DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I just satire them.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I promise a haiku update shortly, but for now, content yourselves with another Dear Ruthie installment.  If you read it, REVIEW.

Dear Ruthie: Yet another Chapter (written after viewing the 7th Heaven episode aired January 20, 2003)

            Dear Ruthie,

I've found myself becoming strangely coherent and logical.  While this pleases me to the extent that I will smile an irritatingly perfect smile, I am a bit confused.  Since when have I been the voice of reason, sanity, logic, and intelligence?  I like this new role.  It makes me feel manly.  Don't worry, I still have an incredibly square jaw.

            K.

P.S.  Do you need any advice?  This strange new feeling I am informed is called "thought" or "foresight" might allow me to help you.

            Dear Kevin,

I too am disturbed by the fact that you suddenly have a higher IQ and greater sense of logic than a toothbrush, but I will trust you with my problems.  After all, you are a police officer.  I'm worried that I'm being reduced to one giant metaphor, through the course of which I will be the cornerstone of many "very special" events.  I feel less like a person and more like a platitude spouting member of a Greek chorus every day.  What can I do to regain a sense of personality?

            R.

PS  Get back in the saddle.

            Dear Ruthie,

Using my rather foundationless reasoning skills, I have determined that you are right.  If  you wish to move past your living metaphor status, you must define yourself as a person.  You should stop talking like a brochure and start using words like "like" "totally" and "dude" incessantly.  The rest will take care of itself.

            Kevin

TBC(possibly)… PLEASE REVIEW!!!