I Wonder, Wonder Why

David slumped into a chair, and put his hand under his chin. "This is almost as bad as Vancouver! I wanna go home!"

"Oh, Davie! Don't be such a party pooper! We're in the FBI! Let's have some fun!" Gillian told him.

"You would be excited, wouldn't you, Gill? All you ever do is act and take care of that little mini-me thing of yours... what's its name again?" David asked, rudely for he was getting tired, and he still couldn't understand where he was or how he'd gotten there.

"David!" Gillian cried, "Don't you ever talk about my daughter like that!"

"Daughter? What daughter?" David asked, "I meant that boyfriend of yours... what's his name? You know, that guy that was obsessed with..."

"AAAAAAH! Dave! I broke up with Adrian Hughes a long time ago!" Gillie yelled.

Mr. Duchovny went a reddish-purple. He really needed to brush up on his Gillian Anderson trivia.

Mulder and Scully were also fighting with each other, and it was getting pretty rowdy. The Duchov' and Anders turned around to face the fighting agents.

Gill raised a skeptical eyebrow and asked, "Excuse me but what the f..." David covered her mouth.

He turned to face her. "No swearing in the basement office."

Gillian nodded. Then both actors turned to the FBI agents, who had reluctantly stopped fighting.

"Sorry. We were just arguing about aliens again," Mulder explained.

Scully sighed and turned to Mulder. "Let's never fight again," she said and kissed him.

"Eww!" David exclaimed.

"What? It's a beautiful celebration of love!" Gillian told him, "And plus, wouldn't we look the same when we kissed?"

"When did we kiss exactly?" Dave inquired.

"Uh..." Gill paused for thought, "Good point."

M and S broke away from their kiss and sat down in their chairs so they faced D and G.

"Okay, so how do I - uh, I mean we - get home?" David asked.

"Well," Mulder began, his hand under his chin, "Where were you when you first stepped through to our world?"

"Well, I was in Gill's dressing room," Dave replied.

"And where did you end up?" Muld' asked.

"Uh, right over there," the Duchov' replied, pointing to the spot in which he had woken up after that horrible switch between dimensions.

"Uh huh," Fox replied, "I remember once when I switched bodies with that guy from the CIA."

"Mmm, I remember that episode," Gillian said, "that one with those coins that stuck together and the lizard in the rock..."

"Oh, yeah! The lone gunmen found out we had to be at the exact place at the exact time, and the aliens or whatever would turn us back!" Dave confessed his memory of the sixth season's 'Dreamland' episodes.

"Someone's obsessed," Scully muttered, and crossed her arms.

"Hey, Gillian look-alike! I'm not obsessed! I wrote a total of... uh," David paused to count on his fingers, and held up one, "two episodes of X- Files!" He looked at his hand and put up another finger.

"Dummy," Scully muttered.

David went red like a tomato that was overly ripe.

Scully raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Okay, now you're a dumb tomato."

"Shut... up... leprechaun!" Davie yelled and started strangling her.

"David, calm down! We need to get home! This place is really beginning to freak me out!" Gillian confessed.

"After I kill the leprechaun!" David promised, his arms getting tighter and tighter around Ms. Scully's throat, so she could barely breathe.

"Stop that!" Mulder yelled.

But Dave wouldn't stop, he enjoyed killing the woman, and he kept strangling until Scully's eyes popped out and almost exploded.

Mulder took picked up a chair and threw it at David...

+

Suddenly, Dave and was back in Gill's dressing room. Strangely, he was naked, and even stranger yet; he was on top of her...

Suddenly, Gill looked at Dave wide-eyed. "AAAAAAH!" the actors cried in unison. David jumped off the bed as quickly as possible.

"I told ya you loved her!" Crafty exclaimed. He was watching them from the door.

"AAAAAAH!" both actors once again yelled at the same time.

"I knew that ecstasy would do the trick!" Crafty grinned, showing his unbrushed teeth.

"You sicko!" Gillian yelled, and threw her alarm clock at him.

Crafty ran out of the room, with both Anders' and the Duchov' (NAKED!) at his heels (actually, he wasn't wearing heels, but whatever.)

+

Mulder flung the chair at where David once stood, but he was gone.

The chair his Scully instead. "AAAAAAH!" she cried as the seating device knocked her down onto the floor.

"Oh, shoot! Sorry Scully!" Mulder exclaimed, rushing over to his injured partner.

"What... what were you thinking, Mulder?" she asked, "Why did you throw that chair at me?"

"He was ... he was strangling you!" Mulder exclaimed.

"Your not hallucinating again, are you Mulder?" Scully asked.

"No... He was right there! The other Mulder! He was... I swear! Skinner can vouch for me!" Mulder told his partner, and grabbed her by the arm. "C'mon, Scully! He's in the cafeteria!" Fox dragged Dana up several flights of stairs until they reached the cafeteria.

Skinner lay on the ground unconscious. Mulder and Scully ran over to the AD. "Skinner! Skinner! Wake up!" Scully cried.

The assistant director slowly opened his eyes.

"Are you alright, sir?" Muld' asked.

"Yes... I had the strangest dream, though... You were there," he pointed to Scully, "And you were there," he pointed to Mulder, "And there were two others that looked just like you two..."

"Come on, Skinner, I think you've seen the Wizard of Oz too many times," Scully said.

"But, Scully! He's telling the truth!" Mulder exclaimed.

"Oh, Fox! Forget about that stuff! Let's go down to the mall and we can buy you some new Nike's," Scully said.

"Oh, all right, Dana," he replied, and they walked off, down the hall, Mulder, Scully, and Skinner. (Hand in hand, bum to bum, and that's all I'm gonna say.)

+

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!

"AAAAAAH!" Piper yelled. She sat straight up in bed. She was panting. The whole thing was a dream, right?

Gillian rushed into her daughter's bedroom. "What's wrong, honey?" she asked.

"Uh... Nothing... Just a weird dream... I think..." Piper muttered, "Just a weird dream."

END