DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, and while that would have saddened me in earlier seasons, now I am glad.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: We haven't had a new episode in a while, but they've been playing the promo for the wedding foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, and one part about it makes me want to chuck my little brother or another handy object at the TV screen every time. 

            Dear Ruthie,

I feel like singing in a creepy sing-songy voice.  Is it justifiable to do so into my pillow at night time?  I know I share a room with other people, but in a moment of privacy, is this acceptable.  Can't.  Hold.  It.  In.  Any.  Longer.  *Singing*  I'm getting married in the morning.

            -L

            Dear Lucy,

Please stop singing.  I'm glad that you're excited you're getting married, but perhaps you should spend this time meditating on how not to be insanely jealous, irrational, and argumentative instead of singing to yourself in a manner that makes me view you as that freaky little girl from the movie, The Ring, which I, of course, never saw, because it had inappropriate content for someone my age, given the fact that it wasn't about a dog exploring the world in a hot air balloon while overcoming peer pressure.  I digress (for your benefit, allow me to explain.  'Digress' means 'to go off topic.').  My advice to you on how to sleep the night before your wedding sans singing is as follows.  Lie down.  Close your eyes.  Think about how good looking Kevin is, and try not to think about the fact that sex, which you've never had, is imminent.  If you get hungry during your insomnia, don't worry.  Just eat some of the food you have stored in your cheeks.

- Ruthie

Dear Ruthie,

*Still singing*  I'm getting married in the morning.  Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's off to marry I go.  I'll keep on singing all night long.  Hi-ho, Hi-ho-Hi-hoHi-ho… speaking of ho… do you foresee problems with my wedding involving Roxanne?

            -Lucy

Dear Lucy,

Stop singing.  I foresee problems only if you create them in your warped chipmunk mind.  In other words: yes.

            -Ruthie.

TBC after I see tonight's episode w/ The Wedding and get some reviews…