This is kind of a filler chapter…and I just wanted to say that the 3 part "series" I was talking about isn't just for Jondy…it's a little project I am creating in my mind. This story has quite a ways to go, however, one at a time J

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Alec sat with his feet up on the coffee table and his hands crossed behind his head. He was trying unsuccessfully to look around Max and at the TV behind her, but she only turned around and shut it off.

"What do you want?"

Max stood with her arms crossed in front of her. "I have to talk to you about something."

"So talk."

"It's serious Alec…"

His eyes narrowed and studied her for a moment. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like whatever it is you're about to say?"

Max sat down next to him and sighed. "Okay, so you know my baby sister is here…"

"Is she hot?" Her eyes turned to him and the seriousness that he saw caused his chuckle to freeze in his throat. "Okay…sorry."

"She was with Ben…for almost four years…"

Alec ran a hand through his messy blond hair. "So…"

"So from what I can tell they we very close, up until Ben started having his break down and she started having her own. The more she got into drinking and drugs, the more he felt that the blue lady had given up on them, on us. It could be just the opposite…but he was the one that left." Max had explained it slowly and the seriousness of the situation was slowly dawning on him. "She took it pretty hard, was addicted to cocaine…it wasn't pretty."

"That's where you've been and why it took so long." Alec nodded and stared at the wall.

"She's a shell of herself to say the least. I'm not really sure if she even knows that Ben is dead. So I just…I wanted…"

"You want me to steer clear of her?"

"Just until I figure out how to approach the topic. Right now she doesn't think any of us are worthy of speaking his name."

Alec nodded. "I'll try my best."

Max stood up and walked towards the door. There was awkwardness in the room that neither of them were very comfortable with. "Thanks Alec…"

13 March

I'm scared. My hands are shaking and I'm so hot and I just feel so wrong. It's not even 8 a.m. I woke up about 4 and I swear to god I could taste the cocaine. It was just there, on the back of my tongue, in my throat. And god I wanted it so bad. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be here. One hit. That's all I want but I know that's all it would take to put me right back where I was. Part of me knows I don't really want to be there again…the rest of me just doesn't care. The rest of me wants to get so high that it doesn't matter that I don't sleep.. The rest of me wants to taste the candy so bad. I just can't do this anymore. I want to be…someone else.

Sometimes I feel like there's this thing…watching me. The people they watch me…and this thing. It's just over there but I can't see it. It's waiting for me to fall. It's waiting for me to give in and I don't want to. I just want it to go away. I just want it to go away. I just…

Jondy lay the pen down gently on the notebook. To the watchers eyes it was jerking wildly. She pushed the book away. She fidgeted, brushed her nose, looked to the right…to the left. Swallowing, her eyes widening slightly she slid closer to the headboard. If she were flat against it then it couldn't get behind her. Nothing could get behind her. She looked over her shoulder quickly. Nothing.

Slowly with her foot she reached pushing the notebook further away. It teetered for a moment on the edge of he bed before falling with a soft thump to the floor. The noise seemed to echo in her mind and she jerked, pressing harder against the smooth wood at her back. She pulled her feet in closer. "Go away."

New York, NY :: 2019 April 08

"God damn it Jondy!" Ben stomped from the bedroom, kicking and punching every piece of furniture, door, and wall that was in his way.

Jondy lay sprawled out on the bed, clad only in a pair of shorts and a bra. Her brown hair was strung out in every direction and her hands were balled tightly above her head. Her now dull green eyes were dazed and if plausible her skin was even paler. The cause of her strung out state was laying in pieces on the floor next to a small ziplock baggie.

His hands pulled and griped at his hair before coming down on the coffee table breaking it in half. If he wasn't careful, the neighbors were going to call the cops, again.

"Ben?" Jondy had managed to crawl from the bed and was now holding herself up in the doorway. Her eyes were now wide and a little fearful.

Even now he wanted her. She screamed of innocence and of all things pure but he knew the truth. Looks could be deceiving and it was something he was learning all to well. He wanted to hold her, to pick her up in his arms and kiss her...and he almost went to her, but at that time her knees had given out and she had fallen into a fit of giggles. His anger flared.

"I'm so fucking tired of this. Why do you do it? You were fine when I left." Ben stomped into the kitchen and grabbed the knife he'd left there earlier. The pattern of light that fell across his face was that of a steak knife. Sharp enough to cut through skin, but dull enough to get the message across. "Now you have to pay."

Jondy looked up as he walked towards her and she smiled. That is until she caught site of the knife. Her small wilted and she seemed to sober instantly. Ben didn't stop. It was his duty to teach her. To make her learn that this wasn't okay.

Jondy cried out when his right hand grabbed a hand full of her hair and pulled her away from the door, back into the bedroom. He pushed her towards the bed and shut the door. Jondy tried to crawl away from him, but his arms caught her around the waist and tossed her onto the bed. She rolled onto her back and watched him take off his belt. Jondy didn't have the energy to fight him and her mouth couldn't form the questions she wanted to ask.

"Roll onto your stomach." Ben's voice was full of venom. It scared her so much that she did as he asked. He ripped the bra from her body and shoved her hair up around her shoulders, exposing her back. "I don't want to hear one scream…not one scream Jondy."

And she didn't scream as the belt hit her. She only cried wondering why he would want to hurt her for trying to escape. She'd never once stopped him from going out and never once had she confronted him about what she knew he was doing.

Ben hit her for what seemed like hours. It wasn't making him feel any better. The skin on her back was red and bruises were starting to form in places he'd hit more then a few times. He could hear her whimper every now and then and it was starting to tare at his heart. "Jon…"

Jondy buried her face in the bed and rolled away from him. Ben striped himself of his clothing and crawled into the bed. She pushed his arms away when they started to wrap around her. "Jon…please…"

Jondy sniffled a few times before turning in his arms. "Why Ben?"

"Shh…don't talk." He placed kisses wherever his mouth would reach. "Just let me make it feel better…"

They both knew that it would never feel better.

"Jondy…you alright?" Zane stared at her frozen position against the headboard.

Jondy didn't move. "He is watching me…I can feel his eyes…"

Zane scanned the room and shook his head. "No one is in here Jondy…it's just me and you."

Jondy looked around, her breathing came in short, deep, gasps. She could almost feel the leather of his belt hitting her back. "It was…I just had a nightmare I guess."

"Looks like it." Zane was a little afraid to step any closer.

After a few minutes she relaxed and was now leaning against the headboard. Excuses were forming in her head. "It's just, I'm so tired but when I sleep I have these nightmares…and I wake up and it's like I didn't really get any sleep at all."

"Do you want me to sit with you?"

Jondy shrugged. "I feel like such a baby and I'm not a baby Zane…"

"I won't think you're a baby. I promise."

"It's just…"

"Jondy, if you want me to sit with you, I will. There is no need to worry about what it would look like. You don't think you're a baby, I certainly don't think you're a baby, and neither do the others. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks or you'll end up like Max." Zane teased and sat down on the bed next to her.

Jondy took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Just let me get my notebook."

"When are we going to get to read this notebook of yours?"

Jondy froze at his words and eventually looked over her shoulder at him. "Hopefully never."

Zane let it go at that and sat back against the headboard, much like the way she had been sitting. Jondy cradled the notebook in her hands and got comfortable under the covers. Maybe tonight she would be able to sleep.