Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series
Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.
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~ Finding Myself ~
Chapter Three: Silence
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Hermione let the tears flow, terrible, terrible grief spilling out of her. Just seeing him again . . . how did she ever get past the tragedy? How had she ever put it behind her, because even a year and a few months, the pain suddenly felt as fresh and deep as it had the moment she'd heard.
At Sirius's words, she froze and felt her heart stop. Slowly, she wiped away her tears with the sleeves of her robe and looked up, pale, at Sirius's rather lost expression. Of course he wanted to see his future self - other than Remus, it was the only solace he could find now, now that he knew the truth about his best friends.
Her heart nearly broke anew at the thought that little did he know that the present Sirius Black was dead . . .
What was Dumbledore going to tell him?
"I don't think it would be wise to see yourself, Sirius," Dumbledore said finally, his voice catching. "At least not yet. It wouldn't serve any purpose whatsoever."
Ron caught Hermione's eye and she shook her head slightly, warning him not to say anything. She reached out and squeezed Harry's hand - maybe he hadn't fallen in love with his godfather, but he was probably feeling this almost as hard as she was (although he didn't know how deeply she felt it, of course).
"And Voldemort? What's happening with him now?" Sirius asked slowly.
"Voldemort is still rising, stronger than ever even without half his Death Eaters and he's on a murdering rampage - murdering members of the new Order of the Phoenix." Harry told him quietly.
"But Harry almost killed him a month ago and has duelled with him several times." Ron added with a note of pride for his best friend in his voice.
Hermione saw Sirius crack a smile. "That's great." he said quietly. "I'm pretty amazed, Harry. Your - your dad would have been proud."
Her heart slammed against her rib cage painfully.
"You used - you've said that to me." Harry smiled a little too. "It's good - good to see you, Sirius. It's been a while - in the present." He glanced at Dumbledore, who nodded slightly.
Sirius looked at Harry for a moment and then his shadowed eyes moved to Hermione. As their eyes locked, she felt a powerful surge of - something - that she couldn't quite explain, but it took her breath away in a tide of emotions - love, anger, pain, sadness - she really couldn't put a finger on it. She swallowed hard.
"Do - do you happen to know what happened to - my family?" the last words were uttered bitterly.
Professor McGonagall nodded. "Your brother Regulus was killed by other Death Eaters many years ago. The rest of your family, except for Andromeda Tonks, are dead as well - oh, Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy are in Azkaban."
"About time." Sirius muttered bitterly. He glanced up at Professor McGonagall again. "And Bellatrix? And her husband - Rodolphus?"
Hermione shifted uneasily. This was the part she wasn't exactly thrilled about talking about. She saw Ron flash a grin, another one of pride, and even Harry smiled a little.
"Well, Rodolphus Lestrange was cursed irreparably by Remus Lupin in the battle," Dumbledore explained. "As for Bellatrix, she was killed less than two months ago - by Hermione here."
"Really?" Sirius's eyes met hers again and she felt a lump form in her throat. "You must be powerful - well done, I guess, although I almost wish I was the one to take her out - looks like I'm not very glorious at the moment - " he didn't look too puzzled or upset about the fact that he didn't seem to have played a large role in the battle " - but why? Why did you do it, if you don't mind my asking?"
"We've all had something against the woman for a while now," Ron supplied, and Hermione felt rather grateful, although Ron had no idea how much he was covering up for her. "She did - something - unforgivable to us."
Sirius looked like he might ask what Bellatrix did, but luckily Professor McGonagall intervened quickly by turning to Dumbledore. "So what does he do now, Albus?" she asked.
Dumbledore looked at Sirius thoughtfully. "Nobody else will recognize him, Minerva, except a few of the teachers, but that won't matter. We'll make him an honorary Gryffindor transfer student until we can find a way to reverse the charm he cast."
"Cool." Sirius mumbled with a weak smile.
"Remus will be here soon, and so will Severus. You can see your old friend when he gets here."
Sirius's smile grew a little at that, and then he stood up to let Professor McGonagall take him to Gryffindor tower and get him settled in. Hermione was about to stand up as well when Dumbledore added: "I'd like you three to stay a minute, please."
She sat back down and watched Sirius disappear out of the room with Professor McGonagall. Dumbledore waited until the door had closed before turning to them gravely.
"As you can see," he said quietly, "We are in something of a mess here, and I know it is going to be very hard for the three of you to deal with having Sirius 'back' persay and then losing him again, but we must find a way to restore him to the past as soon as possible."
Harry's face showed a twinge of pain, and Ron shuffled his feet, but Hermione forced herself to start using her head instead of her heart and nodded at Dumbledore. "He'll start asking too many questions if he's here long enough, and one of the other students - or even Professor Snape - might mention something about 'Sirius Black's death' and that will be that." she said in a voice that sounded startlingly calm to her. "I understand what you mean, sir."
"Precisely, Hermione," Dumbledore nodded. "When I saw him - I remembered how much I had always cared about him - " he sighed heavily " - I cannot bear to inflict more pain upon him while he's here, so he cannot know about his own fate. Whatever he asks regarding himself, you three must react with shrewd silence, I'm depending upon that. Harry, you have to understand."
"I do, Professor." Harry assured him, and Hermione could see that he did and was glad that Harry looked like he might get through this all right. Besides, she supposed (with as much hope as she could muster) that having Sirius back, even for a few days, would be incredible - and fun.
"But, sir - " she began hesitantly " - Telling him about Harry's parents - and Wormtail - "
"I know what you mean," Dumbledore agreed, while Harry and Ron nodded in agreement as well. "Before he leaves, I'll have to do a careful Memory Charm on him so that he forgets what he knows now. We cannot mess with time and let him stop what happened, no matter how much we may want to."
There was a moment's silence, and then Ron spoke up. "Professor?" he asked slowly. "What - where do you think we would have been right now if Sirius hadn't died?"
Hermione clenched the armrests harder, wishing more than anything that the events of the past year and a half hadn't happened.
"As terrible as it is to say it, Ron," Dumbledore said slowly and sadly, "I believe - in fact, I'm close to saying 'I know' - that if Sirius hadn't been killed by Bellatrix in the Department of Mysteries, we would have ended this battle many months ago. Harry would have been able to kill Voldemort a good amount of time ago, and we wouldn't have lost the people we did since Sirius - Nymphadora Tonks (killed by Rodolphus Lestrange), Alastor Moody (killed by Malfoy), your parents, Hermione, Neville - " Dumbledore's face grew sadder and Hermione's heart clenched horribly as she remembered what had happened to her parents in Voldemort's Muggle-attack in Diagon Alley and poor Neville's death " - and George Weasely." he finished with a look at Ron, who clenched his jaw, grief about his brother's death numbed but still present.
Harry swallowed hard and this time, he squeezed Hermione's hand, who in turn squeezed Ron's. "Yeah, I guess losing Sirius set off a chain reaction that we could have prevented."
"If only I had gotten a message to him sooner, warned him about Kreacher - " Dumbledore sighed sadly. "Oh, well. I suppose we'll never know what the world could have been had the events just run a little differently in the Department of Mysteries. And I suppose things always happen for a reason."
They left the office then, and headed back to Gryffindor tower, with repeated instructions that Sirius, when talking about himself, could get nothing but silence from them.
And Hermione, walking slowly, wondered if she would ever be able to get past the pain of losing Sirius, and the losses that his death had brought upon them.
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TBC.
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A/n: Thanks for all the reviews so far . . . please continue and I'll keep updating! Enjoy!
