Author's Note: Hiya, HPD here again! The final two chapters will feature multiple Ed-boys – this time it's Ed and Eddy (don't worry, Double-D will be back next time, right now he's, uh, still recovering from the exertion of bringing Ed to a halt in his earlier chapter ;) Ed's bit is first, but I'll let you know when Eddy's taking over. In the meantime, thanks, those of you who reviewed the earlier chapters – Jaha, I'm glad Ed made you feel a little more Einsteinian; F. and Crystal, I'm glad you particularly enjoyed Double-D's part (he's such fun to write!); Kristin, thanks for your kind words about my earlier stories, too, and Kitty, I'm glad you liked Ed's POV, he's certainly, er, challenging! And thanks to those of you reading this chapter now – have fun!
~High Planes Drifter~
*****Ed's POV*****
You know how sometimes you're looking for flying animals with your pals Eddy and Double-D, and you get to where the flying animals are only they're not flying but there's a guy named Rolf buried in the vegetable patch so you decide to play 'Mutant Rutabaga Invaders' with him instead? Ho-ho, I love it when that happens!
That is why I was so excited when we got to Rolf's farm! Rolf was buried in the dirt just like the creatures in 'I Was a Teenage Rutabaga' – did you ever see that movie? The part where brave Doctor McDonald attacks the horrible rutabaga army with only a vegetable peeler is one of my favorite vegetable fight scenes ever!
Eddy must've been scared of the rutabaga people, though, because he pulled me back right away so we could hide behind the barn. Not Double-D, though, he walked right up – boy, he is so brave when he is not being afraid of stuff all the time!
"Oh my, Rolf, I may be unfamiliar with your customs, but this seems a tad extreme!" There was a guy named Tad in my gym class last year, but the only time he did something extreme was when Eddy poured itching powder down his shorts. Um, he did not look like Rolf, though – I think maybe Double-D was confused because of the funnel.
"Go away!" Rolf did not like being called Tad, I could tell. I wouldn't either, if I had a cool name that sounded like the noise the Lava Urchin of Pluto makes just before it spews its deadly acid all over its victim!
I think Eddy was confused about Rolf being Tad, too. "I'll give you a quarter if you tell me what's going on!" Ooh, ooh, question for Ed! I could tell Eddy all about the Lava Urchin and how it would wipe out Peach Creek with its terrible stomach juices, and how if only we had a real rutabaga person to save us we might survive, but since Rolf was just pretending (Double-D tells me the difference between real and pretend all the time!) and was not even really named Tad, we did not stand a chance!
Oh, but then I got worried that maybe Eddy would be even more scared if he knew the terrible danger we were in, so I thought I better not tell him. "I haven't got a clue, Smarty-Pants!" Ed takes care of his little pals and their smart pants!
Double-D was still saying stuff to Rolf – sometimes it is hard for Double-D to be quiet, he has so many words up in his brain and I don't think he can keep them from escaping because they keep getting out through the gap in his teeth, poor little dickens – so I ran over to help. Oh, and I took Eddy with me so he wouldn't have to be all alone – sometimes when me and Double-D are working on stuff, Eddy just sits there and doesn't join in, like he is afraid we do not want his help – isn't that sad?
"Hold it, stop right there!" Gee, maybe Double-D really didn't want Eddy joining in! I dropped Eddy then so Double-D would not get mad at me, just in case he really was a secret agent for the Lava Urchins – better safe than a lobster, I always say!
Eddy looked kinda mad, I guess he does not like Lava Urchins. "I suppose you're gonna tell me it's my fault Rolf's acting like a mole?" Oh boy, I do the best mole impersonation! I wanted to jump onto Eddy's back to show him what a good mole I was, but Double-D was busy yelling at him about plants so I thought I should wait. Like Double-D always says, manners make the world go to Las Vegas!
"Give Rolf the plant, Eddy!" I don't understand why Double-D thought Rolf wanted a plant, Rolf has a lot of those already! But Double-D is really smart so I'm sure it was a good idea.
"Man, you're worse than my mother!" Double-D does kind of look like Eddy's mom, if you squint so hard your eyes are closed and you think of a picture of Eddy's mom instead of Double-D. That must've been what Eddy was doing, too, because he never would've listened to Double-D like that! "There you go Rolf, sorry for hurting your whatever." Oh no! Eddy hurt Rolf's whatever? I had a whatever once, but Sarah told on me and my mom took it away. I almost started crying when I thought of Rolf's poor little hurt whatever, but then Rolf crawled up out of the dirt just like a mutant potato zombie, back from the dead to make us all pay for our love of French fries!
"It lives!" That's what they always say when a zombie comes up out of the ground in the movies, huh! "Hiya, Rolf!" I do not think they say that as much, but I wanted the potato zombie to know I was its friend.
"Hiya, Stretch!" Eddy must have been thinking the same thing, only he must've been scared again because he couldn't remember Rolf's real name. "Nice plant, huh?" Why, yes, I am! "Don't forget to water the – "
"You mock Rolf yet again, with the Potted Shrub of Ridicule?" Um, I don't know what that means, do you? Sometimes Rolf is hard to understand, just like Double-D, only with Rolf you should always listen because it sounds so funny when he talks! "For the honor of Rolf's Great Nano, I challenge you to a duel!" Oh boy, just like in 'Deep-Freeze Duel of the Popsicle-People'!
"A duel?" Double-D sounded confused about that, probably because he'd been reading the whole time we were watching that movie and he missed all the important stuff, so I don't think he understood that Rolf wanted Eddy to try to push him into a great big freezer!
Rolf wasn't real good at playing Popsicle-People, though. "Prepare yourself, Ed-boy, as honor will be mine!" That line was all wrong – it was supposed to be 'Prepare to meet your doom, freezer-burned fiend from the ice-cube tray!'
And I was so disappointed with Eddy, all he did was say, "What'd I do now?" and walk away! I picked up Double-D and ran after him so I could tell them both that he should have said something cool like, 'I will melt your freezy goodness and toast your Popsicle sticks to ashes!' My pals try real hard, but sometimes they just do not get it.
Boy, what would Eddy and Double-D do without me?
*****Eddy's POV*****
So after Rolf's latest hissy fit, I decided to go back to the junkyard to drive my van. I guess Ed and Double-D were there, too – yeah, I let 'em come along, even though they didn't help me at all at Rolf's. Hmmph.
Stupid Rolf. All I did was throw his stinky old fish-ball against the fence, it ain't like I broke his stupid pig or anything! I was just showing off my Major League pitching arm, and now he thinks I'm gonna fight him? Yeah, right! With a million-dollar face like mine, I can't afford to go getting into stupid fish-ball fights! Hey, it ain't like it's my fault Rolf's stupid country only ever cooks stuff that smells like Ed's closet!
And speaking of Ed…"Can we stop for ice cream?" Stupid Ed. I wouldn't have stopped for him even if I was really driving, the lousy traitor. I mean, come on, he's supposed to help me when stuff like this happens, he doesn't know any better than that, right?
"Ed, please!" And most of all, stupid Double-D – this whole thing's his fault, I'd never be in this mess if it wasn't for him! "Eddy's concentrating on the near-at-hand duel!" You know what? I bet he gave me that plant on purpose – that little sneak wanted to get me in trouble, didn't he? Yeah, I bet he was trying to teach me one of those stupid 'lessons' of his again – well, I'll show him, I ain't learnin' a thing from this!
"Like I'll show up, Mr. Give-Rolf-a-Plant." Ha, that's showing him!
Man, why'd I ever listen to him in the first place? This whole mess just goes to show why I'm in charge and not Double-D – if I'd just ignored Captain Conscience and let Ed make those cupcakes like I wanted, we woulda been living large by now, chowing down all the cupcakes we wanted and selling the rest to the neighborhood chumps! What could be better than that? Definitely not sitting in some stinking van in the middle of –
"Look out, Eddy! There's someone on the road!" Geeze Louize, Ed scared the living daylights outta me! I was ready to shove him and Professor Polite right outta my van, but then I saw what he was babbling about – who the heck does that Kevin think he is, getting in my way like that? He's just lucky I was out of gas!
"Hey dork, it's time for – " *HOOONNNK!!!*
Heh-heh – dork, huh? That oughta teach that overblown jerk not to – ack!
That square-jawed bike-monkey got his paws on me before I even knew what was going on – he's just lucky I wasn't ready for him or I would'a shoved his bike right up his nose! And – and I could've gotten away any time I wanted, too, only I, uh, didn't wanna mess up my face, remember? Yeah, that's it!
Besides, I shouldn't even have to be fighting – where the heck was Ed? Shoot, where was Double-D, even? I'll take what I can get!
But noooo, neither of them did anything – well, the heck with them, like I really need help from Mister "Less Brains than a Spoon" or Mister "Less Muscles than a Slipper"!
No, wait, I didn't mean that – come on, guys, I was just jokin' about all that stuff I was thinking before! Help your – aagh! – help your good pal Eddy!
Guys? Did I ever tell you two how much I, uh, respect you? Buddies? Come on, don't you wanna rescue bestest friend – NOW???
Pals?
