Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling
A/N: Sanguine: Thanks again for reviewing! Your input is always helpful and valuable, and just to show I really listen to your advice, I've added a little something inspired by your last review in this chapter. ;)
Windy: In response to your review of chapter 6-you flatter me! Super great compliments that really encourage me to write and write. You are the bane of self-doubt!
Chapter 7: A Jinx to Remember
May had reached its full swing before Fanny heard from Severus again. It was only a little more than two weeks in total, but it felt like a very long time indeed. She was impatient to meet with him, but at least the waiting did not generate doubt, frustration, and anxiety as it might have under different circumstances. It was obvious that Severus had not forgotten about her, but was merely biding his time until an opportunity presented itself. While he used to ignore her completely in public, he had now taken to discreetly watching her during potions and at meals. Although he was subtle enough to not attract undue attention, Fanny could often feel his gaze on her, and she found it comforting.
Finally, on the Thursday before the final Hogsmede weekend of the year, she received a message.
Fanny,
Saturday, make your excuses and stay at Hogwarts. I'll wait for you by the seven fingered Satyr at one o'clock. Leave your books behind.
-S
There were no excuses to be made: the Gryffindors had not invited them to join her. Fanny looked up from her breakfast, caught Snape's eye, and nodded to him. A flicker of a smile passed over his face, and Fanny, smiling warmly herself, left the Ravenclaw table for her first class.
The rest of her day passed in languorous impatience, spurred by a rare spot of leisure time gained from a lightened work load. The instructors, on the suggestion of Professor Dumbledore, had given no homework for the weekend to provide the students with one last bout of relaxation before they began to seriously prepare for their NEWT's. With nothing pressing, Fanny spent Thursday evening lounging and daydreaming alone by the shore of the lake and it was so peaceful that she decided to return Friday after dinner as well. As she left the castle at dusk, Sirius raced up to her on the front steps.
"Fanny, hold up a moment," he said, and Fanny was relieved to see that he appeared relaxed and easy in her presence. "Just wanted to ask you about tomorrow? When did you want to meet up then?"
"Sorry?"
"When did you want to meet up? So we can go to Hogsmede, remember?"
"Oh, I, er, wasn't planning on going actually," she stuttered.
His smile vanished and he looked rather confused. "What do you mean? C'mon Fan, it's the last one, you can't stay here all day!"
"Well, I wanted to, um, catch up on some stuff, you know. Besides, I didn't know if I was invited. Nobody said anything."
"That's because we assumed you'd know! Look, I'm sorry if nobody made it clear. But you're our friend, and as such you don't need to wait for invites when we've all been too busy slaving away for these wretched NEWT's to even snag a coffee together, much less hand out written invitations, and it's perfectly obvious that you're welcome anyway. Now I, for one, am not going to let you waste our last Hogsmede weekend ever playing catch up alone. It's a monumental day, we should all be together."
It was the worst possible time to realize things had returned to normal with the Gryffindors, and Fanny was quite distressed. "Look, Sirius, I'm really sorry, but I was counting on using tomorrow to get on top of things. Besides, I haven't been at Hogwarts that long, so it won't exactly ruin the tradition if I'm not there." Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but Fanny cut him off. "It's no use, I can't go. Let's do something Sunday instead?"
Sirius frowned and clearly contemplated arguing, but thought better of it and wagging a finger in her face said, "Fine, but you'd better not cancel, Bowley, or you'll have me to answer to," he smirked suggestively, "and I promise, I won't let you off easy." He turned and walked back into the castle, leaving Fanny alone to wonder at how easy it had become to lie to her friends.
By noon on Saturday the school had been emptied of all Hogsmede vacationers. When Fanny entered her common room just before one, there was not a person over thirteen in sight. It was little wonder that Snape chose this day to meet: no one of importance would see them together, even if they spent the afternoon setting off dung bombs and cacophony crackers in the great hall.
At one o'clock sharp, she left the room, and found Snape skulking discreetly, not by the satyr as he had said, but in the shadowy side passage from which he had accosted her almost two months ago. They appraised each other subtly, examining and adjusting to the unfamiliar casual clothes each wore. Fanny had only ever seen Snape in his school robes, and he looked decidedly odd, but unusually clean and smart, in black slacks and a black long sleeve button up shirt. She wondered if she looked as strange to him, although she was dressed similarly in black trousers and blue t-shirt. If she did, he gave no sign, and simply said, "Shall we?"
They walked through the dark windowless corridors and Fanny thought he might take her to one of the dungeons to work on practical potions. What else could they study without books and parchment? But when they reached the great hall, Snape walked right past the tunnel leading to the labs, and instead led her outside onto the bright warm lawns.
"Where are we going?" she asked, pleasantly surprised.
"I thought we might spend the day outside," he said simply. "There are some varieties of toxic trees in the arboretum that I'd like to show you." They strolled to the south slopes and in among the greenhouses. The sunlight shone brightly off the small glass panes as they wound through the small structures, and although the breeze was fresh and cool, the day had become quite warm. "Are you disappointed to be here rather than in Hogsmede on such a lovely day?" he asked.
"No," said Fanny. "I'd much rather be here."
"But I expect you miss the company of your friends?" Snape prompted as he walked slowly by Fanny's side, with his eyes to the ground. He looked strange and out of place in the cheerful spring. He was extremely pale, yet dark at the same time: like shadow and moonlight. Fanny thought he must be quite uncomfortable in his black clothes in the hot sun, and wondered briefly if he took her outside only because he thought she might like it, before dismissing the idea as vain foolishness.
"I'll see my friends soon enough. Anyway, it's so difficult to schedule time with such an important person as yourself that I'd better take any opportunity I can get." She smiled playfully at Snape, and he smiled a little in return. "Aren't you a bit warm?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you." But he unbuttoned, and rolled his sleeves up to the elbow nonetheless. "So, tell me Fanny, what happened after our last session? You didn't say in your letter. Did you receive detention?" His eyebrows furrowed, and he looked down at her with concern.
"No. It was stupid actually. I was in a bit of a daze I guess, and I walked right into Dippet like an idiot. I didn't get detention or anything, but he said he'd expel me if he caught me out after curfew again."
Snape's severe expression lifted, and he chuckled lightly. "Fanny, you didn't actually believe him, did you? Dippet is all talk. Everyone knows that. He wouldn't dare expel you this close to exams. I'd be surprised if he even gave you detentions."
Fanny felt her face flush, but stood her ground. "Well, I can't afford detentions right now anyway, so it makes no difference. I won't risk it."
"Perhaps you would if your precious friend Black were teaching you," he spat.
"What the hell are you talking about? Don't get mad at me because I refuse to sneak around, losing sleep and risking expulsion when I've got exams that my entire future rests upon hanging over my head. Besides, I wouldn't talk if I were you. I'm not the one who refuses to be seen in public with you!"
They walked in silence for a few moments. The greenhouses ended abruptly and the pair found themselves in a sprawling garden of colossal roses. A delightful perfume surrounded them, and the buzzing of rosa sprites filled the air as the small fuzzy pink creatures flew from blossom to blossom. Finally Snape spoke in a soft almost apologetic voice.
"I'm sorry about that, Fanny. It is not that I am embarrassed to know you. But you must understand that things are quite different in Slytherin. Associations are everything, and any dealings with outsiders are severely frowned upon."
"What do you care what they think then?"
"It is not a matter of caring or wanting to fit in. It goes beyond school into our families and our very ways of life. Slytherins, you see, are mostly from old pure-blood lines, and rejecting the principles that govern Slytherin house is often the same as rejecting our relations. Do not misunderstand me, I am not above turning my back on them," his face hardened sharply. "But they are my key to a better future: university and a respectable position afterwards. If I can just establish myself I can be finished with them forever." He looked with absent glassy eyes to the horizon, speaking to himself more than her.
His confessional revealed more about his home life than anything Fanny had yet heard and she was taken aback and totally lost for words. Struggling to think of something understanding to say and failing, she lamely put her hand on his arm. Snape jumped slightly, and turned to look at her in bewilderment almost as if he had forgotten she was there. They both stopped and faced each other, her hand still resting on his arm, each regarding the other: she with sympathy, and he with a penetrating and calculating stare. Finally, he reached up, took her outstretched arm, and transferred her hand into his own. He continued to watch her keenly for a few moments, then silently continued to walk, tugging her hand along with him. It was completely unexpected, and Fanny thought for a moment that she should be filled with the usual questions: did this mean he was interested in her? Should she encourage him? Where would it lead? But the feel of his warm, thin hand in hers felt so inexplicably natural that there was no doubt or confusion in her head and the feeble questions vanished. She relaxed and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of comradeship, comfort, and closeness that the simple gesture afforded.
After another five minutes they reached the arboretum, an expansive open stone structure that resembled the crumbled remains of an ancient parish church. Snape opened the elaborate carved wooden door with his free hand and stood back to allow Fanny to enter. He followed her into the cool shade of the tall trees and closed the door behind him, retaining his gentle grip on her hand all the while. They ambled through the trunks absently commenting on some of the more remarkable varieties, but Snape did not seriously lecture her on potions and she asked few questions. Their conversation was easy and pleasant and there seemed to be a magic in the glistening rustle of the green leaves and the heady oaken smell of the forest floor that was quite beyond anything they learned at Hogwarts. Such was the magnitude of the structure that after fifteen minutes they had not yet reached the far end. But this was not Snape's destination, and after a few more yards, he directed them off the main path and into a small grassy glade by a trickling stream.
"I used to come here often during my early days at Hogwarts," he said, indicating the woods that surrounded them. "I've always enjoyed its solitude." They sat down by the water and he trailed a finger in the current. "When you told me about your home, it reminded me of this place. I thought you might like it here." His consideration was touching and sincere, and it was enhanced by contrast to his usual sarcastic demeanor. "I brought food," he said, pulling a tiny basket from his pocket, and enlarging it with his wand. "We can make a picnic of it."
They ate and talked and relaxed and joked. The clearing was quite like Fanny's woods in Massachusetts and she found herself almost transported to the days of her youth before ugly tragedy had marred her life. Snape, too, lost the hard cold look that usually lurked in his black eyes and laughed clearly and openly as he clumsily followed Fanny up a flowering apple tree or lay stretched out on his back on the shore of the brook. A few hours passed and, although the sun was still high in the sky, it began to grow chilly. Fanny shivered slightly and Severus stood.
"Are you cold? I'm sorry I didn't bring a sweater that I could give you. Perhaps we should return to the castle," he said.
"No, I'm alright. It was just a passing breeze." Fanny found herself thinking of ways to prolong her time with Snape. She didn't want the day to end.
"Don't be ridiculous. If you are uncomfortable we should at least go back so you can get something warmer to wear." Placated by the possibility that he wouldn't necessarily abandon her once they reached the school, Fanny grudgingly acquiesced and followed him back to the path that would take them out of the arboretum.
"Have you ever been in the forbidden forest?" asked Snape.
"No, of course not. It's out of bounds isn't it?"
"Yes, but what difference does that make? There is a place in the forest that I'd like to show you. But you must see it in the moonlight. It will be dinner soon. With luck, we should get back before the others. Why don't you change into something warm, and meet me on the grounds after the feast?"
"I don't know," said Fanny skeptically.
"Oh, come on! Don't be so severe. We won't get caught, I promise. I'll even escort you back to your dorm after if you like, and if Dippet catches us, I'll tell him I put you under the imperius curse and forced you out of bed. Unlikely as that would be. Don't worry, Fanny, it will be fine."
Nervous at the idea of recklessly sneaking around after Dippet's warning, and a bit put out that Snape would so casually mention casting an unforgivable curse on her, she hesitated for a moment before caving into his insistence.
"All right, but if we're caught.you just wait and see what I'll do to you," she said in the most menacing voice she could feign.
Snape laughed openly. "Is that a threat or a promise? I'm intrigued. Maybe I'll send Dippet an owl before we leave just so I can see what you'll do."
"Don't joke!" she said, playfully elbowing him in the ribs. "Seriously, stop laughing at me!" He grabbed her shoulders and moved her over a bit to put her jabbing elbows out of range. Then in one jerky awkward movement, he pulled her back in, and put his arm around her shoulder. Inexperienced as she was with men, Fanny was a bit embarrassed and unsure what to do or how to reciprocate. Slowly and with much hesitation, she snaked her arm around his waist. They walked that way in silence out of the arboretum, along the grassy path by the roses, and through the greenhouses. Immediately before they emerged onto the south lawn, however, Snape abruptly dropped his arm and moved over so that they now walked a few feet apart.
Although it was perhaps five o'clock, they had still seen no older kids. But their luck ran out, and when they were within twenty yards of the front doors they heard familiar voices behind them.
"Fanny?" The pair turned, and to their mutual horror saw the whole Gryffindor gang and Lily walking up the lawn. It was Sirius who had spoken, and he stepped forward out of the group who seemed paralyzed with shock, his voice expressing the dismay and total confusion they obviously all felt at discovering their friend with a much reviled enemy. "Fanny, what are you doing with.with.this thing?" Sirius asked. Fanny, torn between the desire to keep her friendship secret, both for Severus' sake, and her own, and outrage at Sirius' rudeness, could think of no reply. "Did you cancel with us so you could spend time with him?" he pointed a finger in disgust at Severus, who stood silently, his face white and twisted in anger.
"Look, Sirius, we've been studying potions together alright. And he's really helped me too so you shouldn't be so rude to him."
"Rude? Are you crazy? He's as dark as they come! If there's any justice in this world, he'll be in Azkaban within five years," hollered Sirius. "You don't just hang out with an awful greasy ugly evil git like him and shrug it off as if you were having tea with a baby unicorn! And you," he rounded on Snape, pulling out his wand, and gripping it fiercely in his hand. "You keep your filthy slimy nasty hands off my friend, or I'll hunt you down."
Fast as lightning, Snape had reached into his pocket, grabbed his wand and shouted "eliphantus!" Sirius had no time to respond, and the hex struck him full on the face in a flash of blue light. He fell backwards and hit the ground with a thud, his face bloated with melon sized lumps that swelled even as Lily, James, Remus and Peter reached for their own wands. But with a speed that utterly surpassed anything Fanny had ever seen, he shouted "expelliarmus" four times, and disarmed them all before even one spell was sent his way.
Finding herself at last, Fanny pushed Severus and shouted "Enough", although there was little point: the damage was done. Fanny ran over to where Sirius lay, gave Remus her wand, and told him to transport him to the hospital wing. The three boys levitated the moaning boy and hurried away while Lily stayed behind, searching the grass for the wands. Turning back to Severus, who looked down at her in defensive anger, Fanny closed her gaping mouth, and feebly addressed him. "What the hell was that? You never told me you were some dark arts genius."
"You never asked. But yes, I am quite skilled with hexes. Better than I am at potions, as a matter of fact. You needn't look at me in that accusatory manner, Miss Bowley; you have only your friends to thank for my dueling skills. If it weren't for their constant bullying, I never would have practiced and become the master you see today."
Lily found the last of the wands, and glaring sharply at Snape, walked past them.
"I'll be up in a minute, Lily," said Fanny timidly. She wasn't entirely sure that the Gryffindors wouldn't hold her responsible for Snape's recklessness.
But Lily's face softened as she stopped and turned to her friend, saying, "Yes, of course, Fanny. We'll be waiting for you." She gave Snape one last scathing look, and entered the castle.
Alone once more, Snape and Fanny stood across from each other, neither making eye contact. "I really don't know what to think, Severus," said Fanny, crestfallen and hopeless. "I don't believe what Sirius said, but after that little display."
"In case you didn't notice, your darling friend was about to hex me. I simply returned the favor."
"Yes, but.I mean.well.you can't expect me to be happy about this!" She was confused and delving, torn between sides, and her strange mixed feelings for him.
"No, I don't expect anything of the sort." Snape was so upset his face was turning an ugly shade of purple, and his voice was raised in a high, cracking shriek. "So why don't you do your friends a favor and get out of my loathsome company! I'm sure that's what you're dying to do anyway. Go on; run back to that bastard Black, I dare say, he'll give you what you want with his fucking pretty face!" The absurdity of his statement hit him and he laughed madly.
"No, Severus." she stammered, but he didn't hear over the noise of his raucous laughter. She reached out to grab his arm, but he jerked it back and fell dead silent.
"Don't touch me, Fanny," he said lowly and dangerously. "Don't." And he backed away, up the steps, and fled into the castle, slamming the door behind him.
Nauseous from the sudden horrible change the day had taken, Fanny walked slowly to the hospital wing. Her four unharmed friends sat round Sirius, and all five watched her gravely but sympathetically as she entered the room and made her way over to the bed. They did not appear to blame her or hold her responsible at all. Sirius was prone, but conscious and the swelling had appeared to have gone down a little.
"Alright?" Fanny asked, and Sirius nodded in reply. She wanted to tell him that she was terribly sorry, that she would undo it if she could, that Snape wasn't as bad as they all thought, and that he was her friend, but her throat was dry and she found it difficult to speak. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and Sirius took her hand. "Fanny," he said with some trouble, "promise me you won't see him again." Fanny hung her head and didn't answer. "Promise," he repeated and he tugged on her hand so that she looked up into his poor swollen face. Concern filled his eyes rather than malice or anger, and she knew that Sirius asked this, not because he hated Snape, but because he thought it was in her best interest. "Promise," he said once more and he squeezed her hand so tightly it hurt.
"I promise," she said numbly.
A/N: Sanguine: Thanks again for reviewing! Your input is always helpful and valuable, and just to show I really listen to your advice, I've added a little something inspired by your last review in this chapter. ;)
Windy: In response to your review of chapter 6-you flatter me! Super great compliments that really encourage me to write and write. You are the bane of self-doubt!
Chapter 7: A Jinx to Remember
May had reached its full swing before Fanny heard from Severus again. It was only a little more than two weeks in total, but it felt like a very long time indeed. She was impatient to meet with him, but at least the waiting did not generate doubt, frustration, and anxiety as it might have under different circumstances. It was obvious that Severus had not forgotten about her, but was merely biding his time until an opportunity presented itself. While he used to ignore her completely in public, he had now taken to discreetly watching her during potions and at meals. Although he was subtle enough to not attract undue attention, Fanny could often feel his gaze on her, and she found it comforting.
Finally, on the Thursday before the final Hogsmede weekend of the year, she received a message.
Fanny,
Saturday, make your excuses and stay at Hogwarts. I'll wait for you by the seven fingered Satyr at one o'clock. Leave your books behind.
-S
There were no excuses to be made: the Gryffindors had not invited them to join her. Fanny looked up from her breakfast, caught Snape's eye, and nodded to him. A flicker of a smile passed over his face, and Fanny, smiling warmly herself, left the Ravenclaw table for her first class.
The rest of her day passed in languorous impatience, spurred by a rare spot of leisure time gained from a lightened work load. The instructors, on the suggestion of Professor Dumbledore, had given no homework for the weekend to provide the students with one last bout of relaxation before they began to seriously prepare for their NEWT's. With nothing pressing, Fanny spent Thursday evening lounging and daydreaming alone by the shore of the lake and it was so peaceful that she decided to return Friday after dinner as well. As she left the castle at dusk, Sirius raced up to her on the front steps.
"Fanny, hold up a moment," he said, and Fanny was relieved to see that he appeared relaxed and easy in her presence. "Just wanted to ask you about tomorrow? When did you want to meet up then?"
"Sorry?"
"When did you want to meet up? So we can go to Hogsmede, remember?"
"Oh, I, er, wasn't planning on going actually," she stuttered.
His smile vanished and he looked rather confused. "What do you mean? C'mon Fan, it's the last one, you can't stay here all day!"
"Well, I wanted to, um, catch up on some stuff, you know. Besides, I didn't know if I was invited. Nobody said anything."
"That's because we assumed you'd know! Look, I'm sorry if nobody made it clear. But you're our friend, and as such you don't need to wait for invites when we've all been too busy slaving away for these wretched NEWT's to even snag a coffee together, much less hand out written invitations, and it's perfectly obvious that you're welcome anyway. Now I, for one, am not going to let you waste our last Hogsmede weekend ever playing catch up alone. It's a monumental day, we should all be together."
It was the worst possible time to realize things had returned to normal with the Gryffindors, and Fanny was quite distressed. "Look, Sirius, I'm really sorry, but I was counting on using tomorrow to get on top of things. Besides, I haven't been at Hogwarts that long, so it won't exactly ruin the tradition if I'm not there." Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but Fanny cut him off. "It's no use, I can't go. Let's do something Sunday instead?"
Sirius frowned and clearly contemplated arguing, but thought better of it and wagging a finger in her face said, "Fine, but you'd better not cancel, Bowley, or you'll have me to answer to," he smirked suggestively, "and I promise, I won't let you off easy." He turned and walked back into the castle, leaving Fanny alone to wonder at how easy it had become to lie to her friends.
By noon on Saturday the school had been emptied of all Hogsmede vacationers. When Fanny entered her common room just before one, there was not a person over thirteen in sight. It was little wonder that Snape chose this day to meet: no one of importance would see them together, even if they spent the afternoon setting off dung bombs and cacophony crackers in the great hall.
At one o'clock sharp, she left the room, and found Snape skulking discreetly, not by the satyr as he had said, but in the shadowy side passage from which he had accosted her almost two months ago. They appraised each other subtly, examining and adjusting to the unfamiliar casual clothes each wore. Fanny had only ever seen Snape in his school robes, and he looked decidedly odd, but unusually clean and smart, in black slacks and a black long sleeve button up shirt. She wondered if she looked as strange to him, although she was dressed similarly in black trousers and blue t-shirt. If she did, he gave no sign, and simply said, "Shall we?"
They walked through the dark windowless corridors and Fanny thought he might take her to one of the dungeons to work on practical potions. What else could they study without books and parchment? But when they reached the great hall, Snape walked right past the tunnel leading to the labs, and instead led her outside onto the bright warm lawns.
"Where are we going?" she asked, pleasantly surprised.
"I thought we might spend the day outside," he said simply. "There are some varieties of toxic trees in the arboretum that I'd like to show you." They strolled to the south slopes and in among the greenhouses. The sunlight shone brightly off the small glass panes as they wound through the small structures, and although the breeze was fresh and cool, the day had become quite warm. "Are you disappointed to be here rather than in Hogsmede on such a lovely day?" he asked.
"No," said Fanny. "I'd much rather be here."
"But I expect you miss the company of your friends?" Snape prompted as he walked slowly by Fanny's side, with his eyes to the ground. He looked strange and out of place in the cheerful spring. He was extremely pale, yet dark at the same time: like shadow and moonlight. Fanny thought he must be quite uncomfortable in his black clothes in the hot sun, and wondered briefly if he took her outside only because he thought she might like it, before dismissing the idea as vain foolishness.
"I'll see my friends soon enough. Anyway, it's so difficult to schedule time with such an important person as yourself that I'd better take any opportunity I can get." She smiled playfully at Snape, and he smiled a little in return. "Aren't you a bit warm?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you." But he unbuttoned, and rolled his sleeves up to the elbow nonetheless. "So, tell me Fanny, what happened after our last session? You didn't say in your letter. Did you receive detention?" His eyebrows furrowed, and he looked down at her with concern.
"No. It was stupid actually. I was in a bit of a daze I guess, and I walked right into Dippet like an idiot. I didn't get detention or anything, but he said he'd expel me if he caught me out after curfew again."
Snape's severe expression lifted, and he chuckled lightly. "Fanny, you didn't actually believe him, did you? Dippet is all talk. Everyone knows that. He wouldn't dare expel you this close to exams. I'd be surprised if he even gave you detentions."
Fanny felt her face flush, but stood her ground. "Well, I can't afford detentions right now anyway, so it makes no difference. I won't risk it."
"Perhaps you would if your precious friend Black were teaching you," he spat.
"What the hell are you talking about? Don't get mad at me because I refuse to sneak around, losing sleep and risking expulsion when I've got exams that my entire future rests upon hanging over my head. Besides, I wouldn't talk if I were you. I'm not the one who refuses to be seen in public with you!"
They walked in silence for a few moments. The greenhouses ended abruptly and the pair found themselves in a sprawling garden of colossal roses. A delightful perfume surrounded them, and the buzzing of rosa sprites filled the air as the small fuzzy pink creatures flew from blossom to blossom. Finally Snape spoke in a soft almost apologetic voice.
"I'm sorry about that, Fanny. It is not that I am embarrassed to know you. But you must understand that things are quite different in Slytherin. Associations are everything, and any dealings with outsiders are severely frowned upon."
"What do you care what they think then?"
"It is not a matter of caring or wanting to fit in. It goes beyond school into our families and our very ways of life. Slytherins, you see, are mostly from old pure-blood lines, and rejecting the principles that govern Slytherin house is often the same as rejecting our relations. Do not misunderstand me, I am not above turning my back on them," his face hardened sharply. "But they are my key to a better future: university and a respectable position afterwards. If I can just establish myself I can be finished with them forever." He looked with absent glassy eyes to the horizon, speaking to himself more than her.
His confessional revealed more about his home life than anything Fanny had yet heard and she was taken aback and totally lost for words. Struggling to think of something understanding to say and failing, she lamely put her hand on his arm. Snape jumped slightly, and turned to look at her in bewilderment almost as if he had forgotten she was there. They both stopped and faced each other, her hand still resting on his arm, each regarding the other: she with sympathy, and he with a penetrating and calculating stare. Finally, he reached up, took her outstretched arm, and transferred her hand into his own. He continued to watch her keenly for a few moments, then silently continued to walk, tugging her hand along with him. It was completely unexpected, and Fanny thought for a moment that she should be filled with the usual questions: did this mean he was interested in her? Should she encourage him? Where would it lead? But the feel of his warm, thin hand in hers felt so inexplicably natural that there was no doubt or confusion in her head and the feeble questions vanished. She relaxed and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of comradeship, comfort, and closeness that the simple gesture afforded.
After another five minutes they reached the arboretum, an expansive open stone structure that resembled the crumbled remains of an ancient parish church. Snape opened the elaborate carved wooden door with his free hand and stood back to allow Fanny to enter. He followed her into the cool shade of the tall trees and closed the door behind him, retaining his gentle grip on her hand all the while. They ambled through the trunks absently commenting on some of the more remarkable varieties, but Snape did not seriously lecture her on potions and she asked few questions. Their conversation was easy and pleasant and there seemed to be a magic in the glistening rustle of the green leaves and the heady oaken smell of the forest floor that was quite beyond anything they learned at Hogwarts. Such was the magnitude of the structure that after fifteen minutes they had not yet reached the far end. But this was not Snape's destination, and after a few more yards, he directed them off the main path and into a small grassy glade by a trickling stream.
"I used to come here often during my early days at Hogwarts," he said, indicating the woods that surrounded them. "I've always enjoyed its solitude." They sat down by the water and he trailed a finger in the current. "When you told me about your home, it reminded me of this place. I thought you might like it here." His consideration was touching and sincere, and it was enhanced by contrast to his usual sarcastic demeanor. "I brought food," he said, pulling a tiny basket from his pocket, and enlarging it with his wand. "We can make a picnic of it."
They ate and talked and relaxed and joked. The clearing was quite like Fanny's woods in Massachusetts and she found herself almost transported to the days of her youth before ugly tragedy had marred her life. Snape, too, lost the hard cold look that usually lurked in his black eyes and laughed clearly and openly as he clumsily followed Fanny up a flowering apple tree or lay stretched out on his back on the shore of the brook. A few hours passed and, although the sun was still high in the sky, it began to grow chilly. Fanny shivered slightly and Severus stood.
"Are you cold? I'm sorry I didn't bring a sweater that I could give you. Perhaps we should return to the castle," he said.
"No, I'm alright. It was just a passing breeze." Fanny found herself thinking of ways to prolong her time with Snape. She didn't want the day to end.
"Don't be ridiculous. If you are uncomfortable we should at least go back so you can get something warmer to wear." Placated by the possibility that he wouldn't necessarily abandon her once they reached the school, Fanny grudgingly acquiesced and followed him back to the path that would take them out of the arboretum.
"Have you ever been in the forbidden forest?" asked Snape.
"No, of course not. It's out of bounds isn't it?"
"Yes, but what difference does that make? There is a place in the forest that I'd like to show you. But you must see it in the moonlight. It will be dinner soon. With luck, we should get back before the others. Why don't you change into something warm, and meet me on the grounds after the feast?"
"I don't know," said Fanny skeptically.
"Oh, come on! Don't be so severe. We won't get caught, I promise. I'll even escort you back to your dorm after if you like, and if Dippet catches us, I'll tell him I put you under the imperius curse and forced you out of bed. Unlikely as that would be. Don't worry, Fanny, it will be fine."
Nervous at the idea of recklessly sneaking around after Dippet's warning, and a bit put out that Snape would so casually mention casting an unforgivable curse on her, she hesitated for a moment before caving into his insistence.
"All right, but if we're caught.you just wait and see what I'll do to you," she said in the most menacing voice she could feign.
Snape laughed openly. "Is that a threat or a promise? I'm intrigued. Maybe I'll send Dippet an owl before we leave just so I can see what you'll do."
"Don't joke!" she said, playfully elbowing him in the ribs. "Seriously, stop laughing at me!" He grabbed her shoulders and moved her over a bit to put her jabbing elbows out of range. Then in one jerky awkward movement, he pulled her back in, and put his arm around her shoulder. Inexperienced as she was with men, Fanny was a bit embarrassed and unsure what to do or how to reciprocate. Slowly and with much hesitation, she snaked her arm around his waist. They walked that way in silence out of the arboretum, along the grassy path by the roses, and through the greenhouses. Immediately before they emerged onto the south lawn, however, Snape abruptly dropped his arm and moved over so that they now walked a few feet apart.
Although it was perhaps five o'clock, they had still seen no older kids. But their luck ran out, and when they were within twenty yards of the front doors they heard familiar voices behind them.
"Fanny?" The pair turned, and to their mutual horror saw the whole Gryffindor gang and Lily walking up the lawn. It was Sirius who had spoken, and he stepped forward out of the group who seemed paralyzed with shock, his voice expressing the dismay and total confusion they obviously all felt at discovering their friend with a much reviled enemy. "Fanny, what are you doing with.with.this thing?" Sirius asked. Fanny, torn between the desire to keep her friendship secret, both for Severus' sake, and her own, and outrage at Sirius' rudeness, could think of no reply. "Did you cancel with us so you could spend time with him?" he pointed a finger in disgust at Severus, who stood silently, his face white and twisted in anger.
"Look, Sirius, we've been studying potions together alright. And he's really helped me too so you shouldn't be so rude to him."
"Rude? Are you crazy? He's as dark as they come! If there's any justice in this world, he'll be in Azkaban within five years," hollered Sirius. "You don't just hang out with an awful greasy ugly evil git like him and shrug it off as if you were having tea with a baby unicorn! And you," he rounded on Snape, pulling out his wand, and gripping it fiercely in his hand. "You keep your filthy slimy nasty hands off my friend, or I'll hunt you down."
Fast as lightning, Snape had reached into his pocket, grabbed his wand and shouted "eliphantus!" Sirius had no time to respond, and the hex struck him full on the face in a flash of blue light. He fell backwards and hit the ground with a thud, his face bloated with melon sized lumps that swelled even as Lily, James, Remus and Peter reached for their own wands. But with a speed that utterly surpassed anything Fanny had ever seen, he shouted "expelliarmus" four times, and disarmed them all before even one spell was sent his way.
Finding herself at last, Fanny pushed Severus and shouted "Enough", although there was little point: the damage was done. Fanny ran over to where Sirius lay, gave Remus her wand, and told him to transport him to the hospital wing. The three boys levitated the moaning boy and hurried away while Lily stayed behind, searching the grass for the wands. Turning back to Severus, who looked down at her in defensive anger, Fanny closed her gaping mouth, and feebly addressed him. "What the hell was that? You never told me you were some dark arts genius."
"You never asked. But yes, I am quite skilled with hexes. Better than I am at potions, as a matter of fact. You needn't look at me in that accusatory manner, Miss Bowley; you have only your friends to thank for my dueling skills. If it weren't for their constant bullying, I never would have practiced and become the master you see today."
Lily found the last of the wands, and glaring sharply at Snape, walked past them.
"I'll be up in a minute, Lily," said Fanny timidly. She wasn't entirely sure that the Gryffindors wouldn't hold her responsible for Snape's recklessness.
But Lily's face softened as she stopped and turned to her friend, saying, "Yes, of course, Fanny. We'll be waiting for you." She gave Snape one last scathing look, and entered the castle.
Alone once more, Snape and Fanny stood across from each other, neither making eye contact. "I really don't know what to think, Severus," said Fanny, crestfallen and hopeless. "I don't believe what Sirius said, but after that little display."
"In case you didn't notice, your darling friend was about to hex me. I simply returned the favor."
"Yes, but.I mean.well.you can't expect me to be happy about this!" She was confused and delving, torn between sides, and her strange mixed feelings for him.
"No, I don't expect anything of the sort." Snape was so upset his face was turning an ugly shade of purple, and his voice was raised in a high, cracking shriek. "So why don't you do your friends a favor and get out of my loathsome company! I'm sure that's what you're dying to do anyway. Go on; run back to that bastard Black, I dare say, he'll give you what you want with his fucking pretty face!" The absurdity of his statement hit him and he laughed madly.
"No, Severus." she stammered, but he didn't hear over the noise of his raucous laughter. She reached out to grab his arm, but he jerked it back and fell dead silent.
"Don't touch me, Fanny," he said lowly and dangerously. "Don't." And he backed away, up the steps, and fled into the castle, slamming the door behind him.
Nauseous from the sudden horrible change the day had taken, Fanny walked slowly to the hospital wing. Her four unharmed friends sat round Sirius, and all five watched her gravely but sympathetically as she entered the room and made her way over to the bed. They did not appear to blame her or hold her responsible at all. Sirius was prone, but conscious and the swelling had appeared to have gone down a little.
"Alright?" Fanny asked, and Sirius nodded in reply. She wanted to tell him that she was terribly sorry, that she would undo it if she could, that Snape wasn't as bad as they all thought, and that he was her friend, but her throat was dry and she found it difficult to speak. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and Sirius took her hand. "Fanny," he said with some trouble, "promise me you won't see him again." Fanny hung her head and didn't answer. "Promise," he repeated and he tugged on her hand so that she looked up into his poor swollen face. Concern filled his eyes rather than malice or anger, and she knew that Sirius asked this, not because he hated Snape, but because he thought it was in her best interest. "Promise," he said once more and he squeezed her hand so tightly it hurt.
"I promise," she said numbly.
