Chapter 5: When You Hear Him Plead
"He'll argue that keeping his mailing list confidential is essential to the exercise of his first amendment rights." Jack told Lennie and Rey while Jamie looked through the book they'd brought – a technical guide to murder that appeared to have been used in a killing a few days earlier. Lennie and Rey were hoping Jack or Jamie could help them get the mailing list from the publishing company.
"And a Judge'll buy that?" Lennie asked, incredulous. It was amazing what these judges and lawyers could come up with.
"You want to spend six months in court to find out?" Jack asked.
"I'd like to know before the killer starts drawing a pension." Rey replied.
Jamie closed the book and looked up at the three men.
"He followed the instructions in here step-by-step. Chapter six. There's even a checklist. The publisher provided the means for him to commit a felony."
"Criminal facilitation?" Jack said, "I don't think so."
"I'd like to run with it."
"If that's what you want to do, God bless you." Jack retreated to his office and shut the door behind him. Jamie stood up and smiled at Lennie and Rey, tilting her head towards Jack's door.
"What does he know?"
The detectives smiled back at her.
"So, Jamie," Rey asked, "When does Fernando Salva's trial start?"
"Opening statements are Wednesday," Jamie said, "Scarletti's got another trial in three weeks, he wanted this one out of the way. But I think I can find time to visit your publisher this morning. We have voir dire after lunch."
"Let us know," Lennie said, "And I'd be more than happy to testify against our pal Fernando."
"Me too." Rey said.
"I'm sure Jack will want at least one of you," Jamie agreed, "We'll figure out who as soon as we can. Don't worry, I'll let you know."
Meanwhile, Jack sat in his office, struggling over the third draft of his opening statement. It was his first trial since the retrial of Lila Crenshaw, months ago – the beginning of July, wasn't it? The criminal justice system had lost patience with him. Scarletti was rushing the Salva trial, Marks was scheduling the Sullivan trial and who knew what was coming next, although he was certain there was something. There was nothing to do but plow through it, nothing to do but keep up the pace, no matter how tiring it was. Enough work, Jack thought, and maybe I'll forget.
Except that was not possible.
Every day there was something – "Claire would like that," or "Claire would think that's funny, I'll have to tell her…" and then reality would come crashing back, and he would realize it every time as if it had just happened, just that second.
But for everyone else, the pain had begun to fade. Lennie and Rey had returned to their cases. Adam was happy – or at least, as happy as he ever was – with Jamie's performance. Monica had stopped giving him that uncomfortable, pitying look. Even Michael Kennedy was serving out his sentence at Mount McGregor.
So why, then, did he still feel as if time had stopped? It wasn't as if they had ever promised each other it would be forever. The last woman he had said "Until death do us part" to was living in California, married to a real estate broker named Barry. The words didn't mean anything.
There had been no way to prepare for this, no way to brace for the unexpected impact of losing someone like her. Now he felt like he was looking into a tunnel with no light at the end. There will always be this gaping hole in my life, he thought.
Just go to work, and go home alone. Try to hide this. Try to find something to fill this vast, empty void. Before she came along he was fine, he had lived without her. He could only wonder how he had done it, because it was impossible to do it now.
***
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?" Judge Scarletti asked the jury. Jack and Jamie exchanged looks. The trial had gone well, but with juries there was always an element of uncertainty.
"On the first count of the indictment, murder in the second degree, we the jury find the defendant, Fernando Salva, guilty."
The courtroom erupted. Mr. Rankin pulled his daughters close. Ana Galvez, sitting on the other side of the aisle, behind Salva, burst into tears and was consoled by Fernando's grandmother. Abe Mercer looked stricken, but Fernando Salva just looked numb, as if he had never considered this outcome.
Jamie smiled at Jack.
"We did it," She said.
"How about that." He replied, with a satisfied nod.
"Order, please." Judge Scarletti banged his gavel, "Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, we thank you for your services. The defendant is remanded to custody. A date of sentencing will be set three to four weeks hence. This court is adjourned."
"Judge Marks has voir dire scheduled for tomorrow in the Sullivan case," Jack reminded Jamie as they returned to their office, "Not much time to celebrate."
"Oh, come on," Jamie chided, "This is the first murder conviction I was ever happy about. I'm required to celebrate. I don't even have Katie tonight."
Jack had to smile.
"Congratulations, you two," Adam spotted them walking back, "I knew I made the right decision. You make a good team."
Adam thought better of saying that after the words were already out of his mouth. Jack flinched a little, but he covered well.
"Credit where credit is due, Adam. Jamie did more than her fair share of the work."
"I don't care who did what. I'm just happy with the results. Have a good night."
"I doubt we'd be breaking any rules if we celebrated with a drink," Jamie said after Adam disappeared into the elevator, "I actually feel good about the system tonight."
"All right," Jack agreed, "But I'm going to blame you if we don't pick the right jurors tomorrow."
"So here's to seven acquittals and one conviction." Jack said, clinking his glass of scotch against Jamie's vodka martini.
"Hear hear," Jamie took a sip of her drink, "And here's to making a good team."
Jack nodded, but Jamie could see his eyes didn't agree with his smile.
"I'm sorry," She said, "Did I say something wrong?"
"No. You didn't. We do make a good team." He said, although he didn't sound as if he meant it.
"All right, it's time to be honest," Jamie set her drink down on the bar and looked at Jack intently, "The first time I saw you, when I had no idea who you were, you looked as if you had the whole world at your feet. Then I start working with you, and you are…"
"A shell of my former self?" Jack asked, taking a sip of his scotch.
"I didn't say that."
"No," He said, "But did you ever wonder how I came to be without an assistant? Did you ever wonder how your position opened up?"
"I just assumed someone left," Jamie said.
"Not voluntarily," Jack sighed, "My former assistant was killed. In a car crash. She was…" He trailed off, and Jamie tried to figure out the end of the sentence.
"She was what?"
"Very special." He finished. Jamie eyed him carefully.
"There's more to it than that." She said.
"Yes," Jack said, "There's more to it."
"Were you… no, wait. I'm being terrible, I'm sorry. It's none of my business."
"No," Jack looked up at her, "I haven't talked about it much. I try not to. I think, if I don't talk about her, I won't think about her. That doesn't work."
"I don't think that ever works."
"No, I don't think so either."
"So why not talk about her?"
Jack looked up at Jamie.
"And tell you what?"
"Anything. Anything you want to." Jamie prodded. Jack looked up at the ceiling and thought for a moment.
"I never expected her," He said slowly, as if the words required careful thought, "And then I never expected to lose her."
Jack must have been her senior by at least twenty years, but at this moment the mother in Jamie was taking over. She almost wanted to reach out and hug him. The look in his eyes said far more than his words ever could.
He had been in love with this woman. Suddenly every one of his strange, moody moments made perfect sense to Jamie.
"I'm sorry," She said after a long pause. What else do you say when confronted with that kind of pain? Sympathy didn't seem enough.
Jack only nodded.
"Thank you." He said.
"I haven't known you that long, Jack," She said, "But if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm a good listener."
"I might take you up on that, you know."
"I'd be disappointed if you didn't." Jamie replied.
Later that night, after sharing a cab to their respective homes, Jamie said goodbye to Jack and unlocked the door of her house. It was Isabel's night off, since it was Neil's night with Katie, so she had the place to herself. She picked up a few toys the little girl had left on the floor and straightened a few things she hadn't had time to pick up that morning.
She sat on the couch, amazed at how quiet everything was when Katie wasn't there. Even when she was asleep, her presence just energized the whole house. Jamie still wasn't used to seeing her off on her visits to her father – the whole process was unpleasant.
But Katie would be back home on Sunday morning. The quiet was temporary.
Jamie went over the events of the day in her head. The triumph of a guilty verdict – it sent chills down her spine. Her first trial as a prosecutor, her first conviction. It was better than anything she had anticipated. Maybe there was hope for the world yet.
But then there was Jack. His confession hadn't explained everything, but Jamie could fill in the blanks. A phrase from a book she had read many times after the death of her grandmother came back to her –
"I have to begin from the beginning and repeat: She's dead. As if it's just struck me. And I find myself drowning, engulfed by the disorder of the current, wanting to seize her hand to bring me to shore. Missing her so…"
She could only imagine that kind of a loss. Although he hadn't said much, he had said everything he needed to say.
Jamie sighed and pulled her shoes off, rubbing her tired feet. Feet were not made for sixteen hour days in heels, she thought.
And suddenly, the memory came back to her. The day she had first seen Jack, talking to someone as he punched a button on the elevators, his eyes flashing with excitement about something. The person with him was a woman – it had to be her – a woman with black hair and brown eyes who was smiling at him. Not at what he was saying, but at him.
A moment that seemed insignificant at the time, Jamie thought, now became doubly important in retrospect. As many times as she turned the memory around in her mind, she could only remember the fact that they were both smiling.
Like Mr. and Mrs. Rankin, they were happy. Until someone decided to take that away. Whether by a malicious act or an accident, the result was the same. Jamie wished Katie was home. She felt the strongest urge she'd ever had to just hold her daughter and never let go.
***
"For the record, the jury having found Fernando Salva guilty of murder in the second degree, we are here for the purpose of imposing sentence. Mr. McCoy, are you ready to proceed?"
"We are, your honor." Jack replied. It had been a busy three weeks since Salva's conviction. He had been working on his brief to the appellate division in the Sullivan case, fighting the dismissal of the Sawyer case and that unsettling meeting with Judge Hellman had taken far too much of his time. Thankfully, there wasn't much to say when it came to sentencing Fernando Salva.
"Your honor, I renew my objection, you excluded this tape." Mercer spoke up.
"At trial. It is being offered at this hearing, not for its propative value, but as an aggravating factor in sentencing. Now sit down."
Mercer sat, and Jack stood next to the tape player while the bailiff pushed the play button. Mrs. Rankin's anguished voice filled the courtroom.
"Fernando, please. Think about this. All the trouble you'll get in? You'll regret it for the rest of your life."
"Too late. It don't matter."
"I've met a lot of young men like you in my work. Boys everyone gave up on. But they turned their lives around. So can you, Fernando. I can help you. I want to help you."
"Get out of the car."
"No, wait! Listen to me. Think of all the people you're going to hurt. Your family! You'll ruin their lives!"
"Come on, come on, move!"
"No, please. Look at the picture. Look at my little babies."
"Come on."
"I love them so much, I love their father, please don't take me away from them."
"Come on!"
"No, no, I don't wanna die!"
"Let go!"
"No! Stop!"
"Shut up!"
"Oh please, oh god no!"
"Turn around!"
"Just stop and think, Fernando, you're making a terrible mistake, just stop and think!"
The tape ended, and Jack stood silently for a moment.
"The people have nothing further, your honor." He said quietly.
"The lab ran off a copy." Lennie said, holding up a copy of the tape before handing it to Jack.
"Good. I'm leaving instructions to play it at Salva's parole hearing. Twenty-five years from now."
"Makes you wonder how close she came to walking away from it," Jamie said, looking at Jack. For the past few weeks she'd been keeping a careful eye on him, trying to keep him from burying himself in his work or drinking too much, but she doubted her success. Once she understood him better, it didn't take long for her to realize she genuinely cared about Jack. Because of that, she would keep trying.
"She was dead the minute he said drive." Jack replied.
"Why didn't he shoot her?" Jamie asked, remembering Ana Galvez's reasoning.
"The noise." Lennie said, walking across the room to where Jack was standing while Jamie left, "So, want to join me for a club soda?"
"Not tonight," Jack looked up at Lennie, "Rain check?" Lennie nodded and headed for the door. As he put his hand on the doorknob, Jack spoke up again.
"You know, a few weeks before it happened, she wanted to quit. I talked her out of it."
Lennie took a deep breath. Was that guilt he heard? Don't add that on top of everything else, Jack, we all have enough baggage to carry from that day.
"Yeah, well," He said, "I could have kept walking past that bar."
Lennie shut the door behind him as he left.
I wanted to keep her with me, Jack thought, forever. I would have gladly said it if I knew what staring into forever without her would be like.
But it was too late for that.
It was too late for everything.
****************************************
Author's Note:
The majority of dialogue taken from the show in this story comes from "Causa Mortis," and includes every scene from that episode that features Jack and/or Jamie, although there are also scenes from both "I.D." and "Double Blind." (I had to move the dates around so everything fit together properly.) There is one small intentional omission – in the first scene with Judge Marks during "I.D." Jack says they were late due to a "30-30 hearing." Since, in the story, they were late because they were still meeting with Judge Scarletti, I took the "30-30" out. As for the circumstances of Michael Kennedy's plea-bargain, the fact that he only got twelve months at Mount McGregor is from "Under the Influence." The rest is just made up, including his name.
And to give proper credit where due, the passage that Jamie remembers is a quote from Necessary Losses, by Judith Viorst, a book about the mourning process that was once required reading for a class of mine.
As for the ending, I really prefer to tie things up with a happy ending, or barring that, a resolution of some kind. The problem here is that the actual episode upon which this story is based has an ending that implies that it isn't really over, that Jack is still grief and guilt-stricken and will continue to be so, off and on, for quite a while yet. Given that circumstance, this ending was about the best I could come up with. Hopefully it isn't too anti-climactic.
