very noble of you"
"Then I sent you some roasted chestnut, I hope you liked it"
"I loved it! You don't know how happy I was! those chestnuts completed my day" Her expression shifted from happy to becoming curious "Wait, how did you know I liked chestnuts?"
"Let's just say I have friends who are friends with your brother, Gaara"
"Wow, small world"
The conversation continued for weeks, in the same dark alley. They always meet there after her shift, it's the time when she looks forward the most. Every night, her vulnerability showed only to him. She knows she likes him, but perhaps it was more than that. She loves him.
Every night she attempts to get close to him, narrowing the gap they had but fails all the time. Maybe she's still not ready to be held by someone, she's trying. Her heart wanted to caress him, touch him, feel his warmth, and kiss him. But her mind stops her, all the time. The trauma from the past still lingers in the dark corner of her brain.
Days become weeks and become months. They have been talking for more than a month now. She looked at him with malice in her eyes.
"Tell me, why didn't you approach me earlier? Before I moved out from that apartment last year?"
"I did try multiple times but I failed and you have a boyfriend" His breath becomes heavy "My last attempt was when the day you moved out, I crossed to your building but I failed"
"You know, If I meet you earlier. I am willing to give up everything. Everything just for you" She looked at him with one eye closed and pointed her index finger at him "I'd fall for you in a heartbeat like I am now. I love you Shikamaru. I fucking love you!"
He looked at her shocked, loving what she said. He chuckles while grasping the information he heard. He walked towards her and lean close to her ears.
She saw him walking towards her, she was ready for him. Slowly, she's preparing herself to feel his touch. Her eyes closed while trying to calm all her nerves, and her hands were gripped tightly.
He could only feel his presence beside her and his voice in her left ear.
"I always loved you Temari, from the day I saw you" She heard him saying in a low voice, she could feel the sadness merged with excitement in his tone "I return just for you, to see you, to know more about you...to say these words. I love you Temari and I am willing to protect you in exchange for my soul"
Her eyes were still closed, she could feel her tears falling. Suddenly, a cold wind rubbed her cheeks where her tears drew down.
She slowly opens her eyes, he's gone. She was shocked and curious. Where is he? Where did he go?
The next night he was not there, nor the other nights. She waited for him.
Saturday morning, it's her off from work, she went to the building where he was staying. From their conversation, he mentioned that he stayed in that apartment, the one in front of hers. She could not remember if he was still staying there or not but she went to find him. In the hallway, she saw a large man with dark reddish hair.
"Uhm, sorry I was looking for a man and he—I think he is staying on this floor?" She asked the man walking in the hallway "I'm Temari by the way"
"Hi, I'm Choji. Well, who? I mean, what's his name?"
"Shikamaru, his name is Shikamaru"
The man was surprised when she said his name. His eyes were expressed between curiosity and shock. His tone becomes lower in his next statements.
"I'm sorry, why are you looking for him"
"Oh, yeah, uhmm. I am looking for him because-uhm, I need to talk to him about something"
"Hmm, okay. Well, he's not here now. He's not staying here anymore"
"Ah I see, silly me. Yes, I think I remember him saying he used to stay in here"
"Yeah, last year"
He left this place last year? The year I also left? She becomes more confused, the tone of his voice, and his expression doesn't sit right with her.
"Hmm okay, well. Do you know where is he staying now?"
"Sorry Miss, I am actually confused right now"
"So do I, can you tell me where the fuck is he right now?" She snapped; all her emotions were out of place now. She felt afraid, something is not right. Is he hurt now? Is there something I need to know? "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I snapped at you. I didn't mean to—"
"It's okay, hey. Don't worry, I didn't take it personally. Sorry, when did you last talk to him?"
"Last week" her voice was shaky and she's catching her breath. Her heart is now beating faster, it felt like it's going to explode.
"There's no way, there's no way" He's now panicking and his hands were shaking. "This is not a joke, right? Miss? Temari?"
"I am not, why!? Please...tell me, just tell me, where is he now. I need to know" She grabbed his arms but found herself sliding into a kneeling position. She now looking at the floor, and her both arms touched the carpet of an old apartment. "Tell me what I needed to know"
"He died last year... while crossing the road. He's about to go to the building in front"
