DISCLAIMER: I don't own them… I just parody them.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Where did all of my loyal readers go?!?! Did they abandon me? *tear* Well, here's an update for you anyway, but if you read, please review this chap.
Dear Ruthie,
Muahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahha!
- S-V
Dear Samvid,
Today you showed what a powerful little two-headed puppetmaster you are. I am proud. You get a cookie.
- Ruthie
Dear Ruthie,
I think my partner and my wife may be talking about sex. I find this disturbing, to say the least. How can I convince them to stop?
- K.
Dear Kevin,
You're married to Lucy. You have bigger problems, and honestly, if it's between Lucy talking to Roxanne and talking to me, it's got to be Roxanne. I suggest that you relish your position as my family's personal lapdog policeman and resign yourself to the fact that Roxanne will be lisping gossip with Lucy from now on.
- Ruthie
Dear Ruthie,
Sex is fun. Kevin is awesome.
- Mrs. K.
Dear Lucy,
First of all, I will not refer to you as Mrs. Kinkirk, no matter how many times you do it yourself. Secondly, that wasn't a question, you little twit. Thirdly, ARG. What did I just get through saying about the sex thing?
- Ruthie
Dear Ruthie,
I have money. Dogs don't like me. If I smile sweetly at you, will you accept me and convince Peter that he should (a) lay off the hair gel and (b)convince his impressionable mother that, though I am not eye candy like Ben, she should marry me and grant me my somehow distorted desires? What can I do to convince him I'm not some type of villain?
Uber Sincerely,
Dick
Dear Dick,
I hate to break it to you, but you are a villain. I might as well start calling you Claudius, though I'm sure the Shakespearean reference is as lost on you as it would be on everyone else around here. Let me break it down for you. (1) The golden retriever may not have made a good fire dog, but if he barks at you, you either have dog smell on you, or there's a giant neon flashing sign over your head that reads BAD GUY. Chances are, aforementioned sign is powered by plot bunnies, even more powerful than the energizer bunny. (2) Your name is Dick. I won't go into the implications of that. (3) Anyone who signs a letter "Uber sincerely" has got to be evil, and your uber sincerity is creeping me out.
-Ruthie
TBC… more to come, should I feel so inspired… hint hint, review.
