_I know this took a really long time to get out and its not that long, but I am suffering from major writer's block. Ugh I've never had it this bad before. So be patient with me. I hope you like this one I worked hard on it trying to make it okay
Memory Lapse
Chapter 4 'Hopeless'
The dilapidated wooden cabin came into view as the soldiers pushed noiselessly through the foliage and into the small clearing. The roof was mostly caved in and the door hung by hardly anything at all. It appeared to be empty. Captain Martin took a step forward pushing past his men to stand on the porch of the small abandoned shack. Keeping his guard up he looked in the doorway and scanned the inside. Vaguely he made out a few scattered articles lying on the ground. He stepped in and kicked a stray blanket and ration on food across the room. It skidded on the ground and came to a stop against the back wall with a loud thump. He hardly noticed his men had filtered into the room with him until he heard one of his lieutenants call him.
"Sir look at this." He called from his crouched position on the floor. There was a large blood stained that had seeped into the wood and down into the grains and fine lines. It was bright and still somewhat fresh.
Martin kneeled beside the man and touched the spot his fingers running over the weathered wood. It was still a little wet. The two of them weren't far away and one if not both of them were injured. Martin pulled himself to his feet silently and looked off into the distance. No one escaped him, no one. Not even the great Heero Yuy would keep him from Relena Peacecraft. "They're not far away. Fan out and search everywhere they couldn't have gotten far." Martin balled his hand into a fist and stalked out of the cabin to begin a search of his own. The original Oz may be gone, but he still wanted his revenge and everything started with the vice foreign minister.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * Relena
We were both close to collapse. I could feel him failing beside me, but somehow he kept going and sometimes he lifted my failing body up and kept me from the falling. I didn't know where his strength came from. For him I kept moving. Even when he wasn't himself I feed off of him. Maybe it was selfish to live off his strength, but I couldn't seem to do it myself. We hadn't talked in a long time and his voice, so low and sincere made me jump at first. He'd asked me a question, but I'd been so lost in my thoughts I'd missed it. "What?" I asked slowly swallowing heavily as I spoke. It was hard to do the two a once.
"I want to know about you. I want to know who you are." He repeated his breath tickling my ear and making me shiver.
I didn't know what to tell him. How could I explain myself? I hardly knew who I was. I didn't know how to explain that to him. "I'm the Vice foreign minister." I began trying to distance myself from bringing up my painful past.
"Is that why they're after you?" He asked.
"Yeah." I replied.
"Who am I?" He asked after a few moments of silence.
I didn't know who he was. Heero had never told me anything about himself. I knew very little. I didn't know where he came from, or even if Heero Yuy was his real name. I didn't know what had brought him into this war in the first place. All I knew was that he had crashed on a beach and tried to kill himself, that every time I looked in his eyes I drowned. I knew that he was dedicated to his mission. He never smiled, never laughed and I was completely head over heels in love with him.
"Well?" He asked again seemingly becoming impatient with my absence of speech.
"I don't know much about you." I finally said. "You're a solider. You've been fighting for a long time." Those few sentences didn't do his life justice, but I wasn't willing to unveil the deepest feelings in my heart at the moment.
"There has to be more." He complained. "I know there is. I know you from some where." He trailed off, as his voice became more distant as if he were thinking of something.
I didn't say anything else as his words trailed off. I didn't know what to make of the statement. Did he remember me from somewhere and if he did why didn't he tell me? I was about to bring it up when the sound of a snapping branch pulled me out of my thoughts. "Did you hear that?" I whispered and unconsciously pulled myself closer to him as if seeking refuge.
"Yeah." He replied. "Oz?" He asked slowly and looked down at me his blue eyes intense.
"Maybe." I replied. "Faster." I pulled him closer to me and together me continued the trek, but faster this time. Our energy wearing thinner and thinner with each step I knew we wouldn't last long.
Then it happened I hadn't expected it to be me. I didn't think I would fall but I did. My leg gave out and with a stifled cry I fell to the ground. It refused to work anymore. It screamed in pain and I tried desperately to get back to my feet. It wouldn't let me though. I was immobile and I had let Heero down. I wanted to help. I wanted to bring his memory back. I wanted all of this to be over. Tears of frustration made their way down my cheeks as I tried to pull myself to my feet again, but my muscles had finally given out. I said the first thing that came to my hysterical mind. "Get out of here Heero. I can't go on and I won't let them get you. They're after me anyway. If they get me they'll leave you alone."
* * * * * * * * * * * *Heero
I stood stoically looking at her broken form as she sobbed on the ground her legs and arms refusing to obey her commands. Her complete lack of concern for herself made an unfamiliar sensation swell in my stomach and I grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet. It didn't take as much effort as I thought it would. She came up easily, but her muscles still refused to listen and she collapsed against my chest. As soon as she was on her feet her tears stopped and she looked at me her sea green eyes looking straight into my soul. I knew there was something I felt for this girl something I was suppressing, did I love her. Is that why I was coming to rescue her?
"I'm not leaving you." I said firmly. Something about the way the words left my mouth, the tone felt right. It was as if I had said something like that before.
"I can't walk." She mumbled.
She wasn't whining, wasn't trying to make me carry her she was pleading telling me that she wasn't going to be able to make it. She meant every word that came out of her mouth. She was trying to save me, but why? Would I know if I knew who I was? What was her attachment to me? Why did she know so little about me, but still be willing to give her life for mine? What had the image of the girl and the Gundam mean? The thoughts swirled around in my head and I was unable to piece them together. It was so scrambled I wanted to scream.
"Please Heero, just go." She told me again and I looked down at her again.
"I can't leave you." I said defiantly. The words felt wrong, like I shouldn't say them, but it was what I felt deep inside. "You saved me and I can't leave you behind. We'll hide." I rationalized as I gathered her closer to me. "I don't think I can last much longer anyway." That was the truth my limbs were killing me and my head was pounding. She may have collapsed first, but I wouldn't have been far behind.
"Where?" She asked. "Don't where we can hide."
I didn't know either, but I felt an incredible urge to protect her well inside me. It was like I had promised her I wouldn't let anyone hurt her. Was it because I loved her before? And if that was what I was feeling did she know? Again the thoughts invaded my mind and I was unable to make sense of them. "We're in this together." I said slowly remembering her shadowed face as she leaned over me and begged me to stay awake. I remembered how I thought she was so beautiful an angle, a savior, something so…
"We have to hurry Heero I think I heard someone coming. I'm letting them get you if I can help it. If you can't find a place to hide I want you to run." Her eyes were still brimming with tears as she pleaded with me.
I didn't have anything to do but agree with her. "Fine." I said finally. I didn't want to though; something was keeping me from telling her I wasn't going to leave her. I didn't know what it was. It was stopping me from saying what I wanted to. I looked around the forest and I didn't see anything that would help us. I knew I would have to travel a ways to look I would have to let her out of my sight. Something about that didn't seem right either, but I didn't have a choice. "Relena I'm going to go find somewhere to hide. I'll be back in a minute, I promise." I bent down and let her settle herself on the ground. "We'll be okay." I assured. "I'll be right back." As I got to my feet I didn't want to let her out of my sight, but I knew this was the only way. Giving her one last fleeting glance I took off into the woods ignoring the way my body responded sluggishly to my demands.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** Relena
I watched him go and hoped that he wouldn't suffer because of me. I felt so stupid and completely weak. I had wanted to be strong for him, to save us both, but again I had ended up being too weak. I remembered the way he had pulled me roughly to my feet. The way his hand had held a bruising yet sincere hold on my skin. It was all too familiar. It was Heero. Perhaps he was coming back and he'd remember who he was and where we were.
Another part of his behavior had been different though. It was the soothing words he'd spoken to me before he ran off, the way he'd looked back at me with concern in his usually expressionless eyes. He had looked at me like I'd always wanted him to, but what did that mean. Was it the real Heero coming through, or just something else entirely. When he remembered who he was would he still look at me like that?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Heero
I didn't know how long I had been running. I just knew that I couldn't stop until I found what I was looking for. Just when I was beginning to think it was hopeless I saw what I was looking for. It was almost in total shock as I viewed it. Where had it come from? It was huge and in a way fit some sort of 'memory' I had. Turning around I headed back to where I'd left her. It was harder to move now. My legs seemed less eager to listen to my brain. My vision was swimming. My feet finally slipped out from under me and I took a tumbling fall onto the ground. A lay sprawled out my breathing labored for a few minutes when I heard her scream. It was loud at first until it was muffled and silenced. Rolling over to rest on my hands and knees I knew I had to do something, but how could I. I didn't even know what I was up against I didn't even know how to fight.
She had saved me. I saw her face. She saved me before this, and for some reason I felt that she had saved me a thousand times over, the way she'd caught me, the way she'd bandaged my wounds. I wanted to know what it meant. I wanted to know everything that was being blocked from me, but no matter how much I willed it to return it wouldn't. Perhaps it was because deep down I didn't want to know. I remembered the little girl and the gun. Why? Just as I was pulling myself to my feet I saw a flash that brought me back down to the ground.
"Hello, are you lost?" A little girl with light brown hair and a large floppy summer hat peered over my resting body a smile on her small delicate features.
"I've been lost my whole life." I told her sitting up and silently looked into the distance.
She giggled. "That's too bad, do you want to go on a walk with me and Mary." She pointed to the small dog hopping around her ankles. "Here." She handed me a flower.
I took it and looked at it closely. It was a small delicate flower with soft yellow petals. It was pretty. I turned to the girl and wondered why she was being so nice to me. It didn't really make since. "No." I told her. "I don't"
"Okay." She replied cheerily and hopped off to play with her dog. I watched them until the disappeared over the hill of the little park.
I could hardly catch my breath as the vision ended. I was about to pull my shaking body to its feet again when it hit me again.
I stood beside a building a detonation device clutched between my fingers. I had set the bomb. The one that would blow up this building and complete my mission. Watching it with almost a gleeful anticipation I pushed the small red button and watched as the first of the explosions started to bring the building to the ground. "Mission accomplished." I mumbled happily and turned to leave.
Just as I was breasting the hill that would lead me back to my 'home'. I heard something fall. I turned just in time to see a mobile suit upset by the explosions fall over the fence and onto a residential building. "No!" I screamed. Those people were innocent. They hadn't done anything. This was part of my mission. I was helpless to stop it though and the suit crashed onto the building and brought it to the ground a series of explosions bringing down the rest. What had a done?
I watched until every last building had fallen. I watched the fires slowly burn out. I watched the few survivors scramble for cover. I could hardly breath as I watched. A deep guilt built in the pit of my stomach coursed through my body. It was my fault, my fault all these people had died. Swallowing hard I steeped into the remaining rubble. I could feel the heat of the small fires burning on of my sides as I tried to scale the destroyed pieces of concrete. I didn't know what I was looking for until I caught sight of a tuff of golden hair. Lifting a particularly large piece of rubble, I pulled the something out into the open. It was a dog; it was the little girl's dog I swallowed hard feeling it build inside me again. I'd killed the little girl. I killed her.
This time when I woke my entire body was covered in a cold clammy sweat and I was shaking with the overload of painful memories. I didn't understand them. I didn't know what kind of person I was. My body was even more unwilling to listen to me know and I could hardly come to sit on my knees. I closed my eyes and tired to calm my breathing, tried to remember what it was I had been doing in the first place. Then I remembered Relena. I heard the scream again, it echoed in my brain. They had her, and I had to find some way to get her back.
Okay constructive criticism is appreciated. Tell me what you guys think and thanks for reading. Oh and I hope I got that part with Heero and the girl mostly right. My sister tapped over my endless waltz copy. *Screams* So I hope I got mostly the words he said right.
