ACT II, Scene 2

----A room in the castle.                                 WARNING! REALLY LONG SCENE!!! (7 pgs)

(Enter Grant, Danny, ROSENCRANTZ *Doug, and GUILDENSTERN *TJ)

GRANT: Welcome, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern! We've missed you! We sorta need you around here right now, that's why we sent for you. Hamlet has… changed. He's not acting the way he used to. We want you to look after him and find out what's causing this madness.

DANNY: (still looking upset about his outfit) We've heard so much about you two from him. If you help us find out what's making him this way, you will find it's *large* rewards soon after. (holds out a handful of gold to imply they will be paid to spy)

DOUG: (throwing the script down to his side) OK, will someone please tell me why I'm in a play written by… *her*? (points to Kelly who glares evilly)

LIZ J: (pipes up to keep Kelly from attacking his throat) Oh, see, in a way, she wants to make up with you. (Kelly shoots a shocked-threatening-confused look at her) See, she thinks your friendship ended on bad terms, so she wanted to see if she could mend it… like she tried before despite your stubbornness. (she shoots a mischievous wink at Kelly, who smiles and nods)

DOUG: (feeling very cautious) Alright… (picks up script) *ahem* Your majesties only need to tell us what to do. No need for payment.

TJ: (under his breath) I might take payment for this payment. (normal) Um, I have another objection… I don't like it that I got this part. I mean, I like the fact that I was cast, but I mean, why do I have to have a part that doesn't survive? I mean, everyone knows that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are among the first to die.

DOUG: O_O Wait a minute… My part gets killed? So *that's* why you cast me! You just want to see me die, right? What the hell!

TJ: Oh, Dougie boy, we don't just get killed, we get beheaded. And you'll have a cow when you find out who kills us… She does. (points to Kelly)

KELLY: Hey! I don't *really* kill you! I just switch notes so instead of me getting killed, you do.

TONYA: (sitting in front row of audience now, getting upset and ready to throw her entire bag of popcorn at stage) What did I say before!? SOME OF US HAVEN'T READ THIS BEFORE! Leave a little suspense and surprise to us!

KELLY: ALRIGHT!!!! LET'S GET BACK TO THE PLAY!

TJ: (nudging Doug warily) I don't know about you, but I truly fear for my life if she's gonna kill us.

KELLY: THAT'S NOT YOUR LINE, TJ!!!

TJ: Alright, alright! We will do whatever you tell us. Think of us as your servants.

GRANT: Thank you, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

DANNY: Thank you, Guildenstern and Rosencrantz. Please find Hamlet immediately.

TJ: We hope we can help.

DANNY: So do we!

(Doug and TJ leave, muttering to each other about not liking their parts)

(Enter Liz J)

LIZ J: The ambassadors have returned from Norway.

GRANT: Um, I thought I had a line here…

KELLY: Well, I uh… (blushes) I didn't know how to rewrite it…

GRANT: (sighs)

LIZ J: I think I have found the reason why Hamlet's gone crazy.

GRANT: Well, tell us! That's all we really want to know.

LIZ J: Well, let me bring in the ambassadors first. I'll save the best news for last.

(Liz J leaves)

GRANT: Well, I hope he has found the answer. Lady (turning to Danny) Polonius says he's discovered why your son has gone loony.

DANNY: I have a bad feeling that the cause is his dad's death and our quick marriage.

GRANT: We shall see.

(Enter Liz J with Alex and Marie)

GRANT: Welcome! Tell us, Voltimand, what does Norway say?

MARIE: (chuckling to herself) I love that name! It sounds so evil! (normal) When we got there, we had Norway send out an arrest for Forty, jr. because he thought he was preparing to march on Poland and conquer Denmark in the process. However, when he was captured, he promised not to march on Poland, and we found out that he wasn't intending to harm Denmark, but just march *through*. So, Norway now pays Forty to employ the troops and has sent this treaty (hands Grant a piece of paper) to ask polite passing through Denmark.

GRANT: Well, we are very please and thank you kindly for doing this for us. Now, go rest up! We'll feast with you tonight!

(Alex does his mock salute, but quickly blocks Marie's attempt to hit him… unfortunately, she was ready for it and swiftly hit him on the back of the head as they leave)

LIZ J: Well, since that is over, I will be brief. Hamlet seems bound for the loony bin, right? Everyone has seen his craziness – I mean, just look at how he jumped Ophelia a few scenes ago!

KELLY: (off stage, glaring threateningly at Liz J)

DANNY: *ahem* Don't dally, just get to the point.

LIZ J: But I am not dallying, I swear! All I say is that Hamlet is mad. I have a daughter, and she has given me these. (takes out letter and reads) "To the celestial and my soul's idol, the most beautified Ophelia," – I don't like that word: "beautified" is such an ugly phrase… anyway. "In her excellent white bosom,:" etcetera, etcetera. (mumbling) I wish I got letters like that…

DANNY: Are these from Hamlet to Ophelia?

LIZ J: Yep. Here's a little poem too.

               "Doubt thou the stars are fire;

               Doubt that the sun doth move;

               Doubt truth to be a liar;

               But never doubt I love."

               Then, he follows with this: "O dear Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers"—which means he sucks at verse—"I have no art to reckon my groans: but that I love thee best, O most best, believe it. Adieu. Thine evermore, most dear lady, whilst this machine is to him. Hamlet."  This is what Ophelia shows me obediently, and every time he has visited, she has told me about it.

GRANT: How has she treated his offers of love?

LIZ J: Do you trust me?

GRANT: Of course.

LIZ J: Well, I… I told her to refuse his letters, visits, and … his love. When I saw that he had gone mad shortly after, I realized this must be my doing. Don't you think?

GRANT: What do you think?

DANNY: Well, it's possible.

LIZ J: Have I ever been proven wrong?

(there are knowing glances and raised eyebrows off stage)

LIZ J: Better yet, don't answer that…

GRANT: Alright.

LIZ J: Well, if I am wrong, I will find the answer then. Trust me.

GRANT: How would we find it?

LIZ J: Sometimes he walks around here for hours on end. You and I will hide back there (points to a big painting) and Ophelia will be sent here while we watch his reaction. If he doesn't react, then I am wrong. You'll be there to prove it. Sound good?

GRANT: Sure, we'll try it.

(Kelly enters with a book)

DANNY: Look, here comes sad Hamlet reading a book.

LIZ J: Quick, both of you get out of here. I'll talk with him for a while.

(Danny and Grant leave)

LIZ J: Hey, Hamlet. Wassup?

KELLY: Fine.

LIZ J: Do you know who I am?

KELLY: Of course! You are a fisherman.

LIZ J: No, I'm not.

KELLY: Oh, I wish you were honest.

LIZ J: Honest?!

KELLY: Yeah, honest. Honest people are so rare… like one in a million.

MICHELLE: (off stage singing) You're one in a million, once in a lifetime, you help me discover all the stars above us…

KELLY: Mich!

MICHELLE: Oops.

LIZ J: Well, that's true.

KELLY: For if the sun breed maggots in a dead, being a good kissing carrion,--

MOST OF CAST: Ick!!!

KELLY: Do you have a daughter?

LIZ J: Yep.

KELLY: Don't let her walk in the sun, she might get sunburned. Pregnancy is a blessing, but if your daughter gets pregnant – watch out.

MICHELLE: She sounds like me!

CAST: SHHH!

MICHELLE: Sorry. I won't say anything else. (grins)

MAY: Ah, forget it, Mich. You don't have any lines anyway. Better get the talking out now while you can.

KELLY: *AHEM!*

LIZ J: (talking to the audience) Well, whaddya know? He's still thinking about Ophelia. He didn't know me at first, thinking I was a fisherman… he is pretty far out there. I know I did suffer from love when I was young, close, but not quite like this. I'll speak again. (to Kelly) Whatcha reading?

KELLY: Words, words, words.

LIZ J: What about?

KELLY: Who?

LIZ J: What do you read about?

KELLY: (holds out the book showing the title clearly as chuckles rise from the audience: Harry Potter) I'm reading an interesting book about slander. It says that old men have gray beards, their faces are wrinkled, their eyes purging thick amber and plum-tree gum and that they have plentiful lack of wit, together with most weak hams: all which, sir, though I most powerfully and potently believe, yet I hold it not honesty to have it thus set down, for yourself, sir, should be as old as I am, if like a crab you could go backward.

LIZ J: (to the audience) This seems crazy, but it seems deliberate. (to Kelly) Will you walk with me outside?

KELLY: Into my grave.

LIZ J: Well, that is outside… but a little more than I meant. (to the audience) Some of his replies are gigantic, yet others are so small! Madness can do this, but not so subtly. I think I'll leave to plan Ophelia's encounter with him. (to Kelly) I will take my leave of you.

KELLY: You can't take anything from me that I wouldn't willingly give you. Except my life.

(silence)

(Melissa pushes Doug and TJ reluctantly onto the stage)

LIZ J: Bye. (smiles mischievously as she turns to exit)

KELLY: You difficult old man!!

LIZ J: (to Doug and TJ) You looking for Hamlet? There he is! (laughs evilly as she exits)

TJ: You scared?

DOUG: (looking pale) No. (gulps) God save you!

TJ: My honored… lord.

DOUG: My most dear lord.

KELLY: (through a forced smile and gritting teeth, wraps her arms around their shoulders like a true friend) Why, my great and wonderful friends! How is my buddy Guildenstern? Rosencrantz? How are the both of you?

DOUG: We're fine. Just fine.

TJ: We're happy… but not too happy. On a scale of one to ten, we are not and eleven.

KELLY: But I hope you're not a zero.

DOUG: Neither.

KELLY: Then you lie in the very middle… on a woman, we'd say you were around her… waist, or maybe just. A bit. Lower.

AUDIENCE: (snickers)

TJ: (hesitantly) Yeah, we are her privates.

AUDIENCE: (full on laughter)

KELLY: Ah, I see. You are where 'the sun don't shine.' Anywho, what's new? (finally lets go of them and slides out from between, obviously uncomfortable)

DOUG: Nothing much, just that the world has become honest.

KELLY: (chuckling, glancing off stage at Dave then Liz E) As someone I know would say, Oh no!! It's Armageddon!! The end of the world is near!!

LIZ E: (bursts out laughing so hard, she falls off her chair)

DAVE: (glares evilly at both Liz E and Kelly, who smile)

KELLY: Let me specify – What brings you to this prison?

TJ: Prison?

KELLY: Denmark is a prison.

DOUG: Then so is the rest of the world.

KELLY: Well, it's a very large one that holds many confines, guards, and dungeons, Denmark being the worst.

DOUG: We don't think so.

KELLY: Well, then, it's not a prison to you. It's not good or bad, but thinking makes it one or the other, so it's a prison to me.

DOUG: Then you must be making it a prison by your attitude. Your imagination wants more than this around you; it's too narrow for your mind.

KELLY: God! If I lived in a nutshell, I could imagine that I had the entire universe inside that space, except my bad dreams prevent that from happening here.

TJ: But your dreams are your ambitions, yet your ambitions are merely a shadow of your dreams.

KELLY: Ah, but a dream itself is a shadow.

DOUG: Yes, but my ambitions and dreams are so light and airy that they are but shadows of shadows.

DAVE: (off stage) Did he just call himself an airhead?

LIZ E: In a way, yes. For once, you picked up some subtext.

AUDIENCE: (chuckling)

DOUG: (glare)

KELLY: But then the bums are merely bodies, and our kings and heroes are the bums' shadows. You know, forget this. Let's go to the court, I can't argue with you two.

DOUG and TJ: We'll come with you.

KELLY: (stopping them) No, no. You don't have to. If you come along, we'll be swarmed with servants, and I don't want that. But, between friends, why are you here at Elsinore?

DOUG: Just to see you, that's all.

KELLY: Well, I am a bum, and I can't even afford to say thanks, yet I thank you anyway. My thanks are worth more than what's spent on them. Weren't you sent for? Or is this a truthful free visit? Come on, you know you can answer.

TJ: What do you want us to say?

KELLY: Oh, anything. I know you were sent for because your body language tells me and you haven't found a way yet to cover it up. The king and queen sent for you.

DOUG: But why would they do that?

KELLY: Well, I was hoping you'd tell me the answer to that question. (glaring particularly at Doug) All I want is a straight answer, that if we are good friends, sticking by each other and being *honest* with each other, you will tell me if you really were sent for or not.

DOUG: (whispering to TJ) What do you think?

KELLY: (Speaking quietly to herself so the audience can hear) I am very suspicious right now—If you really are my friends, you won't keep this a secret from me.

TJ: (apparently against Doug's will) Yes, we were sent for.

KELLY: Let me guess, because that way you won't be discovered telling me why you're here. When my mother and uncle ask you if you told me, you won't be lying when you say no, and you won't have betrayed them. Here is the explanation of your visit: I've been acting differently lately and no one knows why. The king and queen have sent you to me to try and weasel out the answer to my madness. I take no pleasure from man or woman… but your smile seems to tell me you think otherwise.

ANNA: (off stage, reading through the original script by Shakespeare) O_O She summarized half a page into a paragraph! (faints from shock)

DOUG: I never thought that.

KELLY: Then why did you laugh when I said "I take no pleasure from man"?

DOUG: Well, if men don't please you—

DAVE: (off stage, laughing madly) Then that means she's gay!!

MAY: (creeping up behind Dave with a large club raised to strike…)

(THUNK!!)

DAVE: x_X (falls off chair unconscious)

DOUG: Er… If men don't please you, then the actors aren't going to be received well here, are they? We passed by a group of them on the way here, and they'll be here soon, too.

KELLY: Well, well. I will surely welcome all the actors. I'll welcome the actor who plays the king the most. And… (glances at script… sums up quickly in head) all the players will be welcome and have a significant part in their play! Which troop comes here?

DOUG: The ones you watched often… the actors of the city.

KELLY: Why are they coming here? They usually stay put in the city. They made more money that way.

DOUG: Well, I think they're here because of the new law against plays in public because of the new plays indoors.

KELLY: Are they as good as I remember them? Do they still have their fan following?

DOUG: Unfortunately, no.

KELLY: What? Why!? Did they suddenly start sucking?

DOUG: Uh… no. They have much competition lately, and the people seem to like everyone but them.

KELLY: What… are they children?? Will they watch the theater only until they hit puberty? Don't they feel that they should join with the players and writers to help the image portrayed of them?

DOUG: The people are different nowadays. They don't want to see a play unless the actors somehow resort to fisticuffs.

KELLY: Is it possible?

TJ: There's been a lot of word throwing and name-calling.

KELLY: Who wins? Do the actors?

DOUG: Yep.

KELLY: It's not that strange. My uncle has become king, and all of those that used to grimace at him while my father was alive, now pay twenty, forty, up to a hundred bucks a piece for a tiny portrait of him. Now, that is obviously not natural, so why should I be surprised at this?

(Jared backstage blows a really bad note on his trumpet to signify the players' entrance, yet they are not seen. In the middle of an octave change, there's a loud THUMP, the note cracks and disappears, a loud clatter is heard, then silence)

KELLY: (glances backstage… spots Melissa)

MELISSA: (grins innocently hiding a large club behind her back)

JARED: x_X (lying on floor beside his trumpet)

KELLY: Er… right. Get on with it.

TJ: Uh… there are the players. (points)

KELLY: Alrighty then. Well then, boys. (looks at both Doug and TJ) You're welcome to Elsinore. Let's continue with the formal greetings and such, so I may do so with the actors. You two are welcome – but my uncle-father and aunt-mother are deceived.

TJ: (confused) Heh??

KELLY: Hehe. I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.

DAVE, ALEX, both LIZes, and some extras: (offstage) What the hell did she just say???

SHELLY: (offstage) She's not all crazy, just a little.

ALEX: (offstage) That's not true!! She's a complete loony!

KELLY: (glares evilly at Alex) You remember what I kept threatening you with back in your freshman year? If you kept acting up I would make you do push-ups with my *foot* on your *ass*. Do you want me to actually *do* that? Or something WORSE!?!?!

ALEX: (gulp) Uh-uh. No, that's alright. (shrinks down to chibi size and hides behind Liz E)

KELLY: Thank you.

(Enter Liz J)

LIZ J: I'm ba~~ck!

KELLY: Listen closely, Guildenstern; and you too, Rosencrantz. Observe this sad infant not yet out of his diapers.

DOUG: Well, there is the second coming, for they say an old man is twice a child.

KELLY: Hehe. (puts fingertips on temples on shuts her eyes, acting like a great fortuneteller) My prophecy is that he has come to tell us about the troop of actors. Remember that – I said it on Monday morning.

DAVE: (backstage) But… it's Saturday night… isn't it?

LIZ E: (sarcastically) No, Dave, you slept through the weekend… *again*.

MAY: It's supposed to throw off Polonius. It's in the script.

DAVE: Right… and who's Polonius?

ALL: AARRGH!!

KELLY: (sigh)

LIZ J: Hey there, I've got some cool news!

KELLY: (imitating Liz J) Hey there, I've got some cool news! Brad Pitt is a famous—

MICHELLE: (offstage) And *hot*!!

KELLY: — actor in Hollywood…

LIZ J: The actors are on their way here.

KELLY: (waving her hand in a bored way) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIZ J: Upon my honor, —

KELLY: Then came each actor on his ass, —

DAVE: (giggling evilly) She… said… ass… (collapses with laughter)

LIZ J: (rolls her eyes) The best actors in the world, either for tragedy, comedy, history, pastoral, pastoral-comical, historical-pastoral…(looks at script, scans down, looks up in confusion) This goes on forever!!

KELLY: (whispering) Just read it. It has a point.

LIZ J: (waiting for point to be clarified)

KELLY: ……… OK, so it doesn't *really* have a point… But it's only a paragraph!

LIZ J: (cocks head to one side in contradiction) An ordinary paragraph may be pretty small, yes. But a *Shakespearean* paragraph can last for HOURS!!

KELLY: ………… Alrighty, we'll skip it. Go to… (scans script) line 376, when the players enter.

(silence)

KELLY: Pam? Kristen? That's you.

PAM and KRISTEN: (sleeping backstage, figuring they had a good hour or two before their entrance)

LIZ E: Um… I'll get 'em. (runs to Pam and Kristen and shakes them awake) It's your cue, guys! Wake up!!

PAM: o_- … Heh?

KRISTEN: x_X zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (rolls over and continues to sleep)

KELLY: Tell her the building's on fire! That seemed to work last time… (glances at TJ, looking oblivious)

LIZ E: (smirks, shakes Kristen again, yells) Kristen!! The building's on fire!! Get up!

KRISTEN: O_O (sits straight up) HEH!?! What'd TJ do *this* time??

TJ: -_-;;;

ALL: (smirking and laughing)

LIZ E: Just kidding. Now come on! It's your cue! Both of you are supposed to be on stage RIGHT NOW!

PAM and KRISTEN: Cripes!! (both bolt onto the stage)

(Enter FIRST PLAYER *Pam and SECOND PLAYER *Kristen)

KELLY: Welcome, friends, welcome. It's good to see you. My lord, you've changed! You've all gotten so much older since I last saw you. I hope that your looks are the only things that have changed, unless they've changed for the better. Come, come! Give a glorious speech.

PAM: Um… what do you want us to say?

KELLY: I heard you give a speech once, but it wasn't acted – unless it was acted so well that no one could tell. I remember your plays were not appreciated by many, but I loved them and believed them to be the best there will ever be. I remember one particular play – specifically the scene between Æneas and Dido about Priam's slaughter. Please, start there.

LIZ J: Lord, you could do it much better than they could.

KELLY: Hush up.

KRISTEN: Uh… (looks at script in shock) Could we just say I did it? It's too long and I don't want to say all those Greek words and stuff.

LIZ J: I agree, but I'm supposed to say it's too long, so I don't think my opinion matters.

KELLY: ………… OK. Fine… (looks at script) Skip to line 466. Polonius.

LIZ J: (scans script) Look! He's crying! This is enough, no more.

KELLY: OK, I'll have you speak the rest some other time. Polonius, find them a good place to stay while they're here. It's better that you should have a horrible epitaph on your grave stone than an ill report from them while you're alive.

LIZ J: Alright, I'll fix them up special.

KELLY: Okie dokie.

LIZ J: Come along, sirs.

KELLY: Follow him. Oh, and we'd like to see a play tomorrow. (takes Pam aside and speaks quietly to her) Can you play The Murder of Gonzago?

PAM: Sure.

KELLY: Um, if I give you a speech of… let's say… sixteen lines, would you insert it into the play for tomorrow night's performance?

PAM: Sure.

KELLY: Cool. Now, follow him, and try not to make fun. I'll see you (to Doug and TJ) later tonight. You're all welcome in Elsinore.

DOUG: Thank you, sir.

(All but Kelly exit)

KELLY: (steps to center of stage very seriously, then, all of a sudden…jumps up and down in an excited frenzy screaming) MY FAVORITE SOLILOQUY!! MY FAVORITE SOLILOQUY!!

MICHELLE: (offstage) Alright already!! It's a page and a half long! Just GET IT OVER WITH!!

KELLY: Right… Now I am alone.

               O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!

               Is it not monstrous that this player here,

But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,

Could force his soul so to his own conceit

That from her working, all his visage wann'd,

Tears in his eyes, distraction in his aspect,

A broken voice, and his whole function suiting

With forms to his conceit? and all for nothing! (dramatic pause)

DAVE: Is that it?

KELLY: (glare) No. I'm not done yet. Can I continue?

DAVE: Uh… yeah.

KELLY: Thank you. *ahem* For Hecuba!

What's Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,

That he should weep for her? (dramatic pause, takes a breath to continue)

MICHELLE: (offstage) Are you done now?

KELLY: *NO!!!* (begins to seethe)

MAY: (walks out slowly with a cup of some weird colored liquid, steps up to Kelly) Uh… Kelly?

KELLY: WHAAAAAAT!?!

MAY: Eep!! (shrinks slightly, holds out cup) Uh… do you think you should drink a little of your potion? You know, just in case Arienne decides to show up?

KELLY: Hm… that's not a bad idea. I haven't had any in a few days. Sure. (takes cup and gulps down)

MAY: (walks off, smiles evilly to herself) That should do the trick. (giggles madly and ducks behind a large prop wall)

KELLY: (finishes drink, tosses glass to the side) What would he do,

Had he the motive and the cue for passion… (suddenly, her voice gets higher, speech goes faster, to the point where she sounds like one of the Chipmunks)

ALL: O_O What the hell??

KELLY: (finishes her page and a half speech -- that should last about ten minutes – in three and a half seconds)

(silence)

ALL: (blink, blink)

KELLY: (moves really fast over to where May hides, throws wall out of way, taps May repeatedly) May, Whdyouputimyrink?

MAY: (looks up nervously) What??

KELLY: (speaking slower, but still pretty fast) WHAT DID YOU PUT IN MY DRINK!?

MAY: Uh… A medical pills… uh.. vitamins! Yeah, vitamins!

KELLY: (grabs May by the shirt, lifts her off the floor and over her head) Why do I not believe you?!

SHELLY: Wait a minute… (looks at pile of pills on table in back of theater) There are three kinds of pills on this table…

KELLY: (drags May over to table and drops her to her feet to observe) EXPLAIN THESE! …. I'll be right back. (zips off and zooms around the theater in a blur)

SHELLY: What exactly did you put in the drink, May? Which of these?

MAY: (looking innocent) Uh, a couple of these blank white circles, a couple of those white ones with exes on them, but mostly these. (holds up an empty box of No-Doz)

SHELLY: O_O WHAT?? The pill with the X on it is ecstasy, and this one's speed!! You may kill her!!

MAY: ……Oops?

KELLY: (meanwhile, just a blur whizzing past everyone, around the stage, up the walls, probably all around the state but no one can follow her)

MAY: Maybe the potion cancelled out some of the harmful effects?

SHELLY: THAT DOESN'T MATTER!! (calls on Vincent and lets him wreak havoc upon her for a while)

MAY: (runs screaming as fast as she can away from Vincent… her G-boys watch her from the wings not daring to stick their necks out)

KELLY: (suddenly stops in the center of the stage with a stoned look on her face, smiles dopily, then slurs her speech) I think I'm done fer d-day. (collapses into a heap)

ALL: ACK!! (all run to help her, someone yells) Call an ambulance! (curtain closes)

KELLY: (heard from other side) No, no, mumsy… I dun wanna feed the goosies… they're mean.

DAVE: (heard from other side) Does this mean the scene's over?

ALL: *DAAAAAAAVE!!*

MAY: (runs screaming by the curtain chased quickly by Vincent)

-- Don't worry, she'll be OK. Just stayed tuned for the next chapter of "Morons on Shakespeare." (I had to end it somehow. *shrug*)