CHAPTER TWO: The Force Crash Course
"Wow, that is one big
X-ring" Frodo said in awe. He, Sam, and Gandalf were standing in front of Sam's
X-ring, "The Millipede Shall Come".
Sam stealthily twisted off the gas cap of the flying contraption and let gas
pour out onto the ground.
Frodo climbed into the Millipede Shall Come and sat in the driver's seat.
"Dude! This thing can go pretty high, can't it?" he asked.
"You can go pretty high…" Sam muttered under his breath as he twisted the gas
cap back onto the gas tank of his machine.
"Wheeee!" Frodo squealed, pretending to fly the X-ring.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Gandalf muttered. Sam trotted up to him and
pretended to scrutinize the ship.
"Hmm… lemme check something." Sam climbed up to the cockpit and squeezed in by
Frodo, who simply twisted the control bar and let out a long yodel. "It appears
we're out of gas." Sam said in false surprise. "Looks like we're not going
anywhere."
"Aww!" Frodo whined.
Gandalf smiled at Sam, a knowing twinkle in his eye.
"Ow, geez." Gandalf muttered, rubbing his eye. "I got another one of those damn
twinkles… Ah, there. Like I was saying, we don't need gas, Samwise Solo." He
raised one of his really thick eyebrows. "We can just use the Porsche."
"Ooh!" Frodo exclaimed, suddenly over the fact that he wouldn't be flying
anytime soon. "A Porsche! Now that's cool!"
"I mean the FORCE!" Gandalf shook his head. "I'm getting too old for this.
We'll use the force!"
"There you go with that WE stuff again." Sam complained, slumping down in his
seat.
"Now, then." Gandalf crawled into the X-ring and squeezed into the cockpit next
to Sam and Frodo. "You could've sprung for the family size, Sam."
"I didn't know I was going to be seating a whole fellowship!" Sam pointed out.
"Besides, I like the sporty red paint job."
"Nice touch." Frodo piped up.
"Right, so I'll use the force." Gandalf squeezed his eyes shut and used the
force. I don't know how he does that, so we'll just have to assume he did it in
whatever way one uses the force.
The X-wing lifted slightly off the ground, zipped forward a few feet, stopped,
then landed. Gandalf opened one of his eyes and glanced down at the ground.
"Dammit, this is going to take a while."
SEVERAL HOURS LATER…
The X-ring zipped forward a few feet and landed.
"S'about time!" Frodo complained, yawning mightily.
"You guys stay here, I'll get it." Sam said, crawling out of the cockpit. He
had decided several hours ago that there was only one thing to do, and that was
to go along with the crazy old guy's idea of fun.
He rang the bell next to the pump and waited for the gas station's present occupant
to come out and help him.
Two bumbling young hobbits scrambled out of the grubby 7-11 and gaped.
"Ooh, pretty!" one exclaimed. The oil-stained patch on his blue overcoat said
"Pippin" in big, bold letters.
"Yeah! And I bet it gets good gas mileage, too!" the other added. His nametag
said "Merry".
"Fill 'er up." Sam said dismissively.
Merry and Pippin nodded, still staring at the magnificent machine parked at
their gas station. Pippin pumped gas into the tank while Merry cleaned the
X-ring's bulbous windshield. He wiped a clean arc into the grimy glass and
gaped. "Hey, Frodo!"
Pippin glanced up from his job, gas pouring onto his bare foot. "Frodo?"
Merry ignored Pippin and pounded on the glass. "Hey, Frodo! Where'd you get
this awesome ride?" he asked.
Frodo rolled his eyes. "It's Sam's." he responded.
"Whoa. I want to be your chauffer!" Merry exclaimed.
Pippin tugged at Sam's sleeve. "What?" Sam snapped.
"Can I go with you?"
"WHAT?"
"Can I go with you?"
"No, I heard you the first time."
"Then why'd you say Wh—"
"Out of disbelief, Pippin. Look at you! You're grimy and oily and—Eaugh—just
plain nasty."
"Aw, come one Sam… buddy ol' pal…" Pippin begged.
Sam tried not to look at Pippin's puppy dog eyes but finally collapsed. "Oh,
fine! Geez."
"Whee-ha!" Pippin climbed into the back seat of the X-ring.
Gandalf turned halfway in his seat. "This thing has a backseat? Why didn't
anyone tell me?"
Merry clambered into the seat and sat next to Pippin, bouncing happily on the
leather upholstery.
"Who said you were coming?" Sam asked irritably.
"Where Pippin goes, I go!" Merry stated resolutely.
Sam sighed. "Gar. Okay, fine. But let's get a few things straight.
"One: This is MY SHIP. Therefore, only MY RULES apply."
Merry and Pippin nodded.
"Two: If anyone needs to 'go', go now, because I'm not stopping for anyone."
Frodo, Gandalf, Pippin, and Merry slipped out of the X-ring and formed a line
in front of the bathroom door. Sam continued his list while they were gone, and
those rules were lost forever.
The X-ring soared over
the clouds and flew over tall trees. Sam piloted the X-ring carefully, having
no room for his elbows in the cramped quarters that was the cockpit. For an
X-ring, the quartet was going slowly. They had dropped Obi-Wan-Gandalf off by
the Quai-gon building, where he had gone to talk to his teacher, Yodaman the
White.
The X-ring skipped over a deep valley, where a man dressed in yellow was
dancing around a tree in what seemed to be fury.
"Hey, what's up with him?" Pippin asked, pointing down at the man.
"Oh, that's Tom Bombadil. He's ticked off because he got cut out of the
script." Frodo peered out the window at the man. "Pity we won't be seeing
Goldberry. She's hot."
"Are we just skipping over the Barrow-Downs?" Merry asked.
"Yeah, so?" Sam grumbled.
"Oh. Okay. That place gives me the creeps anyway." Merry settled back into his
seat and tried to fall asleep.
Something still troubled Pippin, though. "Where are we supposed to get our
swords?"
"Oh, yeah!" Frodo searched through his pack and retrieved four silver rods.
"Oh, that sure looks like it'll help against Imperial Wraith-Troopers." Pippin
rolled his eyes.
Frodo whacked him over the head with one of the rods. "You idiot, these are
light sabers. They glow when dorks are near."
"You mean orcs, right?" Pippin asked as Frodo passed out the sabers.
"No, I mean dorks. Hey, looks like yours is glowing already."
The three older hobbits laughed while Pippin tried to figure out whether or not
he had been the butt of a joke. His saber was glowing, however.
Their laugh was cut short as lasers shot by them.
"Umm…" Frodo raised his eyebrows.
"I know, I know… go!" the Millipede Shall Come sped forward at an amazing speed
and left the Black Pie Fighters behind.
"That was close!" Frodo remarked.
"Oh, dang." Sam muttered.
"Yeah, that was really close." Frodo reiterated.
"No, I mean, 'Oh, dang, we're out of gas again'"
"OH DANG!" The four hobbits exclaimed in unison.
The X-ring started to spin towards the ground.
"OH DANG!" They exclaimed again.
"Where's the Porsche when you need it?" Frodo screamed.
"Huh?" Merry and Pippin asked.
They crashed.
"Good thing this swamp was here, huh?" Pippin grinned.
Sam crawled out of his wreck of an X-ring. "Dammit! This thing isn't insured!"
Merry dusted himself off and pointed into the distance. "Hey, isn't that Brie?
We're supposed to meet Obi-Wan-Gandalf there!"
"Right. I guess we'll have to walk."
"My X-ring!" Sam cried.
The muddy swamp burped once, and the ship sank below its surface.
"Dang." Sam muttered.
The four hobbits wearily continued on to Brie.
