Ryan glances over at Seth, who is giddily playing the video game, a big grin on his face, his shoulders and torso shifting with each blow his game character makes. It's so. satisfying to see Seth this happy, Ryan starts to think maybe he shouldn't go through with his plan after all. But he knows he has to. He has to tell Seth that, as good as last night was, they can't do it again. Ryan can't risk being tossed out of the Cohen's home, and he's sure that if Sandy and Kirsten knew he was kissing their son, that's exactly what would happen.

And last night certainly was good. Fucking amazing, actually. Ever since Ryan arrived in the Cohen house, he felt a connection with Seth, despite their massively different backgrounds and experiences. At first it was a brotherly, best-friendly connection - the shared love of video games and comic books, Ryan's appreciation of Seth's fast-talking wit, Seth's obvious amusement at Ryan's dry, deadpan sense of humor, their partners-in-crime approach to nightlife and girls. It all added up to a best friend team feeling Ryan had never had before.

But as the days and weeks have passed, it had gotten more intense. And more.complicated. What had initially felt like two buddies looking out for each other had morphed into frankly protective feelings on Ryan's part. And what had started as a mild dislike of Summer because she was rude had become an intense dislike of her because Ryan felt she didn't deserve Seth. It was jealousy, really. And then one day he and Seth were floating in the pool and Ryan found himself gazing at Seth, soft and adorable and kissable asleep on his float, and the tightness in Ryan's bathing suit forced him to admit that his feelings had grown beyond brotherly.

"OK boys, we're off," Sandy calls to them, while leaning into the doorway of the family room. "No wild parties, OK?" he jokes, although his raised eyebrow tells Ryan that there's a hint of seriousness there too.

Ryan smiles at him. "Have fun," he says, and watches them walk out the door. He's still looking at the closed door when he hears Seth mutter 'finally,' and sees out of the corner of his eye Seth's face leaning dramatically back as he tries to catch Ryan's eye.

Ryan turns to look at Seth, who looks keyed up, eager, nervous and hopeful. And so fucking irresistible. Before rational thought can creep in Ryan moves towards Seth - hell, he half pounces on the kid - and pulls him into a hungry kiss, which Seth fervently returns. Ryan feels his body instantly spring to life, the way it only does around Seth. He brings his hand onto Seth's head, lodges his fingers in his curly, soft hair.

He still can't believe that Seth feels the same way as Ryan does. Ryan had reconciled himself to tamping down his feelings for Seth, to redirecting them towards Marissa or someone else - anyone more appropriate than his almost-brother, and more likely to return his feelings. Nevertheless, when Seth started the pillow fight with him last night, Ryan found it impossible not to play-fight back, to take advantage of the rare, socially-appropriate excuse to put his hands all over Seth. And when he pinned Seth to the bed and felt Seth hard against him - as hard as Ryan himself was - he almost came right then and there.

Ryan is getting hard again from this intense, sudden kiss, and it is sorely tempting to throw out the plan of ending it in favor of continuing his exploration of every inch of his best friend's mouth, neck, chest, arm--

The rattle of keys and a door knob causes both boys to instantly spring a foot backward. Ryan jumps onto the couch while Seth grabs the discarded video game controller and holds it over his lap. Kirsten walks in breezily, smiling and calling, 'forgot my purse!' and she trots into the kitchen. She walks past them again on the way out and says 'bye again' while the boys offer overly enthusiastic waves and goodbyes. This time both stare at the closed door until the sound of the car pulling out of the driveway and down the street fades out completely to silence.

Seth exhales dramatically and then slides himself up onto the couch next to Ryan. He leans towards Ryan, saying with a smile "Now where were we?"

Ryan jumps up to his feet.

"Seth, we can't do this," he says simply, plaintively. There is an intense flash of disappointment on Seth's face that breaks Ryan's heart so badly that he wants to take his words back, chew them up and swallow them.

But Seth recovers, masks the look on his face a little and says, "Why, because of that?" he gestures towards the closed door. "We'll just have to be more careful," he argues.

Ryan is still looking directly into Seth's warm eyes, his beautiful face. Why is this so fucking hard? He breathes deep.

"How?" Ryan counters. "How could we possibly be careful enough? I live here. You live here. I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, but things between us are a little intense. Your parents are bound to find out," Ryan says. He can hear his voice rising a little in pitch, a note of whining in there almost. Ryan hates to hear that in his own voice, so he turns away from Seth. "And if they find out, I'm out of here. And I can't risk it. I don't want to lose this." He pauses, still facing away from Seth. "I don't want to lose you."

He hears Seth exhale again, but this time it's in frustration, not relief. Ryan waits for Seth to speak, but nothing comes, and the silence is so unfamiliar and uncomfortable, he can't take it. He turns around and faces Seth.

Seth stands up and walks toward Ryan.

"If you don't want to lose me, then why are you telling me we can't do this anymore?" he asks, the note of whining stronger in his voice than it had been in Ryan's. "I-this is like, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm not giving it up," he says, his voice growing slightly in volume and self-assurance.

"We're still going to be best friends," Ryan reassures quickly. Seth is still looking hopeless so Ryan adds, "Jesus, Seth, it's not like this is easy for me."

"Then don't do it," Seth says.

"I have to. We have to," Ryan says. "You know that." And then he summons every last bit of his willpower and turns and walks away from Seth.