"How do you know where we are?" Meg demanded, standing up and brushing herself and the pants off.  "We could just be in some other random forest…"

                "No!  Look!"  She pointed to a tiny hole in the tree cover, and sure enough, there was a castle looming out of the gloom.  "It's Hogwarts!"

                "It could just be some other random Scottish castle," Celeb said with a shrug.

                "How do you know we're in Scotland?" Meg asked.

                "It's called intuition."  Then she suddenly burst into song.  "Follow your heart, your intuition!  It will lead you in the right direction-"

                "Ok, ok!  We get the point!" Meg exclaimed fwapping Celeb with the pant legs.

                "Ooo.  Ewan pants," Celeb said, grabbing onto said clothing article and tugging.

                "Mine!" Meg shrieked. 

                "Mine!" Celeb replied, equally shrieky.

                "No!  You're only a fangirl 'cos of me, and therefore, I get dibs on the pants!"

                "Um… where are we?" Anakin asked, just noticing his new surroundings for the first time.  "Where did that Obi-Wan look-alike go?"

                Celeb scowled.  "Didn't you hear Adnap?  We're in the Forbidden Forest.  Don't tell me you never read Harry Potter."

                "Harry who?" he said.

                "He's impossible," Meg muttered.

                "Yeah, and he looks ugly in eyeliner," Celeb agreed. 

                "We're so corrupt," Meg giggled. 

                "Damn that Velvet Goldmine movie!"

                "Can we get going to the castle now?" Adnap asked, practically jumping for joy.  "I want to see Ron!"

                "Oh no, here we go again," Celeb muttered.  "All right, let's go."  She grabbed onto the end of Anakin's rope and started tugging him through the forest towards the distant lights, following Adnap.  Adnap seemed to have picked up on the scent of Hogwarts like a bloodhound and led the strange group through the forest in short order.  Before they knew it, they were standing at the edge of the forest within view of Hagrid's hut.

                "I can't believe we're actually here!" Adnap squealed.

                "Ooo, I hope this is during the PoA!  I want to meet Remus!" Meg exclaimed.

                "Maybe Paddy is here!" Celeb said, jumping up and down.

                "Yeah!  And we can warn him of his imminent death!"

                "We can save him!"

                "PoA?  What?" Anakin asked, looking even more confused than usual.

                "Prisoner of Azkaban, and don't ask such silly questions," Adnap answered.

                "Let's go to the great hall!" Celeb suggested.

                "How are we going to get in?" Adnap said.  "We're muggles."

                "No we're not," Meg grinned.  "Behold the power of the fangirls!"  And suddenly all four – Anakin included – were dressed in Hogwarts robes of the Gryffindor variety, and the three authoresses had wands.

                "Hey, don't I get a wand?" Anakin whined.

                "No, you're a squib," Celeb answered cheerfully.  "And if anyone asks, act mentally incapacitated.  Otherwise they might throw you out."

                "Oh… ok!" Anakin said brightly.

                Adnap giggled and tightened Christian's blue scarf around her neck.  "Are we ready?" she asked breathlessly.

                "Let's go!" Celeb replied.

                The four dashed up to the huge double doors leading into the castle.  Adnap opened them eagerly, and was greeted by a hoard of third-years clamoring at the door, waiting for Filch to sign them out.

                "Ron!!" she squealed, launching herself through the crowd and attaching herself to the red-haired Gryffindor's legs.  "Oooo, you're just as cute in real life as you are in the movies!"

                Ron looked down, perturbed.  "Uh… what?"

                "Excuse me!" Filch snapped, striding over to Adnap.  "Get up off the floor!  You were outside without permission!  Sneaking off to Hogsmeade early, were you?"

                "Where's Harry?" Celeb interrupted, looking around at the gathered students.

                "Who wants to know?" demanded the now-recognizable voice of Daniel Radcliff/Harry Potter.

                "HARRY!" Celeb squealed, tackling the Boy who Lived.

                "Ooo, Potter's got a fangirl," Draco said, poking his face out of the crowd.

                "You shouldn't have done that," Adnap advised from her place around Ron's ankles.

                "DRACO!!!" Meg squealed, launching herself at the Slytherin. 

                "Oy!  Get off, you mudblood!" he snapped, desperately trying to free her arms from around his waist.

                "You three!  You'll have a detention for this!" Filch sputtered.  "Disrupting!  Being out without supervision!"

                "What's going on here?" asked a mild voice as a certain caramel-haired professor descended the stairs.  He was on his way to lunch, a lunch that would soon be disrupted.

                "Obi-Wan??" Anakin asked, utterly confused.

                "LUPIN!!" Meg squealed again, launching herself at the lycanthropic professor.  "And… and… you're not David Thewlis!!"

                Lupin looked down at the squealing teenager latched to his ankles.  "Pardon?  Who am I not?"

                "David Thewlis, the ugly git who's playing you in the PoA movie!  You're… you're…"

                "Curt Wilde," Celeb cackled.  "Where's Brian Slade?"

                "What?" Lupin frowned in confusion.  "I have no idea what you're talking about."

                "Shh!  Don't mention them!" Meg hissed.  "The whirlpool might come back!"

                "Is that an entirely bad thing?" Celeb answered. 

                "Well… no."

                Adnap approached the professor, dragging Ron with her.  "Maybe this means that David Thewlis really will get in a horrible accident and not be able to play the role!" she said hopefully.  Ron desperately tried to escape, but to no avail – the arms of fangirls are extraordinarily strong.  The Fangirl Adrenalin was still in effect.

                "Oooo!  I hope so!"

                "We're so mean, wishing ill luck on some poor actor," Adnap noted sadly.

                "No, it's not meanness," Celeb said.  "It's favoritism."

                "Oh… well.  In that case it's ok!"

BM: Wait, wait, wait… do you realize we don't have an actual plot yet?

Celeb: Yes we do!  We're three fangirls parading through Ewan-related worlds, dragging Anakin with us.

BM: This sort of reminds me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, without the heavy drug use and the Johnny Depp.  No plot, just a lot of antics.

Adnap: But does that really matter in the end?

Celeb: (sings) And in the end, it doesn't even matter-

Adnap: So let's get back to the fanfic, shall we?

Celeb: (sings) And all that jazz!

BM: (rolls her eyes)

                Ron poked Anakin with his wand.  "Who are you?" he asked.  "I've never seen you before.  Are you a transfer student?"

                "Am I… what?"  Anakin stared at Ron blankly.

                "Don't bother," Adnap said dismissively.  "He's not the sharpest tool in the shed."

                "Ohh, I see," Ron said sagely.

                "Hey!  I'm not dumb!" Anakin exclaimed.

                "That's what you think," Meg replied as she patted Lupin's hair.  "So pretty…"

                "Excuse me, will you get off my back?" Lupin asked politely.

                "No!"

                "Why not?"

                "Because I love you!"

                Lupin sighed.  "No you don't.  You're delusional.  Now please, unhand me."

                Meg sniffled and did as she was told, unable to refuse her Remie-poo.  "Well… can we at least sit in on one of your classes?"

                "If you want," Lupin said.  "I'm doing bogarts today."

                "Yay!  My favorite!" Celeb squealed.

                "You realize this is totally out of sync with the story timeline," Adnap said.

                "So?"

                "I suppose it's all right… and I've always wanted to fight a bogart."

                "That's the spirit!"

                So the three Cali teens and their captive followed Lupin to his classroom, where he had his bogart-in-a-box.  "You know the spell, right?" he asked.  "I mean, since you all seem so well-versed in Wizardry…"

                "Of course we do," Celeb scoffed.  "Just picture your most horrible thought, then make it funny!"

                "Earthworms," Meg shuddered.

                "Earthworms are your worst fear?" Lupin asked, looking mildly amused.  Meg scowled.

                "Yeah, well, it's better than being afraid of the moon, wolf-boy."

                "You know about that?" Lupin asked, disturbed.

                "Of course we do!" Adnap replied.  "But don't worry.  We love you anyway."

                "Love love looooove!" Meg squealed.

                "All right then," Lupin said, backing up a little.  "I'm going to open this box… and you can go right to it."  He did so, and in an instant there was an enormous earthworm wriggling on the floor in front of them.  Celeb and Adnap looked mildly disgusted, but Meg was utterly horrified.  She clung to Lupin, screaming.  "Big worm!  Big scary worm!"

                Lucky for the Cali teen, the whirlpool arrived right at that moment.  It picked up the three girls and Anakin, leaving Lupin to deal with the huge earthworm.  He was rather relieved to be rid of them.

                "I wonder where we'll end up this time?" Celeb muttered as the whirlpool swirled around them.

Notes: Where will they go next?  How much longer can this continue?  Why are the authoress's plot bunnies all dead?  All this and more in the next installment of Autographs, Obi-Wan, and a C-3PO Pen!