Song: Breathing

Band: Lifehouse

Game: Final Fantasy Seven

Note: I used a nice script from www.rpgamer.com when writing this fic. I didn't know the exact words the to story I was trying to tell. Having them made this all both much easier and infinitely more complicated to write. The fic's about Tifa and Cloud the night before their ascent on North Crater.

One Last Night

The night was chill but Tifa didn't mind that much. The ground beneath her was barren. The crater loomed overhead but she didn't pay that any mind either. *What a desolate place this is*, she thought. The rocks were thrust up, sharp, pointed teeth aiming towards the sky. And what a sky it was. The stars were all burning so brightly. They shimmered as they always had, bright guiding lights for those who cared to look. Try as they might though, they could not wipe out the dark red fire that filled the heavens. Meteor raced ever closer, testament to their approaching fate. Tifa shivered. All the others were gone. Only she and Cloud were left. The Highwind stood sentry for them through the night. She sighed and decided to look for him. She didn't want to be alone.

*I'm finding my way back to sanity again*

Tifa wove her way through the twisting path. Time seemed so much slower up here. There wasn't a single noise to disrupt the icy silence. There were no animals alive so close to the crater. The only disturbance was the wind as it blew through; now quiet, then suddenly rising up to a great crescendo, then silent again. As she walked, Tifa recognized a strange kinship to the wind. Her thoughts seemed as scattered as the gusts themselves. All at once, Tifa felt like bursting into tears and screaming at the top of her lungs. She felt like a vase of fractured crystal, just waiting to break. God, when had she become so fragile? She had to be strong though; so much depended on her now. She had to be strong, for Cloud, for Aeris, for the whole wide world. For tomorrow.

*Though I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I get there*

Tomorrow. . . How could they even dream of success? Every skirmish with Jenova, every little battle along the way, they had needed everyone to overcome them. Tifa had grown to depend on them, two people above all else. What if she lost the other? Tears flooded her eyes. Memories, bittersweet, swarmed up, like sparkling bubbles, only to burst when she tried to grasp them. Her heart bled still. Every time she remembered Aeris, she felt an impossible longing to see her friend, to hear her voice, her laughter. . . but it would never be. And if she felt like this she could only imagine . . . poor Cloud. They really had nowhere to go home to.

*Take a breath and hold on tight*

Tifa took a deep breath and dried her eyes. She steadied herself and patted her hair absently. Forcing it all away again, she kept walking. Once again, she had wrestled with despair. She exited the ring, not a victor, but at a strange impasse. God, how many times would she have to endure this demented contest? Tifa looked up to the stars, searching for some hidden clue that might lead her one but they twinkled on, tantalizing with their possibilities, but utterly unknowable.

*Spin around one more time*

Their entire fantastic journey seemed to fly by in her mind. It would pause briefly on images that she knew she could never forget. Cloud, dazed and lost by the tracks. Sector 7 collapsing. The first time she had heard the planet's scream. The Temple of the Ancients. Aeris, sliding away in the sparkling lake. So much had happened, the good and the bad. How does one begin to make sense of it all? One life, her life, out of the countless million of the Planet, but of all the millions, only she and her friends had the chance to make a real difference. But why them? What had lead the to this? Was it just random chance or did everything have some point, some meaning that Tifa just didn't understand? Tifa didn't know but in one moment suddenly none of that mattered anymore. In her wandering, she had finally found Cloud.

*And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace*

What was it about him that suddenly made everything seem all right? Of all the things about this journey, Tifa remembered Cloud the most. It had always been Cloud. Before she had even realized it, it had been Cloud. Now, they were the only ones left. He stood a little way away from her, back turned, scanning the sky. He had told them all that they all needed to find out what they were fighting for if they wanted to face tomorrow. Was he thinking about his reasons? Tifa had so many. She had been fighting for the Planet for so long it had almost become a habit but Cloud was right. It was all fine and good to say that they were fighting for the Planet but the truth, the real truth, was that each and everyone one of them was fighting for their personal reasons. No, Tifa was fighting for people much closer to her than those faceless millions. She was fighting for Aeris, for her memory and for her soul that still couldn't return to her Promised Land. She was fighting for Cloud so that he might finally find some kind of peace. . . and she was fighting for herself. Tifa wanted this all to be over. She wanted this tragedy that had started for her at Nibleheim but spanned decades to finally end. She wanted the chance to pick up the pieces of her life, whatever that was now, and she wanted to start again. That's what she was really fighting for: her life, as small as it was. She didn't want it to be snuffed out in seven days when it had hardly just begun. Did Cloud feel the same way? Well, only one way to know for sure. Tifa began her way down the path. Above all else, she knew that she didn't want to spend tonight alone, not when it might be the last night she had left.

*I am hanging on every word you say*

Cloud. Funny how she had grown to rely so much on someone who could be so fragile. Someone who didn't always remember who or what they were. Someone a lot like herself. The only sound on the cliffs was that of the wind. It rose up only to fade away again and die in the night. Tifa spoke quietly.
"Everyone's gone. . ." Cloud half-turned to face her, part of him with her, the other part contemplating something she couldn't see.
"Yeah, we don't have anywhere or anyone to go home to."
"You're right. . . " And he was. Nibleheim was gone. Her home in Midgar was crushed beneath a thousand tons of rubble. The only people she cared about besides Cloud were also gone, off to find their own reasons. Aeris was. . . What do you do when you lose a place to call home? Perhaps we create our "homes" in our hearts and in the hearts of the people we love. So long as we have that, perhaps we can never truly be lost.
"But. . . I'm sure someday. . . they'll come back, don't you think?" Cloud crossed his arms and was quiet for a time. Then, he replied.
"Hmm. . . I wonder? Everyone has an irreplaceable something they're holding on to. . . But this time, our opponent. . ." He was quiet after that. He didn't have to finish his thought. Tifa understood the idea only too well.

*And even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me*

Tifa considered following Cloud's example and lapsing into silence but that didn't feel right, not when there was so much left to say and not when this might be that last chance she would get to say it. Tifa continued on, sure that he was listening.
"But that's all right, even if no one comes back. As long as I'm with you. . . As long as you're by my side. . . I won't give up, even if I'm scared." He looked at her then, something unreadable in his eyes.
". . .Tifa. . ."

*Cuz I want nothing more that to sit outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be*

Funny how that's all she needed, to hear him speak her name, to know that he was listening. Funny how the little things tend to mean the most to us. Strange how we might not ever realize that until all the little things are gone. Maybe the only time that we can ever really appreciate them is at the end. One way or another, it would all be over soon. Funny, but she felt infinitely better knowing that he was with her.

*I'm looking past the shadows of my mind into the truth*

The little things tend to sneak up on us when we don't expect them. Tifa came back to a moment that had made the greatest difference to her. If she hadn't realised its significance before, she did now.
"No matter how close we are. . . we were far apart. . . before this. But when we were in the Lifestream surrounded by all those screams of anguish, I thought I heard your voice."

*And I'm trying to identify the voices in my head*

Unconsciously, she started to cry. Soft tears streamed down her face. It all came rushing back to her; the terrible darkness, the feeling of being so very alone, all those piteous cries, their moaning echoing through her, piercing her to her core. They had hurt so much. She had felt the world dieing around her. She had been so scared, so impossibly afraid.

*God, which one's you?*

But then she had heard it. Or, at least, she thought she had. Someone she knew, someone she loved, calling out to her. She had tried to run to him but she had been so lost, so afraid. She had screamed his name over and over again.
"You probably don't remember this. . . but deep in my heart, I heard you calling my name. Or at least I thought I did. . ." Cloud looked away from her but he answered her softly.
"Yeah. . . at the time I heard you calling me. You were calling me back in from the stream of consciousness in the Lifestream. After all, I promised that if anything were to ever happen to you, I would come to help."

*Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel*

Warmth flooded through her at the memory. They had found each other there. Together, they had found the answers to the mysteries that had plagued them this entire time. Together, Tifa believed, they could do anything. So long as he was with her, she felt strong.

*And break these calluses off of me one more time*

She wasn't afraid anymore. She knew what she had to do. Dimly, Tifa wondered if Cloud knew how many times she had been so close to losing hope just to have him give it back to her. Did he realize how much he meant to her? Perhaps he did. They had grown to depend each other over their unimaginable journey. They had come so far together and now they only had one final obstacle to overcome before it would be all over.

*Cuz I am hanging on every word you say*

Tifa opened her eyes and looked up. The stars still twinkled. They were always there, so beautiful and knowing.
"Cloud, do you think the stars can hear us? Do you think they see how hard we are fighting for them?"
"I dunno but. . . whether they are or not, we still have to do what we can. And believe in ourselves. . . Someday, we'll find the answer. Right, Tifa? That's what I learned from you in the Lifestream." She nodded and smiled.
"Yeah. . . that's right. . ."

*And even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me*

Cloud turned away from her then, seemingly staring off into nothing. He seemed to be trying to understand something himself. She could almost feel him wrestling with something inside of himself. She was content to let him think. She was just happy he was with her.

*Cuz I want nothing more that to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be*

Everything that she had ever wanted from him, the things he could not give, the love she could not voice, they didn't seem to matter right now. There was a fragile understanding in this moment, a truce, of sorts, between pain, necessity, and desire. None seemed to have any power that night. A strange peace enveloped Tifa. Words seemed useless. What could she possibility say to make sense of this night?

*I don't want a thing from you*

She didn't need the words anymore that night but Cloud was still searching for his. Tifa was content to stand and wait. They would come in time.

*Bet you're tired of me waiting for the scraps to fall off from your table to the ground*

Maybe he was trying to put in words what she had known for a long, long time. It wasn't her, not really. Funny how she could tell herself now, at the end. She understood. You can't choose who you love. Aeris. . . He couldn't stop loving her and Tifa couldn't forget her love for him. She believed that, on some level, he knew how she felt. Maybe, he just hid it from himself. Maybe, it was easier for everyone that way. Perhaps he was looking for words to justify his feeling. Perhaps he was waiting for her to beg for whatever taters were left of his heart but she wouldn't. They had been together for too long and she didn't want to add to his heartache.

*I just want to be here now.*

It was enough for her to stand on that slope, looking at the stars, listening to the wind, in the strange calm. It was enough to relish the peace as she had it now. It was enough to forget about her troubles, for whatever amount of time she could.

*Cuz I am hanging on every word you say*

Cloud said her name quietly and she started at the broken silence. The crater seemed to amplify the importance of everything tonight. She listened with her whole heart.
"Tifa. . .I. . . There are a lot of things I wanted to talk to you about." He shook his head lightly.
"But now that we're together like this, I don't know what I really wanted to say. . . I guess nothing's changed at all. . . Kind of makes you want to laugh."

*And even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me*

*You're wrong Cloud*, Tifa thought. *Everything's changed*. She didn't know how he didn't feel it, the peace in the night, the pain she had lost, the love almost overflowing in the air.
"Cloud. . . Words aren't the only thing that tell people what you're thinking."

*Cuz I want nothing more that to sit outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing Is where I want to be*

Maybe it was just too much for words to handle. Pain, anger, joy, vengeance, love, maybe they were just too much to try and confine to words. She didn't need to turn to feel his eyes on her. She didn't need to look into his eyes to know what was hiding in their blue depths. She didn't say a word. She didn't even start when she felt him wrap his arms around her. Not a word. They stood there, at the end of the world, somewhere between friends and lovers.

*I am hanging on every word you say*

Minutes and hours blended together. Time rolled every forward. Cloud raised his head from Tifa's shoulder and looked to the east.
". . . It's almost dawn." Tifa stirred and spoke sleepily.
"H, huh. . .?" He smiled slightly as he looked down at her.
"Sorry. Did I wake you? It's almost dawn."
"Umm. . . G, good morning. . . Cloud." Sleepily, she realized the importance of those words. Dawn. Their night was over.

*And even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me*

She felt the peace of the night dissipating. She mourned it's passing. She didn't know if she was ready for the morning yet.
"Please, just give me a little longer. . . Just a little bit longer. . ." She laid her head back against his shoulder, not thinking. She just wanted to enjoy this peace for a little while longer.

*Cuz I want nothing more that to sit outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be*

Cloud nodded slowly. He understood how she felt.
"Yeah. . . okay." He lowered his head to hers again. Quietly, he whispered,
"This is probably the last time we'll have together." Together, they sat enjoying the moment as the sun grew to bathe the morning in all its glory.