DISCLAIMER: Nope, still not mine
Dear Ruthie,
I am a middle-aged, non-denominational pseudo-Christian minister. For some reason, I feel like my faith is being tried past all limits. My wonderful family and ever-growing church (which includes everyone in Glenoak at one time or another) care about me, but they seem to think that I need help. I have no idea *gasping for air* where they got such an absurd idea. What can I do about this crisis of faith?
E.
Dear Dad,
About this "faith" of yours… it seems to my brilliant-beyond-my-years mind that you could use to develop some. Perhaps if you were actually Christian instead of a poser, your "faith" might not be so hard hit by the vast success of your ministry. I can see how it's been trying and why you might suddenly decide that helping people isn't your calling. You were obviously meant for a different path, and God has been playing with you all these years, just as you have been playing with all of us with this talk of so-called "prayer." Perhaps you could get a job at McDonald's where you would inevitably find a single mother of twelve in need of help for her diabetic triplets and help her overcome racial adversity to send all of her kids to Disney World. I would, however, request that you not quit your job. You seem to have forgotten the fact that the church owns the house we live in.
Ruthie
P.S. Don't forget to breathe.
