CHAPTER THREE: Treason at The Quai-Gon
MEANWHILE...
"Come in do, Obi-Wan-Gandalf." Yodaman the short and green said. He
stood on the porch to his huge castle-like apartment building, looking down at
Gandalf from the topmost step leading to the door. "Waiting for you I have
been, come in you must."
Gandalf nodded politely to the shorter jedi as he went in. The hallway was huge
and cavernous, with walls that reached forever towards the sky and gigantic
torches casting flickering lights onto the marble floor. The two jedis walked
slowly down the hall, as it was custom for jedis to walk slowly when in the
company of other jedis, so as to not embarrass each other by being faster.
After a few silent hours walking down the hall, they reached Yodaman's
apartment and home office.
"Cookies would you like?" Yodaman asked, heading off towards his
kitchenette as Gandalf made himself comfortable.
"Cookies?" Gandalf asked.
"Made them I did, Chocolate chip they are. Try them you would?"
Yodaman's voice floated in through the door.
"Um... sure. I guess it never hurts to try."
Yodaman returned, a plate of warm cookies in his begloved hands. He was wearing
an apron that said, "The cook you kiss" in pink letters.
Gandalf froze, his mouth dropping open in surprise.
"What?" Yodaman asked. He nudged a ball off the table and placed the
plate in its spot.
"Err... nothing, nothing." Gandalf reached for a cookie, forcing a
smile. "Oh, these are good." He said upon tasting the cookie.
"New recipe they are." Yodaman grinned.
"Where'd you get it?" Gandalf asked, reaching for another cookie.
"Know you Darth Sauron whom east over mountains lives?"
Gandalf choked on his cookie. "Darth Sauron?" he coughed. "When
did you manage to trade cookie recipes with Darth Sauron?"
"To tupperware party was I invited. Met him there I did. Nice palantir I
did buy." Yodaman picked up the ball that he had nudged onto the floor.
"See?"
Gandalf choked on his cookie again.
MEANWHILE...
"Okay, where's the Inn of the Three Little Pigs?" Frodo asked,
tripping over the oversized map that he was holding.
Merry peered over Frodo's shoulder. "This is Brie, not Lothlorien."
"Oh." Frodo handed Merry the map and searched through his pockets for
the right one.
Merry attempted to fold the map, then gave up and crunched it into a ball.
Sam slapped his forehead. "Why don't you guys just ask for
directions?"
"Because we're men!" Pippin piped up.
"No we're not, we're hobbits."
"Good point. Excuse us, sir, but where the hell might we find the Inn of
the Three Little Pigs?"
The tall man looked down at Pippin and raised an eyebrow. He was... tall... and
had a sword at his side. "Over there." He said, pointing at a large
ramshackle building that leaned ominously towards the East.
Merry leaned towards Sam and whispered, "It's only a model."
"SHH!" The tall man warned.
"Oh... thanks... I guess." Frodo wrinkled his nose at the building
and shrugged.
Sam grinned at Merry. "Hobbit-sized."
The four hobbits trudged through the muddy streets of Brie and stood in front
of the Inn of The Three Little Pigs. "Who was that guy?" Frodo asked
Sam in whispers.
"The King."
"How'd you figure that?"
"He's not covered in shit."
"Oh."
They pushed the door open and entered the Inn.
MEANWHILE...
"Yodaman, why? Why did you sell your soul for a cookie recipe?"
Gandalf was on the wall, where he hung from his chained arms, hopelessly
watching Yodaman bake batch after batch of fabulous chocolate chip cookies.
Yodaman shoved another cookie into Gandalf's mouth to make him shut up.
"Got Milk?"
"Cook don't well I. Reputaion save recipe my this." Yodaman pulled
another tray of cookies from his oven.
Gandalf winced and swallowed. "Yodaman, I just don't understand you
anymore."
"I'll talk right, then."
Gandalf gasped. "Holy COW! I can actually make out what you're saying!"
Yodaman shrugged, waving a spatula to make the cookies unstick themselves from
the pan. "Do you seriously think I'd sell my soul for ONLY a recipe? I got
some speech classes, too."
"You'll never get away with this!" Gandalf intoned, struggling against
his bonds.
Yodaman shrugged again. "Probably not. But I haven't told you why I've
kept you here."
Gandalf gulped. "You mean to say that stuffing cookies into me isn't your
sole purpose?"
Yodaman grinned. "No, that's just to fatten you up."
Gandalf's eyes grew wide.
Yodaman laughed. "Just kidding. No, I need you to... DO MY TAXES."
Gandalf screamed as Yodaman laughed wickedly.
