Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing
-Boy has it been forever. I'm sorry about that.
Memory Lapse
Chapter 7 'I love her but…'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` Heero
It was animalistic the rage that was running through me at that moment. I could feel my heart pounding away in my chest. I could feel my muscles bunching as I pumped my arms and my legs willing them to move faster despite the stiffness and fatigue that filled me. It was wild how fast I moved sweeping through the foliage as if it were nothing not making a single sound as I bounded forward. I was fast approaching the two soldiers that had a good lead on me and behind me the sun was already beginning to set. I could feel the night air starting to surround me and I hopped that I wasn't too late to save. Somehow I new that I needed to tell her what I felt that no matter what the me before this I said I loved her, cared for her. There was something about her that made me care, made me think about her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```` Relena
I felt my head strike something and my eyes flew open and I felt the stinging pain in my chest with my sharp intake of breath. Something wasn't right, oh something was very wrong. My face was stiff and one side completely immobile with some sort of sticky substance keeping it from moving or my eye from opening. My head was pooled in blue canvas. My whole body ached and throbbed. There was another jarring bump this time hitting my side. This time I jumped to a sitting position blinking as I did. Nothing was clear.
"Lay back down if you know what's good for you." A voice wafted from in front of me and I tried to bring my arm up to rub my good eye and get the fuzziness to leave but another bump kept me from doing so. I was moving someone was dragging me. I was so confused as I looked forward trying to remember what it was I was doing here.
"So the princess finds her accommodations unsuitable."
I knew that voice. Unlike the earlier one I knew this one and it sent chills racing up and down my spine. My last encounter with him raced through my mind revealing the reason for my sore ribs and nausea. My hand started to shake as I hit another bump. Someone, the guard who had spoken to me before was pulling me across the ground on a blue canvas tarp. They were taking me back to the prison. I was probably going to die there.
"We still have much to discuss my dear, but my friends suggested I move you to nicer facilities and I must say I had to agree."
My fingers began quaking as I lifted it up to feel the side of my face stiff and unmoving with dried blood and tears built in the corners of my eyes. I was going to die here, or I was going to break and I didn't want to do that. The last encounter filled my mind with dread as I thought of how close I had been to telling them everything I knew. Guilt raced through my system as I thought of betraying my friends, or betraying Heero. 'Oh God.' My heart stopped for a moment and I wondered if he had gotten out, or even if he remembered anything.
"Speechless I see." He tisked behind me. I could hear his shoes making crackling sounds in the leaves. "We'll just have to fix that."
I shook again my eyes closing as a few lone tears fell down my cheeks and I gathered my legs under my body and lay back down. I need to conserve my strength. I needed to keep my head so that when he tortured me the next time I wouldn't say anything. I didn't want to be weak. I wouldn't break. I would be like Heero, I would be strong to the end and he would be safe. He would be safe; he might even be free right now. My eyes drifted shut as I thought of him flying back to the base. A least this way he would be okay, perhaps I had managed to save someone for a change. The thought gave me hope, but only for an instant.
I hit another rock, it's sharp edge digging into my skin, but I didn't flinch. I shut my eyes and tried to sleep with the threat of death looming over me and a silent prayer for my friends and my strength-taking root in my mind. This wouldn't be for nothing. I would be strong to the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````
Quatre checked beacon that he had activated when Heero had contacted them and sighed. He knew that Duo had been right. 'Heero would do anything but stay put.' He had seen the look as well. Even when he wasn't himself the sear determination still shined through. His independence too strong to foil. He was strong willed, loyal, and foolish and it was going to get him killed.
"Hey Quatre, I ran a thermal scan of the area you know checking for people. I found two large groups, most definitely humans, probably people searching for Heero, but I can't be sure about the smaller scans. It could be anything, but at least we can avoid the crowds." Duo smirked for a moment as he looked at Quatre's worried expression.
"Hey, you know I could be wrong about Heero. He might be sitting right there waiting patiently for us to arrive. Perhaps some of his most 'wonderful' personality quirks left with his memory." Duo said almost mockingly but to his credit with a hint of sincere hope.
"I don't think so Duo." Quatre said smiling back at him. "Heero is more likely to tell us all how much he loves us than that."
"Well he's already half way there. He said he loved Relena." Duo joked shaking his head. "I about fell out of my chair. I know my mouth was hanging open. I don't think I ever heard him say anything resembling that."
Quatre was silent for a moment as they neared the wooded area where Heero as at. He brought of a scan of the area and focused in on Heero's Gundam and headed for it making sure that his cloaking device was one. It wouldn't do any good for visual confirmation, but no one would be able to pick them up on a radar screen. "We'll be there in about fifteen minutes. I just hope we're not to late and he's done something stupid.
"Count on it." Duo snorted the humor almost absent from his voice this time. "As long as I've known Heero I know he never gives up, or leaves his work for someone else to do."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```` Heero
Somehow I knew when I had found them. The trial I had been following was fresher and there was a wide flat mark on the ground where something had been dragged. I moved slower then more careful not miss anything. I watched the ground for anything that would lead me to believe at Relena was all right, but everything pointed to her being in bad shape. I just hoped that I would be able to stop them before it was too late.
Night was falling rapidly around me and even though I found my eyes adjusting to the coming darkness easily I began to fell anchious about the trail I was following. I had to come on them soon. They couldn't have gotten that far.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```` Relena
I felt someone reaching under my arms and hauling me to my feet not even bothering to give my prior warning. As soon as I was on my feet they let go of me and it was all I could do to keep from falling back down. My scratched and bruised arms reached out desperate for support and grabbed hold of a nearby tree. This time though still unclear my vision was better. My body still ached and my eye was swollen shut and each breath was like an ice pick striking my body.
"Time for you to walk Princess. We're getting tired of pulling you while you sleep."
My eyes fell on him as he grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. They hadn't tied my arms or legs. I could just run, but I knew I wouldn't try it. I wouldn't get anywhere. Nothing was moving, as it should. My foot hit a root as I stumbled after him and I was pitched forwards my face almost striking the ground before the guard caught me and pulled me to my feet. I wanted to pull out of his grasp, to spit in his obnoxious face, but I was too tired.
"Forget how to walk." He smirked, his mouth turning up in an amused smiled, as he looked at me his grip tightening. "I'm going to have fun with you." He whispered as he righted me and released his hold one me. "Lots of fun."
I pulled away from him as he looked at me thoughtfully his gaze making me quake with fear. I could see the lust in his eyes as he looked at me. He wanted to hurt me, he wanted to hear me scream and he would do it until I talked or until I died.
"Besides we're almost there and you can't be dragged in. There are too many stairs." He laughed loudly and turned back around.
I stood there motionless for a few moments my eyes glued to the back of his head. I hated him. I hated more than I thought possible. I had never actually wished for the death of anybody, but in that moment I wished that someone would kill him, or better yet I could watch. The thought was disquieting and I wouldn't have been able to move if not for the man who came up behind me and non-too gently shoved me forward.
Each step was agony as we moved too quickly for my failing body. I could already see the moon rising in the darkening sky and over the tree tops the roof of a tall black building resembling the pillars of Romanesque castles. This was were I was going to die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```
Duo eyed the ground and maneuvered his Gundam to sit in-between a couple of trees and felt a slight jolt as it touched down. Lowering it to the ground, Duo laid it down to further conceal it from view and switched the power off as he opened the cockpit and hopped out. Quatre who had landed before him was already peaking into the Zero pilot's Gundam and shaking his head. Duo knew it. He was gone.
"Well we've better set out after him. We don't have much time and without his memory he has very little chance of pulling anything off." Quatre remarked sadly pulled something out of his pocket and looked at it closely.
"What are you looking at Q." Duo asked as he jogged toward Quatre and leaned over his shoulder to look at what the blond man was holding.
"It's a read out. I did a scan of my own and I was looking for one of the groups that might have Relena. There are two of them. One further south, but heading north and one more straight-ahead and heading north as well. Whatever it is they're all going to the same place. All we have to do is follow them and I'll bet we'll not only find the base, but Heero, or possibly Relena on the way."
Duo nodded and reached behind his back pulling out his gun. "I'm guessing we'll need these." He smiled lopsidedly and started walking the readouts had indicated. "Better bring a flashlight, looks like we're going to have to do this in the dark."
Quatre nodded. "I know. Lets just hope Heero doesn't do anything stupid."
"I though we already covered that." Duo said slowly. "That's about all we can count on."
Quatre picked his gun out of its holster and held it in front of him. He knew that he was going to have to use it before the night was over. 'Forgive me Allah.' He thought solemnly and looked toward the darkening sky. He had thought all of this over with after Mariemaya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```` Heero
I crouched lower as I inched forward. I could hear their voices and I knew their steps. It was them. I knew it. Hiding in some foliage I peaked out at trying to catch sight of them. There they were not even aware of my presence. A small sense of satisfaction washed over me with the thought but all of it was washed away in one instant when I caught sight of her.
She was walking numbly her feet barely leaving the ground. Her clothes were torn and tattered her face was read and swollen. They had beaten her. I remembered her from what seemed like ages ago her bright angelic face bending over mind asking me to get up. I remember her touch the way she had tended to my wounds. Her soothing selfless words. How could they have done that to her. What was it that made them want her anyway? Why were they after her? Nothing came in the way of an answer but I didn't have time to think about my failing memory or what it was that drew her to me. I had to think of a way to save her, but nothing was coming to mind. Whatever it was I had been relying on was gone. It was just me left whoever that was.
Someone shoved me and I stumbled almost not catching myself because my feet didn't come up far enough. My hands flew out catching a tree and I began walking again, mechanical, afraid. I had to do something. I tried to bring up something, some sort of training that would help me, but there was nothing. What had happened before and why wouldn't it happen now?
I hid like a coward as I watched them push her around. Push her toward her doom. I couldn't let them take her I couldn't. Night was almost upon us. I had to do something. Yet my body didn't move and my mind was blank.
"Hurry it up!" One on the guards yelled angrily and hit Relena with the butt of his gun this time making her loose her balance and fall for the ground. Her scream ripped through me as I watched her helplessly fall to the ground. That was when I acted. Just like the last time it took over. Making my body move in ways I never thought possible. Before I knew it I was behind the man who had pushed Relena and I had his head in my hands preparing to twist. I stopped them an instant before I did it. I almost killed him. I would have. My fingers shook as I thought of the Captain still tied in the woods. I had almost killed him as well. I couldn't, no, I wasn't a monster.
The hesitation was all the man needed as he jammed the back of his gun into my stomach knocking my breath out momentarily and he warned the others that was there. The surprise was over. I jumped on him kicking him in the face before he could strike again. He teetered on his heals for a moment before falling backward and hitting the ground with a thud. I hurriedly reached down taking the gun in my hands and shoving it in the waste of my pants.
"Heero watch out!"
I turned just in time to see one of the men raising his gun in my direction. The one closest to Relena reached out and slapped her across the face sending her into silence again. I jump and flipped as the gun was fired barely avoiding the bullets as he shot at me. It didn't even occur to me that I was drawing my gun. The cold metal on my palm was too familiar. I knew this. As I turned I fired back hitting the man in the chest and knocking him backwards. I was running on rage, a white-hot fire that burned through my entire body. It consumed me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I turned to the last man to see him smirking at me. He already had his gun drawn and he fired. I couldn't dodge this one. It came at me and I just stood there my gaze locked on the bullet as it embedded itself in my right shoulder flinging it backwards and making the gun fall from my finger as it immediately numbed.
flash
"Well I can see whose the bad guy here."
The bullet fired by a braided man in a priest outfit flew hitting me in the arm and making me jump backwards. He'd caught me by surprise. I didn't know anyone else was there. I jumped out of the way but another bullet lodged itself in my leg making me fall to my knees.
"What'd you want to shoot him for."
I looked up my eyes glazing. She was standing in front of me her arms spread wide her blue party dress wiping in the wind. She was preventing him from shooting me, but why? Why did she care? I was nothing.
Flash
"NO!"
I looked up just in time to see Relena launch herself onto the man grabbing his gun and trying to pull it from his fingers.
"I won't let you shoot him!" She raged as she grabbled with him with withering strength.
I reached down still recovering from the shock of the flash and grabbed the fallen gun with my good hand and brought it to bear. Before I could even think about it I fired. The bullet went right around Relena and lodged itself in his chest. His fell backwards a sick smile on his face. Then it hit me. The gun slipped from my fingers as I watched the blood run down his chest as he slipped to the ground. I saw it splattered on the back of the tree behind him. I'd killed him. I killed him. I was a monster. Still smoking, I let the gun fall from my fingers. I didn't even acknowledge the pain racing through my arm or that Relena was talking to me. My gaze shifted to the man who I had shot in the head.
"Oh God." I whispered as I backed a few steps from the carnage I had caused. The images flashed through my mind rapidly as I though of it. I couldn't fight it. It was what I was. I was a killer. I didn't want to be but I was.
"Heero are you okay?"
I looked up just as she latched herself onto me wrapping me in a hug her tears soaking my shirt her breath tickling my neck.
"I was so scared. I hoped you were safe. I wanted you to be safe, but we have to go before they catch us again and this time your hurt." She cried harder.
All I could do was stand there dumbly looking at the men I had shot. As she hugged me tighter her fingers wrapping weakly in my shirt. Then it rushed through me in a torturous wave. I did love her but… I pulled her away from me searching her eyes. I didn't know who I was still but I did know one thing. Heero Yuy whoever he was loved someone he would never be worthy of.
"Relena I…" I started as I tried to say the words, but nothing would come out. I couldn't tell her that I loved her because I knew I would never be with her. I had killed to many. I couldn't stop myself. Even when I didn't have my memories the instinct was there. There was no stopping it. I was a danger to her. If anything I would kill her one-day. I stepped away from her letting my hands drop from her arms. It hurt to look at her. I turned away my gaze reaching toward the sky were the stars had started to come out. I loved her but I couldn't have her. "We have to go." I whispered. I was a monster. I killed, again. I was a killer.
"Let me bandage your arm at least." Her plea reached me making my wince with the sincerity.
I turned again pulling an emotionless mask onto my face. "We don't have time." I told her. "I called the others they're coming for us."
"You remember?" She whispered. "Do you remember who you are?"
"No." I told her honestly. "I don't remember everything. There are just flashes."
"Oh." She whispered and stumbled toward me. I couldn't watch her struggle. I reached out with my good arm and wrapped it around her waist. "Let's go." I tried to smile, but nothing would come onto my face. Perhaps this was why Relena had been shocked when I had smiled before. Could it be this was one of the reasons the real me didn't smile. I didn't know, but I really didn't want to find out either. I didn't want to know how horrible I was. I didn't want to even think about it.
The image of the two men was still in the back of my mind. I could see the blood. The way they'd fallen the expressions on their dead faces, horror. I was a monster.
Oh that was kind of sad…. Didn't really plan on it being like that, but its not over yet.
