I think the chapters are getting longer and longer as the story progresses J This is a pretty quick update, so it may be a couple days before I update again. Just a warning…don't kill me when you finish reading. Thanks for the replies.
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"What are you doing to yourself?"
Alec picked at a string on his shirt as he slouched in the overstuffed chair that resided in front of the TV. Being screamed at and reprimanded this early in the morning was never a joy, but it was something he was growing used to. It was becoming an easier and easier habit to tune people out when he wanted to. Especially when it was Max.
"Alec, talk to me. Is there something I can do for you? Is there some way I can help you to make things easier?"
His shoulder shrugged with great boredom, but he never raised his eyes. "You can get off my back."
"It's just we've been here for almost six months and you really haven't talked to anyone but Mole and Joshua. I mean I've just been worried about you…"
That caused his eyes to raise, but there was only mild amusement in them. "You're worried about me, your sister, the fate of the world…why aren't you worried. And you chose to have me as a friend, and now you're bitching when you get the shit that comes along with it?"
"You've never been like this before Alec." Max gave him her best pout, to which he only rolled his eyes. "Alec, I'm only wanting to help you."
Alec sat up in the chair, and tried his best to hide the pain that shot through him at the quick movement. "You're wanting to help me? Do I look like a weak pity case here? Do I look like someone who is going to fall apart? I'm handling my business!"
"You look exactly like someone who is about to fall off that edge. Look at yourself. When is the last time you ate something, and something good for you at that? When was the last time you were out in the sunshine? You're starting to remind me of Ben."
"Just because you're fucking sister is a nutcase doesn't mean I am." Alec stood up angrily. "I'm not sitting here and listening to this."
"You sit down!" Alec met Joshua's eyes over Alec's shoulder.
Tense seconds passed while angry eyes bore into challenging ones, but finally the younger one gave in and sat back down. "I'm just getting stir crazy and I'm tired of the endless bitching. Is a little space too much to ask for?"
"The circles under your eyes get darker every day. Are you even sleeping?" Concern and sincerity were dripping from her words.
He looked back down at his black shirt and shrugged once again. "I sleep a little."
"What is your definition of a little sleep?"
"It's enough to get me through the day."
Max sat on the edge of the coffee table, and leaned forward to plead with him. "Get more sleep. Treat your body better. You need sleep, you need food, you need to give up the nightlife that is draining your body of what energy it has left, and you need to give up the smoking and drinking. Your voice is sounding rough, and it's only going to get worse if you don't slow down."
Alec shifted in the seat and looked ready to bolt out of there. "Don't try to sound like my mother. I know how to take care of myself, and I know what's best for me. I also know that being left alone is what I need the most, and nobody is respecting that."
Max was getting a very sinking feeling, and it grew stronger the more she looked at Alec. Because the more she looked at him, the less she saw the Alec she knew and had come to love as a brother. "You can't keep shutting everyone out..."
This was a speech he had heard too many times, and it irritated him to hear it once more. They didn't understand that he had so many voices screaming inside of his head that he had no idea which one to listen to first. They didn't understand that, and yet they were the ones who were supposed to help?
"I'm going for a walk."
Max caught his arm on the way by, and it surprised her when Alec forcefully yanked back away from her. "Just don't lose yourself. You may not be a nutcase now…but who knows when it could hit you."
His lazy eyes met Max's for a moment before he turned to the door. "I don't plan on it."
He knew that Max was right, even though he didn't want to admit it. There were some scary things going on in his life, inside of his head, but there was no reason why he couldn't push them all aside and function.
His pace slowed when he realized that he was a couple blocks away from the barracks.
"Alec! Hey Alec, wait up!"
That was the very voice that he didn't need to hear, and the very person that he had tried his best to avoid. "I want to be alone Asha."
She jogged up beside him and caught his arm to stop him. "Alec, can I have about five minutes?"
His head rolled around on his shoulders a few times to relieve the stress she brought along with her. It also gave him time to count to ten and reclaim a sense of politeness that was expected out of him. "Shouldn't you be out saving the world?"
The hurt look that immediately appeared in her expressive blue eyes was enough for him to know that he had clipped the words harsher than he had meant to. "I'm trying to help from right here."
Her nervousness around him made him feel about two feet tall, and it was a strange effect at best. "Good for you."
"You just freaked my out yesterday..."
His hands ran over his face, and he attempted to take a deep breath. "I'm fine."
She walked along beside him as he tried to make his getaway. "You don't seem like it. We just don't talk like we used too."
He knew exactly where this was heading, and he was on helpful overload as it was. "Well after you just fell asleep and just lied to me, I kind of took a hint."
She looked so small in front of him, and it was a side of her that he hated seeing. "Is…is that all you can think about when you see me?"
His fingers dug into his forehead, as he tried his best to get rid of the headache quickly building there. "I just need some time to think."
"I understand. Really, I know what you mean because I fight for that every day. I was just hoping that we could lean on each other because…because it's going to get worse and…"
His fingers came away from his forehead, and he studied her closely. "Because you're jealous of Max and Logan because they are only days away from a cure."
"What?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"It's not like…"
"That…I know it's never "like that" when it comes to Logan and the females that find themselves lusting after him."
She pointed a finger up at him and glared. "You don't know me that well to be assuming things that are none of your business."
He laughed bitterly and raised his hands up to the sky. "You're right so why did you come to me?"
"I just…wanted to talk. To apologize for whatever it is I've done for you."
"And I don't want to talk to you or to Max or to anyone. I just want everyone to leave me alone for a little while."
She was visibly shaken, her anger was being carefully guarded, but she still managed to give him a slight smile filled with bitterness. "Fine. You know I don't know what has happened to the guy I once knew, but I wish he would come back. I wish my friend would come back."
"What happened to him? You want to know?" He leaned down close to her and whispered. "He was dumb enough to think that he could have one of Logan Cale's girls."
She didn't have a chance to do more than gasp, because he was gone. His words slammed inside of her head, and the pain they caused to her heart brought tears to her eyes. "Damn you, Alec."
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17 March
I can't sleep again. This seems to be the thing that stays with me. Some nights I sleep just fine then there will be several days in a row where I just can't sleep at all. I feel like shit all day and even worse at night and god, but they're so long. You can only sit and think for so long before you go insane.
And tonight I've got such crazy things on my mind. One moment I'm wondering what Ben's doing and if he's thinking of me and then the next I'm wondering when I'm going to be able to roam around TC. I haven't had anything to write about in days. I guess I could have wrote about all the things Max had bitched about after work. Trivial little things that she shouldn't even care about but she is Max. So she dwells on them until she's blue in the face. I think she's a bit of a drama queen.
And speak of the devil, the door just slammed. Another beautiful day in paradise.
Jondy shut her notebook and walked out of her room. "Good morning."
Max didn't respond so Jondy continued. "I was wondering it you would approve of me taking a walk? I mean you're always commenting on how pale I am so I figure if I get outside every now and then I may get some color."
Max rolled onto her right side and looked at her. "Go ask one of the others."
Jondy rolled her eyes as Max rolled back onto her stomach. "Sure because I'm only five and need an escort."
She slammed the door and looked around the hallway. She had no intentions of asking one of the "others" to come. The last thing she wanted was awkward conversations. Nervously, she ran a hand through the small curls that had grown back. She hurried away from the door and practically jumped down the flights of stairs, ignoring the curious looks that some were giving her.
Jondy wondered around for a few hours, enjoying the fresh air and the sunlight. She had seen some pretty freaky looking characters. There had been a female that looked oddly catlike with yellow eyes and long nails while another had leathery tan reptilian skin. At one point she had almost reached out to touch one of the reptilian looking creatures but he had snapped some harsh words at her and she had walked away with a smirk. Curiosity was also one of her many faults.
More and more transgenics were filling the streets so she knew it was nearing early evening. She wasn't about to return to the barracks just yet knowing that Max was going to lecture her like she was a thirteen-year-old who had stayed out past dinnertime.
Jondy saw a group of younger X6's walking towards what looked like a bar or club of some sort. They were giggling and gesturing wildly. She was a bit envious of them and curious as to what this place was. It looked like nothing more then an abandoned building but she could hear the soft sounds of music from the inside.
"I may as well, I'll be on lock down tomorrow." Jondy said to herself and strolled into the club.
It was as crowded as she had thought it would be. And it looked more like a bar rather then a club. The lighting was soft and the place had a very relaxed feel about it. Much like many of the Jazz clubs she had visited and often sang at.
Jondy ventured further inside and saw that there were a few pool tables scattered about as well as a small DJ booth and stage. Her mouth watered when she spotted a few bottles of alcohols sitting at the bar, but she willed herself away from it and towards the stage. She chewed on her bottom lip in thought when she saw the keyboard.
"You still sing?"
She jumped when she heard the voice next to her and groaned. "I guess I'm busted."
"Don't worry, I won't tell Max. So do you still sing?"
"I did, where's Syl?"
"Her and Max are talking."
"About me." Jondy moved towards a table near the stage.
"Most likely, but I'm sure it's nothing bad." Krit tried to assure her and dropped into the seat in front of her. He saw that she was still staring at the stage. "You can go up there if you want."
Jondy's eyes searched the bar. It really wasn't all that crowded. "It's been awhile. I'm probably a little rusty."
"Just get up there. I promise I won't tell anyone."
Jondy met his eyes and for some reason she believed him. "If it's bad, you better not laugh."
"I make no promises."
"Good, then that means you'll never let someone down." Jondy walked over to the stage and sat down in the stool. The bartender, who looked extremely disfigured turned off the stereo and nodded at her. Jondy's fingers slid over the keys. The cool feel of the white plastic was enough to take her away. She closed her eyes and licked her dry lips.
"Days like this I don't know what to do with myself, all day and all night. I wonder the halls along the walls and under my breath I say to myself I need fuel to take flight. And there's too much going on. But it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion. Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion…"
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Alec's head lifted from it's resting place on his arms. Whoever was singing had a smooth voice and some of the words were hitting him hard. He looked at her from the back of the bar and he could almost feel the sadness and need that radiated from her.
"But he washed me ashore and he took my pearl and left an empty shell of me. And there's too much going on…but it's calm under the wave in the blue of my oblivion. Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion…in the blue of my oblivion…" Jondy's eyes opened and Alec would swear that she was staring at him. And suddenly he knew who she was.
Her fingers and voice froze when she met his eyes. The blood that ran through her veins stopped but the pounding of her heart that deafened her assured her that she was in fact still alive. Krit gave her an inquisitive look and followed the direction of her eyes. Before he could stop and try to explain it to her she was on her feet and walking towards Alec.
Alec wanted to run, to get away as quickly as possible, but the intense emotions that ran through her eyes halted him in his steps. He saw Krit hurrying after her and ran a hand through his hair. "This should be interesting."
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The song is "Sullen Girl" by Fiona Apple.
