A/N:  Warning: …Disturbing chapter. You might wanna bring a barf bag just in case…-_-;

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Chapter 6 – Drunk Wonderland

Wonderland/Lotus Forest

The Cheshire Cat laughed as it tickled the flowers with its big, purple furry tail. He was apparently drunk after having a wild "tea" party with the Mad Hatter…

The angry flowers attempted to slap him with their leaves, but how much damage could a leaf do to a full-grown cat? Not much, obviously. So, they used their only other weapon – their singing. "La-la-la-lalalala-la-la!!"

The purple striped cat frowned. "You're voices are terrible! Stop it now!"

The flowers ignored the Cat and continued their merry melody. They kept singing annoyingly…anything to get the drunken animal as far away from them as humanly possible.

"AAAAHHH!" The Cat screamed and ran away, looking for another victim to annoy. This time, it was the Queen of Hearts.

There was a problem, though. She was one of the guests at the "tea" party, too, so she wasn't exactly sober, either…

Her card servants were hidden away in the Lotus Forest, quivering, scared to death. God knows what she was like when she was sober, but when she was smashed? Let's just say that you wouldn't want to be near her…

The Cat found the Queen in her Court Room. He sneakily peeped at her from his hiding spot behind a red-rosed bush.

(A/N: What comes next is very disturbing. I'm serious. You might get nightmares. Just a little warning for you, hehe…)

When he saw what she was doing in there, his fluorescent yellow eyes widened in amazement. "My God!"

The enormous, fat Queen was in her XXX-large underwear. Want a description? Her lingerie was white and lacy with little red hearts patterned all over. What was she doing in her underwear?

She was…dancing. Putting on a little strip-tease for her "audience" (…if you can call a red-rosed bush garden an audience)…She waved her royal gown up above her head like a helicopter. "WOO! Don't I make you absolutely horny, baby?! WOO, yeah!"

The Cheshire Cat slicked his fur back. "Oh yes. Come to papa…"

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The Queen wakes up the next day…next to the Cheshire Cat, who was purring delightfully in his sleep. When she realized what must have happened the night before, she screamed. She screamed so loud that she startled the birds from their trees.

The Cheshire Cat woke up and rubbed his eyes with his paws. "Not so loud, hunny-bunch. I'm goin' deaf, here!"

The Queen put on that evil, vicious face of hers and crept closer the Cat. They were now face-to-face…

SMACK! She slapped the Cat so hard; he flew about a mile into the sky – who knows where he landed. Then she ordered her card servants to look for him and, "Bring him to trial!!" She demanded.

The servants obeyed. They had tracked down the Cheshire Cat and forced him onto the podium in the Court Room.

"Honey, why do you do this to me? Did you not have fun last night?" The Cat asked with an innocent expression.

"SILENCE!!! I'm going to have your head chopped off anyway, but before that, we must have a trial. COURT IS NOW IN SESSION!!" The Queen of Hearts shouted at the top of her lungs.

Sora and Company had just arrived through the World Transporter. Just in time to witness the trial.

Donald was pleased to see the Cat in trial. "Hah! It's that stupid trickster Cat! He's in trouble now!" He snickered.

Goofy glared at Donald. "Now, now Donald, that's no way to talk about—

"SILENCE, FOOLS! Or I'll murder you all! I call the shots around here! If you're on MY land, you're under MY command! Is that clear?!" The Queen yelled in rage.

Sora and the gang replied, "Crystal! Clear as crystal!"

Sora gestured, "Please continue your trial. We're all interested to find out what the Cheshire Cat did this time…"

At that, the Queen's face turned red. Redder than her red roses. In fact, it appeared that she was so hot under the collar; she would under-go human spontaneous combustion. Seriously. She looked like she would explode at any minute. "That damn Cat…r-r-raped me!"

For a second, Sora stared at Donald's face, Donald stared back…then they erupted in laughter. The whole gang was hysterical. But, really! The thought of a mere cat sexually harassing a Queen of such high rank is not something to be taken seriously. There were plenty of eye-witnesses that night that could testify against the Queen's accusation. Everyone knew that she was drunk and she was certainly not "raped" but without a doubt, willing to be sexually involved with that purple, furry ANIMAL.

The Queen was FURIOUS. Outraged. She screamed again, "AAAAAAAAHHH!! God DAMN you all to HELL!!" Suddenly everyone in the room fell silent. "Screw the trial! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!"

"Wait! I did NOT rape her! Sora come on! Save me! Please!" The Cat begged.

Sora had to think a while on that one. "Hmmm…Guys? Should we save him?"

Selphie spoke up, "He might have some useful info on the whereabouts of Ansem…"

Donald shook his head. "Nuh-uh. Even if that stupid cat knew something, he wouldn't tell ya. He talks in friggin' riddles. It's so annoying I could strangle his scrawny little—

"AHEM! Commence the beheading at ONCE!!" The Queen interrupted.

Sora took out his Keyblade. "No way, Lady. I don't care how annoying that cat is, but if he's not guilty…And I have a pretty good feeling that he's NOT…then you have no right to kill him."

"Yeah!" Tidus waved his sword, Wakka spun his blitzball on his finger, and Selphie stretched her rope. They all got prepared to do battle.

Actually the cards were cowards, so they ran and hid AGAIN. Wakka used the distraction to his advantage. He went behind the Queen and wacked her behind the head with his ball. She blacked out.

"That was easy." He grinned triumphantly.

Selphie and Tidus grabbed the Cheshire Cat before he could escape. "Hey, not so rough! You'll ruin my fur coat!" The Cat protested.

They had questioned him about Ansem in exchange for saving his life, of course.

"Ansem? He's never been here in Wonderland. Not that I know of. And trust me. I know everything about Wonderland." The Cat said.

Sora pulled Donald aside. They started whispering. "Should we trust him?"

Donald shook his head. "He's a tricky one. For all we know, he could be in league with the enemy."

"Nah, I doubt it. I mean, think about it. Why would Ansem want him on his side? We've searched the area, Kairi's not here. We have to move on. Maybe Aladdin knows something…"

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TBC – Oooh…sorry this chap came out a little…twisted. I wrote it in the middle of the night on a caffeine high. ^^;

Next up:  The search for Kairi continues in Agrabah…and soon the Heartless make their first appearance…this should be tons of fun. Please review.