The One All About Ross and Rachel Disclaimer: Friends is mine! I wish, LOL. Nah, Friends ain't mine, and neither are the characters. If the characters were mine, boy, Ross and Rachel would have gotten together 19 years ago. Spoilers: None, I think Distributor: Don't please, until you ask me Pairings: Ross/Rachel (duh!), Chandler/Monica, Joey/Phoebe

A/N-This is only about the third Friends fan fic I have tried, so if I have portrayed people inaccurately, I'm sorry.

Here's the scoop-Chandler and Monica are still trying for a baby, Joey and Rachel never had feelings for each other or anything and Charlie doesn't exist, Joey and Phoebe don't want to admit it but they have feelings for each other, Ross and Rachel both still love each other (LOBSTERS FOREVER) but neither one thinks the other shares the love. That's pretty much it in a nutshell!

Chapter Three-The One where Ross tells Rachel

Two days later-Ross and Joey made up. Rachel is the same. Ross hasn't slept in over 48 hours. Monica has stayed at the hospital with him, and so has Emma.

Monica looked over at Ross from her chair. He was whispering to Rachel but she could see that he was about to fall apart. He had been up all night again and hadn't caught a wink of sleep.

"Ross, you need to go home and change, take a shower, clean up a little. Look at you. You're a mess. Please, I'll call if anything happens. Come on Ross, you need to go." Reluctantly, Ross let Monica lead him gently to the door of her room.

"Chandler is still here so I'll have him take you home and back. Just long enough to clean up. Don't worry about Emma, I'll take care of her." Ross nodded and ran his hands through his hair. He hated to admit it, but Monica was right. He needed to get away from the hospital a little.

***Two hours later*** Ross held the papers tightly in his hands. He punched the elevator buttons and silently prayed that nothing had happened since he left. The doors slid open and he hurried to Rachel's room. Monica was singing softly to Emma by the window, but everything else was the same.

"Mon, Chandler just dropped me off. Can, can you take Emma out to the door way, or something?" Monica sighed as she glanced at Ross. He still looked like he was a mess but at least he was a wearing clean clothes.

Ross sat down in the chair by Rachel's bed and took her hand. He began reading. Rachel, nineteen years ago, I fell in love with you. You never really get over your first love. At least I haven't. For nine years, I pined away and didn't do anything. Then you moved to the city and I didn't do anything. Nine years ago, we dated. After that, I made the biggest mistake of my life. You've always said that I always have to be right. Well you were. We weren't on a break and I messed up. We've been through so much. We got back together and then broke up again. We got married after getting drunk in Las Vegas. Then we had Emma, our gorgeous daughter. I keep telling myself how lucky I was to get drunk and sleep with you that night because it brought us Emma. She was one thing we didn't mess up on. Then the last year, we've been avoiding the subject of "US." Rachel, it's always been you. You're the love of my life and I can't live without you. When you wake up, I have an engagement ring in my pocket. This time I'm not going to mess up. We belong together. I remember the best times and the worst times.



The One where Ross Finds Out Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (Hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket)

Ross: Rach, I got a message from you. (Pauses) Who's Michael? (Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.)

Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . (Jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.) Ross: You're over me? Rachel: Ohhhhhhhh God. (Climbs off his back) Ross: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me? Rachel: Ohh, ohh. Ross: When, when were you... under me? Rach. Rachel do you, I mean, were you, uh. . . What? Rachel: Ohh, Okay, Okay, Okay, well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you. Ross: You've had feelings for me? Rachel: Yeah, what, so? You had feelings for me first. Ross: Whoa. Huh. You know about my, I mean, you know I had... you know? Rachel: Chandler told me. Ross: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he? Rachel: When you were in China. Ross: China. Rachel: Meeting Julie. Ross: Julie. Julie. That. Oh God. Julie, right. Okay, I need to lie down. No, ya know, I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna walk, I'm walkin' and I am standing. Okay so you uh, and now wha... and now, now, now you're over me? Rachel: Are you over me? (A moment of silence.) Ross: (doorbell buzzes) That's, that's Julie. Ju... Julie, Julie. (Talks on intercom) Hi Julie. Julie: (over intercom) Hi honey, I've got a cab waiting. Ross: (perky) I'll be right down. Rachel: Wait, so, you're going? Ross: Well, Okay, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat. Rachel: Okay, Okay. Ross: Cat. (Leaves)

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is closing up and Ross comes in.] Rachel: Hi. Ross: I didn't get a cat. Rachel: Oh, that's um, interesting. Ross: No, no it's not interesting. Okay, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting. Rachel: All right, I got it Ross. Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me. Rachel: (hurt) What? Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you. Rachel: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie? Ross: Then you should have said something before I met her. Rachel: I didn't know then. And how come you never said anything to me. Ross: There was never a good time. Rachel: Right, you, you only had a year. We only hung out every night. Ross: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiancés or, or, or Italian guys. Rachel: Hey, there was one Italian guy, Okay, and do you even have a point? Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, Okay. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed. Rachel: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me? Ross: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it. Rachel: All right, fine, you go ahead and you do that, all right Ross. Ross: Fine. Rachel: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship. Ross: Good. Rachel: Good. (Ross leaves) (Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after him.) Rachel: And ya know what, now I've got closure. (Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.) Ross: Try the bottom one. (She opens the door and they kiss.)

The One with Ross's Wedding [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is in her bedroom.] Rachel: Pheebs? Phoebe: Yeah? Rachel: Do you remember where the duck food is? Phoebe: Yeah, it's in the guys' apartment under the sink. Why? Rachel: (enters with a bag packed) Because I'm going to London. Phoebe: What?! What do you mean you're going to London? Rachel: Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you don't have those babies until I get back. (Kisses her stomach.) Phoebe: I -- Rachel, you can't go! Ross loves Emily! Rachel: Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision. Phoebe: That's not why you're going! You're going because you hope he's gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy." Rachel: Ohh -- Do you think he will?! Phoebe: No! Because he's in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, you're just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Y'know, it's too late! You missed you're chance! I'm sorry, I know this must be really hard, it's over. Rachel: Y'know what? No. It's not over until someone says, "I do." (Exits) Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesn't stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. I'm carrying a litter.

The One in Vegas (Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN- ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!) Ross: Well, hello, Mrs. Ross! (Throws some rice.) Rachel: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel! (Throws some more rice.)

The One with the Videotape [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.] Rachel: Hi! All: Hey! Ross: Hello! Rachel: Welcome home. Ross: So, how was the honeymoon? Monica: It was great! It was great! How about you?! I mean you're having a baby! Rachel: Oh! Look! I have a sonogram picture! Monica: Oh great! (Shows them the picture.) Chandler: Ross! It's got your wavy black lines! Monica: All right, so now that Ross knows can you tell us y'know how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen? Phoebe: Monica! That's not right! Start with where. (Rachel looks at Ross and gets his approval.) Rachel: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there 'cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey. Joey: You're welcome buddy. Ross: (glaring at him) Yeah, thanks. (Joey nods no problem.) Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me. Ross: (laughs) Umm that's...that's a little misleading. Rachel: What is? Ross: The lie you just told. Rachel: That-that you came on to me? Ross: There's the one! Rachel: But you did! I mean, let's be honest. Ross: Yes let's. Y'know what? Uh, it's-it's not important. What is important is that, is that we're having a baby. And it's not -- Doesn't matter who came on to who. Joey: Whom. (Everyone looks at him shocked.) That's right. Rachel: You know you kissed me first. Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place! Rachel: I was sending you signals? Ross: Yeah! Rachel: Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands. (Ross raises his hand and no one else.) Ross: Y'know what?! It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what you believe! What matters is what happened! Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, 'cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now? Ross: Y'know what? Y'know what? Rachel, just-just drop it. Rachel: No please, show me how I begged you! Ross: I can show you, I have it on videotape! (Stunned silence) It's an expression.

Rachel: (entering) Hey! Is Ross still here? Joey: Uh no Rach, he's gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake. Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village. Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didn't even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.) Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You don't want to see this do you? Monica: Hell yeah!!! Rachel: I am not gonna show you this! Phoebe: No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it. Ross: Forget it, she's destroying it. Phoebe: Okay fine! Fine! We'll just have to think of some other way to put the whole 'Who came onto who,' thing to rest! Come on now, think!! Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? It's Rachel's tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story. Rachel: I wanna see it. Ross: What?! Rachel: Clearly you don't want people to see this tape. Now I don't want people to see this tape either, but you so badly don't people to see it makes me want to see it. You see? Joey: (confused) Are we watchin' the tape or not?! Ross: I don't want people to see it for your sake. Rachel: Ahh, I don't believe you. I think you don't want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR) Ross: Rachel, please... Rachel: Ah, a little preview! Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes I'm gonna be saying... (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.) (They both sit down.) Rachel: Okay, here we go. (Pushes play.) Ross: (on tape) Hello! Can I get you anything? Joey: (To Phoebe) I'm so happy! Commercial Break [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the scene is continued from earlier.] Rachel: (on tape) Oh, thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself? Rachel: There I am. Phoebe: You're gonna get pregnant. Rachel: (on tape) I screwed up so bad, I told Monica that I would stuff and send all these wedding invitations like weeks ago and I-I... Ross: (on tape) You didn't do it? Rachel: (on tape) I-I know -- I had put them in...in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today. (Chandler is shocked and Rachel gets scared of Monica very quickly.) Monica: (taking Rachel's hand) Sweetie okay. It's okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine. Rachel: Kinda hurtin' my hand though. Monica: I know. Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh...oh-oh-oh... (Rachel hits fast forward. Monica is completely shocked.) Chandler: Did you do it on our invitations?! Ross: (pause) Not on the ones we sent out. Chandler: So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed! (Slams the framed invitation down onto the table.) (Rachel stops fast forwarding.) Rachel: (on tape) Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged. Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember...remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost... Rachel: (on tape) Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we would've gone through with it? Y'know, if we hadn't gotten caught. Do you think we would've done it? Ross: (on tape) I mean I...I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasn't sure if you wanted to. Rachel: (on tape) Oh I wanted to. (Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.) Ross: (on tape) So we...we both wanted to. Rachel: (on tape) Interesting. Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best. Rachel: (on tape) Oh yeah, sure. Rachel: Okay, in about ten seconds you're gonna see him kiss me. Ross: And in about five seconds you're gonna see why. Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe? (Joey's shocked and everyone else looks at Rachel.) Rachel: Okay, get ready to see some beggin'! Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross! Rachel: What?! Ross: Now I'm so happy. Rachel: What are you talking about?! Monica: You used the Europe story! Chandler: That's the magic story you use when you wanna have sex! Rachel: How do you know about that story?! Joey: How do you know about that story?! Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy! Joey: (raises his hand) Some guy!! (Points to himself.) Rachel: No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams. Joey: (raises his hand and points to himself again) Ken Adams!!

The One where Rachel is Late [Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are trying the home remedies again.] Ross: Come on, finish your enchilada. Rachel: Ross I -- We tried all the spicy food. It's not working. Ross: Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha... Oh God! So...so hot! (Rubs his eyes.) Oh my -- (Laughs.) By the way, you don't want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye. Rachel: I am feeling nothing. Speaking of hot, watching you do that really makes me want to have sex with you. Ross: Stop it. Rachel: Oh come on Ross, why are we wasting our time with this other stuff?! We know what's gonna work! It's doctor recommended! Ross: I'm sorry, but we have to have some boundaries! My God, I'm dying. Rachel: Oh come on Ross, we've done it before we'll do it again, it'll be a nice way to bookend the pregnancy. Ross: This is insane, I'm not gonna make love to you just so that you'll go into labor. Rachel: Make love? What are you a girl? Ross: Always a great way to get in a man's pants. Rachel: But you will, you will be performing a service. Okay? Just-just think of me as a ketchup bottle, y'know you sometimes you have to bang on the end of it just to get something to come out. Ross: I love when you talk dirty to me. Rachel: Oh, I know it. You're right. That's not sexy. Oh...Oh! (Drops a fork on the floor.) Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed over and get it. (Tries too, but can't quite seem to make it.) Oh God! Ross: Okay enough! This is, this is not going to happen. Rachel: Come on Ross! I'm miserable here! Come on! You started this, now you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me. Ross: Y'know what? Rachel: What?! Ross: Forget it. Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross you're not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean you'd think the damn jalepeno would've cleared up your sinuses, but no!! That's not enough... (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?! Ross: I'm getting that baby out of you! (They kiss again.) Rachel: (breaking the kiss) Oh God! Ross: Oh, I know. Rachel: Oh no. No-no! I think my water just broke. Ross: I am good. Okay! Okay! Uh, I got the pillow! I got the bag! You got the keys? Rachel: Okay! I got the keys! Okay! Okay! Ross: Hey! Rachel: Yeah. Ross: We're having a baby. (They hug and then kiss one more time.) Rachel: I didn't uh, really have time to read this part of the books, but do you think we have time to... Ross: Not so much. Rachel: Okay.



But I loved you always. I loved you when I was with Carol. I loved you with Emily. Why do you think I said, "I Ross, take thee Rachel."? So, to recap, I have this ring in my pocket and the only person I'll ever give it to is you. Rachel, Emma is wonderful. I love you because you gave me Emma. I love you because you're so beautiful. I love you because you were friends with Monica when she was fat. I love you because you flew across the Atlantic Ocean to tell me that you loved me, but you couldn't do it because of who you are. I love you because you're perfect. I love you for being you. I love you for being supportive. Rachel, I love you so much. I love you more than words can tell. Today I'm here to tell you all the things I never said. Now I know that I should have told you nineteen years ago how I felt. I should have told you before how much you mean to me because I didn't realize I could lose you. Don't give up, because I'll be here for you. I was at home and I found this tape I want to play for you.

(Music starts. So no one told you life was gonna be this way [four claps]

Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA

It's like you're always stuck in second gear

When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but CHORUS

I'll be there for you

(When the rain starts to pour)

I'll be there for you

(Like I've been there before)

I'll be there for you

('Cause you're there for me too) You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight

You've burned your breakfast so far, things are going great

Your mother warned you there'd be days like these

But she didn't tell when the world has brought you down to your knees CHORUS No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me

Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me

Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with

Someone I'll always laugh with

Even at my worst, I'm best with you

Yeah! It's like you're always stuck in second gear

When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but CHORUS by the Rembrandts) Well Rach, that's about it. You're my lobster. All the love in my heart is pouring out to you, Emma, and our baby. I love you.

Ross kissed Rachel gently on the lips. Tears rolled down Monica's cheeks as she watched. Then, Rachel's eyes fluttered open.

"Ross?"

TBC... Please Review!!!

I know this was a mile long, but I wanted it all in one chapter.