Breaking Point

Chapter Four: Of Perfect Friends and Perfect Plans

          I kept running. Everything around me was starting to spin and my eyes were burning. I could hear the echo of my footsteps bouncing off the walls of the empty hallways. A bathroom. I just need a bathroom. I finally found one and opened the door as fast as I could; I didn't care if there was someone inside.

The bathroom smelled like peach cobbler and whipped cream. I know that smell.  Summer wouldn't leave her house without putting on half the bottle.  My feet wouldn't move, I tried to get them torn and they wouldn't budge. I didn't want her to see me…not like this. She would think I was pathetic and nothing without her friendship. You are, my mind hissed. You're nothing when you're forced to be yourself. Where are you Marissa Cooper? Where did you go? I started crying again. Why was I doing this to myself? Flush. Crap. She was done already?

A stall door slowly opened and my feet still wouldn't move. I wanted to chop them off and run away using my hands, my knees, anything.

She looked up, startled. "Coo-…Marissa. Um…hi."

"Hi." Was that my voice? It didn't sound like me. I can't even recognize my own voice now?

She walked over to the sink and started to wash her hands. Leave you idiot. She doesn't want to talk to you. She doesn't? Why? She's my best friend, she's supposed to be there for me and comfort me. Was your friend, Marissa, was.  Summer looked up at me when she finished. Say something summer! Tell my mind that it's wrong. Please.

"So…how's school?"

Whew…finally.

"I've only been here for an hour, but it feels like forever." A reasonable response... maybe I had a small bout of insanity, but now I'm back. I hope I'm back…

"Really? I don't want the day to end."

"What? Having too much fun laughing at other people's hairstyles or last season shoes?" Huh? Did I just say that?

Summer flinched. Wow…she actually has feelings?" What's wrong with you lately Coop?"

"Oh, so now I'm Coop again?"

"I never stopped calling you that…"

"Right, because you haven't talked to me at all forklike a month."

"Hey, you're the one who stopped talking to me…to anybody. The only people you talk to are Ryan and Seth."

"Jealous?"

Summer looked at me like I was crazy. "Jealous of what, an outcast and a loser? Never. Why do you even waste your time talking to them, it won't help you."

"I talk to them because they're the only people who'll listen to me!"

"Really? I'm pretty sure I'm listening to you right now."

"Are you?"

"Look, I've been trying to convince my parents to let me call you, but they won't okay. It's not my fault your dad stole money from everybody and it's not yours. Just chill for a sec."

"If you really were my best friend you would've tried harder. You would've tired your best to be there when I needed you."

"Were? So you're saying I'm not anymore?"

"Maybe."

Summer's face got really red. Why am I doing this? I need her right now. "Don't yell at me for being a crappy best friend, I'm not the one who's going insane because of one small mistake. I tried Marissa and after this I don't think I ever want to try again."

"Then don't. I've been fine without you for an entire month, I think I'll survive."

"Ugh, whatever. I have to get to class."

"Me too. Have fun!"

Summer was totally emotionless as she turned around and left. I won. I made her see that I was something, someone, without her. Without all those petty girls and their pristine façades. I used to be one of them and that's all they are, nothing more, nothing less. Empty shells…I was an empty shell and now I'm starting to break into a million pieces.

I remember saying that I had to get to class, but I knew that I couldn't go back there. I needed to go, to be free and not have to worry about what people are saying or thinking. My eyes surveyed the bathroom. A window. I must've gone dumb because I actually climbed out and I'm lucky I didn't get caught. The funny thing is, that after I climbed out and was off campus, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know why I had climbed out in the first place; I had nowhere to go. I couldn't go home, I didn't want to. Pool house. You got yourself into this mess, now get yourself out! They won't look in there…it's Ryan's personal space. My mind actually helped, gave good advice. Mr. and Mrs. Cohen are probably at work and the maids should be done cleaning already. The perfect plan, but I knew something wrong was going to happen…nothing's perfect. What was I supposed to do? I had no time, so I followed my instincts and hoped that Ryan would understand when he walked in to find me there.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          Did I do something wrong? I mean, here I am getting invited to a party and Ryan acts like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. What would he know about making a good choice? His life's been nothing but a bunch of mistakes. Wait, I don't mean that. Is this supposed to be happening? Ryan's my best friend and now he's my brother…should I be getting mad at him like this? I know he's just looking out for me, but I can take care of myself. He's acting like I can't be around other people because they don't know about "kids like me." What's that supposed to mean? Am I like some social retard? Do other people think of me like that? Maybe that's why people don't bother to get to know me. They think I have some kind of disease that they'll catch if they get too close. I can put up walls; I won't let them pass too far that way they can at least talk to me. The friend I used to have don't talk to me that much anymore. I guess it's my fault…I never made much of an effort to hang out with them over the summer. They were never real friends anyway…we were all kinda forced together I guess. Now I find some kids that want to be my friends and Ryan wants me to push them away. I know that they're not exactly "Newport bubble" kids, but neither am I. They believe in something more than money, something deeper than a pretty face. I don't care what Ryan says…I'll go to the party tonight.

          We were let out early from detention and I called my dad to come pick us up. Ryan looked around the whole walk to the parking lot like he was looking for something.

          "What are you looking for? There's not much excitement here."

          "Marissa. Did she leave already?"

          "Probably. She already had to be seen walking into school with us. Having to be seen getting into the same car in front of all her friends? Never."

          "She's not like that and you know it."

          "Correction. She wasn't like that when her friends weren't there."

          "Why can't you accept that she's different?"

          "Because she's not. You haven't lived with her for your entire life; you don't know how it is. Yeah, sure, she's really nice while people who matter aren't looking. I mean…she didn't even say hi to us at all today. I didn't even see her. People like that don't just…change."

          "They can if they're given the opportunity and they take it."

          "What, so you think you're some magical key that can open the door to reveal an actual human being inside of Marissa Cooper?"

"It's not something to be sarcastic about Seth. She's a real person, with real feelings."

          "Whatever you say."

          Are we done yet? Ryan didn't answer. So I guess it ended and I won. I didn't feel like a winner. I felt cruel and heartless, but it was the best I could muster at the moment. I owe nothing to Marissa, I thought. I heard a car pull up and saw it was my dad's. Good thing the argument ended before he could see it, the last thing I wanted was for my dad to make Ryan leave because we can't get along. We do actually, but sometimes he was too forgiving…too soft. I don't have to agree with everyone, do I?

          I talked to Ryan like he was an old friend the entire way home. I could see that he was confused, but he caught on pretty quickly. My dad was stupid sometimes and believed too much in the honesty of the human spirit…I could tell him I was lying to him and he wouldn't believe me. What can I say? People are flawed. I feel bad when I use that against people, but being put in my situation doesn't give you much compassion for your fellow human being. Why be nice to them when they were never nice to you?

          The car pulled into the driveway and I hopped out of the car. My dad smiled, probably because he thought I was happy. Hopping out of the car has been a sign of my being happy since I was five. I was a smart kid; I learned how to play my parents at a very young age. It can only help me, that's what I kept telling myself. Then I realized that getting my parents to believe something doesn't mean it's true. It means that I lied to them and I had to stand up to and face the truth alone. I could never bring myself to the embarrassment of telling them the truth…admitting that I was too scared to know what they would think…

          I followed Ryan into the pool house for the sake of my dad's eyes. It was actually a good idea because what I saw made me laugh, exactly what I needed. I saw Marissa knocked out on the floor. She was snoring, mouth open…so lady-like. Ryan even laughed, so I knew I wasn't being too mean.  He walked over to wake Marissa up. Just a pat on the shoulder and she jumped. Edgy much?

          "Oh my God. Ryan…"

 "It's okay. Feeling tired?"

          Marissa smiled weakly and Ryan helped her up. She looked at me and blushed. Was she embarrassed? Wow…that's a first.

          "Sneak into someone's house, get down low and fall asleep. Smart plan Marissa." I tried to be funny…I guess I was too sarcastic. She just looked at me and turned away.

          "Wait. What are you doing here? Do your parents know you're here?"

          I never even thought about that. What was Marissa doing on Ryan's floor sleeping in the middle of the day?

          "No, they don't. I kinda…I snuck out of school."

          Wow…Marissa Cooper sneaking out of school in broad daylight? This girl might actually have potential.

          "How did you manage that?" I made sure I wasn't so lippy this time.

          Marissa smiled weakly…her signature. "I'm talented, and why would you want to know?"

          "Hey, if you're allowed then I'm allowed."

          We all laughed this time. Maybe things aren't that weird between the three of us. Was I being too dramatic before? I was thinking too much on the situation instead of enjoying friendship. That's what I'm gonna think of "this" now. It's going to be a friendship, a very unlikely one, but it can work. If people are given opportunities and take them, then they can change…

*Chapter Four!!! Is it confusing?? Do you like how the story's going so far? Is my grammar/punctuation/spelling any better? Thanks for reading please review!!! J*