A/N: Sorry I took so long in getting this chapter up! I had severe writer's block and couldn't think of anything! Anyway, I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: "Wheel of morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. and the moral of today's story is…" I own jack squat. Okay, okay, so I don't even own jack squat, assuming there is some person or company with that name, and knowing my luck there is! Please don't sue!!!!!

P.S. I also have no rights to the "wheel of morality". I expect it belongs to Warner Bros. considering I discovered it while watching "Animainiacs" oh so many years ago……. boy do I feel old now! ^_^x

**Spoiler Warning** Some spoilers for the Jinchuu Arc will be present. And if you don't know what that is, you may not want to read this just yet……

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Last time…

"I… I love you, Kenshin. And I know that you only think of me as a friend," it's all a stupid tanuki like me is good for anyway, "but I just wanted you to know that… that I… I just want you to be happy!" she finished, exasperated, her words failing her as Kenshin's continued silence caused her fear to completely overtake her. Without making a sound, her eyes on the floor in front of her, Kaoru mentally prepared herself for the rejection she was sure would come any second.

Holding Back

**Defeated**

What?! She LOVES me?! H- how… why didn't she tell me before?! Kami-sama, how could I have been so blind? his mind screamed. Oh, and what about you? Why didn't you tell her! As Kenshin mentally berated himself for never saying anything and leaving his precious Kaoru open to such anguish, a though occurred to him; How could she think that I would not return her feelings when she knows what I went through when I thought that she was… wait…

"Kaoru," he said incredulously, "you don't know, do you?"

"Know what?" she replied, her voice taking on an almost bitter tone. That you could never love me? Yes Kenshin, I do know that. Wait, did just call me Kaoru, again? I'm almost sure I heard-

"No one has told you what happened after you were taken, have they." This time, it was a statement, not a question. "When, Enishi took you, he left something behind… do you remember the Iwanbou doll I fought when Enishi first came?" Silently, Kaoru nodded in reply, now staring at him, hanging on his every word.

Though his voice threatened to break at the mere memory, Kenshin went on, "There was another doll, even more life-like than the first. Enishi left it in the dojo before he took you, but I didn't mind it until after you were already gone…" Slowly, a look of horrific realization washed over Kaoru's face as Kenshin told her, "It was… you. With Enishi's sword thrust into your heart, and… a cut, in the shape of a cross, on your left cheek."

"No…" Kaoru moaned, "you thought I was… you all thought that…"

"Yes." Such a simple word, yet Kenshin found it so difficult to say. "After I saw you,… it, I left. I couldn't stand it here, not with so many reminders, of how I failed you."

"But Kenshin, you didn't fa-" he raised a hand to stop her. "Please, let me finish." As hard as this is, she needs to hear this, and… I need to say it, he told himself.

"I went to a place called Rakuminmura, do you know what that is?" again, she nodded. "I do not know how long I was there, but it was a living hell." After a short pause, he shook his head. "No. It was not a living hell, because when I thought I had lost you, I died." He couldn't stop his voice from breaking with the pain he felt, despite how much he wanted to keep it from her, so that she wouldn't try to carry it for him. Kenshin looked at her now, and though Kaoru sat in front of him, with fresh tears spilling quietly over an intense look of and understanding, he had to finish, for both of them. "Without you, I ceased to exist. I didn't eat, didn't think, didn't move, didn't sleep… I'm amazed I even remembered to breathe, though I must have stopped breathing at some point because," he looked into her eyes now, pausing only to gently brush away her tears with his thumbs and he carefully cupped her face in his hands, "because you, Kamiya Kaoru, as the very air that I breathe. Without you I am lost, and, though this unworthy one does not deserve such a goddess as you, I need you, more than anything else. I love you Kaoru."

"You do?" Kaoru said, barely able to stop the incredible amount of hope she now felt from creeping into her voice.

"Of course! I've loved you ever since the day we met, when you tried to attack the hitokiri battousai with a wooden stick" Kenshin said with a mischievous grin.

"Baka!" Kaoru said in protest, hitting him playfully. "It was not a wooden stick, it was a bokken, and if you hadn't broken that roof I would have beaten you!" she declared with a slight pout as she folded her arms across her chest in a gesture of defiance.

Kenshin laughed whole heartedly at his cute kendo teacher's declaration, happy to see her in such a good mood. Yes, MY Kaoru, he thought as he wrapped his arms around her once more, wanting nothing more than to never let go. "You already have, koishii," he said, knowing that he belonged to her now, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"I love you Kenshin" Kaoru said for the second time that night, but this time she never took her eyes off him, knowing exactly what his reply would be…

"I love you Kaoru."

~OWARI~

A/N: Yes!!! I finally finished! I hope you all enjoyed my first fic as much as I enjoyed writing it, and thanks to a friend of mine I actually already have another one in the works! Fortunately it won't be nearly as sappy as this one was. Now, on with the thanks!

To all my friends: thanks for previewing this stuff for me so my everyone else would like it and for giving me the confidence I needed to post it!

May: thanks for being my first reviewer! and you're not the only one who loves it when Kaoru acts a little more out going! Plus, it's always fun to watch her hit Kenshin over the head with anything! but I like it best when she throws a bucket at him! ^_^x

Ymir chan: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Nanyo: I tried to make this last chapter a bit longer, but I don't think I did all that great. Thanks for reviewing!

Brittanie Love: thanks for your encouragement! and I can't wait to read more of your story!

Gypsy-chan: I'm glad you think that I've done something different with this one. thanks!

Vash-chan aka Makoto Almasy: First off, I love your pen name. Trigun happens to be my second favorite anime! ^_~x Anyway, I hope you liked the cliffhangers and the ending!

Henrika: Once again, thanks for your question! And yes, Kenshin was jumping to conclusions, just like he always is. but at least he figured it out in the end! thanks for your reviews!

Kits: I hope this one was long enough! Thanks for the review!

Lady Himura: I love your pen name too!!!!! Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! Thanks! ^_^x

Clemen: Thank you for your review, and I'm glad you liked my little story!

Anonmouse: LOL! It wasn't a stupid question! It's just one that I couldn't answer without giving away the ending! But now I can answer it: no, Kenshin will not reject her. and personally I think it sucks when he does, so I just had to get him to tell her his true feelings. ^_^x BTW, cute pen name!

Kaoru Himura: Thanks! I'm glad I was able to show you a different POV for the whole post jinchuu arc aspect.

Thunder Sister: To be honest, I didn't think it would get this sappy either! But, when you lock me in a room with a computer and a bunch of soda for a few days, well, this is what happens! ^_^x Speaking of which, now that's it done, can I come out now?

Auren: I know! I'm sorry! But Ihope you like the ending! ^_^x

Scarfer: Sorry! But at least there's no cliffi this time! ^_^x

MizzLee: I hope the ending wasn't too bitter sweet. thanks for the review!

Glenn: I'm glad you loved it! What about now? And be happy, I updated! ^_^x

Dani: Thanks much for the wonderful review, and I hope whatever was wrong with the site is fixed now! ^_^x

Even though I'm done, tell me what you think of my ending! R/R please! ^_^x