**This act and the ones to follow are proudly dedicated to my late grandmother, Honora Ferris Pendergrass who died Christmas morning, 2001. May she rest in peace.**
Title: Another Shakespeare Parody
Author: Tabitha Wexley (Kelly)
Warnings: May get EXTREMELY weird, silly, and quite outrageous at times throughout the play. Harsh language, threat to bodily harm, and mild violence used. No lifeguard on duty. Proceed at your own risk.
Disclaimers: For those of you who were worried at the end of the last act, Kelly is doing fine. She was released from the hospital this morning… Well, I use the term 'released' very loosely. She kind of tied the bed sheets together to make a rope, and… well, she's just here and doing fine. Special surprise guest appears courtesy of Tabitha's (Kelly's) imagination. Who knows what can pop outta there? Her mind's like an E-Z Bake Oven of ideas… Like I said before, proceed at your own risk – This one gets a little out of hand…
***For those of you who have never read this play and do not know the synopsis of it, here's a sum-up of what happened in the last two acts… Hamlet is a prince who's uncle killed his father and married his mother. Hamlet finds this out from his father's ghost. This, of course, pisses him off. Hamlet is also in love with Ophelia, the daughter of Polonius who is an assistant to Hamlet's uncle. Hamlet's friends, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, are now employed by the king and queen to spy on Hamlet and report back to them to find out what's wrong with him. The big speech that was sort of cut out at the end of Act II, Scene 2 was saying that Hamlet plans to put on a play recreating the murder of King Hamlet, sr. And now, the continuation of HAMLET.
ACT III, Scene 1
----A room in the castle.
(Enter Grant, Danny—who has stripped off his dress and is now wearing more manly clothes—Liz J, Doug, and TJ)
GRANT: (glances at Danny's new outfit) I don't think Kelly will like that you've changed…
DANNY: I don't care. I am not a drag queen. I wear what I want to wear. 'Nuff said.
GRANT: Okie dokie. Can you get him to tell you why he's gone mad without letting on that's what you're after?
DOUG: He does say he's distracted, but he won't say why.
TJ: And he didn't seem to want to tell us either. He was very crafty in keeping off the subject.
DANNY: Did he welcome you?
DOUG: Yeah.
TJ: But against his will.
DOUG: He didn't want to talk, but he answered our questions.
DANNY: Did you try to remind him of the old days?
DOUG: Well, see, it turns out we ran into some actors on the way to Denmark, and we told Hamlet of this. He seemed to be pretty happy at this, and he has already arranged a play to be performed tonight.
LIZ J: Too true, and he wants the two of you to be there to watch the play.
GRANT: Well then, I am so very happy to hear this. Well, boys, continue the good work.
DOUG: Yes sir.
(Exit Doug and TJ)
GRANT: (rolling his eyes, puts his arm around Danny's waist reluctantly) Darling Gertrude, you should go, too. We have sent for Hamlet and he will show up soon to 'bump into'….. Ophelia? (looks around for Ophelia) Um, where is the Scott?
CAST: Uh….. (shrug)
GRANT: (throws down script) He's a professional actor, right? Shouldn't he know that plays are *much* different from movies?! He has to be here on time, otherwise we can't function!! What are we gonna do now?!?!
EVERYONE: ………… trans. "How the hell are *we* supposed to know?"
SHELLY: (jumps onto stage) Wait a minute! Kelly told me something that might help! Anyone have a cell phone? (about fifty or so people whip out different versions and brands of phones and they all begin beeping different tunes… Shelly looks puzzled) Um… OK. Can I borrow one? (half the people sit back down, assuming they won't have to. A few more start up on the stage, but four phones are *thrown* at Shelly, who goes wide-eyed and flinches, throwing her arms up protectively in front of her. She catches one… by chance) Uh… thanks… I think. Be right back! (zips outside)
CAST: (stands around dopily saying nothing but quiet whispers in exasperation)
SHELLY: (zips back on stage, out of breath and smiling from ear to ear) Alrighty! We have a replacement on his way!
EVERYONE: ……Heh??
SHELLY: No problem! He should be here… (looks at watch) any second.
(a knock is heard somewhere far off stage)
SHELLY: I got it! (runs backstage to door, returning shortly with…) Say hello to Colin McGregor!!
EVERYONE: O_O ………… trans. "Who the hell is Colin McGregor?"
(silence… somewhere in the distance, a cricket chirps)
SHELLY: -_-;;; This is Ewan's BROTHER!! He looks like Ewan, and I thought he could replace him for a little while. (pause) What do you think?
(astonished silence)
LAUREN: Is he single?
EVERYONE ELSE: (sigh) Ugh…
SHELLY: Um… I don't know… (looks to Colin) Are you single?
COLIN: Er… I don't think that matters…
LAUREN: (melts) He's got the same accent!! I'll take him!
SHELLY: Uh, he's not here for your pleasure, Lauren. He's here to act.
COLIN: Right, why is that again?
MELISSA: (appears on stage next to Colin, smiling sweetly) Your brother, Ewan, was helping us with a new version of Shakespeare's Hamlet. We have decided to rewrite the play so both kinds of people can enjoy it – those who love and understand it, and those who have no freaking clue what the hell he was trying to say.
COLIN: …….. OK. So, if I'm replacing Ewan, what's my part?
MAY: O_O You mean, Shelly didn't tell you over the phone??
COLIN: No… why? What is it?
SHELLY: ^ ^;;; Uh, well… you get the part of…… Ophelia.
COLIN: O_O A GIRL!?!? I'm in the Royal Air Force!! If anyone catches me in a dress, my career is through!!
MELISSA: But it's for a good cause!
COLIN: And that would be…?
MELISSA: ……… Uh… Entertaining the masses?
MAY: Helping out a bunch of college kids interested in possibly becoming involved in theater or media?
SHELLY: Spreading the knowledge of Shakespeare throughout our uneducated culture?
AUDIENCE: (glare)
DAVE: (glare)
SHELLY: Sorry…
COLIN: I don't care. I'm *NOT* wearing a dress! (turns to leave in a huff)
LAUREN: Wait! (runs up to him, grabs his arm, whispers something into his ear that makes his eyes go wide)
COLIN: (stops dead in his tracks, looks at Lauren in semi-shock, looks around a little) OK, fine. I'll do it.
SHELLY: O_O Really?? You will?
COLIN: Yeah, sure. Where do I get dressed?
(Little people in black come out and hand him a large turquoise puffball they called a dress)
COLIN: Um… OK. Over my clothes?
(They nod in unison)
COLIN: Alright. I'll be back… (walks offstage to get dressed)
MICHELLE: (runs on stage and grabs Lauren, who's smiling like mad, and whispers) I can't believe you got him to do it! I so thought he was gonna ditch us faster than a bastard! (pauses and looks at Lauren's face) Uh, Lauren… What exactly *did* you say to him?
LAUREN: None of your business! But… I wanted to ask you… can I have one of those little items in the paper bag?
MICHELLE: O_O WHAT?!?!
MAY: (signaling violently to the stage-hands to close the curtain) QUICK! Before they say anything I'll regret!! CLOSE THE FREAKING CURTAIN!!
(curtain closes VERY quickly… very loud yelling can be heard from behind, recognized as both May's and Michelle's voices directed at Lauren)
(after a short while, the voices stop, loud footsteps are heard, the curtain opens to Colin – now playing Ophelia – Grant, Danny, and Liz J)
GRANT: Alright, let's do this. *ahem* Darling Gertrude, you should go, too. We have sent for Hamlet and he will show up soon to 'bump into' Ophelia, as we've planned. We'll spy on the encounter and determine if Hamlet's madness is truly for the love of Ophelia or some other matter.
MELISSA: (offstage) Hey! That's an invasion of privacy!
LIZ E: (also offstage) No, that's spying! But it's the same… sort of… violation…!
GRANT: (looking more pissed than anyone has ever seen him) CAN WE GET BACK TO THE PLAY!?!?
(silence)
GRANT: Thank you.
DANNY: (edging quietly away from Grant, very paranoid) Yes, sir. And Ophelia, I hope that Hamlet is only mad for your love. That would mean that there's some hope that your love could also cure his madness.
COLIN: I hope so too.
(Exit Danny)
LIZ J: (eyeing Colin, and says under her breath) Lordy, you *do* look alike. You are scrumptious…
MAY: *ahem!*
LIZ J: Right… (looks at script) Ophelia, when he comes along, walk here, and we'll hide over there. Read this book and look like you're so lonely that you have devoted yourself to it completely. It's happened that by looking like you are so occupied, that you may even convince the devil to pass over.
GRANT: (to the audience) Yes, it's true. How that speech whipped at my conscience! My lies are as evil as the deed I must lie to hide!
LIZ J: I can hear him coming; quick, let's hide!
(Grant and Liz J exit the stage to hide, and Colin does as he was told)
(silence)
COLIN: Er, how long am I supposed to wait out here? And who exactly is playing Hamlet?
(silence, crickets chirping in distance)
ALEX: Wait a minute…
LIZ E: Um, where's Kelly?
MELISSA: I thought this was her big speech.
SHELLY: It is. She was pretty psyched to say it.
TONYA: Then where is she?
LIZ J: We can't just have a big pause in the middle of a scene!
MAY: Wait! I've got an idea! (grabs Dave and shoves him into the center of the stage)
COLIN: (looking very confused at Dave) …………
DAVE: Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing??
MICHELLE: Oh, I get it! We're gonna have Dave distract them until she gets back, right?
MAY: Sort of. I figured we could have him say her lines until she can take over.
LIZ E: O_O You know you're asking for disaster.
LAUREN: Well, it's only for now.
DAVE: (looks absolutely terrified) Um, what am I supposed to say?
SHELLY: You know the 'To be, or not to be' speech, right?
DAVE: Uh…
SHELLY: Just go ahead!
DAVE: Um… To be…… or… er… ugh, what was the question? (faints)
(loud scrambling is heard from wa~~y off stage, slowly getting louder and closer)
KELLY: Wait! Wait, I'm here!! (scrambles on stage from back door, panting heavily, hair all messy, shirt untucked and backwards, jacket on inside out, shoes untied)
(little people in black drag Dave off stage)
EVERYONE: O_O;;;
LIZ E: Uh, Kelly… Have you seen what you look like?
KELLY: Heh? (unaware of what she looks like, obviously)
MAY: Oh, no. (shakes her head exasperated) Kelly, where have you *been*?
(Kelly's friends/co-stars all suddenly realize what's going on)
SHELLY: (shocked) Kelly!
TONYA: Whoa, naughty girl!
BOTH LIZ'S: Way to go!!
LAUREN: (sad and upset) Hey, he's mine!! … But, I'll stick with Colin. (smirks at Colin)
COLIN: (gulp)
KELLY: (blushing madly, but smiling a little)
MICHELLE: We should have known… Why else would Kelly *and* Ewan be missing at the same time?
(Ewan enters, fiddling with his skirt, looks up to see almost everyone staring at him astonished)
EWAN: … What?
COLIN: Uh, Ewan…
EWAN: Colin? What are you doing here? And why are you wearing that dress?
COLIN: Er… I'll explain in a minute. But first… are you and Eve having some trouble again?
EWAN: (pauses to stare, feels prickles on his face, then blurts out) What are you talking about? We're doing fine. Why would we be having any trouble? (pauses nervously, throws his head back in a loud laugh)
MAY: Hey! The prickles, the blurts, and the head laugh!! HAHAHAHA!! It's true!
EWAN: (blushes, glances over and notices Kelly in her state) Hey, why'd you burst out so quickly?
KELLY: (blushes, looks away with a tight lipped smile) Um… I heard my cue…
EWAN: But… that would mean… Ah. Right. Colin is here to replace me because I was missing.
COLIN: Yeah, but that's not the problem. (crosses his arms over his chest) What just happened with her? (points in contempt at Kelly who glares back in protest) You've never missed a cue in your life. If you weren't doing something you shouldn't have, then what on this earth made you miss your cue?
ALL: (silence)
EWAN: (becomes very interested in the floor)
COLIN: Uh-huh. I see.
MICHELLE: Kelly… Where's the paper bag?
KELLY: (blushes brightly)
TONYA: Wait… What's in the paper bag?
ALL: Yeah, what's with the bag?
KELLY, MICHELLE, MAY, LAUREN, ANNA, and SHELLY: (silent)
MAY: Er… Nevermind.
MARIE: Wow, Kel, I don't think we should've continued the play today. That stuff May gave you must have made you *completely* flip your lid.
KELLY: Well, can we save this discussion for later and get on with the play?
ALL: (glance at each other thinking it over)
ANNA: You know, I think we should continue. If we make a big deal of this, there'll be words we'll regret, friendships broken, and I won't be able to enjoy the rest of this play!
TONYA: I think she's right. I wanna see this too! Let's get on with it, alright?
EVERYONE ELSE: (sigh) Alright.
KELLY: (grin)
LAUREN: Wait! Who's going to play Ophelia now? Colin or Ewan?
COLIN: (glances at Ewan)
EWAN: (glances at Colin)
ALL: Don't care.
KELLY: Ewan.
LAUREN: Colin!
MICHELLE: Who cares!?
KELLY and LAUREN: VOTE!
LIZ J: THAT'S IT! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!! I have a large part in this play, which I would REALLY like to keep. So I say we keep Ewan as Ophelia, he was doing a fine job. Colin can stay if he wants to watch, but he won't have a part. Do you mind?
COLIN: Er… no. That's fine.
LIZ J: Good. Let's finish this.
(stage clears leaving Kelly and Ewan on opposite sides)
KELLY: (notices Danny not wearing his costume) Who told him he could change?
KRISTEN: He did it himself.
GRANT: I tried to warn him that you wouldn't like it.
KELLY: Oh, fuck it. Everyone's gone off and done what they wanted anyway. And it *is* just a costume. I don't care anymore.
ALL: O_O What??
KELLY: Come on. It doesn't matter anymore. Hello! I just did something *very* naughty in the back room with a famous, married, thirty-year-old father! Do you think a dress *really* matters that much right now?!
EWAN: (blushes and gets interested in the floor again)
TONYA: Uh, how about we don't talk about that anymore and just get on with it? That sound OK with everyone?
ALL: …… Er, fine.
KELLY: Good. *ahem* To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: (dramatic pause) And, no, Dave. I'm not done yet.
(takes deep breath to calm herself as Dave creeps off to hide in the alley outside)
There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay,
The innocence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? ––
MAY: (runs in screaming the top of her lungs) KELLY~~~!!
KELLY: (stops and gives May a look of confused horror, while May huffs and puffs with Chibi May in her hands crying) Heh?!?
MAY: NEVER PLAY THAT SONG AGAIN!!!
KELLY: (still confused, staring at the Chibi May with wonder) What??? Where'd you get that little doll of yourself?
MAY: It's not a doll! Somebody turned my future self into a chibi, and NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!! It's YOUR fault!!!
KELLY: Er…. Heh?
MICHELLE: (enters with a troop of backup singers – including Tonya, Anna, Marie, Melissa, Alex, and introducing Alison who had just arrived to help out Michelle – in full tap costume and they sing) I like Chinese! I like Chinese!
REST OF CAST: (who woke up when May came in screaming, are now amazed by all the song and dance)
KELLY: (chuckles)
MAY: (slaps Kelly swiftly across face)
KELLY: OW! Hey, it's not my fault! She likes the song! And mostly because it bugs you so much. If you look like you like that song and it doesn't bother you, she might stop.
MAY: (begins to sob like Chibi May) Just make it stop…
KELLY: And just how am I supposed to do that??
MAY: I DON'T CARE HOW!! JUST STOP IT!!!
KELLY: Erm…. (grabs both Mays and drags them offstage to the sound proof booth Kelly had rigged up to escape the insanity of her cast and tosses them in, hooking up a sound system that plays nothing but U2's Elevation into the booth)
MAYS: (uncurl out of fetal position, blink, begin to mosh around to the music in utter enjoyment)
KELLY: I hope she doesn't squash herself… (walks back and lets Michelle and her troop have their fun)
MICH and company: All together now!! Follow the bouncing ball!!
(words suddenly appear on stage with a ball bouncing from word to word as they're sung)
CAST: (sweatdrop)
MICH: (singing) I like Chinese, I like Chinese
They only come up to your knees
Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to please
I like Chinese, I like Chinese
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today
You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say
I like Chinese, I like Chinese
They come from a long way overseas
But they're cute and they're cuddly and they're ready to please
I like Chinese food, the waiters never are rude
Think of the many things they've done to impress
There's Maoism, Taoism, I-Ching and chess
I like Chinese, I like Chinese
I like their tiny little trees
They're Zen, they're ping-pong, Yin and Yang-ese
I like Chinese thought, the wisdom that Confucius taught
If Darwin is anything to shout about
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt
I like Chinese, I like Chinese
They only come up to your knees
Yet they're wise and they're witty and they're ready to please
Wo ai zhong guo ren, wo ai zhong guo ren
Wo ai zhong guo ren
Ni hao ma? Ni hao ma? Ni hao ma? Zai Jian
I like Chinese, I like Chinese
Their food is guaranteed to please
A fourteen, a seven, a nine and lychees
I like Chinese, I like Chinese
I like their tiny little trees
They're Zen, they're ping-pong, they're Yin and Yang-ese
EWAN: (eyes wide and mouth open) That was incredible!
MICH: (blush)
KELLY: Very well done! Have you been practicing?
MICH: What else can we do while the rest of this goes on and we're stuck back there?
KELLY: Understood. (walks off, retrieves Mays) It's all over. You can come out.
MAYS: We don't want to!!!
KELLY: ……… Okie dokie. (returns to stage) I'll just say my cue line and we'll continue. Soft you now! The fair Ophelia.—Nymph, in thy orisons be all my sins remember'd.
EWAN: Er, right. (scans script) My lord, how are you today?
KELLY: Fine, thanks.
EWAN: Um, sir, I have a load of old things of yours I've been wanting to unload. I hope you'd take them back without a tantrum. (holds out an open box full of letters, little toys, and a small paper bag)
KELLY: O_O Erm… (quickly rips the bag out of the box and tosses it to Michelle, now offstage, who immediately stashes it safely away)
EWAN: Oops… Didn't know that was in there… (smiles sheepishly)
KELLY: *ahem* Right. I never gave you those things.
EWAN: Sir, you know damn well you did. And these all came with such beautifully alluring words that they made them all seem to be worth so much more. Their sparkle has faded, so please take them all back. Even the richest gifts become poor when the givers turn cruel. Here. (holds them out further to show detest)
KELLY: (laughs exaggeratedly) Ha!! Are you serious?
EWAN: Pardon?
KELLY: Are you real?
EWAN: What do you mean?
KELLY: (acting upset) That if you're truthful and pretty, your honesty should say nothing about your beauty.
EWAN: Could beauty sell better than honesty?
KELLY: Ay, it could. For beauty could change the honesty of a man's answer, yet honesty can hardly change the form of beauty as quickly. (turns away from Ewan) And like that, I can say I did love you once.
EWAN: (looking hurt) Yes, you made me think so.
KELLY: You shouldn't have believed me! I never loved you!
DAVE: (offstage) I'm confused…
LIZ E: (offstage) When are you ever *not* confused?
DAVE: But… I thought she said she used to love him?
MELISSA: (offstage) She did.
DAVE: But… then, why did she just say she never loved him?
MAY: (back from booth, Chibi May gone back to wherever) Uh… She's trying to act mad?
KELLY: (glares at them all to be quiet)
EWAN: (looks about to cry) Well, then… I guess I was even more deceived.
KELLY: Get to a nunnery! A… (raises her eyebrows to make her point) *nunnery*, I say!
DAVE: Uh… why is she using that word like a sex joke?
SHELLY: (offstage) Because that's what it's supposed to be. You see, nunnery was a word with a few meanings in Shakespeare's time. It could mean a place where young women were converted into nuns… but it could also mean a whorehouse.
DAVE: O_O Oh!! Wow! Shakespeare was an ODB!!
ALL: Heh??
LIZ E: (head in her hands) An 'Old Dirty Bastard.'
ALL: Ah, right.
SHELLY: See, the nunnery was a place where girls could escape from lives of sin, go there to have an illegitimate child—
DAVE: A what??
SHELLY: When the father was an absolute womanizer and ditched the girl after finding out she was pregnant. As I was saying… she could go to become a nun to protect herself from the dangers of this world, have a bastard child, or go to a whorehouse to become a prostitute for the rest of her life. That was the triple meaning of Hamlet's words.
MELISSA: (offstage) So, wait. He could have been trying to protect her from himself, right? Or he knew she was pregnant with his child and wanted to send her away because he knew he couldn't marry her… or he was calling her a slut??
SHELLY: Exactly!
MELISSA: So Shakespeare was trying to make us think?
SHELLY: Yes!
MELISSA: (smiles)
KELLY: Now that you've explained it nicely – and thank you for that – but, can I get on with it?
SHELLY: (nods)
DAVE: (eyes narrow, brow furrowed, obviously thinking hard)
KELLY: Thank you. Why would you allow yourself to bear children who would do nothing but sin? I, myself, can say I've done things that would make my mother wonder why she'd ever had me. I'm proud, revengeful, too ambitious. I have so many offences that I don't have enough places to put them, imagination to spare to create them, or time to use them. What would guys like me do in purgatory? (turns quickly towards Ewan and gives an evil look) We're all bastard assholes! Don't believe any of us. Therefore, get yourself to a nunnery. (pauses to look at Ewan and around the stage in suspicion) Where's your father?
EWAN: Er, at home.
KELLY: (grabbing Ewan violently and pulling him close enough to kiss) Let him stay there so he can be foolish only in his own house!! (obviously can't resist it and kisses Ewan, stops and pushes him away suddenly) Farewell. (turns to leave)
EWAN: (a little stunned) Lord save him!
KELLY: (turns back slyly and glances at Ewan) If you ever do get married, here's my blessing: I hope you to be a chaste as ice, pure as snow, and that you will never escape slander. Go on, get to a nunnery. Goodbye… yet if you need to marry, marry a fool like Dave—
DAVE: Hey!!
ALL: (chuckling evilly at Kelly's quick remark)
KELLY: Marry a fool, because smart men know what you monsters make of them. Go to a nunnery, quickly. Farewell. (turns to leave again)
DAVE: (goes back to thinking… laboriously)
EWAN: (falling to his knees, unexpectedly causing his skirt to puff up abruptly) Oh, lord! Please make him well again!
KELLY: (again, turning back) I've also heard of your many faces. You show one in public but use the other for mischief. How can you be so free spirited and evil? Just leave, I'll have no more of it, it's made me mad. (pauses and looks straight at the spot where Liz J and Grant are hiding) I think there should be no more marriage. As for those who are already married, all but one shall live, and the rest will stay as they are. (yeah, turns away) Go, go. Farewell.
DAVE: Wait! (jumps up believing he's onto something) So, Ophelia could have been pregnant? But, how could that be *possible*?!? He couldn't be pregnant now! Kelly would be the one who's pregnant… especially after what happened earlier.
KELLY: (walks steadily over to Dave, stands him up by pulling on his collar and looks him dead in the eye) Here is what is making you look like an ass right now: Number one, (holds up her fingers as she counts) we've already established the fact that Ophelia could have been carrying Hamlet's child. Second, I say again, this is a cross-dressing play, meaning my character is *MALE* and NOT female, and as you can see from Ewan's costume (points to his dress) he is obviously playing a woman, and therefore his character could very well be knocked up. Lastly, I believe it was made clear that we WEREN'T GOING TO BRING THAT INCIDENT UP AGAIN!!
DAVE: O_O;;; Right, right. OK, then. I'll shut up now.
LIZ E: Hehe, he was thinking! I thought I smelled something burning.
KELLY: …Good. (turns to Ewan as she sits down offstage) You may continue.
EWAN: (really crying now) Oh, why has *his* mind been so destroyed? He was so wonderful! A scholar, courtier, prince! And now he's insane! Because I – as horrible as I can be to obey her father's order!! – let him pour out his musical vows, his words of love, only to reluctantly throw them back at his feet! Oh, to see what I've seen!
(Grant and Liz J re-enter)
GRANT: Ha! His madness is not caused by love! Yet his speech was not really all that crazy. Something is causing him to be upset and to brood and hang upon. I fear that there will be much danger in trying to set him right, so I must get rid of him. We'll send him to England where he can be left to his own device to reflect on himself. Maybe this will allow him to forget his madness. What do you think?
LIZ J: I think it'll do, but I still think that all this was caused by refused love. Oh, dear Ophelia! You don't have to tell us what happened, we saw it all! My lord, you may do what you think is right, but please allow him to go to his mother after the play to confide in. He'll pour out his soul and I'll be hiding to listen in on every word. If she thinks the same as you, then send him to England, or what you will.
GRANT: Alright, do that. Madness in great people must not go unobserved.
(all exit)
