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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the series

Note: This chapter contains a little R-rated stuff, although not very much. Just thought I'd mention it.

Summary: He'd always wanted a glimpse into his future. When his wish is unexpectedly granted, a young Marauder finds regret, pain, death and something more.

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~ Finding Myself ~

Chapter Five: Fireworks

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It was during Transfiguration two days later, (with Professor McGonagall, of course!), when Sirius realized that things - relationships, more like - had changed.

They were doing a NEWT level spell, one that would allow them to Transfigure each other to animals, or to Transfigure themselves. Halfway through the lecture, Professor McGonagall found herself interrupted by a shower of Weasley-Wizard-Wheezes fireworks that cartwheeled around the room.

The Gryffindors howled with laughter, even some of the Slytherins (that year's Transfiguration class took place with both houses together) were fighting amusement, glancing towards the back of the room where Harry, Ron and Sirius were splitting their sides trying not to grin too widely and Hermione was flaming red, both embarrassed and fighting not to laugh.

"Nice one, Ron, how many of those did you manage to swipe from Fred's store?"

"It wasn't me!"

Professor McGonagall's glasses glinted dangerously. "Si - Arion White!" she snapped, glaring at Sirius with that look of hers that he'd always thought would either turn milk sour or make Peter wet his pants. "Never in all my years of teaching - no, there was an exception many years ago - " her eyes narrowed further and Harry snickered - there was no doubt, Sirius thought with an innocent grin, that she was talking about him in his own time, " - Has any student dared to make such a nuisance of himself in my class! Next time, White, detention - for a week!"

Sirius flashed her a grin, no longer afraid of Minerva's wrath or detention, and then smirked at his fellow 'Marauders'. Hermione, he saw, was still bright red - and he had to admit, a slight blush in her cheeks like that was really attractive, especially when it brought all kinds of other things to mind -

For Merlin's sake, cut that out, you git! Is everything about her suddenly so damned attractive?

Professor McGonagall then began putting the class into pairs to experiment with the spell. She went from row to row, and after assigning Draco Malfoy and Vincent Crabbe to a bench further back, she reached the back row and eyed Harry, Ron, Sirius and Hermione with a mixture of despair and exasperation.

"All right, Potter, you and Weasely get to work over there. Ms Granger, perhaps you can actually get some work out of White and curb his distractions."

Little did she know where his distractions actually lay, Sirius thought bitterly, glancing sideways at Hermione, who winked at him and physically yanked him over to their assigned bench, which happened to be near Malfoy's. Sirius gave the Death Eater's son a dirty look and then turned to Hermione.

"Uh - " he began.

"The incantation, Si - Arion," Hermione said with a smile - a really, really sweet yet sexy smile. Merlin's beard, but he wanted to kiss her. Swallowing hard, he lifted his hand (the one which was noticeably lacking his wand) and gently brushed away a stray lock of her hair, his fingers brushing against her cheek.

She froze, and met his eyes. He was nearly knocked over by the fierce intensity, mingled with confusion, that lay deep inside the brown depths of her beautiful, sparkling eyes . . . he knew she wanted to do exactly what he did . . .

"Ahem."

Hermione jumped and Sirius turned an angry look on Malfoy, who was watching them with an expression of extremely mocking amusement. His thin lips curled in his pale face, reminding Sirius forcefully of Snape, and his glare deepened.

"You want something, Malfoy?" he snapped.

"Just to warn you, White, that perhaps - whatever you're doing - is not wise - not with the long-molared, harlot Mudblood anyway - "

Sirius had his wand out before he even realized what he was doing. Blood was pounding in his ears, and he recognized only anger . . . extremely powerful, intense rage that stemmed from a protective streak he had never known he'd had.

Malfoy paled and turned away quickly, and Hermione tugged on Sirius's arm, sending electric impulses through his body, whispering dangerously close to his ear to calm down.

Slowly, he lowered his wand, more shocked than angry now. Dear God, what was happening to him? Why was he feeling more - more than an attraction, more than suppressed passion - for her? What was wrong with him? There was no way -

He couldn't be falling in love.

"Sirius?" Hermione murmured gently, jerking him out of his thoughts and forcing him to meet the magnetic heat radiating from her eyes, from the touch of her hand. "Sirius, are you all right?"

"No." he shook his head slowly, his voice coming out hoarse. "I'm going crazy and I don't think I'll ever be all right."


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She found him in a deserted room high up in one of the towers, sitting in the windowsill and staring out into the star-studded, velvet night. As he heard her soft footsteps approach him, he wryly reflected that he should have known she'd find him.

"Hey." he mumbled, turning his head to look at her. She'd taken off her outer robes and was simply wearing her jeans, trainers and a soft tee shirt.

"Hey," she smiled at him and tossed him a Chocolate Frog. "It isn't much, but you didn't eat dinner." She paused and then asked quietly: "I know finding out what the future holds for you - and your friends - must have hurt."

He smiled slightly. "You know, I always wanted to see a bit of the future. I haven't yet joined the Order of the Phoenix in my time - because I was afraid of losing one of my friends, of risking them like I have way too many times. Remus asked me why I hadn't spoken to Dumbledore about it yet, and I told him that I wished I could just glimpse our futures and see - " his voice broke. "I think I finally realize what I really wanted. I wanted to forget that I was a 'Black', and find myself and who I really was. And I did. I got my wish - inexplicably - but somehow, I managed to get a hell of a lot more than I bargained for."

"Some things couldn't be helped," Hermione responded softly. "Some things were beyond the control of any of us - you included, Sirius. In fact," she paused and then shrugged slightly. "The - event - that hurt us the most, hurt me the most, was one that sprang from Kreacher's doing."

"Kreacher?" Sirius blinked. They had told him about the new Order's headquarters being in Grimmauld Place (typically Sirius bad luck, he thought wryly). "You mean my house-elf Kreacher? That piece of scum?"

He half-expected Hermione to give him a reproving look for that, seeing as how she reacted every time Dobby or Winky were sent on errands in the castle, but apparently, the wretched creature had caused her more hurt than he'd known, because she merely nodded. "We - the Order - trusted him not to reveal our secrets, no matter how sneakily, but he did anyway, and that led to something that changed things for everyone - for me - forever."

"What did he do?"

"That doesn't matter now." She shook her head. She levelled him with an intense gaze. "You can talk to me, you know, if there's something wrong." she added softly. "I'll be here if you need someone."

"Would you want to take back those words if I told you that I seem to be feeling all kinds of things - for you?" he asked, climbing off the windowsill and facing her.

Her expression flickered. "No." she responded slowly.

"Good." he mumbled, and that was that. He couldn't take it any longer, not with her standing less than a breath away from him, and he reached out and kissed her.

There was no way in hell he could have been prepared for the feelings she evoked out of him then. It was hotter than an inferno, faster than a thunderstorm, more powerful than the Weasely fireworks, stronger than waves crashing to the shore. Her hands slid down his arms and slipped under his shirt, blazing hot. He moved lower, kissing her on her neck, feeling her breathing grow more ragged and then she found his earlobe and sent spirals of desire washing through him. With a soft groan, he kissed her harder, deeper, and she responded with the same amount of intensity, same amount of emotion -

Suddenly she pulled back, and he saw tears in her eyes. "How - how can we do this?" she stammered, her lip trembling. "You - you're going to become Harry's godfather - you're going to leave this time and return - "

"But there's no way I'll ever be able to forget, 'Mione," he said, sliding his arms around her and holding her trembling body closer. "I'll go back and remember, and I'm still here - in the present, remember? - and unless Harry swears never to speak to you again or unless I'm unbelievably unattractive as a thirty-four-year-old - "

"If only you knew." she lowered her face and burrowed into his chest. He could feel her pain, the wetness of her tears, and it stabbed his heart in ways that he couldn't even begin to describe. "You - you don't understand, Sirius."

"I won't forget." he said fiercely, tilting her chin up to make her look at him. "I'll never forget, Hermione, no matter what they do or what happens, and my future self will remember too, when you see him next."

Her mouth trembled again with fresh, unshed tears and this time, he didn't let them spill, but kissed her again and felt her desire and emotion spill out instead.

"I - I love you, Sirius." Hermione choked out, sounding strangled. "Believe it or not, I think I've loved you for a long time now."

The words produced a surge of ecstasy that flowed through him in a wave that he never thought he'd ever feel - and he grinned and hugged her tightly. "I love you too." he whispered. "I always will."


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Sirius followed Hermione back to Gryffindor tower. They were just talking aimlessly, instinctively avoiding all the painful topics that shadowed their world, just trying to live like teenagers in the rare moments they had - when Sirius caught sight of Dumbledore descending the stairs in front of them.

For a moment Sirius's heart stopped. Dumbledore hadn't found a way back already, had he?

"I'm glad I found you both," Dumbledore said with a slight smile at them. "Sirius, we're still searching for a way to reverse your spell, so may I borrow your wand for tonight? Tomorrow's a weekend, anyway."

"That reminds me," Hermione said quietly, glancing at Dumbledore as Sirius handed his wand over. "I forgot to tell you earlier, Sirius, some of the Order are going over to the churchyard in the nearest Muggle village tomorrow - it's an annual thing - to see the graves," her voice grew a little sad, but she looked at Dumbledore again and added, "Do you want to come?"

"I'd like to." he said sincerely, looking from Hermione to the Headmaster, who smiled at him.

"See you tomorrow then, Sirius. Hermione, do you think I could have a word with you?"

"Oh - certainly, Professor." she gave Sirius an apologetic glance and they both bid him goodnight.

He winked and headed off to Gryffindor tower, but before he turned the corner, he was certain he heard Dumbledore say something that sounded strangely like "Good thing that grave isn't in that particular churchyard".


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TBC.

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A/n: Keep reviewing, will update soon! Enjoy the story!