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Thank you everyone for the reviews ;) They mean a lot to me…a little warning; one scene in this chapter is probably the most disturbing one yet, at least, I'd like to think so *g*
I would've uploaded this Friday, but as you probably know the site was down :( Next chapter will be up next Friday *g*
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Chapter Twenty-Nine: Remembrance
Deanna Troi paced in the small confines of her personal room in Sickbay. Her hands were clasped behind her back and her frustration could clearly be seen on her face. She'd been back to her feet for nearly a week now, but besides the two daily visits to the ship's physical rehabilitation centre she'd been locked up in her almost claustrophobic small room. She was feeling like a caged animal, separated from freedom only by a thin wall.
Her rational mind knew perfectly well that Beverly and Kate were right in keeping her in the room; she wasn't able to remember anything about her stay on the Hydra, no matter how hard she tried --or didn't try-- she simply couldn't remember. She could easily speculate based on the list of injuries the doctors had given her, but she needed to remember to be able to deal with it otherwise those speculations would haunt her for the rest of her life.
And then there were of course the psychic changes in her she was still adapting to, a task not made easier by the fact she hadn't had the time to adapt fully to the previous changes she'd undergone. Out of caution her abilities were constantly muted by inhibitors to allow her mental defenses time to adapt as well. Even just thinking about the impact these new powers had on her future made her shudder.
~*+*~
Whistling Riker walked through the corridors of the Enterprise on his way to Sickbay. Deanna had been back on the ship for a month now and finally the doctors had agreed to let him see her. He'd seen her already of course, but only when she was under sedation or asleep.
Will had to strain himself not to run to the ship's medical facility and at the same time it couldn't take him long enough. He had absolutely no idea how Deanna would react. He'd read the reports on her captivity and could only imagine the hell she'd been through. Her phychical injuries were extensive and the vast amount of drugs in her system had caused severe brain damage. After having spend two weeks in coma and one and a half additional week under constant sedation Troi's injuries had healed.
He entered Sickbay and passed a very pregnant Doctor Crusher and Doctor Pulaski. Beverly winked encouragingly and watched as he hit the panel that opened the door to Deanna's private room. The window allowed the physicians to watch the reunion of Riker and Troi...
~*+*~
Deanna heard the door open and tried to recall who was entering. Beverly had informed her the night before that someone would come visit her but strangely she couldn't recall who. A little voice inside her head warned her not to turn around, *begged* her not to. But she shove it aside, telling herself she was safe. Slowly she turned around and found herself staring into a pair of sky-blue eyes.
And then she remembered. Fear gripped around her heart and a loud terrified scream left her throat. Her senses went numb and she backed away from those eyes. The eyes that had haunted her, tortutered her and killed because of her.
"Please, no! Please, not again." Tears of pain and fear filled her eyes and blurred her vision. She closed her eyes, trying to shake the image of those blue eyes off her. 'It's a dream. It's just a dream! I'm on the Enterprise now, I'm safe. Thomas is dead. He's DEAD!' The assurances didn't calm her though.
Something blocked her way out. Her back slammed into something solid and cold, something that wouldn't budge. Her hands searched frantically for a way out. 'I have to get away!' The blue eyes came closer.
"Not again. Gods not again!" Oblivious to her own crying and the voice that came with the piercing blue eyes she shove along the wall, getting as far away from the eyes as she could.
A thousands hands fondled her body, some rough, some tender but all of them fast and demanding.
~There's no escape Imzadi. You're mine and mine alone.~ The fear was overwhelming, the fear and the memories. The voice in her head and those eyes, always those blue eyes.
Her shoulder hit a second wall, she was cornered. No where to hide, no where to run. No matter where she looked two blue eyes were staring back at her. There was no door. No furniture of any kind. Only those eyes. Those cold hateful eyes. The eyes and the hands. Hands that stroke her, hit her. Hands that strangled her and nails that scratched her skin. A mouth that bit and spit. That sucked her blood.
Running away was futile. In the end they always caught up with her. No where to run, no where to hide. Just them. Them and the walls. The walls and the chains. No way to get out, no way to make those eyes disappear.
She couldn't move, her body caught up in the fear of her mind, caught in the chains that held her against the wall. Caught in those hateful blue eyes.
~Got you~
* * *
Riker froze when he heard Deanna's scream, when he saw the terror in her eyes, the fear for him. She backed away from him, creating as much distance between them as she could. Acting on instinct Will advanced towards her and tried to lock his eyes on hers, hoping they could bring her out the nightmare she was trapped in.
"Shh...Deanna. You're on the Enterprise, they can't hurt you." His whispers didn't penetrate the wall of fear around her. Only his eyes did.
He was close now, close enough to reach out and pulls her in his arms. Oblivious to Kate's warning to back away from Troi he stretched his arm, taking another step when suddenly he heard something in his mind.
~Got you~
The coldness and hatred in the voice made him shudder involuntarily. The voice was alien and yet familiar, but not as familiar as the one that responded.
~*NO!!!*~
The strength and terror behind her normally musical voice made him take two steps back. Her wide black eyes flashed with rage and the sudden change in them took his breath away.
In a fraction of an instant had her soulful black eyes turned bright green surrounded by the blackness that seconds ago had colored her irises.
Vaguely he heard Kate whisper behind him. Stray words penetrated his mind.
"No...not him...friends...Enterprise...safe." He wanted to turn around and ask her what she meant but he couldn't break the hold of her eyes on his. Hoarsely he whispered her name, trying to break through her walls.
~No where to run, no where to hide~
Riker was thrown backwards, he flew over the head of the doctor and landed hard against the window at the far end of the room. His body went limp at the impact.
Without saying a word or turning around Pulaski motioned the nurses present to get the unconscious Riker out the room where he would be tended to by Beverly and ordered the security personal in the room to back away.
The three officers exchanged looks not sure whether they could leave the woman alone with the dangerous Betazoid.
A second impatient gesture from their superior made them back away. Out of the corner of her eye Kate saw the retreat of the officers carrying an unconscious Will. She had known Deanna's power had grown considerably but she hadn't expected the Betazoid to make use of it with such little provocation. After all, she had shown no hostile behavior towards the captain.
Noticing her own ragged breathing she focused on slowing it and projecting calm and peace. It took what seemed like decades before the fury in Troi's green eyes died, but it did and gradually her eyes turned back to normal. The fear that had consumed the woman minutes before was however still very much present. Deanna had sagged onto the floor and had drawn her knees to her chin, embracing them with her slender arms and rocking back and forth.
"Please, not again...not again." The Doctor's heart ached for the woman she considered her sister. The one who had been through so much pain and fear in the past months she couldn't help but wonder how she had survived.
"Dea? Deanna, listen to me. You're on the Enterprise, nobody is going to hurt you here." The bewildered look in Troi's eyes seemed to diminish a little, but Kate continue whispering. "You're safe here. You're home." The doctor felt her muscles relax under her hands.
"But I...I *saw* them. He was there." The distraught Betazoid began to shake lightly as she relived some of the horrors she had repressed.
Hands were groping her body, they seemed to be everywhere. The roughness shafed her skin and the strength with which he held her caused her skin to bruise. Her captor threw her roughly onto the bed and almost simultaneous ripped off what was left of her dress. She closed her eyes as he climbed on top of her, but the two blue eyes wouldn't go away. They seemed to reach even the darkest recesses of her mind.
~Open your eyes Imzadi~ the voice whispered into her mind. His irritation of her resistance flooded into her mind as he spoke again. ~Open your eyes or I shall kill another one.~ Being only too aware of the seriousness of his thread she obeyed and forced herself to look at him. Faintly she wondered what could've turned this man in such a monster. The thoughts soon left her however when he draw his knife and began to caress her body with it. Goosebumps emerging everywhere where the blade touched her.
~Someday Imzadi, you will pleasure me without resistance~ he promised her as he discarded his trousers.
The sensation of being shaken back and forth at last began to replace her newly returned memories. "Deanna! Snap out of it!" With all the force she could muster Kate shook her patient one more time as she yelled at the top of her lungs. With a startled jerk of her head Deanna's eyes lost the glassiness that had overcome them as she looked into her trusted friend's face and although everything she had experienced onboard the Hydra now rushed back into her conscious mind she managed to keep control of herself.
Having had more than enough experience with patients suffering from traumatic memory loss Doctor Pulaski recognized the symptoms of resurfacing memory. Although a part of her had hoped Deanna would never have to remember, she knew from a professional point of view it was better for her patient. Now Deanna could truly begin to heal.
~*+*~
It took Deanna nearly six hours to process her memories and during those hours she hardly moved, her eyes transfixed on the wall across her and her senses completely unaware of the constant presence of Kate Pulaski. Despite the insistence of Crusher, Kate had refused to leave, knowing it would be hell for Beverly to have to sit on the floor for a longer period and that Deanna shouldn't be distracted.
Finally Troi managed to tuck her re-obtained memories away for the time being and focus on the real world. She slowly crept to her feet, not aware of her companion until she stood fully erect and turned to her side. "Kate."
"Welcome back among the living." The doctor smiled ruefully as she guided her patient to her bed. "How do you feel." Deanna snickered in response and began to undress herself. "How long did it take me?"
"Oh, about six hours." In shock Troi swirled around, just as her nightgown slid down her body and fell in place. "Six hours?! That's too long!" Understanding the reason of the Counselor's concern Pulaski placed a reassuring hand on her arm and explained why it had taken Deana's mind that amount of time to process the resurfaced memories.
"So you're positive this was a one time thing? That I remember everything now?" Kate nodded solemnly and watched Deanna crawl underneath the covers. "Well, if you say so." Although there were several questions burning in her mind the doctor knew better than to push Deanna was answers. She was well aware of the Counselor's habit to wait dealing with issue's until she chose to and when she did, she would certainly inform her doctors.
Wishing her patient goodnight doctor Pulaski left the room and called for the nurse on duty, whom she ordered to keep a close look on Troi's dream pattern for she expected her to have some intense nightmares. The next evening at earliest she and Beverly would try to talk to Deanna, but until then she could only wish her patient and friend the strength to deal with her memories.
