DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I just make fun of them without mercy.  There will be no mercy from the Kant.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm glad to see how many of you are enjoying this story and the haiku story.  Please keep reviewing, and if this is the type of thing you enjoy, you might consider joining the Fruitcake Alliance, of which I am a proud member.  We got the first newsletter a couple of weeks ago, and I just about died laughing.  Anyway, I'm going to give the Chief Fruitcake permission to license this fic to other alliance members, meaning they can use the whole advice columnist or haiku thing for other shows.  Anyway, email fruitcake headquarters at fruitcakehq@yahoo.com to join the alliance.

            Dear Ruthie,

I am incredibly tired of being denied a personality of my own.  I feel as if I will be forever stuck as half of a two-bit punch line echo crew.  I worry sometimes about my future.  How can I make my family recognize me as an individual?

            -D.

            Dear Ruthie,

Me want cookie.

            -S.

            Dear Sam-and-David,

Contrary to popular belief, you are actually one person.  Maybe if you actually developed a personality, the family would come to look upon you as more than a trained seal. 

            -Ruthie

P.S. Good boy.  Here's a cookie.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Has anyone else noticed that the taller twin is the smart one?  They give him all of the good lines, and the other one just echoes whatever he says.