Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling
Chapter 9: A Shot in the Dark
"You're home late, luvvy." The seven fingered satyr blocked her path with a mischievous grin.
"Just let me by," said Fanny, who, since her perusal of the Marauder's Map, was in no mood to argue. But for the first time during her stint at Hogwarts, the statue remained stolidly in her path. Her walk from the mirror on the fourth floor had been uneventful thus far and to meet with trouble at the end of the journey was extremely irritating, especially at three in the morning.
"Weren't out with your little Slytherin friend then? I've been hearin' all sorts of tales 'bout you and your boy. Last I hear you got a bit 'o competition. Saw him myself with some pretty blond dish only this evenin'. Now you're back late, an' since he weren't with you, you must not 'ave been with him, if you follow me. So I says to myself, Bob, that little git's got a spot o' competition himself. Serves him well if you asks me." The satyr winked at Fanny.
"Damn it, would you just get out of my way? What difference does it make to you anyway?"
"I always mind when a pretty girl's scamperin' about in the dead of night. It's my job guardin' you lot. So I asks myself, 'Where could she be comin' from? What mischief could she have been getting' up to? Maybe the others knows somethin'. So I asks them, the paintins and such. Well, turns out, some of them's been keepin' an eye on you too. Seems your mum had a bit of a reputation, so to speak, as well." He winked again and tapped his nose meaningfully with one of his mutilated hands. "Had a bit of an admirer they say. Didn't take well to rejection this boy. Caused your mum a spot o' trouble, he did. Acted all threatenin' like. Not gentlemanly at all. Take a bit of advice from old Bob, luvvy: you'd be wise to tread careful. Don't want to repeat your old lady's mistakes now do you? Slytherin's are no good. Whole school knows it. 'N yours is worse than the whole lot from what I hear. He catches you cavortin' with other boys, I spect they'll be the devil to pay, even if he got a little jam tart of his own on the side, if you follow." And he winked one last time, so that Fanny began to seriously wonder if there weren't something wrong with his eye.
"What are you talking about? He's not 'my boy' and I sincerely doubt he'd care at all if he saw me with someone else," except Sirius she thought with a pang of guilt. "And when did you see him today?" she added, resigning to her mounting curiosity.
"Oh ho! I spot a bit o' green in your cheeks! Maybe he's the one as should be watchin' out for you. Well, seein' as you're in Ravenclaw and all, I s'pose I'd better be takin' your side, so I'll tell you what I seen. T'was nigh on two hours ago and that little boy o' yours come trapsin' down this 'ere hall with some little blond toffer. Looks all full of himself 'e does. Well they heads off towards the north tower they do lookin' all innocent like they was only 'ere out of necessity. But I seen his beady eyes dartin' here and there lookin' for somethin' or hopin' as to be seen."
"Was he.were they.you know.holding hands or anything?"
The satyr let out a raucous laugh. "Ahh, you ain't wastin' no time, are you luvvy? Right to the point. Naw, they wasn't holding hands per se, but his pretty hussy's clutchin' his arm pretty stiff like. His arm'll be black an' blue come mornin' I can tell you. Don't fret tho, I 'spect he was puttin' up with it as to seem chummy like with the missy." The satyr fell silent and waited patiently for Fanny to formulate more questions. But her mind was such a confusion that she could only stare mutely at the statue, as if in shock, waiting for him to continue.
"Poor luv," he said after a few moments. "Don't know what to make of it all do you? If you take my advice." he began, but was cut off suddenly when a strange rodent, resembling a miniature albino beaver, rushed into a nearby painting and began chirruping wildly. "Ooh, Roger here says there's a teacher out and about. Better get off to bed, you had." His hairy alabaster goat legs sprang to life as he sidled smoothly out of the way and opened the door for Fanny. Panic overtook her and she immediately rushed into her common room and didn't stop running until she was under the covers in bed.
Sleep did not come easy for Fanny that night, despite the late hour, the exhaustingly busy day, and the copious amounts of liquor she had consumed. Questions and worries ran obsessively through her mind so that even when she made a conscious effort to clear her thoughts she could only picture a creepy stranger stalking her young mother, or Snape in bed with a version of Violet that her imagination had turned into a goddess.
What did the satyr know about her mother? Who was her admirer? These questions were among the easier to deal with. Teenagers will be teenagers, and it was silly to think that Gene had never been involved in immature romantic shenanigans like everyone else. Even if her escapades had been more sinister than most peoples, she had never mentioned any such problems to Fanny, so they couldn't have been that bad, could they? In any case, whatever happened to her mother, good or bad, happened a long time ago, and thereby paled in comparison to current problems.
The real concern that plagued Fanny in the small hours of the night was Severus. The satyr was right: she was jealous of Violet. It was bad enough seeing them together on the map, but hearing that they paraded around her part of the school arm in arm infuriated her. Was Snape trying to make her jealous? Or was he showing off a new girlfriend? Maybe he wanted to let Fanny know that she was too late, that he had become unavailable while she wasted time with Sirius. In any case, the events of the evening threw one truth into painful relief: she was interested in Severus romantically and she wanted to become his girlfriend. But what should she do about this revelation? Two possibilities occurred to her.
Option one: she could take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and ask him out. This possibility had several problems, of course. It would be extremely humiliating if he were actually dating Violet. It would be worse still if he were single, but just not interested. And if he did say no, for whatever reason, she would almost certainly lose him as a friend. Did she even have the nerve to do it?
Option two: she could continue to encourage him until he felt confident enough to ask her out himself, if that was even his intent. His recent behavior towards her seemed to imply that he did like her. When they had studied together he frequently said mildly suggestive things, and then he held her hand and even put his arm around her on Saturday. She half suspected that he would even have tried to kiss her that evening if they hadn't run into Sirius and the gang.
The second option was obviously the easier route. But Snape was so unpredictable and paranoid that there was no guarantee he would ever make the first move. Besides, this route would take time, and time was something Fanny did not have. School was ending soon and she had only a month to establish herself with him before they would go their separate ways. Then there was that awful girl. It was fairly obvious that she was also interested in Snape, and Fanny had the further time pressure of getting to him before she did. If it weren't already too late. As much as she loathed putting herself on the spot, Fanny had landed in a do or die situation, and asking Snape out was the only viable option she saw.
The next logical question was when to do it. The sooner the better-the next day if possible. When would she see him? At meals. Breakfast and lunch were bad ideas. There would be too much of a rush to get to classes to give her enough time to explain herself. Would dinner work? If she caught him on his way out of the Great Hall she would have at least three hours to speak with him before curfew (which they would very likely skip anyhow). Dinner it would be then. After dessert, when he had left the room she would confront him and ask to speak with him in private. It was very likely that someone would witness this conversation, but to hell with everyone and what they thought!
After deliberating on these ideas for what seemed like eternity, Fanny fell asleep for a few hours and woke early Monday morning feeling like a condemned man. Not wanting to see anything that might make her waver in her decision to confront Severus, like that horrible simpering cow Violet, she rushed through breakfast, and lunch, only stopping by the Great Hall to pack a bit of food away in her bag before leaving. She made a great effort to avoid everyone she knew, taking small and winding side corridors from class to class. By dinner, she had spoken only about half a dozen words all day, and those to Lily as a brief hello in charms.
Finally, the day drew to a close, and dinner was upon her. Entering the great hall, she sat facing the Slytherin table so that she could watch Severus and follow him when he left. She spotted him at his table sitting, to her great annoyance, next to Violet and kept her eye on him while she pushed boiled peas around her plate and waited. The smell of the food made her nauseous and the cheerful chatter of the kids around her hurt her head. The whole world seemed disgustingly quaint in the light of the dreadful task that awaited her. Finally, when she thought she could bear it no more, Severus rose and made to leave with Violet at his side. It was an unfortunate snag in her plan, but one that she was willing to accept. She hardly cared what Violet thought, and humiliating herself in front of the nasty Slytherin girl could be no worse than humiliating herself in front of Severus. And if Snape accepted her proposition, it would be particularly satisfying to have Violet bear witness. Besides, she had worked herself up to this moment all day, and could not let herself be deterred now. Scrambling to her feet, she made to follow them, but was intercepted on the way.
"Fanny, I've got to speak with you." It was Sirius, and he looked terrible. "About what I told you yesterday."
"Uh, can't it wait," she interrupted, looking over his shoulder in panic at the Slytherin couple that were at this very moment strolling towards the door.
"No. You see, I really shouldn't have told you about.well, you know. And I'd like to ask you to promise you'll NEVER repeat it to anyone."
"Yeah, sure, of course," she answered vaguely, trying to skirt him and bolt.
"This is serious Fanny. Would you PLEASE look at me when I'm talking to you?" He was growing angry, and seeing no way around him but through compliance, Fanny looked directly at him.
"Sirius, you really can trust me. I'd never tell a soul. Honestly. But I really am in a hurry, so please let me by."
Sirius glanced over his shoulder to where Fanny had been looking, and his face turned ashen. "Well, well, well," he said turning back to her with narrowed eyes. "What could be so important, I wonder, to tear you away from me?" His voice dripped with malice and sarcasm. "Don't let me stand in your way then," he said, standing to one side.
This was severely spoiling her plans. It was obvious that there would be major trouble with Sirius if she walked away from him now, but if she didn't, she may never build up the nerve to confront Severus again. It was Sirius or Snape; she had to choose between them here and now. She chose Snape.
"I'm sorry," she said, and walked right past Sirius and left the hall. Severus had only left moments before, and if she was lucky she might just catch up with him before he reached his common room, if that was where he was going. Breaking into a jog, she hurried down the main dungeon hall and turned into the corridor that led straight for the Slytherin dormitories. Maybe twenty feet further on were Snape and Violet, arm in arm. Ignoring the implications of this gesture, Fanny raced after them.
"Severus," she panted, pulling up behind them. The pair turned and looked at her, Snape with confusion and skepticism, and Violet with undisguised disgust. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Snape didn't answer, but continued to gape at her, shock quickly dissolving into horror.
"Are you joking?" Violet asked, staring at Fanny as if she were a particularly revolting dung pile. "Of course not. Come along, Severus, ignore the Ravenclaw trash. She's clearly insane." Violet clutched onto Severus' arm so tightly that her knuckles turned white, and pulled him towards the door at the far end of the corridor. Still staring in disbelief at Fanny, he allowed himself to be led away. But Fanny was tired of the games, tired of being an object of shame to him, tired of secrecy, and tired of his bitchy little friend. She had to get it off her chest and in an act of reckless foolishness she spilled all her feelings in front of them both. What did it matter anymore, she told herself, she was graduating in a few weeks anyway.
"Wait Severus," she said. "I really do need to speak with you. And it can't wait until whatever random time in the future you find to meet with me again."
Violet stopped dead in her tracks and, flushing an ugly shade of red, turned to Snape. "Meet with her again? What does she mean?" she asked in a low and dangerous voice.
"Fanny," warned Severus. "Don't do this."
"Fanny? Since when were you on a first name basis with HER?" Violet was becoming quickly hysterical. Snape ignored her.
"Please Severus, I just wanted to tell you." Fanny broke off, preparing to take the ultimate plunge. "I wanted to tell you that I like you. And I wanted to know if you'd like to go on a date, an official date with me sometime." She blurted it out very quickly and stood in silence, uneasily returning Snape's dead somber gaze, which would not have been much different if she had just finished beating him with a bat. The sound of laughter broke the silence, quietly at first, then rising to a frenzied volume. It was Violet.
"You pathetic stupid little girl," she spat. "He's already dating me!"
Total silence fell over the corridor. Unable to speak, Fanny gaped, her mouth hanging open and her face burning and red. Snape hung his head in silent resignation wordlessly communicating that Violet had spoken the truth. She was too late then. If only she had asked him Saturday, if only they hadn't run into Sirius, if only, if only.
"Oh," Fanny whispered, feeling a sudden need to explain herself in her embarrassment. "I should have been quicker. If I had asked earlier."
"Earlier?" Violet cut in. "I don't think so. We've been together for over a year now." And with a mighty jerk, she pulled Severus around and dragged him to their common room. He followed without resistance and did not look back.
Fanny stood in the hall violently shaking. He'd been seeing someone the whole time she knew him? And he never told her? And he had encouraged her to believe that he liked her? Self doubt crept into her mind. Maybe he never had led her on. Maybe she was crazy and imagined it all. Why would he take interest in her? She was just an ugly horrible nonentity! A stupid insignificant little girl that nobody liked. She didn't even like herself. She hated herself!
Her mind switched again. She didn't hate herself. She wasn't a nobody, she did have friends. Severus had led her on. How else could she interpret the thoughtful trip to the woods, the heated glances and the hand holding other than by assuming that he was interested in her? He had played with her mind and her feelings. He had humiliated her and rejected her and made her question her own sanity. It was his fault she felt this way now and she would make him pay.
Chapter 9: A Shot in the Dark
"You're home late, luvvy." The seven fingered satyr blocked her path with a mischievous grin.
"Just let me by," said Fanny, who, since her perusal of the Marauder's Map, was in no mood to argue. But for the first time during her stint at Hogwarts, the statue remained stolidly in her path. Her walk from the mirror on the fourth floor had been uneventful thus far and to meet with trouble at the end of the journey was extremely irritating, especially at three in the morning.
"Weren't out with your little Slytherin friend then? I've been hearin' all sorts of tales 'bout you and your boy. Last I hear you got a bit 'o competition. Saw him myself with some pretty blond dish only this evenin'. Now you're back late, an' since he weren't with you, you must not 'ave been with him, if you follow me. So I says to myself, Bob, that little git's got a spot o' competition himself. Serves him well if you asks me." The satyr winked at Fanny.
"Damn it, would you just get out of my way? What difference does it make to you anyway?"
"I always mind when a pretty girl's scamperin' about in the dead of night. It's my job guardin' you lot. So I asks myself, 'Where could she be comin' from? What mischief could she have been getting' up to? Maybe the others knows somethin'. So I asks them, the paintins and such. Well, turns out, some of them's been keepin' an eye on you too. Seems your mum had a bit of a reputation, so to speak, as well." He winked again and tapped his nose meaningfully with one of his mutilated hands. "Had a bit of an admirer they say. Didn't take well to rejection this boy. Caused your mum a spot o' trouble, he did. Acted all threatenin' like. Not gentlemanly at all. Take a bit of advice from old Bob, luvvy: you'd be wise to tread careful. Don't want to repeat your old lady's mistakes now do you? Slytherin's are no good. Whole school knows it. 'N yours is worse than the whole lot from what I hear. He catches you cavortin' with other boys, I spect they'll be the devil to pay, even if he got a little jam tart of his own on the side, if you follow." And he winked one last time, so that Fanny began to seriously wonder if there weren't something wrong with his eye.
"What are you talking about? He's not 'my boy' and I sincerely doubt he'd care at all if he saw me with someone else," except Sirius she thought with a pang of guilt. "And when did you see him today?" she added, resigning to her mounting curiosity.
"Oh ho! I spot a bit o' green in your cheeks! Maybe he's the one as should be watchin' out for you. Well, seein' as you're in Ravenclaw and all, I s'pose I'd better be takin' your side, so I'll tell you what I seen. T'was nigh on two hours ago and that little boy o' yours come trapsin' down this 'ere hall with some little blond toffer. Looks all full of himself 'e does. Well they heads off towards the north tower they do lookin' all innocent like they was only 'ere out of necessity. But I seen his beady eyes dartin' here and there lookin' for somethin' or hopin' as to be seen."
"Was he.were they.you know.holding hands or anything?"
The satyr let out a raucous laugh. "Ahh, you ain't wastin' no time, are you luvvy? Right to the point. Naw, they wasn't holding hands per se, but his pretty hussy's clutchin' his arm pretty stiff like. His arm'll be black an' blue come mornin' I can tell you. Don't fret tho, I 'spect he was puttin' up with it as to seem chummy like with the missy." The satyr fell silent and waited patiently for Fanny to formulate more questions. But her mind was such a confusion that she could only stare mutely at the statue, as if in shock, waiting for him to continue.
"Poor luv," he said after a few moments. "Don't know what to make of it all do you? If you take my advice." he began, but was cut off suddenly when a strange rodent, resembling a miniature albino beaver, rushed into a nearby painting and began chirruping wildly. "Ooh, Roger here says there's a teacher out and about. Better get off to bed, you had." His hairy alabaster goat legs sprang to life as he sidled smoothly out of the way and opened the door for Fanny. Panic overtook her and she immediately rushed into her common room and didn't stop running until she was under the covers in bed.
Sleep did not come easy for Fanny that night, despite the late hour, the exhaustingly busy day, and the copious amounts of liquor she had consumed. Questions and worries ran obsessively through her mind so that even when she made a conscious effort to clear her thoughts she could only picture a creepy stranger stalking her young mother, or Snape in bed with a version of Violet that her imagination had turned into a goddess.
What did the satyr know about her mother? Who was her admirer? These questions were among the easier to deal with. Teenagers will be teenagers, and it was silly to think that Gene had never been involved in immature romantic shenanigans like everyone else. Even if her escapades had been more sinister than most peoples, she had never mentioned any such problems to Fanny, so they couldn't have been that bad, could they? In any case, whatever happened to her mother, good or bad, happened a long time ago, and thereby paled in comparison to current problems.
The real concern that plagued Fanny in the small hours of the night was Severus. The satyr was right: she was jealous of Violet. It was bad enough seeing them together on the map, but hearing that they paraded around her part of the school arm in arm infuriated her. Was Snape trying to make her jealous? Or was he showing off a new girlfriend? Maybe he wanted to let Fanny know that she was too late, that he had become unavailable while she wasted time with Sirius. In any case, the events of the evening threw one truth into painful relief: she was interested in Severus romantically and she wanted to become his girlfriend. But what should she do about this revelation? Two possibilities occurred to her.
Option one: she could take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and ask him out. This possibility had several problems, of course. It would be extremely humiliating if he were actually dating Violet. It would be worse still if he were single, but just not interested. And if he did say no, for whatever reason, she would almost certainly lose him as a friend. Did she even have the nerve to do it?
Option two: she could continue to encourage him until he felt confident enough to ask her out himself, if that was even his intent. His recent behavior towards her seemed to imply that he did like her. When they had studied together he frequently said mildly suggestive things, and then he held her hand and even put his arm around her on Saturday. She half suspected that he would even have tried to kiss her that evening if they hadn't run into Sirius and the gang.
The second option was obviously the easier route. But Snape was so unpredictable and paranoid that there was no guarantee he would ever make the first move. Besides, this route would take time, and time was something Fanny did not have. School was ending soon and she had only a month to establish herself with him before they would go their separate ways. Then there was that awful girl. It was fairly obvious that she was also interested in Snape, and Fanny had the further time pressure of getting to him before she did. If it weren't already too late. As much as she loathed putting herself on the spot, Fanny had landed in a do or die situation, and asking Snape out was the only viable option she saw.
The next logical question was when to do it. The sooner the better-the next day if possible. When would she see him? At meals. Breakfast and lunch were bad ideas. There would be too much of a rush to get to classes to give her enough time to explain herself. Would dinner work? If she caught him on his way out of the Great Hall she would have at least three hours to speak with him before curfew (which they would very likely skip anyhow). Dinner it would be then. After dessert, when he had left the room she would confront him and ask to speak with him in private. It was very likely that someone would witness this conversation, but to hell with everyone and what they thought!
After deliberating on these ideas for what seemed like eternity, Fanny fell asleep for a few hours and woke early Monday morning feeling like a condemned man. Not wanting to see anything that might make her waver in her decision to confront Severus, like that horrible simpering cow Violet, she rushed through breakfast, and lunch, only stopping by the Great Hall to pack a bit of food away in her bag before leaving. She made a great effort to avoid everyone she knew, taking small and winding side corridors from class to class. By dinner, she had spoken only about half a dozen words all day, and those to Lily as a brief hello in charms.
Finally, the day drew to a close, and dinner was upon her. Entering the great hall, she sat facing the Slytherin table so that she could watch Severus and follow him when he left. She spotted him at his table sitting, to her great annoyance, next to Violet and kept her eye on him while she pushed boiled peas around her plate and waited. The smell of the food made her nauseous and the cheerful chatter of the kids around her hurt her head. The whole world seemed disgustingly quaint in the light of the dreadful task that awaited her. Finally, when she thought she could bear it no more, Severus rose and made to leave with Violet at his side. It was an unfortunate snag in her plan, but one that she was willing to accept. She hardly cared what Violet thought, and humiliating herself in front of the nasty Slytherin girl could be no worse than humiliating herself in front of Severus. And if Snape accepted her proposition, it would be particularly satisfying to have Violet bear witness. Besides, she had worked herself up to this moment all day, and could not let herself be deterred now. Scrambling to her feet, she made to follow them, but was intercepted on the way.
"Fanny, I've got to speak with you." It was Sirius, and he looked terrible. "About what I told you yesterday."
"Uh, can't it wait," she interrupted, looking over his shoulder in panic at the Slytherin couple that were at this very moment strolling towards the door.
"No. You see, I really shouldn't have told you about.well, you know. And I'd like to ask you to promise you'll NEVER repeat it to anyone."
"Yeah, sure, of course," she answered vaguely, trying to skirt him and bolt.
"This is serious Fanny. Would you PLEASE look at me when I'm talking to you?" He was growing angry, and seeing no way around him but through compliance, Fanny looked directly at him.
"Sirius, you really can trust me. I'd never tell a soul. Honestly. But I really am in a hurry, so please let me by."
Sirius glanced over his shoulder to where Fanny had been looking, and his face turned ashen. "Well, well, well," he said turning back to her with narrowed eyes. "What could be so important, I wonder, to tear you away from me?" His voice dripped with malice and sarcasm. "Don't let me stand in your way then," he said, standing to one side.
This was severely spoiling her plans. It was obvious that there would be major trouble with Sirius if she walked away from him now, but if she didn't, she may never build up the nerve to confront Severus again. It was Sirius or Snape; she had to choose between them here and now. She chose Snape.
"I'm sorry," she said, and walked right past Sirius and left the hall. Severus had only left moments before, and if she was lucky she might just catch up with him before he reached his common room, if that was where he was going. Breaking into a jog, she hurried down the main dungeon hall and turned into the corridor that led straight for the Slytherin dormitories. Maybe twenty feet further on were Snape and Violet, arm in arm. Ignoring the implications of this gesture, Fanny raced after them.
"Severus," she panted, pulling up behind them. The pair turned and looked at her, Snape with confusion and skepticism, and Violet with undisguised disgust. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Snape didn't answer, but continued to gape at her, shock quickly dissolving into horror.
"Are you joking?" Violet asked, staring at Fanny as if she were a particularly revolting dung pile. "Of course not. Come along, Severus, ignore the Ravenclaw trash. She's clearly insane." Violet clutched onto Severus' arm so tightly that her knuckles turned white, and pulled him towards the door at the far end of the corridor. Still staring in disbelief at Fanny, he allowed himself to be led away. But Fanny was tired of the games, tired of being an object of shame to him, tired of secrecy, and tired of his bitchy little friend. She had to get it off her chest and in an act of reckless foolishness she spilled all her feelings in front of them both. What did it matter anymore, she told herself, she was graduating in a few weeks anyway.
"Wait Severus," she said. "I really do need to speak with you. And it can't wait until whatever random time in the future you find to meet with me again."
Violet stopped dead in her tracks and, flushing an ugly shade of red, turned to Snape. "Meet with her again? What does she mean?" she asked in a low and dangerous voice.
"Fanny," warned Severus. "Don't do this."
"Fanny? Since when were you on a first name basis with HER?" Violet was becoming quickly hysterical. Snape ignored her.
"Please Severus, I just wanted to tell you." Fanny broke off, preparing to take the ultimate plunge. "I wanted to tell you that I like you. And I wanted to know if you'd like to go on a date, an official date with me sometime." She blurted it out very quickly and stood in silence, uneasily returning Snape's dead somber gaze, which would not have been much different if she had just finished beating him with a bat. The sound of laughter broke the silence, quietly at first, then rising to a frenzied volume. It was Violet.
"You pathetic stupid little girl," she spat. "He's already dating me!"
Total silence fell over the corridor. Unable to speak, Fanny gaped, her mouth hanging open and her face burning and red. Snape hung his head in silent resignation wordlessly communicating that Violet had spoken the truth. She was too late then. If only she had asked him Saturday, if only they hadn't run into Sirius, if only, if only.
"Oh," Fanny whispered, feeling a sudden need to explain herself in her embarrassment. "I should have been quicker. If I had asked earlier."
"Earlier?" Violet cut in. "I don't think so. We've been together for over a year now." And with a mighty jerk, she pulled Severus around and dragged him to their common room. He followed without resistance and did not look back.
Fanny stood in the hall violently shaking. He'd been seeing someone the whole time she knew him? And he never told her? And he had encouraged her to believe that he liked her? Self doubt crept into her mind. Maybe he never had led her on. Maybe she was crazy and imagined it all. Why would he take interest in her? She was just an ugly horrible nonentity! A stupid insignificant little girl that nobody liked. She didn't even like herself. She hated herself!
Her mind switched again. She didn't hate herself. She wasn't a nobody, she did have friends. Severus had led her on. How else could she interpret the thoughtful trip to the woods, the heated glances and the hand holding other than by assuming that he was interested in her? He had played with her mind and her feelings. He had humiliated her and rejected her and made her question her own sanity. It was his fault she felt this way now and she would make him pay.
