Author's Note:

hiya!!

here's me trying to write a character-work heavy fic. hope you enjoy!

note: blocks of text that are entirely italicised are flashbacks and enclosed between sections breakers.


Kakashi is intimately connected to the term 'train-wreck' for as long as he can remember. He didn't have much of a childhood but days of warm sunshine and cold sweetness were also marred with memories of his father's frowns and forlorn eyes.

His teenage years were far bloodier than he ever bothers to recount, filled with voices in his head that reminded him of his state in their brutal shinobi world, that reminded him of the bare futons scattered in his empty apartment that once was filled with the ratty couch and the fondly maintained house plants of his father.

While his peers complained about growth aches and knobbly elbows and grueling D-ranks, he tightened his mask, swallowed his tears and focussed on bettering himself because the only one who could ever protect him was his ownself– that much was certain.

Amidst the tenseness of his chunin years, Minato-sensei was a rock he never knew he'd needed and Obito and Rin were the pillars he never asked for but secretly yearned. They kept him afloat in a sea with turbulence of his own making and sometimes, he wants to go back in time just to tell them all how much they meant to him, how much they'd helped him in their own ways and how much he wished to take their place if it meant they'd stay alive for just a minute longer.

He's learnt to cope with loss and grief, with empty aches and the constant search for what's gone missing. He's learnt to stop the guilt when it surfaces below his skin and not mope till the sun is high up in the sky. He's learnt, through months of self-reflection and slow-moving increase of his own self-worth, that he's allowed to live a life that's not haunted by the maybes and could-haves of his past choices.

Most of his life has felt like a battle. A brutal, bloody fight of fists and teeth and sharp metal where either he's hurting or he's the one doing the hurting. And he wants that to stop. He wants to turn a new leaf, wants to open his eyes again to the world. He's not entirely sure if he'll be successful or if this is what his life is supposed to amount to – an existence that feels like an uninked page, a bare canvas that's too small or too huge to paint on, a neglected sidepiece in the storage room.

"I've let you get away with not being a sensei for far too long."

Sarutobi tells him with a sigh, just a few weeks before the annual academy graduation. The Hokage presses his lips together, massages his temples with a thumb as if showing Kakashi just how much of a headache he causes the old man.

"It's not my fault the current batches of genin are so awful," Kakashi leans back in his chair, making sure that his eye contact with Hiruzen intensifies. They've had similar conversations before and he's not going to change his stance on the matter just because the Hokage looks far more troubled now than ever did before. "What's with your obsession with making me a teacher anyway?"

"I'd hardly call it an obsession," Sarutobi says as he shuffles through a couple important-seeming documents. "I just want you to do something more productive with your life. You know just as well as I do that you've long since burnt out. Being a solo-missions only shinobi is a very tiring position to be in," he stops and looks at Kakashi with a softer gaze than what he'd usually hold. "Not to mention the loneliness that comes with it."

Kakashi snorts because he's never been good at having honest emotional conversations and he sure as hell isn't starting now.

"Yes," he drawls, "you'd surely know a lot about that word, wouldn't you?"

Sarutobi is too used to his insensitivity to get offended so he simply rolls his eyes, pushes some papers out of the way and leans on his elbows.

"If you're done being a snappy adolescent–"

"Actually, I'm not," Kakashi eye-smiles. He'll never tire of annoying the hell out of Hiruzen, if only because it's such a satisfying outlet for all the resentment that festers between them.

"Kakashi," Sarutobi intones softly this time, eyes overcome with a tiredness the young jounin knows too well. "Please."

Kakashi lets out a groan but slumps into his chair, all the posturing and attitude leaving his body at the defeated tone used by their village's leader. It's one of those days when he knows to stop pushing the boundaries of the old man, when he knows he needs to step down and actually hear what he has to say. The snippets of respect he still holds for Hiruzen compel him to do so and he waves a hand in indication that he's listening.

"Thank you," Sarutobi swiftly places a chart in front of him filled with triads of potential genin teams. "Take your pick. I'll make sure you get a team you actually think can make it through your test. I know you think you'll hate being a sensei but you won't. It's one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life, Kakashi and I truly hope it'll end up becoming one of yours, too, if you just give it a chance. Just try it– alright?"

He's heard similar words before but never the undercurrent of desperation that he catches this time. He spares a glance towards the roster and the moment he spots the name of the boy he's purposely kept at an arm's length for the last decade and a half, the decision is made.

"You think he'll graduate this year?" he asks Hiruzen with a nod towards the three names in the fourth coloum.

"Iruka thinks so and I trust his judgement," the Hokage responds, eyes fixed on him with a powerful scrutiny.

Kakashi doesn't meet the man's eyes as he stares at the other two faces. The girl he doesn't know of but the solemn eyes of the other boy would be hard to not recognise.

He takes a minute to read their descriptions and it's sort of poetic how big of a mess this combination of genin is.

"These three," he taps a finger right on their names, "they're my pick."

"Sakura Haruno," Hiruzen says.

The bright but ill-tempered civilian-born kunoichi often praised for precise chakra control and stellar memory.

"Sasuke Uchiha," he continues.

The reclusive hailed prodigy and last member of the Uchiha clan with a fully developed kekkei genkai and honed instincts of a chunin.

"And Naruto Uzumaki," Kakashi finishes.

The notorious prankster with a penchant for unorthodox tai and ninjutsu, despised by most of the faculty for being disruptive and disrespectful.

In other words, this team is an utter mess and Kakashi is all too fine with seeing it explode into oblivion if it means he can delay his sensei-ship for another year.


Naruto's legs don't reach the ground when he sits on the swing. He looks back at Sakura who's half-heartedly pushing him back and forth and pouts.

"Go faster! I want to throw my head back and feel the wind in my hair!"

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura whines as she pushes Naruto forward again. "My arms are aching! It's your turn to indulge this annoying kid!"

"Hey! Don't talk about me like that!"

"I'm too busy staring at the tree to care Sakura."

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura's whine stretches longer.

Sasuke sighs from his resting spot on the dirt below and stands up. But his eyes are smiling and he takes the grip of the swing and propels Naruto forward with vigour so Sakura knows he's not too bothered.

"Woo-hooooo!" Naruto yells and throws an arm in the air as he zips back and forth with speed. "This is how it's done Sakura-chan! Take notes!"

Sakura rolls her eyes at him but his laughter is wretchedly contagious and she can't keep that silly grin off her face even if she tried.

With her back to the tree trunk and eyes fixed on her two best friends, she feels at home.


Kakashi doesn't mean to eavesdrop. It just happens, somehow.

He's standing outside the classroom, the door unlocked but drawn closed with his hand on the handle when a semi-heated discussion from within the room catches his attention and the next thing he knows– his back is to the adjacent wall, chakra pooling to his ears and voices giving him a perspective of the conversation ongoing amongst his newly assigned team.

"No need to pout, Sasuke-kun, I swear I will not bother you," a teasing voice says. Kakashi has no difficulty recognising the owner of said voice– it's the same timbre as Minato-sensei's.

"I'm not pouting," another voice replies. This one's quieter, more reserved but Kakashi hears the classic petulance of a teenager in it anyway. It's oddly a relief to hear the Uchiha sound his age. "And don't make promises you don't intend to keep."

A laugh. It's bright and happy but with the same teasing–mocking–lilt as before. "What's the fun of making a promise if you can't break it?"

"Do you even hear yourself?" another one says, sounding exasperated and a little riled up. So Sakura is playing mediator, Kakashi supposes.

"Quite clearly," Naruto snarks.

"Just shut up."

"Hmm, make me."

"You're so fucking gross, Naruto."

"But you're the one whose breath stinks, Sasuke."

"No, it doesn't," Sakura says, sighing.

"And you'd know that... how?"

Kakashi waits for the next person to speak, for the next insult or accusation but when no one talks for another minute, he opens the door. He finds the three fifteen year olds glaring at each other. It's clear that Sasuke and Sakura have some sort of alliance against Naruto but the blond's gaze is murderous enough to overpower the both of theirs combined. If he wasn't dreading dealing with the three, he'd have been impressed by the vitriol in their eyes.

"Uh-huh," he clear his throat unnecessarily. Unnecessary because all of them have already turned their attention (including the intense eye-contact) towards him. "Hi? Uh, I'm your sensei. Kakashi Hatake."

Sakura's the first one to school her expression and give him a polite smile. "Hello, sensei. I'm Sakura Haruno."

Sasuke's face softens to something cordial and he nods his head in acknowledgement but he neither greets nor introduces himself. Kakashi is fine with that. He's not eager to connect with these over emotional children anyway.

Naruto's eyebrows pinch together as he stares at Kakashi. "Don't you think you're too old for that edgy mask look?"

Kakashi blinks at him. That isn't what he expected Naruto to say to him but he also isn't sure what worth his expectations are when he knows so little about the boy who is the only remaining legacy of his dear teacher.

"It's not a look," Kakashi says flatly. "And I'm not that old."

"Well," Naruto crosses his arms and sits right on the desk behind him. "Your hair's all white."

"Sensei," Sakura interjects with a sweet, placating smile. "Ignore him. He gets ruder the more attention you give him."

Kakashi raises a brow at her, "Noted."

Turning his attention to the teacher's desk, he throws his plan to go to the roof right out the window and hops onto the sturdy wood with excessive flair. He has to spend time with the bratty trio no matter what, so he might as well have some fun while doing so.

"Take a seat, you two," he jerks his chin towards Sakura and Sasuke and blessedly, they follow through without any protests. He sets his palms on his thighs, rubs them a bit as he articulates his plan for the ice-breaker.

"Okay," he begins once he's made a decision. He'll never admit it but it feels sort of good when all three genin hone their eyes on him, attentive and alert, as he speaks. It makes him feel like he's important to them and he reckons he is, what with him being their group sensei and whatnot. "Let's do introductions but," he wags a finger at them because again– flair comes first. "there's a twist."

Naruto groans, "Are you also going to make us hop on one feet the entire time we talk? Like Sugmi-sensei did? Because I swear to kami I am not–"

Sakura nudges him with an elbow, silencing him. "Please continue, sensei."

Kakashi chuckles to himself and does, indeed, continue. "No. I'm thinking of something much less... bothersome than that. Instead of introducing yourselves, you'll be introducing each other."

It's Sasuke who snorts at that. "Are you sure about that, Kakashi?"

For a moment, Kakashi wonders if he should reprimand the boy for not using the proper honorifics but it doesn't last long. He doesn't care if the last Uchiha hellspawn respects him or not, so he shrugs and says, "Not really. But I need to be entertained and I hope this will do the trick. You go first. Introduce Sakura."

Unsurprisingly, Sakura pins the Uchiha with an expectant gaze while Naruto looks on boredly but it doesn't take a genius to spot the traces of genuine interest from the blond.

For his part, Sasuke nods while frowning in thought before starting.

"Sakura is... a bitch," he says matter-of-factly. Sakura's stare turns unimpressed but she doesn't cut him off or go off on him which does surprise Kakashi but he doesn't ponder on the fact too long.

"She's also aware of the fact that she's extremely annoying and uses it to her utmost advantage. I kind of think she has a superiority complex sometimes with how haughty she sounds but I guess she's smart enough to deserve acting that way. She's not as peace-loving as she looks, either. Her punches are weak but her kicks hurt if she doesn't topple over trying to land them," Sasuke takes a pause and wraps up his thoughts with the neat bow of – "Oh, and she is very defensive about her height."

Kakashi nods crisply. He hadn't expected anything but thinly veiled insults and backhanded compliments from this bout of intros and that's exactly what he received. The three of them are too predictable, too easy to read.

"Good job," he says and doesn't miss the silent-fuming Sakura is trying desperately to hide or the displeased frown placed over Naruto's lips. The latter of which is confusing, given the animosity he'd glimpsed between Sakura and him earlier but he shrugs it off as an anomaly. He will psycho-analyse all their behavioral oddities later on.

"Sakura you go next," he calls out. "Your target's Naruto."

And like a magical incantation, the spell takes places and Sakura's lips quirk up in an eager smile. Naruto rolls his eyes at her and gives her a look as if saying do your worst.

"Got it. So where do I begin?" she says, eyes pointed heavenward in question. It warms Kakashi's icy heart to know this kunoichi shares his love for the dramatics.

"He's loud, obnoxious, extremely ill-mannered with little to no regard for appropriateness. Has no sense of social cues whatsover. He says he eats healthy but all his meals are just variations of instant ramen. He's also pretty stupid, if I'm totally honest. And he loves being an overall nuisance to anyone who crosses paths with him–" she hums in consideration and looks right into Naruto's blue, piercing eyes. "Lastly, he's got a bad habit of playing the victim even when he's the one at fault."

Kakashi holds his breath at that. The last comment had felt a bit more personal, like a verbal jab meant to hurt and he's not equipped to deal with that kind of emotional outbursts. Didn't think these two would have enough history for something as meaningful as that. But maybe he's overthinking this because Naruto just turns away from Sakura slowly with a carefully neutral look on his face that give none of his thoughts away.

"Interesting... " he comments at last. "Right then. Naruto, your turn."

The blond bites the edge of his lips before pulling his legs up to sit in a comfortable, criss-cross position. He doesn't look at Sasuke while he talks, instead giving all his attention to the legs of the desk Kakashi's seated on.

"Sasuke is... talented," he says with a measured tone, weighing how each of his words feels on his tongue. Sasuke stiffens in his seat, hands clenched but Kakashi doesn't pay him much mind.

"He's good at everything he puts his mind to. Taijutsu, ninjutsu, genjutsu, kenjutsu. You name it. He's pretty fucking arrogant because of it – thinks he's always going to be on the top. But he's also observant and quiet and sarcastic if he's in the mood. He's got some kind of hatred towards titles and honorifics which is dumb but whatever. He also thinks he's some kind of destined avenger and harbringer of justice but I call bull," Naruto looks up at Kakashi and smiles knowingly. "And don't be fooled by his indifferent act – he's actually a big fanboy of yours."

Sasuke doesn't deny it. Kakashi suspects it's because the boy is too busy untangling the words Naruto had just spoken. Truth be told, he was expecting something harsher than this, something just as vicious as the words spoken by the other two.

But despite that, Kakashi is still a bit off-kilter with the insinuations of their introductions. That these three are maybe something more than classmates who are at odds with each other. That maybe the enmity has a reason behind it than just pointless feuding between competitive peers.

It makes him curious which is something he never wanted to feel about them.

Shaking off those stray thoughts, he addresses the three again, "This has been enlightening but I need to cut this short and go for a meeting. We'll see each other again tomorrow morning. Five a.m. on the rooftop. I've a test for you all."

Sakura nods in understanding while Sasuke looks at him thoughtfully. Naruto gets to his feet and asks,

"Will you be late tomorrow as well?"

"Maybe."

"What do you mean maybe? Give a clear answer!"

"There's no clear answer. You'll just find out tomorrow, Naruto. That's how it's going to be."

"I'm not waking up at the ass-crack of dawn just for you to walk in late like you did today."

"That's fine," Kakashi says, approaching the door. "But if you miss out on the test, it'll be your loss."

"Aren't you jounin supposed to be punctual?" Naruto grumbles.

"Not the edgy ones!" Kakashi tells him before closing the door shut behind him.

Naruto's yell of "You are a very bad role model!" sends him into a fit of chuckles.

It's weird and daunting how this feels a bit like normalcy, a bit like old days under treeshades when he spent his afternoons bickering with Obito and giving sensei a hard time about his age. How it feels like seeing a brother in Naruto's face, a familarity in his eyes.

How it feels like a storm brewing when he thinks back to the three kids who seem to hate each other's guts yet hold themselves with a prickling synergy that speaks of friendship despite their cutting remarks and jabs at each other.

How he sees in them what was once his team, his family and knows it's a train-wreck waiting to happen.


Author's Note:

as usual, let me know your thoughts if you've got any! thank you for reading and have a wonderful day ahead. :))