Fallen From The Arms Of God

David Duchovny opened his eyes, everything was blurry and he felt a sharp pain in shoulder. He sat up, grasping his shoulder, and realized he was in a strange little office. "Where... am I?" he muttered. David took another glance around the room. It looked surprisingly familiar. He was sure he'd been there before. Dave stood up, the desk aided him for balance, and he went over to the chair, for a little rest.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming down the hall toward the room. Dave gasped, not quite knowing what to do. He'd never just suddenly appeared somewhere, the Duchov' didn't get that drunk. So David watched silently, and in came... Gillian.

He let out a sigh of relief. "You scared me there, Gill," he confessed.

Anders' looked up at him. "Mulder, why are you calling me Gill?" she asked him. "Who's Gill?"

Dave laughed. "Ha, ha, very funny. Who put you up to this? Chris? Téa? ...Crafty? And where are we? Did you drug my coffee again, Gillie?"

"Mulder! Stop this! It's just stupid!" Gillian exclaimed.

"Okay, ha, ha. I laughed, now let's get back to work, okay?" Davie told her sternly.

Gillian gave him 'the skeptical eyebrow'.

He just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"I know why you're doing this. It's cause we didn't finish what we started! I'm sorry, my bad. Let's start where we left off," Gillian told him, and walked over to Mr. D.

"Wait... What exactly are you...?" David was cut off by Gill's passionate kiss. He pushed the woman off of him and suddenly exclaimed, "What is wrong with you?"

Gillian gasped. She stood there, mouth agape for a moment. "You're not Mulder," she paused, "are you?"

David shook his head. "And you're not Gillian."

+

Gillian sat in the cafeteria of this strange building she had suddenly appeared in. The last thing she remembered was putting on her jacket and heels in the change room. She sipped her coffee, and cautiously looked around the room. She didn't want to be seen. Gill hated having a bunch of X- Philes swarm around her calling her name and asking for an autograph. Anders' wondered where Davie was. Maybe this was some kind of sick joke. Did he drug her coffee?

Suddenly, to her surprise, in came David. "I've been looking all over for you, Scully!" he exclaimed.

Gill's heart skipped a beat. Had he just called her Scully? "Uh, Dave... What did you say?"

"I've been looking all over for you," Dave repeated.

"No. I mean you called me... You called me Scully," Gillian replied.

"Uh, yeah! That's your name isn't it? Or is it more suitable after all these years to call you Dana?" David inquired.

Gill laughed. "Uh, David, you don't have to be in character."

Dave looked around, "What?"

"Davie, this isn't funny," she told him.

"What are you getting on about, Scully? And the name's Mulder, not 'Davie'. I think you'd have figured that one out by now."

"All right, all right. A skill-testing question, here, one only the true Mulder would know. What is Scully's middle name?" Gill knew she'd get the Duchov' on this one. He could never get X-trivia.

'Mulder' smiled. "What kind of question is that? Your middle name is Katherine!"

Gillian went red with embarrassment and anger. "Okay, so maybe you've been researching the X-Files!"

Mulder sighed. "I'm not David. You have the wrong guy. And you, I trust aren't Scully."

Gill nodded.

"Who are you, then?" Mulder asked her.

"Name's Gillian Anderson," she introduced herself.

+

The Duchov' and 'Scully' sat staring at each other. "You don't know how much you resemble Mulder," she said.

Davie smiled. "And you look like Anders' on a bad day," he replied.

Scully's eyebrows narrowed and she crossed her arms.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that," David replied.

"You know, I think I prefer Mulder over you," Scully confessed.

"I think I do, too," D. D. muttered.

Scully smiled. "C'mon, let's go up to the cafeteria. Maybe Mulder's up there."

Mr. D. followed the agent upstairs to the FBI eating quarters. He still couldn't believe where he was. What the hell had Crafty put in his food?

+

Gillian looked at Mulder. Mulder looked at Gillian. "Uh... You want something to eat?" Muld' asked.

Gill nodded.

Mulder got up and walked quickly over to a vending machine. He took out a bunch of quarters and stuck them in the chips and chocolate machine.

Gill stood up and cried, "Hey! What are you doing?"

Mulder turned around. "What?"

"I can't eat that crap!"

"I thought you said you wanted something to eat!"

"Well... I'm on a diet! I thought there'd be salad or something! Where's craft service?"

Mulder shrugged his shoulders. The truth was he didn't even know what 'craft service' was. (Actually, I didn't know what craft service was until recently, either, but that's a whole different concept.)

Gillian slumped back down into her seat on the bench. There was nothing at all sanitary in this building. The rooms were messy, there wasn't anything but food from a plastic lit-up box, and the only person she'd met since she got there was a guy that looked like David! What was the day coming to?

Suddenly, Gill felt a tap on her shoulder. She spun around to face...

David.

"What's up, Gillie?" he asked.

She gulped. "Nothing. I uh, I've been looking for ya."

David grinned. "Well, I met the strangest person. She looked just like..."

Scully walked out from behind him. "Hey, Mulder!" Scully yelled across the room.

Mulder turned away from the vending machine and stared straight at Scully. "Hey, Scull-AAAAAAH!" Mulder suddenly laid eyes on David Duchovny.

Then Duchovny looked at Mulder with an equally horrified look upon his face. He too screamed, "AAAAAAH!"

Then Gillian and Scully exchanged horrified looks and did their little scream. (There were a lot of horrified looks and screams at this point in time.)

Mulder jogged over to the two identical women and ... the other Mulder.

"What the hell is going on here?" Scully yelled.

Both Gill and Dave shrugged.

Mulder smiled. "Now do you believe me? I knew there was more than one Mulder!"

Scully nodded. "Yeah, okay. You proved your point. Now how do we get rid of them?"

"WHAT!" Gillian exclaimed, "Get rid of us? You guys don't even exist!"

Scully raised a skeptical eyebrow. "We do so!"

"Don't you use that look on me, I invented that look!" Gillian snapped.

"Oh, yeah?" Scully asked.

"Yeah," Gillian retorted.

"I'm gonna use it all I want, so there! Freedom of eyebrow raising!" Scully pointed a finger at her twin-like-thing-a-majigger and started raising and lowering her eyebrow.

+

Meanwhile, Mulder and David were yelling at each other...

"What, are you retarded? There are no aliens!" David yelled.

"Then what happened to my sister, huh?" Mulder pressed.

"She was taken by that cigarette smoking guy, you idiot! He took her because your father let him!" Dave shouted.

"Where... where did you hear that, you son of a gun!" Mulder exclaimed.

"It's common knowledge!" David pestered.

Mulder pushed David against the wall and socked him one in the face. "You tell me where you heard that, you b..."

All of a sudden, there were audible footsteps down the hallway. And who should come into the cafeteria, but Sir Walter Skinner?

The room went silent, and everyone turned to face the Skin Man. Walter took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes, and put them back on again. "I think I'm seeing double," he murmured.

"What up, Mitch?" David asked.

Skinner turned to David. "What?" He looked at the Duchov for a moment, then he looked over at Mulder. Then back to Dave again. "Hmm." Skinner felt slightly dizzy. He used the wall for balance support.

When the AD finally got his balance back, he turned to Scully and Gillian. Skinner's eyes went as big as Grandma's Italian meatballs, and he fainted, right there. (Well, can you blame him? How would you like to be bombarded by leprechauns and their look-alikes?)

Everyone just shrugged and went back down to the basement office.