CHAPTER THREE: Treason at The Quai-Gon

MEANWHILE...
"Come in do, Obi-Wan-Gandalf." Yodaman the short and green said. He stood on the porch to his huge castle-like apartment building, looking down at Gandalf from the topmost step leading to the door. "Waiting for you I have been, come in you must."
Gandalf nodded politely to the shorter jedi as he went in. The hallway was huge and cavernous, with walls that reached forever towards the sky and gigantic torches casting flickering lights onto the marble floor. The two jedis walked slowly down the hall, as it was custom for jedis to walk slowly when in the company of other jedis, so as to not embarrass each other by being faster.
After a few silent hours walking down the hall, they reached Yodaman's apartment and home office.
"Cookies would you like?" Yodaman asked, heading off towards his kitchenette as Gandalf made himself comfortable.
"Cookies?" Gandalf asked.
"Made them I did, Chocolate chip they are. Try them you would?" Yodaman's voice floated in through the door.
"Um... sure. I guess it never hurts to try."
Yodaman returned, a plate of warm cookies in his begloved hands. He was wearing an apron that said, "The cook you kiss" in pink letters.
Gandalf froze, his mouth dropping open in surprise.
"What?" Yodaman asked. He nudged a ball off the table and placed the plate in its spot.
"Err... nothing, nothing." Gandalf reached for a cookie, forcing a smile. "Oh, these are good." He said upon tasting the cookie.
"New recipe they are." Yodaman grinned.
"Where'd you get it?" Gandalf asked, reaching for another cookie.
"Know you Darth Sauron whom east over mountains lives?"
Gandalf choked on his cookie. "Darth Sauron?" he coughed. "When did you manage to trade cookie recipes with Darth Sauron?"
"To tupperware party was I invited. Met him there I did. Nice palantir I did buy." Yodaman picked up the ball that he had nudged onto the floor. "See?"
Gandalf choked on his cookie again.

MEANWHILE...
"Okay, where's the Inn of the Three Little Pigs?" Frodo asked, tripping over the oversized map that he was holding.
Merry peered over Frodo's shoulder. "This is Brie, not Lothlorien."
"Oh." Frodo handed Merry the map and searched through his pockets for the right one.
Merry attempted to fold the map, then gave up and crunched it into a ball.
Sam slapped his forehead. "Why don't you guys just ask for directions?"
"Because we're men!" Pippin piped up.
"No we're not, we're hobbits."
"Good point. Excuse us, sir, but where the hell might we find the Inn of the Three Little Pigs?"
The tall man looked down at Pippin and raised an eyebrow. He was... tall... and had a sword at his side. "Over there." He said, pointing at a large ramshackle building that leaned ominously towards the East.
Merry leaned towards Sam and whispered, "It's only a model."
"SHH!" The tall man warned.
"Oh... thanks... I guess." Frodo wrinkled his nose at the building and shrugged.
Sam grinned at Merry. "Hobbit-sized."
The four hobbits trudged through the muddy streets of Brie and stood in front of the Inn of The Three Little Pigs. "Who was that guy?" Frodo asked Sam in whispers.
"The King."
"How'd you figure that?"
"He's not covered in shit."
"Oh."
They pushed the door open and entered the Inn.

MEANWHILE...
"Yodaman, why? Why did you sell your soul for a cookie recipe?" Gandalf was on the wall, where he hung from his chained arms, hopelessly watching Yodaman bake batch after batch of fabulous chocolate chip cookies. Yodaman shoved another cookie into Gandalf's mouth to make him shut up. "Got Milk?"
"Cook don't well I. Reputaion save recipe my this." Yodaman pulled another tray of cookies from his oven.
Gandalf winced and swallowed. "Yodaman, I just don't understand you anymore."
"I'll talk right, then."
Gandalf gasped. "Holy COW! I can actually make out what you're saying!"
Yodaman shrugged, waving a spatula to make the cookies unstick themselves from the pan. "Do you seriously think I'd sell my soul for ONLY a recipe? I got some speech classes, too."
"You'll never get away with this!" Gandalf intoned, struggling against his bonds.
Yodaman shrugged again. "Probably not. But I haven't told you why I've kept you here."
Gandalf gulped. "You mean to say that stuffing cookies into me isn't your sole purpose?"
Yodaman grinned. "No, that's just to fatten you up."
Gandalf's eyes grew wide.
Yodaman laughed. "Just kidding. No, I need you to... DO MY TAXES."
Gandalf screamed as Yodaman laughed wickedly.