Disclaimer: Don't kill me, I forgot to say it earlier. Heh-heh-ehem. *stands up on soapbox* I don't own Ballpark Franks! *gets off soapbox*

PS. I don't own Star Trek either, but Ballpark Franks are more important. To me. Not.

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Arr

And now...

HOT DOG

CHAPTER ONE: The Phaser

Hik leaned back against the stump, pulling the laden stick off the fire.

"Mm," he said, chewing on a hot dog. "Nothing like good old fashioned Ballpark Franks. Earth food."

His long black hair flew into his face, and he sighed, brushing it away. The breeze had blown his joke away to some far-flung place. Joke? Oh, it had hardly been that. He was missing his friends from home. There was Doc, and Jimmy, and of course his all time pal Pav. Ah, Pav. The times they'd shared. They'd gotten lost in Yellowstone, they'd made fun of their seniors- Heck, they'd shot Klingons.

Even as he though these things, there was a beeping from his back pocket. A familiar beep, a beep he loved...

His communicator. Actually, it was more of a chirp. But cowpokes were not suppoed to be politically correct. They were supposed to burp and not take showers. The latter was nothing new to him, but Hikaru had never quite got the hang of burping. He let the thought blow away and reached for his communicator.

"Hello, Hikaru speaking," he said, not knowing what else to say.

"I vould like a Ballpark Frank and a side order off fries, pleese. And a largish sort of cola, eef you've got von," came the reply.

"Pavvy!" cried Hikaru. "Pavvy, where are you?"

"Look up."

And Hikaru looked up.

"Pavvy?" he asked into the communicator, even though his friend stood only a few feet away. Pavel A Chekov, Weapons Control, giggled like and underage schoolgirl with a newfound fondness for vodka, which Hikaru realized was not an inaccurate assesment.

"Isn't it a surprise?" asked his younger pal. "I thought you'd like eet."

Hikaru still stared.

"Pav, how'd you get in here?" he asked, aghast. "I thought-"

"It took me three days to break the lock. But I got it vith my phaser. Now lose the vig and come vit me. De Keptin vishes to speak vit you."

Hikaru did as he was told, but as they left the hologram, he couldn't help muttering "Dammit, thought I'd locked the door this time."