Hamtaro Meets X-Files

A story of ruin and destruction to the hamster world... and FBI agents...

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TITLE: Hamtaro Meets X-Files

AUTHOR: Skulz of D.C.I.

RATING: R (explicit content as usual)

GENRE: Humor (and weirdness)

SUMMARY: A fic about nothing

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Mulder, Scully, Hamtaro, Laura, or Laura's mom. I also do not own the company that makes playdough, nor do I own any playdough at all. I also did not invent the hammer. Everything else is mine…. I think.

FEEDBACK: No flames! If you don't like it; don't read it!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just another crossover, if you chose to ignore, then go ahead. It's no skin off my ass.

DEDICATION: For Mellers and Becky... the other insane ones!

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Character Intro:

Laura: Hamtaro's owner.

Hamtaro: A dead hamster.

Laura's mom: A really weird lady who kills hamsters

Hamully: An orange and red spotted hamster version of Scully from the X-Files

Muldster: A brown hamster version of Mulder from the X-Files

Hammer: The evil pink hamster who carries a snowboard as a weapon.

The FHI: Like the FBI, but for hamsters.

Hammolester: A purple and green polkadotted hamster who's Hammer's evil molesting sidekick who has magical powers.

Playdough: The slightly retarded yellow hamster who smokes joints made of playdough.

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UNO: Tu Réves!

Laura wakes up, screaming from a nightmare she'd just had. Her mother had turned into a hamster, and engaged in sexual intercourse with Hamtaro. The young girl runs over to the hamster cage, and looks carefully around the cage. There's no sign of the hamster. Laura gasps. "HAMTARO!" she shouts, then drops to her knees and begins to weep. He's gone.

Laura's mother enters her daughter's room. "Sorry honey. I was gonna tell you tomorrow. I didn't think you'd notice."

Laura looks at her mother, tears streaming down her cheeks, "But... why? Why did you hump my hamster?"

The mother looked at her daughter skeptically. "I did not screw your hamster, Laura! He's dead!"

"Oh," she muttered, "That's a relief."

"A relief he's dead, or a relief I'm not humping him?"

"Err..." Laura muttered.

*

Hamully and Muldster looked at each other in terror. They were trapped in a small cage, slowly being lowered into a pit of radioactive goo. What would happen now? Was goo bad for hamsters? And more importantly would they be able to do another ham-porno show tonight?

The evil Hammer laughed manically, and held his killer snowboard in the air. "Mwahahaha! I shall rule the world! And there's nothing you FHI's (Federal Hamster Investigators) can do about it! Mwahahahaaa-*cough*-hahahaha...umm…"

Hamully skeptically raised her stub of a tail.

Muldster smiled slyly and popped a sunflower seed into his mouth. "Just sit back and relax, Hamtaro will save us!"

Then, Hammer's sidekick, Hammolester showed up, wearing a silk robe. "Mwahahaa! molesting power!" the little ham yelled. The goo began to grow, and it sucked up the two FHI agents!

What will happen now? Hamtaro can't save them! ???

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~more soon~