Chapter Two: Living an Oxymoron
The whole time we were sitting in the car no one talked. It was so quiet I thought I might go crazy. Caitlin would turn her head to look at me for a second and then turn back like I was some kind of demon. Seth sat with his hands laced together. His face seemed to be having a seizure, if that can actually happen. It looked like he was thinking about something important, so why interrupt. I was surprised when he cracked a few jokes, but that's what Seth does…he makes the moment happy. I was almost kind of jealous. He always seemed happy even though I knew he wasn't.
I spent a lot of 20 minutes we were in the car looking at Marissa's hands. She was carrying a banana and a blueberry muffin with her. I thought she was going to eat them, but she never did. Her hands would tighten around the food and she'd look down, like she was considering it. For a second I thought, she doesn't eat? Then I forced it out of my head. Marissa wasn't like the rest of the girls. She had proven that, but I still had doubt in my mind. Most of the time she was the Marissa that I liked…sweet, kind, caring. Other times she acted like she was totally fake, and those times were coming more frequently now. I think it all has to do with what happened last week, how her parents told her about the divorce. It must be hard, but I wouldn't really know anything about it. She hardly talks about it and that bothers me. Some friendship, huh? She can't even talk to me, let alone Seth, about her problems. Summer doesn't even talk to her that much anymore. Her parents, all the parents, have some grudge that they can't let go of. Why? Because money matters most to these people…not that far from their precious status symbols. Take away their pride, take away their dignity…take away everything that makes them human, but don't touch their money, homes, or cars. If you do that you get something worse that death. You get ostracized, you get left alone. Totally alone. That's what they're doing to me now.
Luke told his parents that I had invited Donny. That Donny being there and shooting him was my fault. It was Seth's fault, but why put a mark on him? All the parents liked him, even if their kids didn't. Why ruin that? I almost did it, just so I wouldn't be alone. I'd have someone there with me, someone to share the blame with. I didn't because Seth is my brother now. He's family. Even if mine broke the promises they made, stabbed me in the back, and left me…I wasn't about to do that to the only real brother I had.
When Marissa's dad parked in front of the school I saw Seth's face turn tomato red. I wondered if mine looked like that too, because I'm sure we were feeling the same nervous chill that makes you shiver and sweat at the same time. I still felt the same way walking into the school. So did Marissa, I think. Why would she feel like that?
"So…what do you guys have for homeroom?" It was the first thing Marissa had said since we got in the car.
Seth opened the package that we had gotten the night before and fumbled with the papers. "Um…. hey Ryan, we have the same homeroom! Room S210. Do you remember the different buildings?"
Seth smiled and some of the redness left his face. He looked relieved. I'm glad we decided not to read them until today, because I felt relieved too. I needed it, badly. Plus, Seth said we needed some spontaneity. We had been sitting in the house for almost three weeks to avoid the Luke lovers.
"Yeah. S, M, R, and K." My voice sounded weird when I responded. It was unusually high and shaky.
The doors. The entrance, my last chance to run away. Run. Do it. I didn't, I couldn't. Seth had pulled me in and dragged along while I watched my freedom disappear behind the giant black doors.
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It was really funny. Seth had to pull Ryan into the school. It was almost like a prison guard walking a murderer to the electric chair. Wait. Did I just compare Ryan to a murderer, I thought. No! It was just the arm! Luke is fine. Huh? That wasn't even Ryan's fault. He tried to stop it! I felt like I was going crazy…I did have too much on my mind.
I should've stayed with Seth and Ryan…walked with them. I'm just glad that the girls, twins, who called my name didn't live that close to me. If they did, they wouldn't be talking to me. It felt weird to me. I was used to walking in a big group…I was used to walking with Summer, I couldn't see her anywhere.
I had the same homeroom as one of them, Katie LeShay. She was the superficial one, a lot like the girls who live around me. I wish I were her…She's so lucky…she has a replica of herself to share her feelings with. I have a mini Mom and two guys that I'm too embarrassed to say anything to. I just want someone to listen. I'm sick of having to be fake so that people won't make bad judgments about me. Acting like a perfect person is making me imperfect in so many ways. So say I'm a perfect person is an oxymoron…if you're perfect than you're not a person, you're not human. No one is perfect and I was stupid enough to believe that I was.
I don't even remember walking into class. My mind was somewhere else and I really didn't want it to come back. I didn't want to have to hear comments that people were making about me and about my parents. I heard a new one from some guy I don't even know.
"I heard that Julie Cooper was screwing around with the gardener so they wouldn't have to pay him."
I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of the room. Was I crying? I don't remember. I wish that my memory retained nothing so that I can't remember anything that's happened.
*There's chap. 2!! I hope you liked it! Please review so I know what you guys are thinking. It helps a lot. And thanks to the two people who reviewed!!! I luv you lol! L sorry there was no Seth in this one…*
