This is by far the longest chapter so far…it kind of got away from me. Anyways, I hope you like it. I took a couple days break, because I felt that maybe I was starting to rush this story, sorry for the delay but it may happen from time to time. Thanks for reading J

****

"You should start eating more." Max commented as Jondy picked at the eggs that had been placed before her.

"I'm just not a big eater." Jondy grimaced and backed away from the table. "Especially eggs."

"I'll eat it." Krit reached over and slid her plate over to him.

Jondy had to control her gag reflex as she watched the four other X5's eat with such enthusiasm. She had been truthful when she'd told them she wasn't a big eater. It helped that she had never been around an abundance of food after they'd escaped Manticore. And she wasn't one to just sit around, eating, while she could be out doing other things. In her opinion eating was a privilege and not a right.

She slid off her chair and stretched with a loud yawn. After a night of nightmare free sleep, she was feeling refreshed and knew that she would be okay with not sleeping for a few days. Today, however, she was worried about her codependence on people. Something she had tried to avoid was now a reoccurring nuisance.

Jondy was dependent on Max, not only for lodging and food, but also for updates on what was going on, not only in TC but also in the world itself. The last few nights it had taken someone either sleeping with her or sitting with her for her to be able to get some sort of sleep. That had also fallen to Max and sometimes Zane who only did it out of circumstance. Syl, so far, was the only one who seemed to believe that she didn't need to be pitied or treated like a baby and Krit, was forever trying to make everything okay, which that in itself was adorable.

Like she would ever tell any of them that. Jondy slipped into her bedroom and changed into a pair of jeans Syl had brought her yesterday. A red T-shirt followed before she dropped onto her bed and pulled her journal out from it's hiding place under the pillow.

14 March

Things are going…well I suppose. No one is fighting. No one is hating anyone. That's good right? It should be, but sometimes I still feel just the slightest bit out of place. I suppose that should be expected though. It's like I'm in this…boring movie where everyday is like the rest. 

Everyday and night is becoming a battle for me. If I wanted to leave I know I could, but I'm not sure that I want to. I'm not sure where I belong in this world anymore. Not back in San Francisco and certainly not here. And I wonder if the drama will ever end? Am I doomed to this mental tug of war for the rest of my life? Will there always be some constant battle to be won, just to be replaced by another and another when the first is done?

I want to write, I really do but 'm afraid I'm only becoming repetitive and I'm getting a headache. So I'm just going to end this entry for right now, but rest assured I will find something to write about.

Jondy popped the pill into her mouth and grimaced before she emptied her glass of orange juice in one long swallow. She'd had to promise Max that she would only take two aspirin and she'd actually chuckled when Max had stuttered when she said it. Rinsing the glass she sat it in on a towel next to the sink. Deciding that even if she couldn't write, she wasn't ready to face the world quite this early. Miserably she trudged back across the living room towards her bedroom.

Thankfully everyone had went to work. She was sure that one of them was across the hall but she wasn't quite sure. She stepped through the patches of sunlight slanting across the carpet from the windows that overlooked the cluttered street below. The morning was a clear grayish white and clean. Detouring slightly she moved to sit in the window seal.

It was going to be another long and boring day.

****

Alec stared into his nearly empty glass, the amber liquid looking darker than usual in the shadowed corner of the bar. He'd been hiding there for hours, drowning his sorrows in expensive liquor. He'd told himself with each refill that this one would be the one to make the visions go away. He was still waiting. Each time he closed his eyes, each blink, there they were on the backs of his eyelids, smiling. You'd think that they'd have given up by now. They hadn't been able to cure the virus in almost two years but they both still wanted each other. He was sick of it.

Nothing ever got done at the meetings. Sure, everyone would show up, but the morning would be wasted with Mole, Joshua, and Dix all arguing with Max and her little contingent of rogue X5's and Logan. Logan, no matter how many times he was told to back off and shut up, still seemed to think that his ridiculous opinions mattered to any of them. As for Max's "family" they had about as much say as Ames White as far as he was concerned.

It amused him how their eyes lit up whenever one of them would speak. He and Mole would exchange glances and an eye roll. Then the same argument they had every morning would erupt and everyone would eventually walk out. Everyone's morning ruined and nothing accomplished.

"Are you sure you want another one?"

Things were getting better and better. "I'm a big boy Asha, but thanks for the concern."

"So is there a reason for this or do you just like the taste?"

Alec sat back and sighed. "Is there a reason YOU are here?"

"Mole said you usually came here after meetings and I got tired of trying to get Logan's attention." Asha traced patterns in the frost of her beer. "I can't believe you guys have a bar here…"

"It's our own little city." Alec looked around somewhat proudly. He felt safe knowing that everyone in the room, besides Asha, was a transgenic.

"So how are you holding up here?"

Alec shrugged. "It's my life, I take it for what it is. Asha…not to be rude because you're a cool chick and everything, but I'm not in the mood to have one of these talks."

"What talks…"

"The how are you leading to the Max and Logan talk. We've had this conversation before and if I can remember correctly the night didn't end up exactly as I had planned." Alec quickly took the last shot and stood up. "We both need to realize that we are chasing two people who don't want to be chased. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of living in their shadows."

And with that being said he strolled out of the bar, leaving Asha staring down at the table. He knew he'd been taking his anger out on Asha but at the moment he didn't really care. He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. Life in TC was becoming redundant and that was something a person like him hated more then anything. Seeing the same people day in and day out, doing the same things all day long, and being the same chipper Alec that more everyone knew and loved. He wondered when the hell the merry go round life in TC would stop being so damn normal boring.

"Hey Alec, what's up?"

Alec glanced to his left and saw Krit with Syl on his arm. He grunted what Krit assumed was a response and kept on walking. He was still getting used to transgenics flaunting their significant others. It was one thing to be breeding partners and in the confines of a room and another to be out in public holding hands and making loving faces. He knew that if was ever lucky enough to find someone worthy of him, he wouldn't become one of those people. He would love with tact. It was easy to say that now, because he wasn't in love, nor would he be anytime soon. As long as he was in TC…

He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head as he approached the X5 barracks remembering that he had promised Max to keep a low profile for the next few days. He wished he had some idea of what this girl looked like so that he didn't have to disguise himself to just walk out of the building or down the hall.

"Hey Josh."

Joshua looked up from his easel and nodded. "Alec go for a walk?"

"Yep and now I'm going to take a nap. I'm not here if anyone comes by, tell them I'm with Mole then maybe they'll leave me the hell alone." Alec shrugged off his sweatshirt and walked into his room. His bed had never looked so inviting.

****

Jondy sat cross-legged on the floor of her bedroom and stared at her journal. She couldn't write. Ever since she'd opened her eyes that morning she hadn't been able too. Lunch and early afternoon had passed uneventfully. She'd eaten a couple apples in that amount of time and watched people enter and exit the building while others passed by. She had almost gotten the courage to walk out the door, but she didn't want the others to flip out.

She reached for her pen and watched as it shook slightly in her hand. Memories came flooding back from a time when she'd been in the same situation, frustrated and uncomfortable in her own body. Weak and unable to do anything about it. She felt that way now. Weak. Angry. Alone.

Her head turned slowly and she stared at the desk, wondering if she should push the memory away. Instead she forced herself to her feet and moved to the bedside, reaching for the drawer and pulling it open, staring down at the two worn notebooks it held. She carried them with her everywhere. They represented her past and were her proof in times of weakness and insecurity that she had overcome the worst kind of adversity. Addiction. She was strong, she had pulled through. Reaching in, she grabbed the two books before closing the drawer and climbing onto the bed. She opened the older of the two ragged journals to the first entry, the shaky, angry words staring boldly back at her. She began to read and became lost in memories.

San Francisco, CA :: 2016 July 29

Jondy hopped down the last couple steps and out the front door where Ben stood, waiting. He almost couldn't believe his eyes. She had changed into a tight white strapless dress that ended just below her thighs under an oversized white work shirt. She was wearing a clear cowboy hat the tamed her still damp long curly brown hair fell gracefully down the middle of her back. Ben smiled and held an arm out to her. "Shall we?"

"What a gentleman and we shall." She gave a little courtesy and rested her arm in his. "Now I am putting a lot of trust into you because I plan on getting drunk."

"Damn because I was putting my trust in you…" Ben teased.

"Wow, that's a pretty big bar." Jondy commented as it came into view. People were milling around outside and you could hear the music as the door continuously swung open as people came and went. "How did you find this place?"

"I always know where the fun is at."

Jondy's eyes sparkled as she laughed. "Yeah right."

Ben nudged her and winked. "It sounds like someone is singing…must be karaoke."

"I love to sing." Jondy interjected as she whipped around to look up at him.

"Yes I remember you being put on restriction more then once for it."

"To make you guys happy made a week in psy-ops worth it."

Jondy shrugged her shoulders with a grin. Ben turned her around to walk through the door and Jondy immediately began to move to the music as she looked around with interest and amazement. They chose a table in the corner near the stage.

"Hey…" Ben laughed when he had to poke Jondy to get her attention. Her eyes and mind had been taking in everything and everyone around her.   

Jondy bit at her bottom lip and bounced with excitement in her seat. "Yes."

"What do you want to drink?" Ben gestured for the waitress.

"Anything with rum…"  She turned to the waitress. "Where do I sign up to sing?"

"Oh sweetie you can just go up there. Pick a song from our growing collection and go for it." The waitress winked at Ben when she saw him staring at Jondy's legs.

Jondy took a couple drinks from the rum and coke that had been placed in front of her then jumped up to pick out a song. Ben sat forward and put his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. She saw quite a few of them that she liked but she only picked one, she would just save the rest for later. She handed the CD to a nearby waitress. She winked at Ben while she waited and he laughed.

All eyes were on her as the music began and she swayed gently. Ben's green eyes followed her every movement.

"Run. We're running all the time. Running to the future, with you right by my side. Me, I'm the one you chose. Out of all the people, you wanted me the most. And I'm so sorry that I've fallen, help me up let's keep on running. Don't let me fall out of love. Running, running as fast as we can. Do you think we'll make it. We're running keep holding my hand so we don't get separated." Jondy blew a kiss to him and smiled. "Be, be the one I need. Be the one I trust most. Don't stop inspiring me. Sometimes it's had to keep on running, we work so much to keep it going don't make me want to give up…"

Ben almost spilled his beer as the words sunk in. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the lights and movements of her body. He took a sip of his beer and picked at his fingers.

"We're running keep holding my hand so we don't get separated. I really hope we make…"

The whole bar clapped, whistled, and cheered which only caused Jondy to blush further and take a few bows of thanks.

"Thank you." Jondy laughed and hoped up onto her stool. She set her hat in the middle of the table and took a couple big drinks of her run and coke. She didn't sit still long enough for Ben to start a conversation because a new song had started and she had jumped up.

She grabbed Ben's hand before he could protest and drug him out to the dance floor. Jondy laughed when he spun her around, but he pulled her against him again and she danced with him as he sang along with the music. "Now I'm not trying to be rude but hey pretty girl I'm feeling you…" She hid her head in his chest and he laughed. "The way you do the things you do…"

He pulled her back and looked down at her with an appreciative grin. "So baby give me that toot toot let me get that beep beep."

She laughed as he pulled her back into his arms, and his head lowered to her neck as they swayed back and forth to the beat of the music. "You're quite the dancer."

"You're not bad yourself."

A hand came up to the back of his head, and her fingers slid into his hair. "Sing some more."

With a light kiss on her neck, he smiled. "Just wait. I'll give you all you want."

A shiver ran down her back from his words, or was that his hand? "Promises, promises."

Ben turned her around in his arms so that his hands were flat on her stomach. Jondy closed her eyes and wrapped one arm around her neck. As they got to a comfortable place her eyes opened. She had never seen a dance floor quite like this. The floors and the walls were decorated in black, and there were little glow-in-the-dark moons and stars all over the place. The dance floor was below the entrance level, and she could see lights and disco balls that lined the ceiling. The music was loud, the smoke and fog heavy, and she wondered if he could have chosen a better place.

It was out of the ordinary for her, and she couldn't wait to jump in and have fun. "Just look at this place."

He leaned in to hear her and nodded. "An over-stimulation at best, but when we decide that something is worth doing, we do it well."

She turned in his arms and smiled up at him. She had been wild and carefree her whole life and she knew that Ben probably didn't get to or let himself have this much fun often. She hadn't been concerned with acting like she was supposed to since she'd left Manticore. She wasn't about making her dent in the world or proving to people that she was capable. This was about being young and having fun and to making sure that everyone around her was having fun.

There was barely any room around her, so she snuggled up as close to the front of him as she could get. Her hips swung back and forth, and she smiled when she saw that he was watching her.

"Now your daddy don't mind and you're mommy don't mind if we have another dance, yeah…"

She raised her arms above her head and Ben's went around her waist to bend her back as she rolled her hips around. When he raised her up, he motioned for her to spin around, and they both laughed as she spun around a few times to the chorus.

He had no idea what had happened to the serious and a bit withdrawn Ben, but he liked the change she was causing, and she liked it A LOT. She practically purred and prowled as she danced. Several men around her gave appreciative looks, and Ben felt strangely jealous for a moment.

Jondy spun around and leaned her back against his chest. Her arms went up and around his neck, and she giggled when she turned to look back and his chin rested on her shoulder. "Let me know if I turn into you too hard."

With a groan, he spun her around and put her arms around his neck. "It's not me you have to worry about hurting. It's the pressure you're putting HIM under."

"Awww, is he feeling neglected? Maybe you should let him come out and play."

His eyes widened with surprise right before he busted out laughing. "What was in that drink?"

She only giggled and grabbed her chest when a new song heavy with bass came on. He felt someone grinding against him from behind, and he looked over his shoulder to see that two young girls had chosen him as their target. With a roll of his eyes, he spun with Jondy and moved them away from the intrusive girls.

Her hand came up to cup his cheek. "Are you ok?"

He shook his head and tried to smile through his confusion. "No, I'm ok. I'm just tired of being grabbed at."

Her hands immediately pulled back. "Sorry about that."

He grabbed her and pulled her close. "Not by you, silly. You can grab me all you want."

"I have an invitation?"

"Oh yes. Yes, you certainly do."

And that was a dangerous invitation to have, especially with the mood she was in. The music faded out as she heard only her pulse beating in her ears. Her hands slowly roamed up and down his chest to the pulsing rhythm, and she felt his arms tighten around her. That motion and that submission encouraged her to go a little bolder. She waited until he leaned down a little, then she touched the side of his neck with her lips. There was a slight flinch, but then he leaned into her touch. She opened her lips again and her tongue lightly flicked against his smooth skin. He tasted spicy and salty.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his Adam's apple bob up and down. With a smile, she pulled his head down lower and teasingly nipped on his earlobe. His breath came out in a violent whoosh at the contact, and she couldn't help but feel powerful at that moment. She was in control. She had him panting and all from a little leap of faith.

Ben was lost between the desire to drag her out of there, pull her into a dark corner to let her experiment with his body some more, or take her right there on the damn dance floor. All of the options sounded good, and he wondered if he should just go with whatever option worked the quickest.

That was before she kissed along his cheek and stopped with her lips hovered over his own. His eyes were locked with hers, he couldn't seem to swallow, and all he would have to do is lean forward a little to give her exactly what they had both been wanting for a long time.

Her body was flush with his, so there wasn't a part of him she couldn't feel. Jondy held on tighter and closed her eyes at the spell the warmth of his body and the smell of his cologne was putting on her. Ben cupped both sides of her face, stepped forward, and covered her lips with his. Jondy whimpered softly when he opened his mouth wider and closed them again. She couldn't respond at first because of the shock her body received at his touch, but then she opened her lips wider and allowed him to set the pace. Her fingers dug into his lean hips, and her head fell back as he tilted and turned his head to the other side for better access. She had never been kissed before. It was so painstakingly slow, so thorough, and so perfect.

His forehead rocked against hers with every pull of his lips, and through her foggy mind, she realized that he liked to nibble a little before he gave three or four deeper kisses. Once that pattern was established, she could keep up with him a little better. And just when she had that figured out, he opened his mouth a little wider and took the kissing a little deeper. When she felt his tongue brush against her bottom lip, her arms went lax at her sides and he had to wrap both arms around her to hold her up.

He lightly touched his lips to hers a few more times, and finally pulled back to rest his forehead against hers. They were both panting, and he felt like his lungs were about to explode. He couldn't quite tell if it was from the lack of air, Jondy, or the fact that his heart was pounding. It could be a combination of all three. All he did know was that everything he'd been feeling all night had been greatly needed and he knew the only way to have that in his life on a daily basis would be to have her.

"Wow…" Jondy licked her lips and smiled.

"I say we call it a night."

Jondy nodded and was surprised to see that her knees held her up when he let her go. A few people cheered which made her blush but she had to get over it quickly because she found that she could barely put two thoughts together. Ben had grabbed her hand wove through the crowd and tugged on her hand. She had thought about what his lips would be like all night, he had the lips that were worthy of spending days dreaming about, but she had never considered how well he might actually be able to use them. He knew how to kiss a person breathless. That was for damn sure.

****

Jondy was pulled back into reality when she heard the front door slam. She wasn't at all surprised to see that it was now nightfall. Max peered into her room and gave a questioning look.

"Why you sitting on the ground. I got you a chair."

Jondy shrugged. "I was just thinking."

"You hungry?"

Jondy nodded. "I could go for something to eat."

Max smiled and wondered what had put her in such a good mood. "Did you have a good day?"

"It was actually quite boring. I don't know if I'm going to be able to take too many more days of just sitting around in a hot room." Jondy stood up and set her journals on the bed with a sigh. "Where have you been?"

Max rolled her eyes. "You don't want to know."

And Max was right, she didn't really want to know and as Max started to rant and rave about her day Jondy's thoughts were of that night and her first real kiss from Ben. It had actually been a night of many firsts for them.