DISCLAIMER: Brenda Hampton et al own them all. I own no one.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's baaa-aaack. A new season of 7th Heaven, and some more quality Dear Ruthie to go with it. Did anyone miss me? Are any of you still reading this? Is there a particular reason I just almost swallowed my tongue?
DEAR RUTHIE: CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Dear Ruthie,
I would write you a letter, but I'm too busy brooding. In a roundabout after school no-fault-of-mine way, I killed someone, and not even my too long hair, which is finally darkening enough that my eyebrows don't look freakish, can console me. I've been thinking of running away to New York to see Matt. I think he'd understand what I'm going through.
Broodily yours,
-S
Dear Simon,
I sympathize with your emotional turmoil. My most obvious suggestion is that perhaps you should get some therapy. In fact, considering our model-of-adult-wisdom parents are very hip to the counseling scene, I'm wondering why you haven't been in therapy already.
On a separate note, perhaps you should talk to Lucy, who could possibly relate to you because of her experience with feeling guilty about not preventing a close friend's death or Mary about her experience with an action she has spent a lot of time regretting.
Or, I guess you could talk to Matt about brooding.
~Ruthie
Dear Ruthie,
I'm hunnnnnngrrrrrry.
-S
Dear Ruthie,
I'm hunnnnnnggrrrrryyyyy
-D
Dear Ruthie,
WE'RE HUNGRYYYYYYYY (and cute)
-S-V
Dear Samvid,
Quite frankly, the unison thing is creeping me out. Back, ye evil children of the corn, back.
-Ruthie
Dear Ruthie,
After seeing the way a car crash affects people, I really need a life affirming experience, despite the fact that as a police officer, I see car crashes and homicides every day. I was thinking that maybe Lucy and I should have a baby. Or maybe twins. We could have twins.
I could stay home and babysit while my wife went to work. I've thought this through very carefully. What do you think?
~K
P.S. I'm wearing a wife beater. You can see my biceps and everything.
P.P.S. Do you need some help? I can do that for you.
Dear Kevin,
What are you talking about? You can do what for me exactly? Perhaps you should stop volunteering to do so many random jobs and devote more time to increasing circulation from your well-sculptured jaw up to your brain. You and Lucy cannot, I repeat, cannot procreate. Natural selection should have made such things impossible, but nature has a very cruel sense of humor.
The world is a better place for the fact that you're wearing so little clothing.
-Ruthie
TBC… providing there's enough interest.
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