Cats and character assassination. This probably won't make much sense without the previous chapters and even then it conforms to no known logic. Tip of the hat to Anne who gave Pippin a line and to Ithilien who asked (!) for more! Thanks.

Special guest appearance by Merry and Pippin. Yes, I know they're not supposed to be there. It's a comedy universe, Things just are.

**

Scenes from the Undying Lands: 4

EVERYBODY LOVES A PARTY



Anyone who was anyone had been invited to Galadriel's birthday party.

"How old is the bint anyway?" asked Legolas as they prepared to leave. He was in a bad mood, having spent two weeks solid cleaning up after Gandalf's house-sitting stint. Sitting had caused no problems but picking up and washing were apparently alien concepts for the wizard. "It's not like he had to do anything," Legolas had complained to Gimli in the privacy of their bedroom, watched by the cats who crouched fearfully on top, around and under the bed. "All it would have taken was a wave of his staff and the place would have been clean. But, no! And I'm sure he's traumatised the cats – you must have noticed they haven't gone in the same room with him once since we got back."

Gimli glowered at Legolas. He was also in a bad mood, having come upon Legolas and Gandalf playing skittles with 20 empty wine bottles and the Lady's crystal doorstop. Plus, he had lost the coin toss over who would be the one to hint to Gandalf that it was time to go visit another friend. He was sure Legolas had cheated. There was no mathematical way he could have lost every single throw out of twenty and, whatever Legolas said, Gimli was not convinced there really was a rough and a smooth side to an arrow. If it was so obvious why hadn't Legolas allowed Gimli to feel for himself? What if Gandalf refused to go? He didn't think his relationship could survive another five year visit. "It's not done to ask a Lady her age. Anyway, it doesn't matter how old she is, she still looks like a young girl."

"At least seven thousand," said Gandalf loudly

"Is that all? She looks older." muttered Legolas. Gimli didn't bother replying. He picked up the wrought iron rose he had fashioned for Galadriel's birthday and tried to ignore the way Legolas was kicking their beautiful doorstop as he passed. The last kick was especially hard. He just hoped the elf had hurt his toe.

"Let's go! I love a party," urged Gandalf, ignoring this by-play. The wizard picked up a badly wrapped tiara under one arm and motioned them towards the door. "We're going to have a great time."

Great that is as long as you like large parties full of people you want to avoid thought Gimli. After walking in offended silence for an hour during which Gandalf gave a full, frank and unasked for session of relationship therapy, Gimli and Legolas had parted company at the door of Galadriel's mansion. "Let's circulate, shall we?" Gimli asked to Legolas' back as the elf headed determinedly towards the wine. Celeborn was bearing down on them with an expression that clearly said 'I don't like you but I am prepared to be a gracious host'.

"I'm off," said Gandalf, suiting words to action.

Gimli sighed and prepared to be polite for all three of them.

"Gimli," gushed Celeborn, air kissing a spot a foot or so above the top of his head. "So lovely to see you. Have you just arrived? Come and talk to Thranduil, I'm sure you'll love his new girlfriend."

**

"Move over!"

"Ow! Watch it!"

Gimli squeezed into the cupboard reserved for smokers with a series of apologetic grunts and pats until at last he was established in a corner and able to look around. He knew from the complaints that Merry and Pippin were amongst his companions. Peering through the gloom he was able to make out Gandalf's pointy hat and Sam's gardening boots. Same old crowd, except--

"No Frodo?" he asked, surprised.

Sam shook his head, causing the clouds of smoke to waft around lazily. "He's trying to give up."

A chorus of sympathetic groans greeted this. Frodo's attempts at 'giving up' were inevitably doomed to failure causing much heartache and soul searching about his unworthiness. Gimli reached out and patted Sam awkwardly. "I'm sure he'll manage this time."

Sam did not reply. Pippin's voice broke into the silence in an unsubtle attempt to change the subject.

"Did you and Legolas have a good holiday. Riding, wasn't it?"

"Not this year," said Gimli with satisfaction. "Potholing."

Pippin giggled rudely.

There was a muttering and Merry's voice could be heard explaining in stage whisper "Exploring underground caverns."

"Oh," said Pippin. "I thought---" More stage whispering and then Merry snorted with laughter.

"We enjoyed it," said Gimli succinctly.

There was a muttering from Gandalf's corner from which the words "bloody cats everywhere" could be distinguished.

"Gandalf house-sitting?" Sam was sympathetic, although it was hard to tell if his sympathy was reserved for Gimli and Legolas or Gandalf. "How many cats is it now? Twenty?"

"Twenty-one," said Gimli.

"They acquired one on holiday. "Gandalf took a long draw of his pipe and exhaled. The smoke changed colour and formed a small image of Legolas and Gimli fighting what appeared to be a large bird of prey. Legolas held it off with a arrow judged perfectly to fall just right of the great beast's hooked beak while Gimli could be seen lobbing a large crystal and gold ball at its head. A tiny grey kitten mewled pathetically in the foreground.

The bird gave a squaw of fright and flapped its wings nervously before taking off. Legolas turned to Gimli, took him in his arms and—

A square-palmed hand dissolved the picture. "Don't you have any sense of privacy?" Gimli felt sure he was blushing.

"No." answered Gandalf, unperturbed.

Pippin and Merry smothered giggles.

"So you rescued another cat?" said Sam, in peacemaker mode.

"Yes." said Gimli. Conversation died. He took a pull at his pipe but found it had gone out.

**

Returning to the main room Gimli met Elrond putting together a plate from the buffet for Celebrian who had retired to a small ante-room. Gimli made a note to go and talk to her later. He knew she found loud noises and lights stressful and was only attending tonight for her mother's sake. He selected a piled of sandwiches for himself and retreated to an empty table to eat. He considered himself a sociable dwarf but sometimes it really didn't seem worth the effort.

Haldir glided up to his side. Gimli looked around, nervously, but Legolas was nowhere to be seen. It would do no good, Gimli knew Haldir would corner Legolas sooner or later and ask impertinent questions about whips and chains. Then there would be more arguments later. Gimli braced himself for an arch comment but found his companion staring at Elrond. Haldir turned back, and immediately the longing expression was erased to be replaced by the familiar hauteur.

"Dungeons," began Haldir.

"Hair dye," countered Gimli allowing his eye to follow the track Haldir's glance had taken across the room.

Haldir didn't pretend to misunderstand. The elf gave a tight smile. "He's wasted on her."

The comment wrong-footed Gimli with its sincerity and he swallowed his prepared retort. "He'll never leave her."

"Never is a long, long time."

**

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Everyone blew together and the something-thousand candles on Galadriel's birthday cake flickered and blew out.

"Make a wish," cried Galadriel. Did he imagine it or did her eyes meet his for an instant? She really was something special.

Gimli shut his eyes. He knew what he wanted. A tall form drew up to his side. "Come on," said Legolas grabbing him by the hand.

"But, the toasts haven't finished."

"Forget the toasts," said Legolas. Gimli allowed himself to be pulled out, through the crowds of people, talking, drinking, and laughing, into the quiet of the night.

"What about Gandalf?" he asked as they walked down the long tree-lined drive. Multi-coloured torches flickered on either side painting the ground with rainbow shadows.

Legolas kept walking, not letting go of his hand. He continued facing forward so that Gimli felt, rather than saw, the slight smile. "He passed out earlier. Smoke inhalation, I think. Celeborn offered him a room to lie down. He said Galadriel had seen Gandalf lying unconscious in her mirror and had a guest room prepared."

"Oh—"

"Exactly."

Gimli felt his lips own curve upwards. Legolas turned to face him, grinning openly now. "Yes. I told Haldir we'd send his bags over in the morning!"

He thought of a comment, but before he could make it Legolas had claimed his lips in a passionate kiss.



COMING SOON: I Really Don't Feel Very Well.

Gimli is poorly, Legolas is nurse and who let all these visitors in. Plus, what's all this about Merry and Pippin?

**

Ah! Everybody loves a party – and everyone needs a little schmoop from time to time.