Disclaimer: I only own the plot!
Review Responses:
Dark Comet - I'd like to know more about JK's Narcissa and the other Slytherins too. I got through the exams with the results I needed so I'm very pleased! Good luck for your results! Thanks for reviewing!
slytherin-gurl-062189 - Thanks for wishing me luck with the exams, I did put a lot of thought into the chapters and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reviewing!
PrincessJedi - Glad you liked the chapter thanks for the review!
Cricket13 - Wow, thanks for such high praise! I don't have any plans for Draco to get a kitten but Narcissa will spoil him rotten at several times probably! I doubt a kitten called princess would be much appreciated but the idea certainly made me laugh! Thanks for reviewing!
CharlieMalfoy - Draco isn't too much of a mini Lucius yet! Thanks for keeping your fingers crossed, must have worked because my exams went well! Thank you for the review!
Bonezz - Wow! I'm flattered by your kind review! Here's the next chapter and it's got Severus in it! Thanks for reviewing!
I Built My Life Around You
A/N: Thank you to everyone who wished me luck with my exams, I've passed!!!
**Narcissa's Thoughts**
***Severus' Thoughts***
Chapter 36
Narcissa waited a week for Lucius' mark to burn, staying by his side, playing the dutiful wife again, a role she found it surprisingly easy to slip back into. It stopped her having to watch her son behave more and more like his father, though he had seemed to be more thoughtful since their conversation. **God I hope I got through to him.**
Eventually Lucius informed her that he would have to go and that he didn't expect to be back soon. That left the problem of Draco who she managed to persuade to arrange to meet Pansy and some others in Diagon Alley. She wasn't sure she should let him go alone but it was the only way she could keep her meeting with Sev safely.
Severus arrived not ten minutes after Draco had left, apparating right outside the door which she had left open as an invitation to come straight in.
"Narcissa?" she heard him call and she ran down the stairs.
"Come on in, it's just you and me. Lucius has gone and Draco's with some friends. I'm so glad you're here!"
He smiled and stepped inside, slipping his wand back inside his pocket.
"What were you going to do with that?" she asked.
"Well, I'm not your husband's favourite person!"
"Don't call him that!"
"Alright."
"What are you wearing?"
Severus was dressed in a grey jumper and black trousers. "I've been in the muggle world, I had to speak to one of Dumbledore's informants, she's a squib and lives in a muggle neighbourhood."
" It suits you. Come into the drawing room."
He followed her into the elegant room noticing a teapot and two cups and saucers waiting on the table.
"I told Dippy to stay down in the kitchens or she'd get clothes, I don't want to take any risks."
He nodded, "How are you?"
She sighed and sat down heavily in an armchair, "Do you want the truth or the answer that'll make us all feel better?"
"The truth. I doubt there is an answer which will make us all feel better!"
"True," she admitted, "Terrified."
"For yourself? Draco? Lucius?"
"Lucius can go hang, I'm only concerned for him in so far as he might say or do something stupid to Voldemort who may then decide Draco and I are the perfect way to get revenge on Lucy. I'm scared for my son, I'm scared for myself, I'm scared things won't change. To be honest this is almost a welcome distraction from reality.
He frowned, "I hate to break it to you but this is reality."
"Not the reality I've been living for fourteen years."
"Yes, well I don't think anyone else is finding this at all welcome."
"Oh you know what I mean, I just want things to change. I don't want it all to happen again. You know, some unlikely candidate comes along and defeats Voldemort, Lucy gets off scot-free and my son goes back to sitting on the fence never choosing a side. I'm so sick of all that!"
"And if Draco chooses his father's path?"
"That's what I'm afraid of, I can't even trust my own son anymore, not that I ever really could."
"He loves you."
"Maybe, but for how much longer? How long is it until none of us can reach him? He gets colder Sev, just like Lucius did."
"He is not his father."
"True, but he is very much like him."
"Are you still going to stay here?"
"I won't leave my son and he wouldn't come with me I'm sure of that."
"If he takes the mark? What then?"
"I will never leave here while my son remains!"
"And if something should happen to him..."
"Don't say that! Don't even think it! I refuse to think about that!"
"Narcissa..."
"No! Nothing can happen to him Sev! He's all I've got!" she shook her head in quiet despair, "No."
Severus sighed, he had never expected her to leave her husband but he had hoped that she would have some crazy plan to keep herself and Draco safe and cause Lucius a whole lot of trouble in the meantime. By the sounds of things the woman was simply out of ideas and out of the strength she had once possessed.
"I won't let him hurt my son," it was said in a quiet, determined whisper and Severus only just caught it. She looked up at him, "I won't. I can't make Draco choose the right side, if there even is such a thing I'm starting to think everyone's wrong in this, but I won't let Lucius hurt him."
Severus looked at the determined set of the woman's delicate features and was oddly reminded of Draco staring down Potter and Weasley in a potions class. "I believe you."
She smiled weakly and the two of them fell into a comfortable silence for the next few minutes. Narcissa found herself thinking back to days when she and Lucius had sat with Severus and some of the other deatheaters, who she had now long forgotten, drinking tea and laughing together, or planning her and Lucius' forthcoming wedding. She caught herself staring at Severus and looked away, not wanting him to notice and see the tears in her eyes. She had to be composed, she'd done quite enough to embarrass herself in front of this man over the last few years. Her smile became more amused at this thought, **heck at least there's no alcohol this time.**
Severus glanced across at her, wishing she would leave with him but he had known before he had come to see her that she wouldn't be going anywhere. He stood up to leave.
She smiled at him and rose to her feet, "Thank you for coming. I've missed you."
Narcissa watched him turn away from her and was gripped by the fear of not seeing him again. From what Lucius had said to her Severus' shoes were not the safest to be in at this time and she was terrified for him.
Severus was about to leave when he suddenly felt a firm hand grabbing his arm and spinning him round.
"Sev, you can't go back and spy, please! I won't let you! They know you're a spy, they'll kill you, please don't go back!" She was sobbing almost hysterically with tears flooding down her face. She had seemed so composed during their encounter that he had not expected this.
"Narcissa," he spoke softly but firmly, "I'm not going to go back, I know they know I'm a spy. It's alright."
Narcissa felt a sudden burning heat under his sleeve and realised what it was, **Oh god, if that hurts me what must it do to him?** Suddenly she burst into fresh tears and threw her thin arms around his slender frame.
Severus was bewildered; he simply stood still unsure of how to react or even of what was going on.
"You're going to get hurt and I'm going to lose you like I've lost everybody else. I can't lose you!"
"I seem to remember you once attempted to do exactly that!" he said trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm so sorry!" she cried hugging him tighter than ever, "You don't know how often I think about that, how many nightmares I've had where it worked and how much I hate myself for what I did to you! I don't deserve your friendship, I don't deserve anything from you, but I can't let anyone hurt you again."
Severus suddenly realised how deeply sorry and upset the woman was about what had happened that night fourteen years ago. **God I had no idea, after how easily she jokes about it how was I to know she was feeling like this?**
Having no idea what to say he brought his arms up and gently detached her from him, "Narcissa, it's alright," and, for the first time since she'd walked into his cell on the day of Lucius' trial, he felt it just might be. "I forgive you," ***Now.***
She didn't stop crying; it seemed that an emotional floodgate, kept carefully closed all these years, had been opened and she didn't know how to close it. Eventually her sobs ceased and Severus was able to sit her down with a calming cup of tea, he briefly considered adding a shot of brandy but then remembered what had happened the last time she'd been around both him and alcohol.
He glanced at the clock and she realised what was worrying him. "It's alright, you can go. I understand. I'll be alright." She smiled weakly and Severus suddenly realised how much he wanted to stay there.
"I have to go, Lucius will be back soon."
She rose and walked with him to the front door where she kissed him on the cheek and held his hand between hers, "Please, take care of yourself. I can't lose you!"
He smiled awkwardly and nodded, "I don't want to see anything happen to you either. Keep an eye on Lucius, you know better than anyone what he's capable of." With one last concerned look he left and she stood in the doorway, staring down the path for a long time even after he'd apparated away.
*******
Next chapter's the last! But there is a third part to this story which I'll start posting after that! Next chapter we see some Narcissa and Draco bonding. I'll post it on Wednesday, 20th.
Please Review!! You won't have many more opportunities!
Review Responses:
Dark Comet - I'd like to know more about JK's Narcissa and the other Slytherins too. I got through the exams with the results I needed so I'm very pleased! Good luck for your results! Thanks for reviewing!
slytherin-gurl-062189 - Thanks for wishing me luck with the exams, I did put a lot of thought into the chapters and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reviewing!
PrincessJedi - Glad you liked the chapter thanks for the review!
Cricket13 - Wow, thanks for such high praise! I don't have any plans for Draco to get a kitten but Narcissa will spoil him rotten at several times probably! I doubt a kitten called princess would be much appreciated but the idea certainly made me laugh! Thanks for reviewing!
CharlieMalfoy - Draco isn't too much of a mini Lucius yet! Thanks for keeping your fingers crossed, must have worked because my exams went well! Thank you for the review!
Bonezz - Wow! I'm flattered by your kind review! Here's the next chapter and it's got Severus in it! Thanks for reviewing!
I Built My Life Around You
A/N: Thank you to everyone who wished me luck with my exams, I've passed!!!
**Narcissa's Thoughts**
***Severus' Thoughts***
Chapter 36
Narcissa waited a week for Lucius' mark to burn, staying by his side, playing the dutiful wife again, a role she found it surprisingly easy to slip back into. It stopped her having to watch her son behave more and more like his father, though he had seemed to be more thoughtful since their conversation. **God I hope I got through to him.**
Eventually Lucius informed her that he would have to go and that he didn't expect to be back soon. That left the problem of Draco who she managed to persuade to arrange to meet Pansy and some others in Diagon Alley. She wasn't sure she should let him go alone but it was the only way she could keep her meeting with Sev safely.
Severus arrived not ten minutes after Draco had left, apparating right outside the door which she had left open as an invitation to come straight in.
"Narcissa?" she heard him call and she ran down the stairs.
"Come on in, it's just you and me. Lucius has gone and Draco's with some friends. I'm so glad you're here!"
He smiled and stepped inside, slipping his wand back inside his pocket.
"What were you going to do with that?" she asked.
"Well, I'm not your husband's favourite person!"
"Don't call him that!"
"Alright."
"What are you wearing?"
Severus was dressed in a grey jumper and black trousers. "I've been in the muggle world, I had to speak to one of Dumbledore's informants, she's a squib and lives in a muggle neighbourhood."
" It suits you. Come into the drawing room."
He followed her into the elegant room noticing a teapot and two cups and saucers waiting on the table.
"I told Dippy to stay down in the kitchens or she'd get clothes, I don't want to take any risks."
He nodded, "How are you?"
She sighed and sat down heavily in an armchair, "Do you want the truth or the answer that'll make us all feel better?"
"The truth. I doubt there is an answer which will make us all feel better!"
"True," she admitted, "Terrified."
"For yourself? Draco? Lucius?"
"Lucius can go hang, I'm only concerned for him in so far as he might say or do something stupid to Voldemort who may then decide Draco and I are the perfect way to get revenge on Lucy. I'm scared for my son, I'm scared for myself, I'm scared things won't change. To be honest this is almost a welcome distraction from reality.
He frowned, "I hate to break it to you but this is reality."
"Not the reality I've been living for fourteen years."
"Yes, well I don't think anyone else is finding this at all welcome."
"Oh you know what I mean, I just want things to change. I don't want it all to happen again. You know, some unlikely candidate comes along and defeats Voldemort, Lucy gets off scot-free and my son goes back to sitting on the fence never choosing a side. I'm so sick of all that!"
"And if Draco chooses his father's path?"
"That's what I'm afraid of, I can't even trust my own son anymore, not that I ever really could."
"He loves you."
"Maybe, but for how much longer? How long is it until none of us can reach him? He gets colder Sev, just like Lucius did."
"He is not his father."
"True, but he is very much like him."
"Are you still going to stay here?"
"I won't leave my son and he wouldn't come with me I'm sure of that."
"If he takes the mark? What then?"
"I will never leave here while my son remains!"
"And if something should happen to him..."
"Don't say that! Don't even think it! I refuse to think about that!"
"Narcissa..."
"No! Nothing can happen to him Sev! He's all I've got!" she shook her head in quiet despair, "No."
Severus sighed, he had never expected her to leave her husband but he had hoped that she would have some crazy plan to keep herself and Draco safe and cause Lucius a whole lot of trouble in the meantime. By the sounds of things the woman was simply out of ideas and out of the strength she had once possessed.
"I won't let him hurt my son," it was said in a quiet, determined whisper and Severus only just caught it. She looked up at him, "I won't. I can't make Draco choose the right side, if there even is such a thing I'm starting to think everyone's wrong in this, but I won't let Lucius hurt him."
Severus looked at the determined set of the woman's delicate features and was oddly reminded of Draco staring down Potter and Weasley in a potions class. "I believe you."
She smiled weakly and the two of them fell into a comfortable silence for the next few minutes. Narcissa found herself thinking back to days when she and Lucius had sat with Severus and some of the other deatheaters, who she had now long forgotten, drinking tea and laughing together, or planning her and Lucius' forthcoming wedding. She caught herself staring at Severus and looked away, not wanting him to notice and see the tears in her eyes. She had to be composed, she'd done quite enough to embarrass herself in front of this man over the last few years. Her smile became more amused at this thought, **heck at least there's no alcohol this time.**
Severus glanced across at her, wishing she would leave with him but he had known before he had come to see her that she wouldn't be going anywhere. He stood up to leave.
She smiled at him and rose to her feet, "Thank you for coming. I've missed you."
Narcissa watched him turn away from her and was gripped by the fear of not seeing him again. From what Lucius had said to her Severus' shoes were not the safest to be in at this time and she was terrified for him.
Severus was about to leave when he suddenly felt a firm hand grabbing his arm and spinning him round.
"Sev, you can't go back and spy, please! I won't let you! They know you're a spy, they'll kill you, please don't go back!" She was sobbing almost hysterically with tears flooding down her face. She had seemed so composed during their encounter that he had not expected this.
"Narcissa," he spoke softly but firmly, "I'm not going to go back, I know they know I'm a spy. It's alright."
Narcissa felt a sudden burning heat under his sleeve and realised what it was, **Oh god, if that hurts me what must it do to him?** Suddenly she burst into fresh tears and threw her thin arms around his slender frame.
Severus was bewildered; he simply stood still unsure of how to react or even of what was going on.
"You're going to get hurt and I'm going to lose you like I've lost everybody else. I can't lose you!"
"I seem to remember you once attempted to do exactly that!" he said trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm so sorry!" she cried hugging him tighter than ever, "You don't know how often I think about that, how many nightmares I've had where it worked and how much I hate myself for what I did to you! I don't deserve your friendship, I don't deserve anything from you, but I can't let anyone hurt you again."
Severus suddenly realised how deeply sorry and upset the woman was about what had happened that night fourteen years ago. **God I had no idea, after how easily she jokes about it how was I to know she was feeling like this?**
Having no idea what to say he brought his arms up and gently detached her from him, "Narcissa, it's alright," and, for the first time since she'd walked into his cell on the day of Lucius' trial, he felt it just might be. "I forgive you," ***Now.***
She didn't stop crying; it seemed that an emotional floodgate, kept carefully closed all these years, had been opened and she didn't know how to close it. Eventually her sobs ceased and Severus was able to sit her down with a calming cup of tea, he briefly considered adding a shot of brandy but then remembered what had happened the last time she'd been around both him and alcohol.
He glanced at the clock and she realised what was worrying him. "It's alright, you can go. I understand. I'll be alright." She smiled weakly and Severus suddenly realised how much he wanted to stay there.
"I have to go, Lucius will be back soon."
She rose and walked with him to the front door where she kissed him on the cheek and held his hand between hers, "Please, take care of yourself. I can't lose you!"
He smiled awkwardly and nodded, "I don't want to see anything happen to you either. Keep an eye on Lucius, you know better than anyone what he's capable of." With one last concerned look he left and she stood in the doorway, staring down the path for a long time even after he'd apparated away.
*******
Next chapter's the last! But there is a third part to this story which I'll start posting after that! Next chapter we see some Narcissa and Draco bonding. I'll post it on Wednesday, 20th.
Please Review!! You won't have many more opportunities!
