My alarm clock is © Advance. My computer is © Mac. My favorite book is © Tolkein Enterprises. My dog is not ©. I am © Wizards of the Coast, or at least I wish I were. The One Ring is © Sauron. Star Trek is © Paramount. George Foreman Grills are © George Foreman. All things Willy Wonka are © Roald Dahl. This is the way of things, it shall not be undone.
And now...
HOT DOG
CHAPTER THREE: Of KHAN and Other Little Things
Sulu sat back in his luxury Hawaiian beach apartment, leaning back in his recliner and blinking one heck of a lot. The George Foreman grill sizzled away and Sulu wanted to do something useful but he didn't know what the plot was yet and besides, he liked Hawaii. Then all Hell broke loose and he learned the plot in a not-very-good way.
The intercom turned on.
This was no biggie. The intercom was normal and turning it on was also normal. It was the voices that came out over the intercom that Sulu found unusual. And also the message they carried.
"Oompa Loompa, doopity dee
This line was made up by a dumb company
But being Oomps, we don't agree
We won't bow down, we Oomps are free!"
And then there was a voice screaming "PULL THAT LEVER!" And then there was dead silence.
And then the ship rocked again as the ENTIRE UNIVERSE (A/N: And I mean Andorians and Tellerites and Klingons and Romulans and Tribbles and even Cyrano Jones as he picked up the Tribbles ENTIRE UNIVERSE when I say that) cracked up and really hurt themselves laughing.
"OOMPA LOOMPA REBALLION!" they all laughed.
And then there was more silence as the GRAVITY of the SITUATION began to sink in.
The SITUATION part was because suddenly shipwide GRAVITY lost control.
And then all the doors on the ship flew open.
And then almost six hundered Oompa Loompas went shooting around the Enterprise 1701 A, propelling themselves just the way Willy Wonka had taught Charlie and his family to do it. Ensigns hovered in the air, screaming bloody Oopma Loompa and having Oompa Loompas bounce off them by the dozen.
And then KHAN said something over the intercom and everyone one froze.
"Is there not an old Klingon proverb that says revenge is a dish best served cold?"
Silence.
"Well revenge is so cold it gives me a brain freeze. I hate anti-grav. We're all leaving."
Silence.
A transporter beamed everyone but KHAN and one very unlucky Oompa Loompa off the Enterprise 1701 A. Then KHAN beamed off. The last Oompa Loompa was what had been sizzling in the G.F. Grill. But this was not the plot. Not even close. The garvity returned but this was STILL not the plot. Because the weird song was not what had come over the intercom. What had come over the intercom was a very serious and very cold voice. It had been lost among the tumult, but now that the only sound on the ship was of the frying Oompa Loompa, the repeated message could be heard quite clearly.
"We are to Shhingr'ret Ny'aar. We are going to kill you."
Silence. And then...
Sulu had been racing for the command center, and he stumbled to a halt inside the entrance to the bridge. Even as he tiptoed toward his station, a message came to the bridge.
"JESUS CHRIST, JIM!" yelled Doctor McCoy over the suddenly quiet intercom. "THEY'VE TURNED OFF THE OXYGEN MAKER! WE HAVE NO MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES TO REPAIR IT!"
Kirk took in a sharp breath. "Scotty?" he asked a moment later. "Scotty?"
"Nay, Cap'n," said the Scot grimly.
"What?" asked Kirk.
"I can't even hope to repair it in less than an hour."
"Scotty, your our miracle worker. You HAVE to fix it. Or I'll- I'll blacklist you!"
"Please, sir," said Scotty quietly, "Don't let me die without even the wee bairns, these engines. Let me die here with 'em."
And then everybody on the bridge knew.
The term "all hell broke loose" had not been used in vain. And then...
